Romantic Magic

Fanboy and Chum Chum had never thought of a better prank, in their opinion. They had intended to sneak up on Kyle at lunch and cast the spell, but the excited giggles made the covertness impossible.

"Kyle!" Fanboy cried out as Chum Chum heaved a large old book onto the lunch table. "Do you still play wizards or have you moved on to the pirate phase?"

"Actually I think the secret agent phase comes after wizards," Chum Chum explained. "That's what my pediatrician says."

"I'm not playi—" Kyle stopped short and glanced at the dusty tome. "Sheepshank, not another phonebook." Unpleasant memories of his first day at Galaxy Hills Elementary returned.

"Guess again! We thought we'd go genuine this time!" Fanboy exclaimed. As he threw open the book, the conjurer was taken aback at the vaguely familiar sigils and runes scribbled across the pages.

"How ever did you two get a hold of a real—oh, it's written in crayon," Kyle soon noticed.

"No it's not," Chum Chum truthfully denied as he scrambled to hide his colored pencils.

"I wondered why my Necronomicon went missing for three hours." The wizard hugged his book bag close to him protectively. "You ninnies just copied it."

"So? We got all the spells right so it's still a real spell book now," Fanboy countered. "And unlike yours, this one also has a rare incan…tay…shun…from Chum Chum's aunt."

"The one and only Madame Chumushka," Chum Chum clarified in his most mysterious voice. "Traverser of the netherbeyond!"

Kyle scoffed. "You truly expect me to bel—oh, forget it." Knowing his friends/irritants were nigh impossible to reason with, he merely dropped his head on the cafeteria table and mumbled, "Cast your—whatever it is."

"A love spell!" Fanboy and Chum Chum yelled excitedly. Any response their friend may have had went unheard as they began babbling the incantation.

"Slushies are pink," Chum Chum recited, producing an already-lit candle from his backpack.

"And slushies are blue," Fanboy responded, receiving the candle ceremoniously.

"We think we're in love…" Clasping his now free hands together, Chum Chum batted his eyes.

"…and now, so are you!" Chorused the two.

Kyle barely had time to whip his head around, to look for the unfortunate young lady who would now be smitten with these idiots, before the candle was loudly blown out in his face.

After coughing and waving away the resulting cloud of smoke, the skeptical one opened his eyes…and Fanboy and Chum Chum watched their friend's face light up, as if those crimson eyes had never beheld a more beautiful sight.

"…Fanboy…Chum Chum…you look—" He blushed and shrank away bashfully. "My, you both look simply enchanting today."

The young heroes squealed, barely able to contain themselves.

"Perhaps you'd like a milk carton? I shall return shortly." As the bewitched preteen walked off to the lunch counter, his new boyfriends whispered amongst themselves.

"It really worked!" Fanboy could hardly keep his voice down. "Say, I don't suppose your aunt had anything that could turn my bologna sandwich into a steak dinner?"

"She could turn steak dinners into bologna sandwiches," his sidekick offered. "Lost a lot of customers that way. Anyway, I'm having just a few second thoughts about this love spell. I mean, should we really have taken the easy way instead of putting in the effort with flowers and serenades?"

Realization graced Fanboy's features. "You're right. I mean, it's not really our Kyle loving us…"

"There you still are, my loves," Kyle had returned with a milk carton and a kiss for each of them. "So what might we have planned for this afternoon? Tandem stroll; movie; candlelit dinner?"

His love interests traded quick glances.

"Or, maybe you could buy us some Frosty Freezy Freezes and we could all go to the arcade?" Fanboy tried, unsure if he should push his luck.

"Oh, very well," Kyle agreed. "How can I say no to those smiles?"

And so, after school the three held hands all the way to the Frosty Mart, the arcade, the comic shop; every place Fanboy and Chum Chum could think of. Kyle did not particularly seem to enjoy all the loud noises and sugary, greasy foods offered to him (or rather, shoved in his face). But the gratitude and praise his two hooligans heaped upon their boyfriend easily made a sour face soften. Besides, each place they visited did happen to offer something to Kyle's liking: hot tea at the Frosty Mart, his favorite wizard fashion magazine at Oz's Comix. The arcade in fact had a "magic" fortune-telling machine, whose "cold-reading charlatanry" he was delighted to debunk.

Their afternoon-turned-evening on the town culminated in a broomstick ride over Galaxy Hills as the sun set. Fanboy—resting his head on Kyle's soft red hair, and Chum Chum—nestling against Kyle's knitted shirt, tried to make the day last. For while they enjoyed the extra time spent with their friend, they would rather his affection genuinely come from him and not from a spell. Therefore, they had no intention of keeping him bewitched for long.

And Kyle had no intention of telling them that there was no such thing as a love spell.