A/N: So I realize it's been years since I've updated anything, but I found the beginning of this chapter while going through my old computer files and was suddenly inspired to continue.

I'm hoping to update all my stories. I have this one pretty much concluded in my mind with a cute sequel perhaps. I want to steer away from the heavy drama and get in some fun stuff in the sequel. Anyway, I hope people are still interested. This is obviously different than how the series has been moving; but I still think it's enjoyable. I also want to get around to personally thanking all my reviewers. They have been great! So look out for a message from me soon :)

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Degrassi. The title is from a song "In Fate's Hands" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

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The group had arrived at the emergency entrance over an hour ago, where their incoherent friend was wheeled away.

As the minutes turned to hours they sat silently, each lost in thoughts they could not bear to voice. There were only a few seats available in the emergency room, so Emma, Manny, and Liberty had volunteered to wait in another room.

Jay paced the sterile waiting room, glancing at the clock every two minutes, breathing heavily in frustration. "What the hell is taking them so long?" he finally vented.

Ellie looked up, finally chancing a look at the clock as well. It's been over an hour. She snapped at the thick purple band on her wrist, choosing to stare at the floor instead, where she didn't need to be reminded of the passing time.

"I don't know, maybe they're just talking to him. You know, offering help or something," Ashley tried to offer. In all truth, she wasn't so sure. By the time they had reached the hospital his breathing was shallow and he had lost all color to his face.

"They take things like attempted suicide seri-" she was abruptly cut off by Paige.

"He did not try to kill himself. That's just not Spinner," she huffed as she glared at Ashley.

"C'mon Paige, reality check. We don't know him," Jimmy added angrily. "He had a whole other life he never told us about. Who knows anything about him anymore?"

"We do. It doesn't matter about right now. He would never want to die," Paige stated defiantly.

"Stop!"

All eyes went to the previously stoic Ellie. The shouting matches were muddling with her already fragile mind. She could not stand to think of Spinner's dull eyes as he described his wish to have been shot, killed. Both Paige and Jimmy turned away, ashamed of their small, spiteful outbursts.

"I need some air." Paige walked out, the echo of her heels making the room feel even more barren.

"Screw this waiting bullshit." They watched as Jay stomped to the front desk.

"Why haven't we heard anything? We've been here forever, what's the deal?"

The receptionist looked up, emotionless, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to lower your voice. You'll receive news as soon as possible." She motioned for him to take a seat alongside the rest of the worried collection.

Jay stared in disbelief, "Are you serious? Where the fuck is my friend!"

The woman stood up, "You need to calm down, sir. This is a hospital."

"I know where the hell I am. Can't you check your damn computer, charts, anything? Gavin Mason, just look, his name is Gavin Mason!"

Years of dealing with irritating patients in the emergency room had caused a callous to develop within the receptionist, but as she looked around at the frightened group she couldn't help but feel her heart pang. She looked Jay in the eyes, "Alright, I'll look into it. Just relax, there's no point in getting yourself upset so soon."

He felt like yelling, like throwing himself on the floor kicking and screaming. It felt good to release some of the bottled up rage. Instead he simply nodded and went back to pacing.

"I'm just going to check on Paige. Does anyone want to come, we could all probably use some fresh air," Marco offered. He looked pointedly at Ellie, whose bottom lip was quivering just slightly.

"Yeah, I'll go." She needed a distraction if anything else. Something normal, like taking a walk with Marco, sounded amazing right now. The two made their way outside to Paige

"Hello?"

"…"

"Hello? Paige, I know it's you. Caller I.D. brainiac," Alex teased on the other end.

"Alex," her voice broke.

"What's wrong?" Alex quickly became serious.

"It's Spinner. We're at St. Joseph's, the E.R. It's bad Alex, really bad," she managed to make out.

"I'm coming right now."

Paige dropped her phone as she leaned against the building for support. She tried to gain some composure as she saw Marco and Ellie making their way towards her. She brushed her hair out of her face and tugged on the bottom of her blouse.

"It's okay, Paige. You can't be perfect all the time," Marco tried to say jokingly. The trio stood quietly, listening to the passing cars and pedestrians.

"I never thought things would get like this," Paige stated plainly.

"Neither did I," added Ellie.

The two girls stared at each other, each understanding the other's feelings. They fell quiet again, until they saw a familiar raven-haired girl.

"Thank God you're here." Paige threw her arms over Alex. She held on tight.

"Hey, how're you guys holding up?" Alex asked when the two finally parted.

Ellie shrugged. Marco squeezed her hand, "We're hanging in, I guess."

They walked back into the dreaded waiting room, where they caught the receptionist standing in front of the group.

"I'm sorry guys. I don't know anything yet. But the doctor did say she would come as soon as she could."

Jay squeezed bridge of his nose tightly. He needed something to take his mind off his very disturbing thoughts, thoughts of Spinner vomiting blood and lying dead on a bright white stretcher.

"Thanks for trying," Ashley whispered as politely as possible.

Jay looked up and saw Alex, "What are you doing here?" He saw her followed by Paige. "Oh, right. Forgot you're all lesbo now."

Alex looked at him crossly, "I'm going to let that slide right now."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes.

Manny walked into the room, looking expectantly at Jimmy, "Any word yet?"

He shook his head.

"Well, do you guys want some coffee or snacks? I'm grabbing some for Emma." She almost let out a laugh as she thought of what Spinner would say regarding Emma actually eating.

She saw she wasn't going to get an answer as they were all busy in their own thoughts and slipped unnoticed out of the room.

Twenty more drawn out minutes passed, and their feelings were brewing intensely as they each had time to focus more on the situation.

Jay had stopped walking up and down the aisles, settling on tapping his foot repeatedly in its place.

"Stop the tapping," Jimmy ordered, irritated.

"Jealous?" he snapped back.

Ashley's eyes widened as her lips pursed, "Don't be such an ass, Jay. We're all on edge right now."

"I can defend myself Ash," Jimmy reminded harshly, slightly embarrassed despite the situation. She appeared offended but stood silent.

"You can't defend anything," Jay retorted, finally unable to withhold his building rage.

"What's your problem? We're all dealing with this, why do you have to make everything worse?"

"Because you're all such hypocrites. It's ridiculous, look at everyone here," he stretched his arms out as if to emphasis the point.

"Where were you guys a couple years ago, when all he wanted was to be your guys' friend? Oh, right. You were off being so damn self-righteous and all-knowing, acting like you were better than us, than him," he stood up, and if Jimmy hadn't been blinded by his utter hatred for Jay he could have sworn he saw the formation of tears at the corners of his eyes.

Jay turned to face the wall, away from the looks of the surprised teens. He covered his face, rubbing harshly at his eyes. He didn't take much time to recoup before turning back to continue.

"I have done some stupid things. I have encouraged some even dumber things, okay? I'll admit that. I admit when I mess up. But I don't hold grudges like you guys, I don't dismiss people as crudely as you all. I don't make people want to off themselves. So get it straight, I am not the bad guy here!"

His voice had quivered in anger as he stood with tears brimming, threatening to tread down his flushed cheeks.

"What about Rick? It was you're idea to humiliate him in front of everyone!" Ashley spit back, furious at his implication of who was to blame for Spinner's situation.

"Oh please. I didn't push him to that point. I didn't spend months targeting him and repeatedly kicking him out of my stupid "cool-kids" club, rubbing in even further how worthless he was," he inched closer to her, seething with clenched fists.

"Hey, Jay. Back off. C'mon, let's go before you do something you'll regret," Alex stated calmly as she forced herself between the two.

"Whatever, go screw yourselves." He walked out of the room towards the lobby. Alex jogged to follow.

"Jay! Jay, slow down," a breathless Alex yelled down the hall, receiving irritated glares from the hospital staff. She glanced apologetically and continued to follow the heated boy.

"I can't even believe those people. They're such frauds." He gritted his teeth and hit the wall closest to him. The only other time Alex had seen him this upset was when he found out about Chad's abuse at home. But even then, he had let that go when he saw Chad had seemingly straightened out his act.

He plopped himself onto the nearest bench. She sat next to him quietly, waiting for his fury to dissolve.

After a few minutes she reached for his hand, "You were right back there."

He looked at her with furrowed brows, "I don't think I've ever heard you say that to me."

She gave a small grin. "Yeah, and you'll probably never hear it again."

He attempted a smile, but it came out as a crooked frown.

More silence followed as he thought about all the past drama in his life. He stared at the smaller hand in his, shaking his head. "Man, I can't believe how everything's turned out. I mean, you, Sean, and Spinner were the only solid things in my life. The only people I knew in and out. And it turns out that I didn't know any of you at all."

"What do you mean?"

"Sean and I have been best friends since who knows when, and then he just ups and leaves because of all his crazy past. Spinner's life has been unraveling and I had no clue until he jumped off the deep end there." He contemplated his next thoughts, trying to wrap his mind around the chaos that seemed to follow the group of friends.

"And then you. A lesbian, really?" he looked at her ludicrously. "C'mon, who saw that one coming? Definitely not me."

"Jay, I don't even know what I am. As stupid as this is gonna sound, I'm just following my heart." She rolled her eyes at her own words, knowing how cheap the cliché sounded even to her.

Jay didn't make any crude remarks, as she expected. Rather he looked hurt. "Exactly, Alex. That's what everyone is doing. And I'm not there. Not even the only girl I've ever loved, since grade school, wants anything to do with me.

"Maybe they're right. I'm just no good for anyone." He had let go of her hand and stood up. He made his way to the clear entrance doors and simply stared at the people passing by. Before he would make quick judgments and determine a person's life simply by watching them walk by; now he couldn't fathom imagining secrets they were keeping.

"Hey, that's not true Jay. As much crap as I talked, I loved you. I still do, and you'll always have a place in my life." She thought back to her talk with Paige, and how similar she felt with Jay as Paige did with Spinner.

"I grew up with you. I can't look at a pawn shop without thinking of you, or pass by the ravine without remembering at least one of our trips. Every time I see an old beauty of a car, you come to mind. You're everywhere, Jay." She grabbed a hold of both his hands, as if physically displaying the connection she was trying to describe.

"That's great, Alex. I remind you of used crap in con shops, stoners, and old junk cars. Those must be some great memories," he claimed sarcastically as he looked down at her.

"They are." She looked up at him, and for a moment the two were all alone with only each other to stare at.

"God, I still love you Alex." He didn't look away, relishing in the rare moment of sincerity between the two.

"Jay," she said warningly, as to not let him think that by confessing his feelings the two would be anything more than what they were now.

"I know, I know. You don't see me like that. But I don't know how I'm gonna get over you."

She smirked as she looked at their hands and instantly thought of Paige. "You will, one day. Sooner than you think."

He stared at her wearily and then moaned as he released her hands, "Oh jeez. You're thinking about her, aren't you? Way to ruin the moment" He pretended to look disgusted.

She laughed a little, "Well sorry. But it's true."

"Blah, blah, blah. I guess I can only take your word for it." Surprisingly, Alex had managed to make him feel slightly better, if anything she had taken his mind off of his worries for a moment.

"Maybe we should get back now, see if there's any word. I'm sure everyone's calmed down by now," she suggested, making her way to walk forward before Jay grabbed her arm.

She stopped expectantly, waiting to hear what he had to say. "Thanks." It was so simple, yet she appreciated it more than she could imagine. She didn't say anything in response, just gave a small nod and continued to the waiting room.

Jimmy stood quiet as Jay walked up to him. "Hey Jimmy, maybe I was a little out of line. With everything going on…" his voice trailed off quietly, not wanting to quite concede to being wrong but wanting to clear the air anyway.

"Whatever, I guess you had your points," Jimmy replied, surprising Ashley with his composed demeanor. It seemed the tension between the two was slowly fading.

Jay took a seat next to Ellie. Her hair seemed an even more furious shade of red lying atop her pale face. "Hey, Red. How're you doing?" he asked, a bit out of character.

She looked up, eying him to make sure he didn't blow up in her face next, "Fine I guess. This wait is killing me." She instantly regretted her poor choice of words. No comment was made about and the two continued their waiting beside each other in silence.

After a while a woman wearing a bright white lab coat walked up to the group. Ellie, immediately assuming it was the doctor the receptionist had mentioned earlier, stood up eagerly.

The woman looked at the clipboard in her hand and then back to the teens. She displayed no emotions, which made Ellie all the more anxious. She had nothing to go off of to determine if she was going to receive good or bad news. Then the doctor made a small frown, sending Ellie's stomach to her feet as she anticipated the worst.

"Is everyone here for Gavin Mason?"