A City Apart

Chapter 6

The point of the night was to make him as afraid as possible...to see how much he could take without breaking. If he broke, well, then he wouldn't be accepted into the gang. It was as simple as that. Jacob knew all this, but he was only thirteen after all and couldn't help feeling a churning dread in his gut as he was left in the dark corner of a nameless alley. He had to survive this night, this initiation, to finally truly belong. So why did the shadows around him look so ominous? Why did his future gang mates look so menacing? The faint moonlight and the flickering of a dying street lamp glinted off the eyes of those around him, making them appear animalistic. Hungry.

"There's no backing off now," Sam's deep voice growled as he took a step forward.

Jacob gulped inaudibly and fought the urge to turn tail and run. He was strong. He could take whatever these people wanted to do to him. He'll show them that he wasn't a weakling, that he was STRONG.

"I'm not a coward," Jacob stated firmly, chin lifting in pride and youthful confidence. Not two seconds later and he found himself stumbling as his jaw throbbed from a well aimed punch. Cursing, he put a hand to his jaw, not having expected the punch to come so soon. Not that he let the pain stop him of course. When the next punch came flying, there was an inferno inside him that threatened to explode even as it burned away the pain. Jacob took the second punch with an inward curse bu refused to show anything more than that. It wasn't a moment later before the other five joined Sam in throwing punches and insulting words. As expected of him, Jacob (nose bleeding and covered in bruises) came to a realization. All of his future gang mates (including Sam) were looking at him with respect and guarded fear in their dark eyes. It made the cold fire within Jacob burn with an intensity never experienced before. They feared him and... it was a good feeling.

"Impressive, Black," Sam said, breaking the tension in the air as he created a new kind of tension. "Now, you know what's next." Jacob let the cold fire burn through him then, making his bloody face blank and his heart as cold as the reinforced steel that kept it locked and hidden. Yes, he knew what was next.

Instinct made him fight and struggle as they advanced on him even though he had already shut himself off from the world. It wasn't long before the bigger boys had wrestled and pinned him to the dirty ground. Jacob felt his dirty, bloody fingers scrape across the grimy asphalt in a desperate struggle for stability as his clothes were torn from his well muscled body. The inferno consumed him then. All he remembered after the first ungentle touch up on his heated skin was the burn of that bitter fire and the rage that cascaded through him. And maybe he should've felt fear when the terrible pain came, but he didn't. Not a single scream escaped him that night. Not a single tear fell from his eyes. Just as not a single flash of fear crossed his mind.

He made a name for himself that night. He was Jacob Black. He didn't know fear because fire wasn't afraid. He didn't shed tears because the bitter coldness within him froze them and used them to build a wall around his locked away heart. The only thing that Jacob Black knew from the night was the all consuming cold and fiery inferno of rage and hate within him that promised to destroy, promised to hurt them back.

~o~

Jacob woke with a gasping breath as he struggled to shake the dream from his mind. The memory of that night was something he kept locked away with all that he had. It only ever surfaced when he was really, really stressed. Which wasn't often as he was usually apathetic and therefore unflappable. The last time he had the dream was when Quil died. Nobody's died this time, but... What was it that Sam had said?

"Bring him here in three days for a little gang initiation."

God.

He couldn't do that. He wouldn't. There was no way that Jacob was going to put Edward through an experience remotely similar to the one had gone through. Even he wasn't that coldhearted. But again.

Jacob also wasn't selfless enough to choose the alternative of never seeing the bronze haired boy again.

Sitting up in bed, Jacob heaved a great sigh. He wasn't getting anywhere with this indecision. And yet, he was afraid to decide. What if he was more coldhearted and selfish than he had thought? What if he wanted Edward so much (and it was very much) that he would be willing to do something atrocious so that he could have him? Even more, who said Edward would still want him if Jacob put him through the so called initiation? It's highly likely that he wouldn't. Had their situations been reversed Jacob knew he would probably hate Edward forever for manipulating him into so much pain and humiliation.

God.

He's never had such a hard time choosing between being selfless and selfish, good and bad. He had always chosen bad... and his selfish side had always won.

~o~

Unable to go back to bed, Jacob found himself across town tossing pebbles at Edward's bedroom window in the middle of the night. The ridiculousness of the situation didn't escape him, but Jacob didn't care. He wanted to see Edward. Now.

A handful of pebbles later, the window finally opened to reveal a very sleepy Edward with the craziest case of bedhair Jacob has ever seen.

"Who is it?" Edward grunted, causing Jacob to snort in laughter. Not that he actually laughed. It was just a snort.

"It's me."

"Jacob?" Edward gasped, definitely more awake by the sound of it. "What are you doing here?! It's the middle of the night!"

"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come to see you. Can I come in?" Edward only hesitated for a second before nodding and telling him to go to the front door. Almost smiling in anticipation, Jacob made it to the door in only a few seconds.

"Don't make a sound," Edward said when the door swung open. Nodding, Jacob stepped deftly into the house and closed the door with his foot before gathering Edward close. The now familiar scent of the green eyed boy did wonders to the last of his frayed nerves from the dream.

"You alright, Jake?" Edward asked after awhile of the embrace.

"Yea, I'm fine," Jacob said, holding on a little tighter.

"You're lying," Edward sighed perceptive as always, "but I'm too tired to argue with you so it can wait until morning."

"Thanks for your act of mercy. I vow to repay your acts of kindness."

"Oh shut up. I'm too tired for this." Snorting at the groggy reply, Jacob finally loosened his hold on Edward just enough so he can trace the exhausted yet beautiful face with his eyes. His heart swelled with warmth at the sight of Edward's tired smile and he couldn't resist pressing a gentle kiss to those delectable lips.

"Sorry for waking you up," Jacob apologized sincerely before sweeping Edward up into his arms and effectively silencing any reply Edward may have wanted to give. To his credit, Edward only squeaked quietly in surprise before pouting.

"I'm not a princess you know." But he didn't struggle.

"You'd make a god one," Jacob smirked as he made his way through the house to Edward's room. Seriously, the boy needed to put on a few pounds. He felt no heavier than a child in Jacob's arms. Edward huffed in disagreement but made no more protests. By the time they get to the room, his eyes were drooping.

With the utmost care, Jacob laid his angel down on the bed and covered him with the still slightly warm blankets. He didn't bother to hide the pure affections he experienced as he watched his bronze haired boy sigh in contentment. Jacob waited a few more seconds before turning to leave, feeling as if he had overstayed his welcome (it being the middle of the night and all).

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Um... Out?" Jacob shook his head at himself. Seriously with the insecurity? He looked back at Edward a second later with his patented confidence, however. "Unless," he drawled, smirking, "you want me to sleep with you." Shameless as ever, Jacob gave Edward a leer for added effect. Even in the dim light of the small nightlight, Jacob could see the raging blush that spread across the pale face as Edward spluttered. When Edward couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence, however, Jacob took pity and pulled his mind out of the gutter that it had suddenly dove into.

"Do you want me to stay?" Jacob asked as gently as he knew how.

"Please," Edward said, blushing anew. Not saying anything else, Jacob toed off his shoes and slipped under the covers. He barely registered how comfortable the bed was (the most comfortable one he'd ever laid on) as he tentatively pulled Edward to him, making sure the other boy could move away if he wanted to. Foreheads touching, sharing the same air, the two of the stared affectionately at each other.

"Hey," Jacob whispered, lips curling into a small smile. "You're so beautiful."

"Jake," Edward breathed, eyes full of adoration, unspoken feelings pulsing in that one word.

Jacob closed the miniscule distance between them and kissed Edward as tenderly as he knew how. And later, when Edward was snuggled deep in his arms, sleeping, Jacob couldn't imagine anything... anything that felt more right. He never even felt this before in all the time that he'd held Quil in his arms. And that seems like such a long ,long time ago.

Brushing a kiss on Edward's head, Jacob came to a decision. He wasn't going to choose never seeing Edward again, but he wasn't going to let Edward get hurt by his gang mates while he stood by. He's going to play his own rules this time.

~o~

Only hours after sneaking out of Edward's house at dawn, Jacob was at the doorstep of the grand house again. This time he chose the more socially acceptable of seeking entrance by ringing the doorbell. He didn't have to wait long before the door swung open to reveal Mrs. Cullen with a frazzled expression on her face. "What... oh it's you."

Not the best greeting ever, but of course, Jacob had heard worse.

"Good morning, Mrs. Cullen," Jacob politely greeted, wanting to be on his best behavior, "may I see Edward?"

Esme pursed her lips, hesitating. "Mom, let him in!" Edward's voice called from within the house. Jacob thought he sounded a bit strange. Heaving a sigh, Esme stepped aside to let him in.

"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen," Jacob said sincerely, though it sucked to have Edward's parents dislike him.

"You're welcome, Jacob," Esme replied, smiling a little and making Jacob feel a little better. "I'm sorry for being such a bad host. It's been a stressful morning." Jacob was about to inquire what she meant, but his words were forgotten as they entered the kitchen.

Edward was sitting on the floor, shirtless, with a bloody paper towel pressed to his face by Carlisle, who had a mildly concerned expression on his face. What caught most of Jacob's attention, however, was the large bruises scattered over Edward's pale skin from his face down to his waist line. He looked like he had been in some major fight with giants. Only, he hadn't. It had been a fight against biology, against the disease in his blood. The sight made Jacob's heart ache so much that he actually lifted a hand to press against his chest.

"Here, Edward, hold this. I need to check over your bruises," Carlisle said. Jacob watched Edward lift a hand to the blood soaked towel pressed to his nose and saw that the pale arm had its share of bruises as well. God. Jacob hadn't known it was this bad! He had just seen Edward sleeping peacefully this morning! When green eyes lifted to meet brown, Jacob took a step forward and dropped to the floor next to Edward.

"E, what happened?" he blurted, gently taking the hand that Edward offered to him. Out of his peripheral vision, Jacob saw a pile of bloody paper towels in the trash. It made him sick to his stomach. Instead of answering him, however, Edward shook his head and leaned against him, causing Jacob's heart to speed up in concern.

"His platelet count is too low," Carlisle said, looking up to meet Jacob's eyes. Platelet. The thing that helps your blood clot. Jacob had read about them when he was researching Aplastic Anemia.

"Oh." He didn't know what else to say.

"Don't worry, we're going to do a platelet transfusion now," Carlisle reassured him while Esme gave Edward a fresh paper towel. "Come on, Edward, let's stand up so you can go lie down in the living room."

"Okay," Edward said and allowed himself to be helped up by Jacob. After giving Jacob and Esme (though she knew the drill by now) quick instructions to get Edward situated, Carlisle hurried away to grab the transfusion kit.

"You want me to carry you?" Jacob asked when Edward stumbled. Edward shook his head but stumbled again, this time losing his balance before Jacob caught him. "Let me help, E. It's okay," he said, gathering Edward up into his arms.

"Do you want a blanket, Edward?" Esme asked when Jacob set him down on the indicated couch.

"I'm okay, Mom," Edward said in a weary voice. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, dear. Call me if you need anything okay? I'm leaving you here with Jacob."

"Okay."

Esme kissed Edward on the forehead and gave Jacob a pat on the shoulder before leaving.

"Wait," Jacob breathed, exaggerating his surprise to lighten the moment, "does you mom actually like me?"

"Yeah."

"No way."

"She thinks you're sweet," Edward said and Jacob could see a faint twinkle of amusement in the green eyes.

"Right. Now I know you're lying." Sweet? Jacob had never, ever been described as such. There was no way Esme thought he was sweet. Edward was just teasing. They sat holding hands in comfortable silence for awhile before Edward spoke up again.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry I'm not beautiful anymore."

Jacob gaped at Edward. "Nonsense, Edward. You'll always be beautiful to me."

"Even with all these ugly bruises?" Edward asked, sounding so insecure that Jacob's heart ached anew. He had a fleeting suspicion that Edward was speaking from past hurt.

"Even with the bruises."

~o~

They were on the pier, hours after Edward's platelet transfusion. It had taken some persuasion on Edward's part, but his parents had eventually relented and let them out. Much to Jacob's relief. It was relaxing to be walking hand in hand while the last light of sunset faded into night. And though Edward's bruises were still visible, a stark reminder of the morning, Jacob made himself look beyond the purple-ish splotches and focus on the soothing walk.

"So what did you mean the other night? When you said you know how it feels to not be enough for someone?" Jacob cringed slightly at how his question seemed to pierce the calm, but the question had been nagging at the back of his mind for awhile now.

Green eyes, sea-green in this light, swept up to meet his and the sadness there made Jacob almost sorry for asking. The hand in his slipped away gently as Edward turned away from him to lean against the fence separating them from the glassy water below and beyond. Jacob consciously kept himself from pulling Edward into his arms, knowing Edward needed time to think. Five minutes later, however, Jacob was about to say nevermind to the whole thing when Edward finally spoke.

"I was diagnosed when I was ten. It wasn't a big deal back then. I only had a really mild case of the anemia. The disease gets worse over time though, so I eventually started more transfusions with more stays in the hospital. I was fourteen when I met her."

"Her?" Jacob whispered, crossing his arms to prevent himself from taking possessive (and totally inappropriate) actions. Stupid male hormones. Edward was trying to tell him an obviously painful story and all his libido could think of was the fact that he might have competition. Perhaps sensing his discomfort, Edward put a hand on his arm to reassure him. It worked. Somewhat. But Jacob nodded for Edward to continue.

"Her name was Bella. She was the same age as me and was in the hospital after a surgery. She had brain cancer. We became fast friends and hung out a lot the first couple months of our friendship, but then her cancer worsened and the tumor in her brain grew to the point that she lost sense of reality. She started calling me her angel and became convinced that I would save her. Whenever I would go visit her at her house she would greet my by asking whether I had come to save her." Edward uttered a sigh at this and looked up at Jacob with sad eyes. Jacob could see where this was going, but didn't say anything. He knew Edward needed to get the story out.

"The stupid part was she'd get even more angry when I showed up at her house with bruises. She would scream that ugly people shouldn't be able to enter her house, that only angels were allowed. It hurt when she said stuff like that but I forgave her because she was so sick. Near the end, Bella didn't even recognize me anymore. She only knew me as the angel or the ugly. I don't think she remembered our friendship or any of the adventures we had together. It hurt so bad watching her deteriorate and not being able to do anything about it. I wanted to help. I really did."

Jacob's heart clenched at the tremble in Edward's voice and he reached out to hold the bronze haired boy close, offering support. Edward leaned into his embrace and rested his head against Jacob's shoulder. And god, Jacob wished he could stop the tremors coursing through the thin body. He knew it must have been so hard to lose a good friend to something like that. There was more to the story too and for once, Jacob felt like he could be the most patient person in the world...just so the precious boy in his arms could feel more at peace.

"It was almost a full year after I met Bella that she passed away. I don't think...god, Jake, she was so angry. SO angry. She resented her death right up to the end. The last words she said to me, right before she died were..." here Edward trailed off and clutched Jacob tightly. Jacob could feel a dampness gather at the collar of his shirt where Edward had pressed his face and the tremors racing through the thin body had become a violent shaking. He ran a soothing hand repeatedly through the bronze hair and held Edward closer.

"What did she say, E?" he asked as softly as he could.

"She said..."

"It's alright. Take your time."

"She said, 'Edward! You promised you would save me. You were supposed to save me! How could you do this? How could you let me die? You were supposed to be my angel.'" Edward paused on a sob and Jacob wanted to go back in time and punch the girl for hurting Edward like that. "I told her I was sorry, but she wouldn't hear it. Then she slapped me right across the face and told me that at least I would go to hell ugly with all the bruises on me."

Jacob burned with fury as Edward sobbed in his arms. He hated Bella then. Hated her so much though it was stupid to hurt someone that he'd never met. Someone that wasn't even alive. But then this fury got dampened by Edward's tears as Jacob tried to comfort him. He couldn't go back and undo what had been done, but he could be in the present to comfort his beautiful green eyed boy.

Later, after the near hysterical sobs had ceased (and Jacob had never seen anyone cry like that) and the tears had stopped, Edward confided in him that he had always felt guilty because he knew he hadn't been enough for Bella to have a peaceful death. It was one of those things that pained him constantly. And Jacob had offered words of comfort that were full of sincerity but lacked the power to take away Edward's pain. So he had shared his own story. He told Edward about Quil and how he hadn't been enough to save him. It was hard to tell and Jacob had found himself pausing to take deep breaths and squeeze Edward tighter to him, but when the green eyes peered up at him with new understanding and gratitude, he knew he had done right by sharing.

That evening, the green eyed boy and the street hardened young man found a new kind of peace as they walked hand in hand on the pier. They knew that they both shared a similar hurt and had found them more attuned than they ha previously thought. The two of them relished the peace as they shared a long, deep, soul binding kiss, knowing that what they had wouldn't last forever. It wouldn't even last a whole day. Jacob would later come to realize that it was the last deep breath they had the chance to take before everything fell apart around them.

AN: Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. If you're still following this thank you. Your support is much appreciated!