The next morning after breakfast, I headed right over to the military building. I couldn't hear anything, but from the roof I was laying on, I had a clear view of the back of Mustang's head, as well as Hawkeye (who I saw was actually really pretty, but had a can't-touch-this attitude) who stood next to the filing cabinets. Mustang was talking to someone, and then he turned to Hawkeye and said something to her. She turned to shuffle through the filing cabinets, and I covered my mouth for fear of being heard laughing.
For in the next instant, Hawkeye froze. She turned, a murderous look upon her face. She pulled out her gun and pointed it at Mustang, who raised his hands in defence, scared out of his wits. I laughed silently into my hand and left it at that. Shuffling the neatly ordered files around to get Mustang into trouble was so much fun! I decided I would go back the next night, and pull another prank. I wonder what the next one should be… Ideas formed in my head as I sped home. I didn't mention my pranks to Mr. or Mrs. Curtis. Although they would probably get a kick out of it, they wouldn't want me going anywhere near the poorly guarded headquarters.
That night, I snuck in again, the same way I did before. Cody was chuckling next to me the whole time, my view of him changing from some old proper dude into a bored mastermind. It was weird, that a dog was laughing beside me, but I knew no one could hear him but me.
I shuffled through Mustang's desk again, finding just the item I needed, and continued to work my plan. The next morning I stood on a different rooftop, still watching from afar. I remarked to Cody how it would be nice to have sound, but he couldn't do anything about that.
Starting with Hawkeye and Mustang, people began to enter the office. Seeing as there were desks for Mustang's subordinates as well, it played right into my plan. Mustang sat down first, telling his men to be at ease, and they followed his lead.
They didn't stay seated for long. Several jumped up, rubbing their behinds, while others examined their seats and found pins hidden in the cushion. Everyone turned to Mustang, the only one who didn't have a pin on his seat. Riza pulled out her gun.
Snickering, I ran off.
No one caught me that evening as I carried out another plan. This time, I took all of Mustang's unfinished paperwork and spread it out to the other's piles. I also stole their good pens and hid them in Mustang's desk. Finally, to finish it off, I pulled out a certain screw in all their chairs (exempting, of course, Roy's seat.) then dashed out, laughing as I jumped from roof to roof, making it in time for dinner.
Mrs. Curtis knew I went out every evening, almost religiously. I knew she knew, and I was grateful she didn't ask any questions. It brought up a question of my own, though. How long could I get away with this? They'll probably post a sentry in the office at night now.
With that in mind, I began creating plans that would lead the sentry out of the room so I could work my magic. I felt like chuckling along with Cody as we headed once again to watch the effects of my mastermind in the morning.
The men were outraged. They noticed their pens were gone, and when they sat down, their chairs collapsed. I had placed the missing screws in Mustang's desk, and they found them, along with their pens, while they dumped their paperwork into his bin. He was clearly insisting that it wasn't him; that someone set him up.
Havoc said something that made Mustang get a devilish look on his face. He said something, and I took that as my cue to leave. I had a feeling a sentry will be placed in the office tonight, but who, I had no idea.
I did know how to get them out, though.
It was the Colonel himself who decided to stay the night in his office. I found it funny how he was losing sleep to catch a prankster, of all things. Either way, I cued Cody. Yes, I got him to help this time.
Dogs flooded the hallways. 'The irony,' I thought, as they barked and nipped at each other, running around in circles and heading for an unknown destination. 'Dogs in a building made for them.' Cody laughed at this, and I watched as Mustang stuck his head out the door, bewildered at the event in the halls. The dogs, which were able to speak to Cody, were told to drag him out into the hall and use him as a chew-toy. This gave me the opportunity to jump through the window (the lock must be broken, because they never seem to fix it) and I flexed my fingers, ready to set to work. I had a good ten minutes, in which I worked only at the subordinates desks, avoiding Mustangs. After all, what better time to set Mustang up when he was the one who stayed the night?
Finally, there was an off-sounding bark from outside, and Cody said his friends couldn't hold the man for much longer. I told him to let Roy go as I hopped out the window and over the wall.
My plan didn't show itself 'til next morning, and the way Mustang didn't notice until then was sort of part of the plan. After all, if he noticed, what kind of prank would that be?
What I had done was glued the paperwork together. But it wasn't just stuck front to back, no; I had glued it so that it reminded me of those post-it notes, where you pick one up and the rest follow, the sticky ends alternating from one side to the other. As was custom, only Mustang's desk was left untouched.
Mustang himself had dark circles under his eyes from his strange night. He must have tried to explain what happened to the men, but they didn't buy it.
That night, the sentry was switched. It was Farman this time, who stayed overnight. I watched for his reaction as he heard mewing in the halls. Just like mustang, he stuck his head out, and a large cat jumped for him, causing him to move farther into the hall, away from the office. I mimicked last night's actions, this time heading for Mustang's desk.
I pulled out the porn magazines and laid them open on his desk. I then covered them with the finished paperwork, so when Hawkeye came in the next morning, she would try to clean up the desk but instead… I laughed outright at my plan, then shut up, remembering Farman was right outside.
With time to spare, I left the premises. 'Hey Cody,' I said, 'How did you get cats? I thought you could only talk to dogs, and aren't dogs and cats mortal enemies?'
'I am a friend to the feline species. I had done them a favour in the past. And I am not like a normal dog, now am I?'
"…true."
The next prank I went and bought supplies. I was getting right into this; the only thing that was relatively interesting was laying out traps and watching them fall. Anything in between was working towards preparing for it.
I had gotten the Amestris-equivalent of glue. I say it like that because it didn't dry well. In fact, it didn't dry until it was completely covered, and you couldn't see it easily. This worked excellently for me as I spread it on the handle of the phone. I also took some charcoal and coloured the ear-piece of the device, as well as the seats of all chairs.
The next day the Colonel's men were walking around with large black spots on their rear ends, and the Colonel himself had to incinerate his phone which had gotten mysteriously stuck to his hand and a black spot on his ear as an addition to on his butt. That evening, everyone but Hawkeye stayed overnight.
This caused some trouble for me, but I had been prepared. I got Cody to use his connections in the animal kingdom to allow both dogs and cats (and even a few birds) to lure the men into the cafeteria, which bought me loads of time as the intelligent mammals locked the army-dudes in.
I created the ultimate trap. Each man had brought a spare uniform to change into in the morning, and I used this to my full advantage. I took the pants and replaced them with multiple blue mini-skirts, and I took sharpies and scribbled vulgar words all over the stolen pants, that were later hung in all the front windows of the second story. I then removed the screws in the chairs again, this time not missing anyone. A few stray cats wandered in and planted a couple 'bombs' under the desks (making the room smell something awful) and I glued the porn magazines all over the walls. I also pulled out the pizza box—remnants from the guys' dinner—and let it sit on Riza's desk, crumbs scrambled across everyone else's. The room now resembled a bachelor's pad, somewhat. Next thing I did was pull out a cheap camera and take pictures of the place, making sure to leave the evidence that it was Colonel's office and not some random room set up to look like it on Riza's desk as well. I'm sure she'd put it to use.
I hung outside the window for a few moments, watching as the men wandered back in, tired and annoyed at the animal fiasco. They didn't even notice the changes in the room as they took their seats, falling asleep almost immediately.
I let myself back in, pulling out a black marker, taking the liberty to scribble on their faces before setting one hand on the windowsill. I took a final picture before I swung myself back out and over the wall, wondering if I should leave it as a grand finale and not pull pranks again.
More options formed in my head. I was going to drop the pranks; I was running out of ideas. I was, however, going to leave riddles instead. My evenings were too fun to even think of stopping. The next morning I watched the excitement of the male members being shot at by Hawkeye, and laughed openly, seeing as it was my last prank. I was celebrating, so to speak. I slipped a riddle through the window pane when no one was looking, but they found it and puzzled over it all night.
The first riddle: Brad stared through the dirty soot-smeared window on the 22nd floor of the office tower. Overcome with depression he slid the window open and jumped through it. It was a sheer drop outside the building to the ground. Miraculously after he landed he was completely unhurt. Since there was nothing to cushion his fall or slow his descent, how could he have survived the fall?
The answer: he was outside the window.
The guys couldn't solve it, so I left the answer with the second riddle.
Riddle #2: He has married many women, but has never been married. Who is he?
This one they had actually gotten. It was easier than the first, and they ended up sticking the answer on the window with a piece of tape. It read: A preacher.
The third riddle was poking fun at the men, and Riza got a kick out of it. "Four men were in a boat on the lake. The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake, yet not a single man got wet! Why?"
The answer was that all men were married, none were single.
The next riddle was symbolism towards myself that they will never figure out. It wasn't funny, but it was rather interesting. No one in the office could get it, so I left the answer with the following riddle.
What is the question you can never answer?
"What's it like to be dead?"
Most unfortunately, I could answer that question.
The fifth riddle was definitely fun for me to puzzle them with. Again they couldn't get it, and I had to give them the answer. "What's greater than God, more evil than the Devil, the rich want it, the poor have it, and if you eat it you die?"
"Nothing. Nothing is greater than God, nothing is more evil than the Devil, the rich want nothing, the poor have nothing, and if you eat nothing you die."
They started calling me Sphinx. Maybe because the sixth riddle was the Sphinx's riddle. Maybe because half the riddles I knew weren't that easy to answer. I started using riddles I had found in books: namely, Bilbo Baggins and Smeagle's riddles.
What has root nobody sees,
Is taller than trees,
Up, up it goes,
And yet never grows?
A mountain is the answer.
The military men started asking their own questions. It was very straightforward, though, not at all crafty in any way. I answered in the best form possible, in confusing sentences and of course, riddles. 'Who are you?' Was the first question they asked.
I replied with an incredibly interesting riddle.
I'm often seen around a lot, referred to many ways,
See me black and you may find misfortune haunts your days.
Tell a thing, that should have been kept quiet, to all around,
Then look inside the sack, there I'm no longer to be found.
Nosiness, prying, snooping, leaves me fearing, full of dread,
For all these things are likely to see me soon lying dead.
These clues combined should start to give a picture, an idea,
Of who or what I am, so can you tell me? Is it clear?
They didn't quite get it, so I sent them the second part. Each time I dropped something off, I sprang up to the roof immediately. As I did this, I noticed how my bell tinkled once, causing a mysterious effect that, once again, reminded me of Black Cat and got me to give such a riddle. For the answer was this:
If you thought those clues lead to a cat then happily you're right,
For bad luck is yours when a black cat should come across your sight.
And when you reveal a secret, even though you said you wouldn't,
You've let the cat out of the bag by telling what you shouldn't.
Nosiness, prying, snooping and inquisitiveness, oh drat!
They make up curiosity, which, we all know, killed the cat!
I laughed when I slipped it through and heard their wordless responses. Never would I give them a straight answer, but still, they asked their blunt questions. The next was: how old are you? Let me tell you, I had fun with that one.
For years, I have lived, wondering of my age.
Once I thought, am I a sage?
Under the stars, I found my answer.
Really, does age quite matter?
Time does pass, that we know
Eternity I have, though it does not show.
Entertain me, with the time you have,
No more than to age a knave.
It was entertaining to make that one up. Inspired by a riddle I saw online once, the answer isn't clear but is at the same time. I wasn't sure who got it, but someone noticed the answer.
This was the response I gave them:
If you did not click
The years off at a flick
Of my mind so sharp and keen,
If you did not see fourteen;
My words merely distracted you,
The answer lay in plain view,
In the form of the first letter of each line,
And to the ones with observant eyes,
I hope we will meet once, under these skies.
They stopped asking questions, and instead puzzled over the words I sent them. Eventually, they left the window open and someone stayed in the room over night, switching off at one point. Annoyed, I didn't give them a riddle.
I decided that they were probably getting into a routine, and decided to send them something different. The last riddle, so to speak. If they got it, then… Either way, I wasn't going to send an answer to it, so they'd be guessing for ages.
We are many guards of a precious gate
Sometimes we lean backward and sometimes we stand straight
Some of us are short and some are tall
We never quit the fight but we might fall
We wear red war paint and cover in black
We sometimes defend but mainly attack.
So, now, tell the answer to this rhyme;
Come on, come on, it is about time!
If you think hard, it won't be long -
'Til I won't have to speak in song.
Pretty much it was describing a homunculus. We were varied; tall, short, leaning over, etc. I knew from the episodes that they never stopped trying to become human, and they—rather, we always dress in black. The war paint would be the ouroboros. I loved the bottom of it; I wasn't going to send them any more, but I would check up from time to time to see if they'd posted their answer.
Twice the answer was wrong. First, they hadn't guessed at all. Then they put the name of some animal. Then I witnessed Riza pinning up the next answer; bacteria. Where were they getting this? I guess it was easier for me because I knew what the answer already was. Either way…
I noticed they had pinned up all the riddles I had sent them onto a bulletin board. I was flattered by this; it must have been interesting for them, and a relief not to get pranked all the time. The military members continued to go about their day, barely interrupted. I did nothing interesting, but for three nights I went out to watch the evening activity from the rooftops.
On the third night, it was rather scary. Just as Mustang was getting ready to leave, the Fuhrer himself entered the room with a few men of his own. The remaining people saluted as the man addressed the Colonel.
The Furher looked out the window, and my bell tinkled as I ran off, hoping he didn't see me.
I remained in the house for a full day following that. I was too afraid to go out. It was certain that I didn't want to be found out by the rest of the Homunculi, and I was pretty sure that the Furher was the one who ordered Colonel Roy and his subordinates to search for me. But how did they know I existed? It was all so confusing… Envy couldn't have seen the ouroboros, could he?
I switched my line of thought; such things weren't really under my control, as much as I wished they were. Mustang could have been a friend, but instead I spend my days trying to not get seen by him or any of the other military members. Besides that, I hadn't seen Ed or Al in a long while; they must not know that the Curtis's and I had moved. I guess it was for the better. As much as the boys loved their teacher, they'd probably not care either way if I were to get caught, and might even put effort into finding me. This pained me, but I knew it was true. Ed practically still hated me, and even worse, Al didn't know. Unless Ed told him. Which he probably hadn't.
I checked the bulletin board the following evening. They had a whole shitload of notes on the final puzzle, and some were getting close. There were pictures drawn too, but it was difficult for them because they didn't know my gender, height, or any defining features. So all they had was a human-shaped figure in black, with stripes painted on the cheeks and some weapon or other in hand.
I did something drastic and rearranged the board for them. They were sure to notice, but it wasn't the order I had put things, but the shape I had made them form.
Ouroboros.
I then felt like leaving a parting message, and pulled out a marker and drew a smiley face in the centre, leaving immediately after.
A/N: I got more reviews than expected, and so you all deserve a chapter. The riddles were fun to find. My favorite would be the one that answered her age, 'cause I had to make the first verse myself to fit the way I wanted...
So here's part 3 in the poem-wars of 4th period:
Staring out to the world across the street,
you hate the way your life has turned out to be
He's pulling up in the driveway and you don't make a sound
'Cause you always learned to hold the things you want to say
You're always going to be afraid.
Personally, I think the person is very depressed, but I can sort of relate to the second-last line... Part four will be with the next chapter!
-HW-
Song 2: Breakdown, Plain White T's