MICK
Josef and I sat in deck chairs, large towels draped over us, Simone and Beth fussing almost as much as the concerned crew. Concerned about being sued, I'm sure.
When Josef had fallen over the railing, several people near us had cried, "Man overboard!" Before we knew it, the giant ship had stopped and a small rescue boat was in the water, shining its spotlight on us. I had held on to Josef's buoyant figure easily through the water, grabbing the life preservers and hauling him onto the little boat without needing any help from the scrambling crewmen. I knew Josef was going to be okay when his frustrated cussing filled the boat, along with what seemed like half the Pacific he'd coughed up.
"Fuck this," Josef was mumbling now as a pretty waitress brought us hot drinks. The ocean had been warm as bathwater, but Josef couldn't seem to stop shivering, likely from equal parts shock and embarrassment.
" Do humans really have testicles? 'Cause I-I think that's a huge m-myth. I don't think I grew a p-pair until I was turned. Now, I'm nothing but-but a-a stoneless weakling." His voice shook pitifully.
"Try to settle down," Simone was saying, rubbing the towel over him in what looked to be a soothing motion. He took a sip of his hot toddy, grimacing at the taste. Beth was sitting in a chair beside me, holding my hand, her features tense at what she perceived was our near-death experience. As a vampire, I didn't have to worry about such things as drowning, since we don't have to breathe, so I was feeling no ill effects. Had I not been there, however, it might have been a completely different story for Josef. It was my turn to shiver at the thought.
We all agreed it was time to call it a night, even though it was still very early.
"Thanks, Mick," Josef said softly as we were about to part company for our separate rooms. "I guess you're running the tab for me right now."
I smiled. "Don't keep score. You'll be returning the favor for me before you know it."
"You're probably right," he replied, a glimmer of vampire Josef emerging in his faintly cocky smirk.
So ended our first day at sea.
****
The next day, Josef was decidedly less enthusiastic about cruising, but he agreed to escort the ladies to our first port of call, Santa Catalina Island. Since it was the middle of the day, I begged off, choosing instead to stay on the ship and get some much-needed sleep. I was reluctant to let Josef go without my protection, but I figured, how much trouble could he possibly get into?
I had made arrangements to have the tub in mine and Beth's suite filled with ice, claiming to have a skin condition that required ice baths. It wasn't as comfortable as my freezer back home, but I didn't see how I could justify sneaking into the ship's kitchens in search of a bed, so I made do. I awoke in the late afternoon rested, though not completely refreshed.
I had just downed my bottled breakfast when Beth swept in the room, hands full of shopping bags, face tinged pink from the sun beneath her floppy straw hat. She looked amazing. When I looked more closely at her expression, though, she seemed a little troubled.
"What happened?" I asked, setting down my bottled blood and going over to her to help her with her purchases. She pulled off her hat and tossed it on a chair, then sat down heavily on the bed.
"Josef got stung by a jelly fish." That was absolutely the last thing I thought she would ever say. I felt my lips twitching in amusement, but, given her concern, I tried to keep my voice level. She kicked off her sandals and lay back on the bed in exhaustion, eyes closed.
"Is he okay?" I asked.
"Yeah—now. We were walking along the beach, and suddenly I heard what I thought was a girl screaming. I turned to look behind me, and there was Josef, lying on the sand, writhing in pain. A nice young man came over and urinated on his foot, which didn't exactly sit well with Josef, but I guess his pain went away a little. Oh—" She opened her eyes and looked up at me suddenly. "He swore me to secrecy on that point. You'll have to pretend I didn't tell you."
By this time, I couldn't help myself. I felt my body literally shaking to avoid the wave of hilarity overtaking me. I made the mistake of sitting on the bed, because my suppressed mirth made the bed shake too.
Beth eyed me suspiciously. "Go ahead, Mick, let it all out. But you weren't there. It was a disaster. Simone was beside herself. And Josef's foot looks like it belongs to the Elephant Man." At that, I finally lost it, laughing until the tears flowed, imagining calm, cool Josef having some strange man piss on his foot.
"Did you get a picture," I finally asked, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. Sure enough, Beth had, showing me the image of his mottled foot on her digital camera. This set me off anew, but this time, having had enough distance away from the situation, Beth joined in. She filled in the details of how they got him to the island hospital—the piss boy having kindly carried Josef on his back, holding on like a monkey, while trudging through the sand and up to the street, where they caught a cab. When we had both calmed down, I began to see the seriousness of the situation—at least for Josef.
"I take it he's in his room now?"
"Yeah, Simone is taking care of him, applying the salve the doctor gave us. He's basically acting like a big baby. I think they'll be staying in the cabin tonight."
"Hmmm….sounds like a good idea," I said wickedly.
I suddenly rolled over and pulled Beth beneath me. She smelled like suntan lotion and the sea, and her body was warm and brown from the sun. Her blue eyes sparkled up at me, and I was lost. I lowered my mouth to hers, one hand sliding up her smooth inner thigh beneath her cute little sundress, the other buried in her windblown hair. She clung to me, no doubt enjoying the differences in our body temperatures as much as I was.
Despite her murmured protests that she was sweaty and dirty from the beach, I untied and unbuttoned her dress, my tongue tracing the tan lines near her perfect breasts, licking the salty, coconut flavor while her hands found my hair, holding me closer against her. My mouth continued its southern journey, stopping a moment to feast at her navel, then down farther, where I moved aside her panties, listening to her sweet moans and indrawn breaths that quickly turned to soft cries of release.
A few minutes later, and I found myself on my back, Beth removing my only clothing—my boxers—and taking off her own underwear before sliding slowly down upon me. I heard my own groans fill the room, the bed shaking again for an entirely different reason as we hit upon a sensual rhythm. She finally collapsed upon me, both of us spent and satisfied. Her warm arms surrounded me, her silky hair spilling over my chest in abandon.
"God, how I love you," she breathed at last, before I felt her drift off to sleep. Even though I had just awakened from my own nap, I couldn't find the will to break our connection. I lay beneath her the rest of the afternoon, loving her with every fiber of my being.
***
The next morning, the invalid appeared with Nurse Simone pushing him in a wheelchair. I really tried not to laugh at his feet—his injured one bare, the other in a slightly feminine flip-flop. Beth's description of his foot really didn't do it justice; it was an ugly, misshapen mess. Except for the itching, Josef said he was doing fine. As an added bonus, he was painfully sunburned.
I watched my three companions eating a beautiful breakfast beneath the giant umbrella of the outdoor cafe, then the girls excused themselves for a day of pampering at the onboard spa. Josef smiled in farewell, but the moment they were out of earshot, his face fell into a tortured frown.
"I'll pay you one million dollars to turn me back right now."
I laughed.
"Two million."
"Josef, you made me promise you I wouldn't turn you back, no matter how much you begged. You said you wanted to tough it out."
"I was an idiot. Turn me, Mick. For the love of God, turn me."
I shook my head, completely serious now. "It's been what—a week? How long did it take you to get used to being a vampire?"
Josef thought a moment. "A year, maybe."
"See," I reasoned, "You just need to get your bearings again, that's all."
"Mick, seriously. Look at me. First, I nearly froze my ass off in my own bed, then I did the Great Pacific Puke over the railing, narrowly escaping drowning in the process. Oh, and yesterday, I got stung by a fuckin' sea monster! And today—well, today you could fry an egg on my forehead. To top that off, I'm thinking of changing my name to Flaccido Domingo, or maybe Not-So-Magic Johnson—I just can't fuckin' decide!" He was breathing heavily now, and I was honestly afraid he might have a heart attack; I'm sure his blood pressure was sky high.
Passengers with families were giving us dirty looks, and I reached over to put my hand on Josef's shoulder, hoping to calm him down. He realized where he was and lowered his voice. "How the hell am I supposed to get my bearings when I'm in a fucking wheelchair?"
"True, you've had more than your fair share of mishaps—" I began.
"Mishaps? Mick, it takes most humans a lifetime to rack up the track record I've managed in a week. You gotta turn me back before I kill myself—intentionally or unintentionally—it's a toss-up which might happen first."
He sat back in his wheelchair, downing his morning Bloody Mary in one gulp. We sat in silence a moment, both of us lost in thought, both stubborn in our positions.
"Come on, Josef, give it a month. If things don't improve, I'll bite you, I promise."
"I have other vampire friends, Mick," he said softly, meaning the threat. Now, I was suddenly pissed off too.
"And how will you explain your sudden human state to these other friends? You'd risk exposing my secret because you're too much of a pussy to suffer through the kind of stuff humans go through all the time? I warned you about this, Josef, and you wouldn't listen, but you'd better listen to me now. Suck it up, man. You may be human, but you're still the same in your head, aren't you? Would Josef the vampire curl up and die? Hell, no, he wouldn't! He'd beat the shit out of whatever was trying to bring him down. Quit being such a lame ass and be a man." I looked away, trying to stop myself from breaking out in fangs.
Josef stared at me in awe as I wound down my pep talk. I knew the old Josef was still in there, for, as usual, he found the humor in the situation.
"If you say 'Win one for the Gipper,' I think I just might cry."
His quick wit was like a magic balm, and I felt my anger melting away with my relieved laughter.
"I'm sorry for being so hard on you, Josef. I know you must be in a lot of pain and discomfort—I didn't mean to add to it with my two cents."
Josef sighed, absently spiking up his hair in consternation. "You're right—I am feeling sorry for myself. I guess being a vampire so long, I got a little condescending toward humans, thinking their lives must be so easy that it would be nothing for me to just jump right back into the mortal coil. It really must be a pain in the ass to have to think about dying or getting hurt all the time. I don't know why they just don't all put bullets into their brains."
"Some do, Josef, but you've got a stronger will than most. Hang in there a little longer, okay?"
"Fine. A month, tops. But it's all your fault if I don't survive that long. And I might also have to take you out of my will."
"Deal," I said, relieved. The idea that Josef would waste what little of the cure remained had infuriated me. I loved him like a brother, but he could be so self-centered and spoiled sometimes.
"So, you wanna try our hand at ripping off the casino?" Josef asked, extending his own version of an olive branch.
"Sure," I said, getting up to push his wheelchair inside. I couldn't resist one last dig, however.
"You know, Josef, you forgot to mention one minor incident in that long list of injuries of yours."
"Oh?"
"What exactly did it feel like to have some kid piss on your foot? I mean, could this be considered some weird fetish now?"
I could actually hear his heart lurch at my casual words; it was almost better than seeing his face at that moment. And I was glad he couldn't see my ear-to-ear grin.
"You do realize that I'm going to have to kill Beth when I'm a vampire again."
I laughed in complete understanding. "Welcome to my world, Josef."
TBC