*I own the storyline and the characters I created for this alternative story. Everything else belongs to E.L. James*
"Hi sweetie! So how was your appointment today?"
My mother, god bless her, was a good and honorable woman. But she was clueless to what was being discussed inside Dr. Swanton's office. I had no intention of letting her know the truth of our sessions. She wouldn't understand. It would break her and she would blame herself. I couldn't allow that.
She deserved to be happy. My father's death changed her. Changed both of us, in very different ways. She turned to other men, seeking love and hoping to find her happy ending. Failed and tried again.
Me on the other hand, well…love was definitely not what I was looking for. My black heart couldn't grasp the concept of loving someone and dedicating my life to that person and no one else. I was too damaged, too twisted and broken to allow others to love me.
"It was fine. I think he's really starting to help"
What a big fat lie Elena! You know damn well the sweet Doc has no idea what he's doing. Every time I share a piece of my dark past, I can see him struggling with what to say and eyeing me like I'm a freaking kid in pain.
It's ridiculous and pointless. He can't help me because there's no salvation for what I am, what I've done or continue to do. It's the life I chose, the life that suits me and satisfies me. I'm not ashamed of it.
But the secrecy is necessary. My mother would go insane trying to understand why and who and when and for how long…It's just better to keep her in the dark about my darkness…
Besides, she thinks I'm going to therapy to deal with the death of her last husband. The poor fuck died of a heart attack, leaving her devastated and broken, again. The only reason I accepted to keep up with this charade was because of her.
I still remember the worse fight we had, because of him. She insisted I called him father, to show him I respected him and accepted him as a part of our family. I refused and explained that I already had a father, that died when I was six years old. No one would replace him or even come close to that.
I wanted her to be happy with whomever she desired to share her life, but she would keep me out of it. I needed no father. The one I needed was gone. So there was no point replacing him or pretending someone else could fill his shoes.
That hit a nerve and she walked away, extremely mad and upset with me. I was sick and tired of walking on eggs shells in my own house so I decided to have a talk with him. He of course understood why I refused to call him father and assured me he only wanted us to be happy, nothing more. He loved my mother very much, and me as well. Or so he claimed…
Love was a foreign concept to me. I was a skeptic when it came to love and affection. I preferred honesty and letting your deepest desires shine through. It worked for me so that was my way of living.
After he died, to keep my mother sane and a little happy, I agreed to see a doctor twice a week and talk about my 'feelings' towards his sudden death. Obviously I had none.
He was her husband. Not mine. I felt nothing for him when he was alive. His death was just as emotionless as his life with us.
But a little therapy never hurt anyone. Right? Wrong! As soon as the good doctor realized I was lying about my 'feelings of loss', he decided to dig into my past. In a futile attempt to understand how I could be so cold and detached from a death so close to me.
I had no problem discussing my past, doctor patient confidentiality was a delicious way of sharing my thoughts and desires with someone, without fear of judging or liability. I just didn't count on the Doc's lack of experience in this sort of thing. The poor guy was left wide eyed every time I reminisced about my sexual experiences…
"That's great sweetie. Now go get ready for dinner. The Suttons will be here in an hour"
Oh the Suttons. His family, turned our family now, I guess. My mother was a widow, again. But this time, she had a huge family to take comfort in. I had nothing bad to say about them. But I had nothing good either.
They were normal. A very boring normal little family. Filled with uncles, aunts and cousins that wanted to help us in this very hard time of our lives. They of course had no idea about my lack of sentiment for the man. Better that way. Less questions coming my way.
I hated family dinners, my extreme dislike made worse by the sullen feel to the whole thing. Yes he was dead. Yes my mother was sad and alone again. Yes she loved him. No I don't really care about any of it.
Ugh, and they were so sweet and helpful I wanted to throw up every time they approached me with those worried looks and sympathizing speeches. Everyone had a story about a loss one they loved dearly and how they overcame the pain by simply living the life they would wanted them to live…blah fucking blah!
Who the hell cares? I sure as hell don't! All I want is to go out and have some fun…but no, I have to stay and endure this pity party for my mother's sake. Only for her I would endure such a tedious evening…
"Hey cousin. How you holding up?"
Hmm, my recently acquired sweet cousin Alan. He sure was easy on the eyes, would be a real treat if he wasn't so dull. The things I could show him would rock his world and blow his freaking mind…
Get a grip Elena! He's not your type..or is he…maybe he could be with the right training…I would love to have his fine ass at my mercy..Focus! He's your cousin for fuck sake! Borrowed cousin but still…
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"I probably shouldn't say this but I'm perfectly ok with it. The guy was my uncle but he was also a bit…boring. Borderline annoying. Is that fucked up to say?"
Well well well…sweet cousin Alan isn't so sweet and coring after all. Good to know. He has a mischievous smile on his face and I can feel my panties getting wet thinking about punishing his perfectly little ass for being so inappropriate regarding his dear uncle passing away.
"What are you guys whispering about?"
Before I can applaud him for being so deliciously rude, another cousin walks by and steals the show.
"None of your god damn business little cousin"
Uhh, snap! Alan 1- Cousin what's his face 0!
"Come on Alana, don't be such a nasty girl!"
What an aggravating little thing…
"Call me Alana again and find out just how nasty I can be."
Damn, Sweet Alan just went a lot more darker. I like it…May be better to stop this before it escalades though…
"Boys please, stop fighting! You don't want to draw more attention our way now do you?"
"Oh sweet Elena. Always so proper and lady like. You are absolutely right. Sorry Alan, you know I like to screw around"
His apology is just bogus. This guy is a real prick. How I would love to punish him into an honest apology…
"Whatever. Elena, how about we go get something to drink?"
"I would love to"
"Oh come on guys! These dinners are so freaking boring! I promise I'll behave!"
His puppy god eyes just crack me up. He's such a jackass…
"I don't really think you know what behaving means. But it's fine by me. Elena?"
"Sure. We are all family after all"
I throw my sweetest smile his way and he melts. So easy. Too easy. I love a challenge, and this one would be none of the kind. But Alan on the other hand, would be interesting to see how much in common we truly have…
We make our way into the living room, grab some drinks and walk outside to catch some fresh air. I can see my mother is quite content with me mingling and actually socializing with our 'family'. Poor woman, if only she knew what I'm secretly imagining doing to my sweet cousin behind closed doors and soundproof walls…
"Elena! I was looking for you!"
Oh fuck! That screeching voice just makes every hair on the back of my head stand up in attention. I'm trying really hard to keep up with the dinner charade, but I don't know if I'm going to make it if she sticks around long enough…
"Sarah! I thought you weren't coming"
My welcome hug is just as fake as my smile, but her self-centered nature prevents her from seeing just how little I care for her. She is the most self involved, annoying, frustrating little thing I have ever met. Everything is about her, and if it isn't, she finds a way to make it about her. She infuriates me to the core!
Not because she's an attention seeking whore, but because she has no regard for anybody's feelings, and in this case, my mother's suffering. And that I cannot allow. Not in my own home. I will drag her ass out of this house by her fake blond hair if I have to.
"I'm so sorry! I had to go and meet my agent about a photoshoot. I think this might be my big break!"
Oh right, nothing says self-absorbed personality like an aspiring model. She is the cliché in the flesh. Can't get any more selfish than her…
"I'm happy for you. But maybe you should keep that to yourself. At least tonight, everyone is still pretty shaken up about the whole death thing"
Keep it together Elena, you can do it. Control is your life style. This bitch won't crack you. She can't. You're better than that.
"Oh you're right honey, I'm so sorry Elena. Here I am rambling about my life going like I planned and you just lost your father. I'm so sorry! How are you dealing with it? I have to say, I loved that man! He was a saint! I can't believe he's just gone! Just like that! I'm really going to miss him! He was such a good man! And he loved your mom! And I know she loved him too! It's so sad!"
She continues going on and on, caring only for herself and her little speech. Oh I could slap her right now! So hard! The stupid bitch is working my last nerve!
"Sarah, stop! No one cares about what you have to say! Now stop talking about yourself for a fucking second and just let her alone! She has been through enough to have your annoying voice screaming in her ears!"
Wow, prince charming from the darkness Alan comes to my rescue! What a nice guy, defending me…not that I need him too. But I have to say, pretty hot on his part to step up. I think I just might have to show him what we can do together…if he can endure me that is…
"I'm sorry! I didn't notice I was boring you! Maybe I should go and bother someone else!"
"Sounds like a plan!"
Damn, Alan did not like her one bit. And that made me like him even more. Full of surprises he was! With that, the little twat walked away like the brat child she truly was. So annoying!
"That girl can make any person lose its mind! Sorry about that."
"Please don't apologize, I feel the same way"
I smile at him, completely ignoring the jackass to my left.
"You guys are so mean! I'm gonna see if she needs some comfort poor thing"
Ugh, I could smell the lust on his voice. The guy is panting for the little cunt. Good reddens! The only thing she has going for her are her huge tits anyway. Fake as her smile but still pretty decent looking. Other than that the girl is just fucking annoying to be around!
"You do that! Careful though, you might catch something"
"Jealous cousin?"
"She's all yours! No amount of hotness can make up for such a ridiculous personality"
I chuckle, causing the jackass to leave looking rather pissed at his remark. Hmm, good looks don't mean everything for him…good to know. Not that I am interested but still, good to know.
"That guy is a joke. Being related means nothing to him. I'm so sorry. I bet you're already regretting letting your mom marry my uncle hun?"
Well, he's right. I do regret it. For two reasons. The first and most important one being the fact that my mom is now a widow, again. That is extremely painful to witness and nothing at all what she deserved. The second having something to do with me having to restrain myself from showing my sweet cousin Alan a whole world of infinite pleasure because we are technically related now. Fucked up situation that's what this is…
"No, not at all. There's always a black sheep in every family right?"
"That is very true! Glad to know you're not running off on us. "
On us or on you sweet cousin? I swear I can see something hidden behind those green eyes. I'm just not sure what it is exactly…
"Oh don't worry. I'm not one to give up on family"
Even borrowed family…
"Hum, I'm sorry if this comes out wrong in any way. But I've been thinking about it for a while now. And I have to ask. If we weren't related, do you think we could have something together? You know, like going on a date or something like that?"
Oh…the cat is out of the bag now I guess…And yes, I'm intrigued about him. But the relationship remark throws me off a bit. I'm not the girlfriend type. That kind of life is not for me. Never will be.
"Well, You caught me off guard now…I guess if circumstances were different, we could be involved somehow. But I have to tell you, I don't really do the relationship crap. That's not for me."
"Why not?"
"It just isn't. I don't need it to be happy. That's all"
"Hum, a little weird but ok. Not that I can do anything to change that. We are cousins afterall"
"Well, truth be told, since your uncle died the marriage technically ended. Therefore, any affiliation to your family can be easily severed if my mother marries again. I, for once, am actually hoping that she does. Then perhaps we could explore the possibilities"
"Hmm, exploring sounds perfect to me. And you're right as always, we are only related because of my uncle. With him gone, there goes the connection…"
He's practically eye fucking me right now, making me lick my lips with sweet anticipation. Maybe I'll show him how amazing sex can be after all. He sure seems enthusiast about exploring it with me. I would only be doing us both a favor. God knows I'm not being satisfied with the tool I've been handling lately. I can only train them so far, the rest they have to showcase on their own. And this one is failing miserably…maybe cousin Alan can replace him…
"As much as I enjoy imagining that possibility, I don't think you could actually handle what I have to offer. So maybe we should just drop it and focus on looking as sad as we can"
I can't help but lick my lips again, this time having a vivid image of this hot piece of ass splastered on my bed, being fucked senseless by my expert body...what a good imagination you have Elena...
"This conversation will never be over sweet cousin. Now that I now your feelings mimick mine, I'm more than ready to see what you have to offer. I'm pretty sure I can handle anything you throw my way"
Hmm...what a sweet challenge! I know he has no idea just how much I can offer him, yet the sentiment is very well received. Now I'm seriously considering putting him to the test...
"Elena dear, I was looking for you. Dinner is on the table. Come on"
Damn, ,my mother is a sweet woman, but she sure has the worst timing ever...