Chapter Seven

Repeating the Grief

Back at the motel, the moon was shining brightly and the silver light shone down over the city.

Callum was sitting by the window looking out over the top of the buildings with a spaced out look on his face as well as a few bottles of beer around him.

In fact, the whole motel room was a mess. There were takeaway boxes piled up next to the bin, as well as bottles of booze and half full plastic bags.

Jake was laying face down on the bed topless and wearing his baggy jeans as well as holding a half empty beer bottle in his hand.

Callum hiccuped and burped as he continued to stare out of the window.

Both men had been drinking into the late hours of the night, Jake had passed out after his seventh bottle of beer, Callum knew he couldn't hold his booze as well as he could.

He picked up his bottle that rested on his lap and had a large gulp, he could hold his booze for a while and he liked the short feeling of relaxation it gave him.

Seeing his brother was unmoving, he reached into a small bag by the chair and pulled out a cigarette and lighter.

He knew Jake hated it when he smoked, but right now he didn't care, as long as his older brother was out for the count, he could do what he wanted, and anyway, he was old enough to make his own decisions.

Opening the window so he could get rid of the smoke, he brought the cigarette to his lips and lit it before taking a large inhale.

Feeling the drug go down his throat he then blew it out, feeling even more relaxed. Even though he was drunk he was sober enough to make sure the smoke went out the window and not around the room.

As long as he cleaned his teeth afterwards, hopefully Jake wouldn't smell it on him.

Whilst at High School, a few months after Mona was claimed to be dead; Callum had started getting into bad habits.

Not only had he become more moody, whether it was snapping at his parents, his friends, his older brother or his teachers but he had started smoking.

He had come across some students who were smoking behind the school and asked if he could join in.

Taking his first drag, he felt relaxed, and it made him forget his woes over his sister, and not long afterwards he had started to hang with them when he could and have a few smokes, then he began buying his own cigarettes with the help of older students and smoking in secret.

He remembered one incident when his brother caught him smoking behind the garage of the house back home:

Flashback

Callum walked behind the garage hiding his pack of cigarettes in his jacket as well as a lighter.

He had acquired a packet of cigarettes from some older students from the High School and now he was going to have his secret smoke.

He knew his parents were in the house with some close friends still grieving over Mona's disappearance and wouldn't care to know where he was, and Jake was over at a friend's house.

His older brother had asked if he wanted to join in, but Callum declined, he was feeling so moody he didn't want to talk to or see anyone.

Sure that he was safe for a while, Callum placed the cigarette into his mouth and took a long inhale.

The feeling of the nicotine spreading through his body was amazing, he felt so relaxed as he inhaled, he then blew it out, then took another drag blowing the smoke up into the air and watching it blow away like his current worries.

Before long he had finished one cigarette then lit up another, and another, and he soon leaned against the back of the garage and sighed.

"Callum!" a loud voice made him jump and he looked across to see Jake coming over, he had gotten back from his friends house earlier than he thought!

Callum choked and he stood up straight.

"What the hell are you doing brother!?" asked Jake, his eyes wide like saucers.

Callum glared.

"This is what you're doing in secret? The disappearances in recess at High School? Your little walks in the afternoon? All this time?!" Jake demanded "Does mum and dad know you're doing this!?"

"No!" Callum replied "They're too busy mourning our sister! And you're so dead if you tell them!"

Jake sighed exasperated.

"Callum! You know this is dangerous! Our Great Uncle died from lung cancer you know!"

"You think I give a rat's arse about that?" asked Callum.

"How long have you been doing this!?" asked Jake "Where have you been getting the cigarette's from?!"

"Some of the older students." Callum answered "These cigarettes are making me feel relaxed! Make me forget the grief I feel over Mona!"

Jake frowned and closed his eyes shaking his head.

He knew how broken his little brother was, but this was coping the wrong way.

"Callum, please!" he said "You have to stop this! This isn't good for you! And those students giving you the cigarettes, they've seen you at your most vulnerable! They're taking advantage of you!"

"I don't care!" Callum retorted "I need something to help me forget! What are you doing huh? Trying to act normal? Lying to yourself!?"

"At least I'm trying to do what Mona would want!" Jake argued "She'd be disappointed in you little brother! What you're doing!"

Callum glared but before he could say anything, a voice was heard from the other side of the garage.

"Hey, what's going on here!?"

"Shit!" Jake cursed and he grabbed Callum before pulling him further behind the garage "It's dad!"

They quickly dived behind the back of the garage and saw Caledon walk around where they were standing just a couple of minutes ago.

"Anyone here?" he asked.

Jake put his fingers to his lips as he pulled Callum behind him.

Caledon looked around for a few seconds.

"Could have sworn I heard voices." He said, he then sniffed the air "Bloody kids!" he then walked away.

Jake and Callum both breathed a sigh of relief, they both knew Caledon knew Jake was supposed to be at a friend's house and Callum had told his parents he had gone for a walk.

After they were sure Caldeon was gone, Jake glared at Callum.

"That was close!" he hissed "Listen brother, we'll talk about this later!"

Callum glared back, he was thankful that Jake didn't rat on him, but he wasn't sorry for his actions earlier.

End Flashback

Since that day, Jake had berated his little brother, but he never mentioned it to his parents as he knew it would kill them, especially since they were already hurting so much from the loss of Mona.

Callum had since then become more careful, since Jake kept an annoyingly close watch on him, he had done it for years, smoking on and off, and it was within that time he started drinking. Now seeing Jake out for the count he felt more inclined to do more behind his back.

Taking another drag, Callum closed his eyes as he began to remember the day a memorial was organized for Mona at her High School when the search was called off and it was decided that Mona was gone.

It was one of the saddest moments of his life, and he had realized just how loved a person Mona was.

Flashback

Callum and Jake sat next to their parents at the grounds of Mona's High School before she had graduated, with their parents on some white chairs as they gathered at a tall bronze Sculpture of a blooming Rose with a metal rain drops on the petals on a marble pillar stone along with Monalisa's picture on the stone below with her name and the words engraved in bronze:

Monalisa Freeman

1992-2010

Daughter, Sister, Friend

Wisconsin's Rose

A spirit forever blooming in Summer

A memory that will never fade in Winter

Love as strong as the Wings of the Crane

You will never leave our hearts

For you are forever loved

Callum swallowed hard as he read the words, they couldn't have described his big sister more perfectly.

Looking around, he saw many students, including Mona's friends who had been with her when she vanished, students past and present, including teachers and even Mona's instructors and friends from the martial arts she loved so much.

They were all dressed in black and were carrying a pink rose each to symbolize Mona as the pink rose was her favorite flower and they had written messages on labels and tied them to each flower.

Callum also noticed some people were wearing t-shirts with her picture and name on them, especially some younger children, mostly those from some of the Karate classes Mona helped to train in after she acquired her black belt.

Before long, the headmaster appeared and stood at a podium, and everyone was silent as they waited for him to speak.

The Headmaster cleared his throat, adjusted his glasses and spoke into the microphone:

"Today, we grieve the disappearance of one of our graduated students, and not just a student, but a sister, a daughter and a friend. Monalisa Freeman was a kind, generous student, and a protector, she stood up for others as well as to those who scorned her, and offered comfort to those who needed it, we will miss her greatly."

Callum soon heard his mother sob and lean into Caledon who held her close and Jake winced as he clutched his pink rose.

Soft sobs were heard around him and Callum felt tears sting his own eyes and he clutched his rose tightly.

The Headmaster said his speech and then started to call up students who were close to Mona who say a few words about her, and all of them drilled into Callum's soul.

"Mona was one of a kind, a loving friend, a hard working student, she never let anything stand in her way."

"She was the most generous girl I knew, she'd give you her last quarter if you needed it."

"I still can't believe she's gone, just vanished into thin air."

"I'll always remember Mona, she stood up for me when a girl gang at High School threatened me, after she interfered, the bullies never bothered me again."

Then soon Mona's Karate and Kung Fu instructors took to the stage along with the young students. The tears soon fell again when the children held up a collage of photos of Mona teaching or spending time with them.

"Mona was always an encouraging girl when she helped us in class, she wasn't just a trainee instructor, she was a friend who played games with us afterwards! We're going to miss her so much!"

"She was such a promising student, never afraid to try anything! We will miss her spirit! Nothing can ever fill the hole we feel in our hearts!"

Before long, Gina, Caledon, Jake and Callum were called to the stage to say their pieces. Gina could barely hold it together as she spoke, and had to be supported by her husband.

Jake and Callum had written a piece as well, but it was difficult to hold in their emotions as they spoke.

Callum wasn't sure whether to speak his piece as his mouth felt so dry and he felt nervous standing in front of so many people, but when his turn came, he felt he had to speak of his sister. It was no lie he missed her, and how he wished he knew what happened and at the back of his mind, he felt since she hadn't been found, she was still out there.

Before long, after all the speeches had been said, headmaster then announced:

"And now, as we play her last song, please come forward and place your roses at the stone."

It was then that the song 'Over the Rainbow' by Eva Cassidy was played and one by one everyone walked up in single file and began to lay their rose by the stone, as well as blow a kiss.

When 'Over the Rainbow' ended, another song by Eva Cassidy was sung, this time it was 'I Know You By Heart'

As the last mourner walked up, the roses almost reached the top of the stone as there were so many.

As the songs were played, there was barely a dry eye. Gina had started wailing to which Caledon held her closer and stroked her hair and others stepped in to help.

Callum just stood away from everyone and looked at the memorial.

"Is it really necessary?" he thought "Do we really need to do this?" he squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed the massive lump forming in his throat.

"No!" he thought "I still refuse to believe you're dead! I still won't say goodbye forever! You're out there! I know you are!"

End Flashback

Callum felt his eyes water as he remembered that horrible day, it was a beautiful memorial, yet so sad.

And he didn't feel satisfied, since there was no body buried, and no justice been done to whatever or whoever had taken Mona.

Standing in that alleyway earlier on, he felt something, like a presence or some answers to his questions were there.

This is what he came to New York to do, and he was going to get closure, and refuse to leave New York until he found it.

And so we return to the brothers.

Such sad memories for them both, and Callum is showing how he's going off the rails and still is! Shows what grief can do to a person. But all behavior is a choice.