Disclaimer: I own no characters except Kei and Sensei. Also based off Sora wo Daite, Oyasumi

Warning: Suicide-related, loss, sorrow, grieve, self-harm, etc.

The Blue Left Behind is Not Enough to Paint the Sky

I woke up to the sound of the curtain divider being moved open.

With blurry eyes, I saw Yuiko-sensei with a surprised look on her face, gazing down at us. I hadn't noticed that after climbing in next to Senpai, I had also drifted off to sleep.

I ignored the piercing stare, and proceeded to check on the body temperature of the person beside me.

He was still warm, and his closed eyes showed no sign that the owner will wake up any soon.

Yuiko-sensei blinked twice as she tried to take in the scene before her. At last, she managed to utter, '…I suppose, you're Toushirou-kun's boyfriend?...'

The remark was so out of the blue that I had to stifle a laugh to keep the person in my embrace from waking. There was something amusing in Yuiko-sensei's bluntness and her straight-forward attitude. The way she jumped to conclusion, revealed her spontaneous thought-process and that was incredibly interesting.

She was a rare specimen that I have never encountered before.

'I'm a first-year from the class 1-A, Kobayashi Kei. Nice to meet you, Yuiko-sensei.'

'Ah,… the transfer student.' Yuiko-sensei nodded in greeting. 'I'm the infirmary teacher here. Come whenever you don't feel well.'

Yuiko-sensei sat on the small chair beside the bed and I carefully rose to a sitting position but just as suddenly, an arm rose up to grab a fistful of my shirt and tugged. Surprised, I stayed stock-still in an uncomfortable position in order not to wake him.

Yuiko-sensei, who saw the whole thing, chuckled, but she made no move to help.

'So?' she cleared her throat from the remnants of her laughter. 'What is your relationship with Toushirou-kun?'

'He's my Senpai.' I mischievously answered.

She rolled her eyes.

'…cheeky…' she muttered.

'Well, Sensei, what is your relationship with Senpai?'

The corner of her lips turned. She pleaded ignorance by giving a casual reply of, '…I'm his teacher, of course, what else?'. She knew though, that I was not convinced.

I tried to pry open the fingers holding the back of my shirt but they were unrelenting. So I gave up, and shifted and shuffled into a slightly more comfortable position.

Yuiko-Sensei, who watched in silence, stood up.

'…Would you care for tea?'

'If it's of no trouble.' I nodded.

She left to turn on the kettle on the other corner of the room. A moment later, she came back with two cups of tea and set them on the side table. She made a second trip to bring a basin of water and another small cloth for Senpai. After she set everything on the side table, she took a plain mug filled with steaming tea and offered it to me.

'Thank you.' I accepted the mug.

'You're welcome.' She gave a small smile.

I sipped at the hot and bitter taste of green tea, ignoring the discomfort from Yuiko-Sensei's sneaky glances.

'Is there something on my face?' I asked as I put the mug down.

'Eh? N-no. I was just curious why you didn't ask me more about Toushirou-kun.' She bit her lower lip. 'You weren't convinced of my answer at all, were you?'

'Hahaha… Sensei, you're so direct. But yes, you're right. I wasn't convinced at all because I had heard your conversation a moment ago with Senpai.' I calmly replied. 'No eavesdropping intended, of course.' I added.

Yuiko-Sensei shifted her gaze uncomfortably. 'How much did you hear?'

'Umm,… from the beginning, I guess?'

A heavy pause was created from my reply and it bore down uncomfortably on us.

'…Do you have a sibling, Kobayashi-kun?' She asked suddenly. There was a far away look in her eyes and I was unsure if the question was meant to be answered.

'…yes… an older brother…'

'I see,…' she drifted off.

She took her own mug of tea and sipped slowly. After putting it back on the table, she crossed her fingers in contemplation.

'I've known Toushirou-kun since the first-day he was accepted here.' She started. 'He was pretty popular back then, and he was the smartest in his whole year. He was the one who gave the speech for the entrance ceremony, you know.' She beamed proudly, as if his achievements were her own, but her expression slowly darkened as she went on.

'It was a couple of days after, when Toushirou-kun's class had their physical measurement. It was still an all-boys school back then, you see. So everyone just changed into their gym uniform in the classroom.' She sipped her tea slowly, reluctant to continue. I waited patiently, even though inside, I was torn between curiosity and a nervous anticipation.

'Toushirou-kun was strangely insistent. He wouldn't change in the classroom and tried to leave for the bathroom. But boys, being with what they are,-' She raised her brow at me. '-forcefully tried to strip him and make him change in there-…'

'-And that's when they saw his cuts.' She watched my expression closely and I wasn't even sure what kind of expression had even formed there.

'…cuts? As in,…' Self-harm? I wanted to say, but didn't manage to.

She nodded at the unspoken word.

'Well, school was hell for him after that. The combination of being isolated by his classmates and the problems he had at home, sent him to this infirmary often enough and that's how I get to know him well, I suppose.' She concluded.

I tried to take in what she had said but as expected, it was hard for me to comprehend what had happened in Senpai's past.

'…What made him,… do it?'

Sensei pondered a while, and at last asked, 'How is your relationship with your brother, Kobayashi-kun?'

'…how?…' I hesitated. 'Well,… we fight and bicker over silly things. So, normal, I guess. Just like any other households.'

She nodded. 'Yes. I suppose that's how it normally is in a normal household… But in Toushirou-kun's case, you see, it seems that he had a strained relationship with his brother. Perhaps you could say, a complex?'

'…A brother-complex?'

'No, I think it's more like, an inferiority-complex-…'

Ding Dong Ding-

The sound of the bell to the last period startled us. She paused mid-sentence to glance at the time.

The short arm of the clock on the wall was pointed to three and the seconds spent in this hesitant pause went by very slowly. Looking through the window, I could see the blue of the sky uncovered by the drifting white of clouds.

'-I think I better stop there.' She stood up. 'Sorry, but I have to go now. I'm the temporary book club advisor, so I need to get the library keys from the staff room.' Sensei took the empty mugs with her to the sink.

'Sorry, but I'll have to leave Toushirou-kun to your care.' She hurriedly shuffled the documents at her desk, and after taking one paper that she needed out of the pile, she moved towards the door.

'That's fine.' I affirmed.

'Oh, and…' She paused before the door. '…please change his clothes if you can. It must be uncomfortable to stay in those sweaty uniform. There's a spare one in the last drawer.' She pointed at the wooden drawer near her desk.

'Well, I'm counting on you.' She bit her lower lip, and hurriedly left.

Once again, I tried to pry open the smooth fingers from the back of my shirt. This time, with gentle coaxing, I managed to pry them open one by one.

I moved to search through the drawer for the spare uniform and I could only find a gym uniform a size too big for him.

Oh well, it's not like there's any choice. I shrugged inside.

I looked at the -not so much a boy, but a- man now, sleeping there. He has no indication of waking soon, as if this peaceful repose was one that he hadn't found in years.

His calm, steady breathing reminded me of someone in a coma and even though I acknowledged the thought as morbid, I could not stop myself to pinch his cheek.

Hijikata Toushirou frowned in response and that was enough for me. I chuckled a slight 'sorry' before letting go and the calm expression returned to his face.

I unbuttoned his shirt and after soaking and wringing the small cloth in the cool water, I started to wipe him down. Sweat covered his body but I noticed that his built showed the tell-tale signs of being underweight. Supple chest and lithe limbs degraded into a thin frame.

What was more shocking, was the scars that are now exposed after being hidden by his clothes. Scars on his wrist, on his chest, on the side of his arm and on his thighs. They're wounds that he had made himself.

I wondered what the point of it was. Why would he hurt himself when he could just externalise his anger - be it grabbing someone by the collar or throwing something until there's no longer anything to throw.

I looked away from his past, and continued to wipe him down methodically. It was easy for me to wrestle him out of his clothes and to dress him into new ones. At one point, there was a muffled drawl of something like, '…yonnaise…' and I thought he will truly wake up then, but I was proven wrong.

I kept him company until the last school bell sounded. The voice of the teacher broadcasted from the speaker overhead, reminded students to go straight home before it gets dark.

Yuiko-Sensei came and she was surprised to see that we were still there.

'He seemed really tired for the past few days so I didn't have the heart to wake him.' Was my excuse.

Sensei gave a grim smile in understanding.

'Should I call his brother to take him home?' She offered.

'If it's okay, I can take him home? Where does he live?'

'Not far. Only 10 minutes away from the station. Here, I'll give you his address.' Yuiko-Sensei scribbled something on the small notebook she took from her chest pocket, and after a few sentence, she ripped the paper away to give it to me.

'I'll grab our bags and then we'll head off, Sensei.'

She nodded. 'Be careful on your way.'

And with that, I was curiously headed to Senpai's house, with his cute sleeping face rested on the back of my shoulder.

A/N: a bit of backstory and not much Hijikata interaction here...