Dawn's clothes had mysteriously vanished. She spent Sunday morning looking for her favorite blue sweater to wear to the pity party, but instead discovered that her whole closet was empty.

No one knew where her clothes were. Dawn , still in her pajamas, went downstairs and poured herself a bowl of Fiber Flakes. Sharon was sitting in a wheelchair, right by their old nineteenth-century stove.

"Good morning, Mom. You're so absent-minded."

Sharon gurgled. Spit dribbled down her chin.

Mary Anne appeared in the kitchen, already dressed. "Hey, Dawn. I just called Stacey , and she says we can go shopping with her and Claudia at ten. It'll be super distant."

Dawn sighed and yanked at her white-blonde hair. "I am an individualist."

Sharon drooled. Mary Anne picked up a moist towelette and wiped Sharon 's chin. "She's so scatterbrained!"

Dawn had to go shopping in her pajamas. Mary Anne wouldn't let her borrow anything. "You're not a true Spier," she had argued. Dawn didn't know what to say to that.

Mrs. McGill picked them up. She looked nervous. "Are you going to be all right, Stacey ? You know, by yourself? Should I cancel the business trip?"

Stacey shook her head. "No, Mom. If you didn't go on that business trip, we would lose all our money. If we lost all our money, we'd be poor, and we don't want that, do we?"

Maureen nodded. "Right. Of course." She turned to Mary Anne and Dawn , who had been playing Slide in the backseat. "Bellair's, right?"

They nodded.

Soon, Stacey was pulling glittery outfits off racks. "This would look dibble on you, Dawn ," she said, brandishing a sparkly mini-dress.

Dawn shook her head furiously. "I am an individualist, and individualists never give in to peer pressure!"

Stacey rolled her eyes. "Then help me try these on," she snapped. "I want to look hot for the party."

Mary Anne, Dawn , Stacey and Claudia went into the handicapped stall in the fitting room. Stacey tried on a tight red sweater decorated with sequins. She looked at herself in the mirror.

"Wow, you look so fresh," Mary Anne squealed, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

Claudia stuffed a Twinkie up her nose.

Stacey nodded. "I think I just might buy this," she said, and tossed it into a pile on the floor.

"So have you gotten the snacks for the party yet?" Dawn asked, fishing around in her pockets for a bag of trail mix.

Claudia unzipped her purse. Chocolate bars spilled out. She grabbed three, popped them into her mouth, wrapper and all, chewed, and then swallowed. She burped.

Stacey did a fancy dance step in the middle of the dressing room. "I've invited most of the eighth grade boys," she said, "except for the ugly ones."

Suddenly, someone began banging on the stall door. "Helloooo!"

Stacey opened up. "Mallory!"

Mal stood there wearing a thong bikini and knee-length boots. "Hey, girls," she said, tossing her frizzy hair. She hadn't quite gotten it under control yet. You could tell she had been trying to straighten it. "I'm here with my posse."

Jessi appeared from behind her. "I'm Mallory's posse," she said eagerly.

Mallory waved her hand. "Fetch me a drink, posse," she said.

Jessi fumbled around and grabbed a juice box from a big blue carry-on bag with horses splashed across it. "Here, Mal," she mumbled.

"Call me Malloree Piiike." Mallory snapped, drawing out the e in 'Mallory' and the i in 'Pike.' She took the juice box and proceeded to sip out of it.

"Well, this is chilly," Mary Anne said, tugging at her plaid overall strap. "We're all here!"

Kristy flew in from inside the ceiling panel. "Me too!!"

"Come on, let's get something to eat at Friendly's," Mary Anne said.

"Yeah, I'm so hungry," sighed Claudia .

xx

At Friendly's, everyone squeezed into a booth. Stacey kept getting hit in the face with the huge rubber pickle Claudia had taped to her head. "Let's order," Kristy shouted at a waiter passing by.

He stopped at their table. "What would you like to drink?"

Claudia paused, skimming the menu. "Uh, um...what does this read? Be - be - be -"

"That's beer," the waiter answered impatiently, clicking his pen.

"Beer, huh?" Claudia pressed a chipped purple-and-red nail against her temple. "Beer, beer...what's beer?"

Stacey sighed. "We'll have seven beers, 'kay?"

The waiter rolled his eyes. "You're all much too young to drink."

Stacey laughed and put on a pair of knockoff designer sunglasses. "Everyone in New York drinks. I don't even think there's an age limit."

Kristy gasped. "They have prune juice. We want seven prune juices!"

The waiter wrote something on his notepad and disappeared.

Stacey glared at Kristy . "We didn't want prune juice. We wanted beer!"

Mallory sipped her juice box. "Beer is so much more sophisticated."

Their waiter came and served their drinks. Kristy , Mary Anne , and Dawn quickly slurped up their juice.

The waiter said, "Has everyone decided what to order now?"

Stacey examined her nails. "Um...what is there?"

Claudia said, "Do you have ice cream sundaes?"

The waiter replied. "Yes, topped with rainbow sprinkles."

"Well, can you add some M&M's, Twinkies bits, cheese, chocolate sprinkles, and lard?"

The waiter tapped his pen against the notepad. "We only have rainbow sprinkles."

"I guess I'll have to go light today," Claudia sulked. "I'll just have the regular sundae with the rainbow sprinkles."

Stacey ordered escargot. The waiter snapped, "We don't have any of that. What kind of restaurant do you think this is?"

"Fine," Stacey growled. "I'll just have a tuna sandwich."

Mallory quickly said, "Me too."

Jessi said, "Me three!"

Kristy looked at the menu. "What is the biggest dish here?"

The waiter took a deep breath. "The combo meal, but it serves thirty people."

"Done," Kristy said, not even bothering to ask about the price. "I'll get the combo meal. What's in it?"

"Forty hot dogs," the waiter said, tapping his foot, "Two bowls of salad, and sixty breadsticks"

Kristy nodded. "Yeah, I'll get the combo meal."

The waiter scribbled down the orders. "And you?" he asked Mary Anne .

"I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich," Mary Anne replied. "But make sure you toast a happy face on the bread. I cannot eat anything without a happy face on it. You see, my cereal is called 'Happy Smacky Pops.' And the little cereal pieces are happy faces. And for dinner my dad always arranges my peas into a happy face on the plate."

"You were saying...?" the waiter snapped.

"Oh, and, um, I'd like the bread to be pure wheat. If I don't eat pure wheat bread, I get gas. And I don't want too much peanut butter."

The waiter grumbled. He jotted something down and walked back into the kitchen.

Stacey made a growly sound with her mouth. "That waiter is pathetic," she said. "He must know that there is no age limit for drinking in The Big Apple."

When their food came, Mary Anne picked at her poorly made peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "There isn't a happy face on it," she whined. "I need a happy face."

Mallory was watching Stacey eat her sandwich. Stacey bit into the crust and chewed thoughtfully. Mallory bit into the crust and chewed thoughtfully.

"This party is going to be so dibble," Mallory said out loud. She turned to Jessi. "Right, posse?"

"Right!" Jessi saluted.

"Ahem."

"Oh." Jessi fished around in the carry-on bag and pulled out a can of perfume. She dabbed Sweet Romantic Mystique behind Mallory's ears. Mal smiled sweetly.

"That's so much better."

xx

Dawn was helping Claudia with her English homework. The pity party was going to be starting in exactly one hour, thirty-four minutes, and six seconds, but Claudia hadn't even answered the first question yet.

The instructions read, The following questions are about the story Lone Coyote. Please complete the handout. You may use the story for reference.

Dawn figured it was easier to use the book while answering the questions. " Claudia , do you have your Lone Coyote book?"

"What?" Claudia sat up in her bed. She was drawing big swirls on her cheeks with purple liner.

Dawn cleared her throat. "You need a book for this handout."

Claudia got off the bed. "Really?" She took the handout from Dawn and read the first question. It look about nine minutes.

"Wh…why…do you th – think the…L – Lone Kai-yoot…I mean…Coyote. Right, Coyote…d – did not…like…what's this word, Dawn?"

Dawn frowned. "Um, let's work on this later." She put the handout in Claudia's binder and took out another sheet. "Write an essay about the most embarrassing thing you've done," Dawn read. "That's easy!"

Claudia grabbed a pencil and began writing. "This will be a piece of cake," she said. Dawn sat back and read one of Claudia's Nancy Drew books.

It took forty minutes for Claudia to finish it. She let Dawn take a look.

The mosst esciting thig i hav done is whin i wore a butiful neww outfet 2 sckool. it wuz estremly butiful and i likd it verry much. every1 told me how butiful i lookd the outfet was gren, redd, and blu and uther varius colurs. the pantz we red witth flammes on the sidez and the top wus gren. the top wus deccoraded witth orunge pickchures of mi fase. i made it miself. ther wus a ribbun in mi hayr thut wus blu and neeon pink. Mi jewelry wus made by miself ov corse. it was payper mashay earings and a neklace thut was made out of payper. Mi shoes wer hih tops witth noospayper clippins all overr itt. my hayr wus put into a pritty ponitail. usd stiling gell 2 make it look shapd lik ann elf. that iz my mosst esciting thig i dun eva.

"No, Claud, you were supposed to write about the most embarrassing thing you've ever done!"

"Oh. Really?"

"Yes, really!"

"My parents won't let my go to the party if I haven't finished my weekend homework!" Claudia wailed. She ripped up her essay and blew her nose all over it. "It's all your fault, Dawn!"

"Me? My fault?"

"Yes!"

"Do you know how many trees you have just wasted?" screamed Dawn.

Claudia ate the scraps of paper. "Now they're not wasted. You happy?"

Dawn paced. "How are we going to do this? You've still got a ton of homework!"

Claudia's eyes lit up. "I know! You can do it for me, and I can go to the pity party!"

Dawn was infuriated. "I am an individualist! I never give in to peer – "

Claudia had already jumped out the window. "Ta-ta, sucker!" she laughed.

xx

Now what? Dawn began pacing once again. If Claudia's parents came in, they'd see Claudia was gone. But maybe they'd think the reason she was gone was because she had finished her homework and she was on her way to Stacey's! Dawn would have to do Claudia's homework for her. She grabbed a piece of paper and began writing.

xx

The party blew so far. Stacey was making out with Alan Gray in the corner of the room. Mallory was making out with Pete Black under the snack table. Kristy was beating Mary Anne up. Claudia was pouring punch down her shirt. And Jessi was looking nervous and eating her pretzels.

There was a Smash tape playing. The rest of the boys were stuffing their faces with food.

Crash.

The ceiling of Stacey's den rattled, and everyone looked up from whatever they were doing. People began to scream. Mary Anne cried, and not only because Kristy had just given her a bloody nose. Jessi shook her fist at the ceiling. "You want to fight me?" she cried.

Stacey was screaming and clinging onto Alan Gray. Mallory was trying to hurry it up with Pete so at least she wouldn't still be a virgin when she died. Screams filled the air. Everyone hurried outside to the front yard.

The BSCers watched, astounded, as Stacey's ceiling crashed down, along with her whole house.

AN: I haven't been updating because I went on a trip with my family for two weeks. Also, I had extreme jet lag and about sixty tons of homework. I wanted to get this chapter out because no way am I going to update during the holidays. I will be too busy pigging out, sleeping in, and playing with my Sims game.

HAPPY CHRISTMASKWANZUKAH, EVERYONE!