Levi woke up to a potato being wedged up his booty hole. Again. His scream sounded like a majestic pterodactyl swooping down on its prey. A very sexy pterodactyl, that is. He squeezed his butt cheeks together to shoot the potato back at the butt stuffer, stunning them. "Ow," said Sasha. Levi flipped onto his back and glared at her. He looked down at the potato. It was shaped like a phallic ouioui. (Author's note: Cause everyone thinks that Levi is French lol) "I know that your hometown's mating rituals involved the stuffing of orifices with food, but that doesn't make it okay to do it to everyone." Sasha glanced down at the floor. "I was hoping you would give me permission to get extra food at meal times if I could seduce you," she said. (Author's note: BTW, everyone in my fics is of age, just so you know.) Levi pumped his eyebrows up and down and smirked. "You could have just asked if you wanted to get in my pantaloons, Sasha," he said. He jumped on to his bedside table and ripped his tear-away footie pajamas off in one quick and sexy motion. He was down to just his cravat, and not the one around his neck. Little Levi stood at attention, tiny cravat flowing in the breeze from the open bedroom window. Levi hopped down off of the desk and began to crawl on his hands and knees towards Sasha. "Hold on a sec," said Sasha. "You need this first." Sasha slipped a chocolate donut onto Levi's weewee. She looked him up and down and smiled and nodded in approval. Levi removed Sasha's blouse. "Now you're Sasha Breasts," he said huskily. Sasha swooned and began to drool and vibrate in excitement. At that moment, the door swung open.
It was Jean. "There has been a problem… neigh," said Jean. "Erwin has collapsed. I should know, because I'm Jean Kirschtein… neigh." Levi sighed and put on a pair of Levi's. Sasha disappointedly picked up the discarded potato and ate it. Levi rushed off to find Erwin. When he arrived in Erwin's room, the others were waiting. Armin was examining Erwin's unconscious body. "W-what's wrong with him?" asked Bertoldt, sweatily. Armin looked solemn. "All of his mitochondria started working at once," he said. "A lesser man would have spontaneously combusted, but Erwin has survived with just a high fever." Erwin's face was flushed bright red. His 3dmg and tutu were soaked with sweat. Levi watched as Armin leaned over Erwin's face. Suddenly, his eyebrows hopped onto Armin's face. Armin grasped at his forehead and struggled. Soon, he stopped struggling and fell to the floor. Hanji gasped. "Erwin's eyebrows realized that Erwin was sick. They must have been looking for a new host," she said. Everyone looked shocked. Armin rose up. He looked… different. And not just because of his newly gained eyebrow game. Armin wiggled his eyebrows and smirked. He flung off his uniform. "Who wants to have an orgy?" He said. Everyone glanced around nervously. Armin began to dance, pelvic thrusting at everyone while sticking his tongue out and winking. "Oh noes," said Hanji. "Erwin's fever has gone down. But he won't be able to wake up until his eyebrows are returned. They contain his soul."
Levi knew what he had to do. He dragged Ermin to his room and bent him over on his bed. Levi took off his Levi's and exposed his ding dong. He slapped it on both of Ermin's butt cheeks until they had red peepee shaped marks on them. He pressed the tip to Ermin's pooper. At that moment, Erwin and Armin separated once again. Armin ran off crying. "Now Reiner will never want me," he said. Levi looked confused and also sexy. He ran to back to Erwin, his naked wiener flopping around like a sexy dying fish as he ran. He booped both of Erwin's eyebrows back into place. Erwin opened his eyes. "Are you okay, Erwi- I mean Commander Handsome?" asked Levi. "Yes," said Erwin. "In fact, I think it's time for another sexual health check." Everyone groaned and pulled down their pants. Everyone except for Jean, of course. He was always naked being a horse and all.