"So who's up next?" Alex asked. "You know who all the sues are."

"It's weird that most of the Gryffindor sues have been killing themselves out of stupidity, but I can't say I'm surprised. None of the sues signed themselves up for Hufflepuff, but there are a few Ravenclaw sues."

"Ravenclaw?" Alex asked.

"Since Cho Chang was in Ravenclaw, and the Beaubaton students ate at their table during Goblet of Fire, it gave some fans the idea that Ravenclaw is full of pretty girls. And it's really the only alternative to Gryffindor and Slytherin as far as the sues are concerned. There are a few original character in Hufflepuff, but none of them sues. Just ordinary characters like what you where pretending to be."

"So how many in Ravenclaw?" Alex asked.

"A few," Raven replied. "But we have to act quickly, the other sues are starting to get suspicious. I told them I was accidently splashed with an ugly potion and none of them are talking to me. There's one now." She pointed to another section of the library where a girl with "hair like golden starlight" and "blue sparkling eyes like stars in the midday sun." She was staring off into the distance like she was day dreaming.

"She's Zelda Honeydew Moonshine."

"Tragic past?" Alex braced herself.

"Actually, no." Raven assured her. "Her brother is in a band called Wizz Fizz."

Alex giggled and Raven continued.

"He's very famous and she sings with them when she has the time. I don't mind Zelda, she's not a bitch or anything, just a little self absorbed. Also, she's part Veela."

Then Zelda leaped from her chair and "her light steps where so graceful it would make a ballerina cry."

"She can also talk to unicorns."

"What is with Sues and unicorns?" Alex muttered. "Who's her target?"

"Professor Binns."

"Wait, what?" Alex half choked. "What the hell? Binn's never had any fan girls!"

Raven shrugged. "Apparently he used to be hot when he was alive and she's going to invent a magic spell to restore him to his youthful self."

"That's…that's twisted. My money says he was the nerdy kid that no one wanted to talk to because he's so bloody boring."

"In other words, Percy Westly."

"Weasley." Alex corrected.

"Whatever. Hey Alex, will I get to keep my animagus powers?"

"As long as it fits in cannon rules. How did you learn?"

"My mum taught me when I was a kid," Raven confessed.

"That's not too bad. Illegal, but not against the laws of reality." Alex told her. "You'd be surprised how many fanfiction writers think it's easy just because the marauders managed it, never mind James and Sirius were the best in their year and it took them three years."

"Alex!" Tobey rushed up.

"Wait, Tobey. What's happening?" Alex asked while Tobey caught his breathe.

"It-It's Lavender. The shy girl sue that's been hanging around Neville. Something's wrong."

"Is that a bad thing?" Alex asked.

"Alex, she's hardly a sue at all. We can't justify not bringing her in for rehab."

"Alright, lead away."

Lavender Merryweather was in the hospital wing, sweating and panting while Neville held her hand.

"It hurts," the girl whimpered.

"Oh crap." The truth dawned on Alex pretty quickly.

"What?" Tobey freaked out. Alex was starting to wonder if Tobey had been spending his time socialising rather than hunting.

"Tobey get some towels, Lavender spread your legs and bring them closer to your chest. She's going into labour."

"But-but she, I mean we never…" Poor Neville looked like he was going to faint.

"Then prepare for the second coming of Christ, and where the hell is Tobey with those towels?"

Madam Pomfery swooped down them.
"I assure you young lady, the situation is quite under control."

Lavender screamed and there was a torrent of blood that would put Bella Swan's birth scene in Breaking Dawn to shame. As they all stared at the empty bloody shell that had once been their friend, they could not believe the horrible mutant thing she had spawned.

Hey, just like Breaking Dawn!

Lavender Joy Merryweather had died giving birth to a cactus. A screaming, yodelling cactus.

Aside from cheating on Neville with his Mimbulus Mimbletonia, there was no other explanation Alex could think of, and even that one didn't make sense. Neville looked like he was to be sick, and no one complained when Raven picked up the yodelling cactus and beat it to death against the wall.

Tobey dragged Alex outside.

"Tell me you didn't have anything to do with this!"

"I didn't," she replied. "Honestly Tobey, I never planned on killing Lavender."

He crossed his arms like he didn't believe her.

"We even could have left her here, sueness and all. She wasn't hurting anyone."

"Fine, if you say so."

Alex and Raven were on their way to potions.

"Is it just me? Or do we have potions twice a day for no reason?" Alex asked.

"No idea. Same reason the hospital wing has private rooms."

Then Alex felt a wand at her throat. She slowly turned around.

"Arnold?"

There stood Arnold, his hair scruffy, his clothes torn and he was covered in many cuts and scratches.

"You!" he screamed, his voice high pitched like a eunuch.

"Hey Raven, did those moneys eat his…"

"You killed Bella!" Arnold interrupted her before Alex could use a word that would rise this fic way beyond pg-13.

Alex blinked. What the hell?

"I'll kill you!" He screeched like an angry parrot and leaped at her.

He fell on her punching and kicking, but then someone pulled him off her.

"Thanks Raven."

"Actually, it wasn't me." Raven confessed.

It was then that Alex caught sight of her true hero, holding Arnold over his head and shaking him like a terrier with a rat.

"Deamus?" Alex squinted.

"A true gentleman never hits a lady," he said calmly.

"She killed Bella!" Arnold chocked.

"Bella's death was an accident, rabid gnomes." Alex told him. "I tried to save her," she summoned up a few fake tears. "But I was too late! Oh poor Bella!" She sobbed a little for dramatic effect.

"There there Alex," Deamus was patting her shoulder. Arnold lay unconscious against the wall. "I know you did all you could."

The funny thing was, if her story had been true, this really would have been comforting. He was wearing jeans and a tight black shirt, why did sues never follow the school dress code? And was it fair for him to be so good looking?

"Thanks sunshine, you really saved my arse."

He grinned, like a dog getting praise.

"Anything for a damsel in distress!" Then suddenly he seemed to get shy. "Would you like to, maybe get together later?"

It was almost cute, like a genuine guy asking a girl out and not knowing how she would react, not a sue/stu knowing that their crush would feel the same way.

"Sure thing sweetie." She found herself staring into his eyes like an idiot, never mind that he was technically young enough to be her son. Then just to mess with him, she kissed him on the cheek. His grin widened.

"Catch ya later gorgeous," she winked at him.

"You do realise he thinks you're in love with him now." Raven told her as they turned and walked away.

"Whatever, not my problem. You know, it's a good thing Shean is his middle name, as a first name it would make him sound like a furniture polish. And where the hell were you, missy?"

"Trying to remember the spell that would make his nuts disappear."

"I think the monkeys already took care of that," Alex told her sniggering.

They were all sitting in potions when the door blew open dramatically. In stepped two similar figures.

"Ohhh crap."

"What the fuck?" Raven hissed.

"It's Hermione-sue! Well the one on the left is, no idea who the other girl is."

"I'm Hermione's cousin from America!" The other sue announced to everyone. Instead of her trademark bushy-brown hair, Hermione's hair was stylishly crimped like it was in the movies. Both girls had massive breasts larger than their heads and slender bodies, like a stick with a few balloon tied on. Their eyes were huge and the colour unnatural. Hermione's eyes where now green, but rather than natural green they where an unnatural shade, like if someone used the paint bucket function in a Windows Paint program. The overall effect was a little sickening.

Her cousin had similar hair, but her eyes were bright blue.

"My name is Andromida May West!" The unnatural creature screeched in a fowl voice. "But you can call me Andi!"

"Hey Andi!" Hermione-sue called loudly.

"What?" Andi spun around too quickly, smacking Hermione-sue in the head with her massive tits and she fell over.

Then the true horror began.

"We're sick of this abuse!" Hermione-sue's boobs screamed. "What the hell where you thinking, you stupid woman!" Then everyone watched in horror as they stretched up like swollen tentacles from a Japanese horror movie and beat her to death. Then she exploded, leaving a puddle of goo.

"I think I speak for everyone," Alex croaked. "When I say what the fuck was that?"

"That is the most messed up thing I have ever seen," Raven looked like she about to pass out. "There are no words for it."

"I know. Seriously, what the 'effing crap was that. The girl was suffocated with her own boobs."

"I thought she was beaten to death," Raven muttered.

"I think it was a little bit of both." Alex went a little green. "Seriously, I've killed a lot of people but this is a bit much, even for me."

Then everyone looked ahead calmly like nothing had happened. Raven and Alex both looked like they where going to throw up. Andi, however, had survived the fatal funbags of death and glided over to a cauldron.

Snape skipped into the room like a little girl while pink glittery chalk wrote instructions on the board.

"Today we are learning how to create the essence of fun!" Snape giggled.

"I say it again," Alex whispered. "What the effing crap?"

The students obeyed dumbly. Alex and Raven added their ingredients gingerly, afraid of what would happen.

"Argggggg!' Andi screamed. Instead of turning rainbow coloured, her potion had turned into a green gunk that had congealed at the bottom of her cauldron. She pocked it with her wand and the gunk shrank away while making a horrible gargling sound. The gunk slunk out of the cauldron and ran around the room and then cowered in the corner like a scared dog. Then the gunk rushed toward Andi and flung itself onto her face. She ran around screaming and then fell on the floor and stopped breathing.

"Boob of death!" Alex screamed at Raven and then they both collapsed into giggles. "That reminds me, I have to find Tobey and tell him you've switched sides, I didn't get a chance earlier. He seems to think I've done a lousy job as far as rehab is concerned."

"He wasn't in class?" Raven asked.

"No, that's a little weird. And, lyke, what was up with Snape?"

"I don't know," Raven replied. "Wait, did you just say lyke?"

"No I didn't," Alex said defensively. "But I've noticed things have been getting a little weird lately, like the grass outside isn't grass anymore, just that fake plastic stuff they use on cheap mini-golf courses. And the layout of the castle keeps changing too. And the school had a lot of random broom cupboards for no reason."

"But there aren't any actual brooms in them since the Mary sues use them for sex."

Alex shuddered.

"You know how sues use their power to rearrange reality?" Alex asked. "Like with the hospital wing? Maybe it's got something to do with that."

"Could be," Raven agreed.

Suddenly, an enormous eagle owl flew onto Alex's shoulder and held its leg out. Alex untied the letter the bird bore. It took off, scratching her shoulder in the process.

Meet me at the top of the astronomy tower at midnight, and bring that traitorous bitch with you.

It was unsigned.

"Celeste." Raven said simply. "I'd know her fancy handwriting anywhere, only Celeste used glittery pink gel pens and dots the i's with hearts. And by 'that traitorous bitch' I'm assuming she means me. Shit, Celeste is smarter than the average sue. She's always been smarter. She's the worst kind of sue Alex, she's not in love with either Harry or Draco but she's with them anyway just to show up the others. She has both guys completely devoted to her, and she tells them she loves them more than anything else in the world but she's cheating with both of them. She's aware that what she's doing is wrong and she's doing it anyway just to prove that she can. I say let's do it."

The first thing Alex did was call headquarters.

"Kay, come in Kay. We have a hostage situation."

"Arganough? I was just about to call you."

"One of the sues has Tobey, a Queen Sue. And why where you going to call me?"

"We need to get you out of the ASAP, the whole dimension is starting to get shaky, though the presence of a queen explains that."

"Slow down Kay, what are you talking about?"

"The sues use their powers to manipulate the universe any way they want. When too many sues occupy one dimension the whole universe overdoses on that power and reality unravels. If you don't get out soon, well you don't want to be in a reality when it collapses. If we get you out, any sues still occupying that world will die."

"Well shit. And Harry Potter?"

"He'll be fine. Once a universe collapses, it rebuilds itself and Rowling's story will pick up where it left off before the sues interfered. Everything usually rights itself but everything that doesn't belong in that world dies off. All the sues die, but it'll kill any slayers and innocent fan fiction characters so we're not too crazy about the idea."

Then Alex told him everything Gwen told her about Celeste's heart-stone.

"You think the sue was telling the truth?" Kay asked.

"It would explain why so many hunters died going after her."

"If you can bring us some of her DNA we'll do a background check."

Unlike human genes, sue DNA could tell a hunter their whole history, all the worlds they had been in and all the characters they had played. With a girl like Celeste, it could be useful.

"Sure thing Kay."

"Normally I'd send an army of slayers in after her, but I can't with the dimension so unstable."

"So what are our options Kay?"

Kay paused before continuing. "We can pull you out now and leave Tobey, or you can take her on by yourself and risk her killing you, or risk dying when the dimension collapses."

Letting Tobey die would be convenient, especially since he'd been threatening to make her life uncomfortable with his morals. But she couldn't do it, he was just a kid. As a vampire she hadn't cared about lives taken, but children? She had never hurt children. Try as she might, she couldn't see Tobey as expendable, the way she used to see humans. And she couldn't leave without killing Celeste. A queen sue had the power to dimension jump, if she knew the world was about to end she could jump somewhere else.

"I'm going to do my best Kay," she replied. "And I won't be alone, I have Raven with me. One of the sues switched sides."

"Now's not the time to play the hero, no one will think less of you if we pull you out now."

"How much time to I have Kay?"

"It's close, at the rate it's going I doubt the dimension will last another day."

"Well Celeste challenged me to a duel at midnight, hopefully I'll have Tobey back some time after that."

"Arganough," there was the sound of Kay breathing out. "Be careful."

Then he hung up.

Alex explained everything to Raven.

"And that's why Mary sue slayers are so necessary, too many Mary sues causes the word to collapse and that's what we try to prevent."

"Shit, reality itself is breaking down? That explains everything. The weird grass, Lavender giving birth to a cactus, Hermy-sue and Andi looking more like aliens than people and Hermy-sue getting beaten to death by her own implants. Well I guess we'll finish this bitch and try to get out of here before the world ends. I wish we'd been able to get a stab at Zelda though."

Alex spent the rest of the day teaching Raven what she could about sue slaying, their attempts to track down Celeste had come to nothing.

Around about eight they made their way to Gryffindor house to try and track down Celeste, when Deamus came out of the portrait.

"Alex!" His face lit up "You came!"

"Yeah, sure. Have you seen Celeste?"

"Celeste?" he asked, confused and almost sad like he was disappointed that she hadn't come for the sole purpose of jumping him and doing him in one of the many broom/sex cupboards laying around.

"She, I need to talk to her." She didn't have to fake a sad tone to her voice. Shit, this is what happens when you stay human for too long.

"Did she hurt you?" he came closer. Real tears welled up in her eyes and she felt his arm go around her. When had she cried last? Even when she was human she hated crying.

"She has Tobey, she's going to hurt him."

"Tobey?"

"My brother. He's in the same house as you."

Their cover said they were siblings, that way no one would get suspicious or get the wrong idea if they where seen spending a lot of time together.

"Normally I would ask why, but I know Celeste. She hurts people because she can."

Alex saw a sign of intelligence in him that hadn't been there before, like Raven, he was changing. He was still a stu, just more human. She hated to take advantage of his "knight in shining armour" tendencies.

Wait, did she? She hadn't cared before. Then she realised. Tobey reminded her of her real flesh-and-blood brother, the one she had lost when she was eighteen. Thinking of Tobey in danger took her back to a time before she was a killer, before she was a vampire. Back when she was human and even further back, before she was involved in crime at all. Tobey made her remember what it was like to be human and for a moment, when Deamus kissed her, she was the girl she used to be rather than the monster she had become.

She kissed him back, loving his smell, his taste and she finally understood why canon character grew so attached to the sues they loved even after a short time, and why even evil characters changed after meeting them. Maybe Deamus was working his Gary Stu magic on her, or maybe it was just reality unravelling itself, but at that moment she had stopped caring.

The first earthquake broke them apart.

"Deamus?"

"What happened?"

The castle shook again.

"Alex! It's happening!" Raven called over the sound of students screaming.

"What's happening?" Deamus asked.

"Basically, the world's ending," she told him. "And we have to stop Celeste."

He nodded. "Where and when?"

"Midnight, astronomy tower."

"That's now."

"What? It was eight just a minute ago."

"I guess anti-reality does have its advantages." Raven shrugged. "No tedious waiting around."

It was like a story itself, the way a scene could skip months ahead without showing all the middle parts.

"We have no guarantee spells will even work properly the rate things are going." Raven muttered as she looked at the overweight, bearded, chain-smoking man in drag that had replaced the fat lady portrait. "Hell, I'm surprised gravity still works."

Another earthquake rocked the castle.

"We have to hurry, Alex! We don't have much time!"

"I'll go ahead," Deamus told her. "No arguing Alex, I'll stall her."

Alex and Raven rushed after him but he soon lost them.

"What's this, may I offer assistance noble ladies?"

"Sir Cadogan?" Alex addressed the portrait.

"At your service," the stout knight bowed.

Alex was about to ask about Deamus when Raven cut her off.

"Have you seen a girl go into the tower, long blonde hair, and pale skin. We're looking for Celeste."

"Arg, that's the wench everyone's been talking about," he scowled. "And aye, she's been through here."

"Did he just turn Scottish?" Alex whispered and Raven shrugged right before the castle shook again.

"We are on a noble quest to…defeat this fowl villain." Alex felt her patience coming to and end. She needed to save Tobey, Deamus had probably gotten himself into some deep shit and the end of the world combined with Deamus's stu power was turning her into a soft-hearted lady.

"Tally Hoooo!" Sir Tubby took off on his pony while Alex and Raven struggled to keep up.

When the girls reached the top of the tower, they saw Deamus standing in front of Celeste.

"Deamus?"

Then he fell to the floor and Celeste wiped her bloody knife on his shirt.

"Deamus!"

"No sense in letting lover-boy get in the way."

"Where the hell is Tobey you hopeless bitch?" It was then that Alex realised just how unprepared they were. It was hard to win a head on fight with an ordinary sue, let alone a queen sue.

Celeste gestured outside where Tobey was hovering, locked in a crystal prism.

"I knew you where a sue slayer after that Ariel bitch disappeared. People said she was last seen going into the forest with Draco even though he'd been in common room all day."

The castle trembled slightly.

"And you traitor," Celeste pointed to Raven. "I knew what you had become the moment you came back from the forest, I knew you had turned. No sue turns unless it's what they want."

"This isn't so bad Celeste," Raven told her. "Being ordinary. Being a sue was like playing a computer game but knowing all the cheats. It made things easier but when you can have all you want without working for it, it stops being fun. Then it's just pointless. Wouldn't you like to fall in and out of love like an ordinary person? The love at first sight thing is over rated."

"I'd rather be dead than ordinary," Celeste spat. "And after I kill you two bitches everything will go back to normal."

"Are you mad?" Raven screeched. "Celeste, the whole bloody place is falling apart!"

As if to prove her point, the castle shook against and bits of the ceiling fell down.

"I know you are lying to save yourselves." Alex searched the room for the gnomes, but they where nowhere to be found. In fact, they hadn't been following her since the forest.

Alex stepped forward.

"Aha!" Celeste pointed her rosewood and unicorn hair wand outside. "One step closer and he gets it!"

Then a chunk of rock fell from the ceiling and Celeste looked up. Raven used her distraction as a chance to take flight in her animagus form and flew at her face, aiming for her eyes. At the same time, Alex aimed a low sweeping kick at Celeste's feet. Celeste muttered a body binding curse at Alex, then swatted Raven away and sent her flying into a wall.

Celeste walked casually over to Alex and slipped the ring off her finger.
"I'll take this back, thank you. I wonder how you got it."

"Summer," Raven croaked. She was human again, through had trouble moving, feeling dizzy.

Celeste shrugged.

"The gnomes…."

"The curse of the ring is broken the moment it is used to spill blood."

"But that doesn't make sense, it was Summer who changed the spell so that the Gnomes would take orders."

Celeste paused.

"Oh, speaking of our friend Summer. It turns out she wasn't quite dead when Alex and the boy dropped her into the lake. She came charging into the girl's dorm saying that Alex and Tobey were sue slayers and were responsible for all the mysterious disappearances."

Then Alex remembered how she and Tobey had discussed their kills while carrying Summer's body to the lake.

Oh shit

"But you said you knew after Ariel…"

"Summer just confirmed what I already suspected. After Ariel disappeared I suspected we had a slayer amongst us, but in a school with about a thousand students it was impossible to tell who it was. I had to finish Summer of course, she was starting to turn. Turn into a traitor like you." She glared at Raven. Alex regretted killing Summer, if she hadn't Summer could be here now, helping them against Celeste.

"Who knows, maybe I will teach here one day. Transfiguration of course. And I may even become head of Gryffindor. It's in the blood after all," she eyed the crest on her ring. "Just like my great-great—great something grandfather."

Celeste strolled over to Alex like a woman with all the time in the world and placed her shoe on her throat.

"Avada-ark!"

Deamus had jumped up and grabbed Celeste around the neck, trying to pull her down. It was a like a bad action movie, how a hero could get shot in the leg but do backflips in the next scene without bleeding everywhere.

"Give it up you trashy bitch."

"When will you die! And why are you defending her, she's a slayer! She kills people like us! I always knew you were slow Deamus but god!"

"Alex wouldn't hurt me."

"Oh wouldn't she? She was going to kill you, you know."

"Alex?" he looked a little sad. "Is this true?" He looked at Alex like he was expecting a reply.

"In the hospital wing, she was going to smother you in your sleep."

Raven un-hexed Alex while Deamus had Celeste distracted.

"It's not true, Deamus. I mean, yes. I was supposed to kill you." Her mind worked quickly, or what was left of it. It wasn't hard either, the turn-bad-guys-good sue magic was working in her favour for once. "But that was before I got to know you. Before I found out what a nice, wonderful guy you really are."

"So you love me?"

"She doesn't love you!" Celeste screamed. Then she tried seduction instead. "Come with me, Deamus. It's true I already have a few men but I could always do with another. You can never have too much of a good thing. And if these girls are right and this world is ending, then we can get away and be together for all time."

"Love doesn't work like that Deamus. It's not an instant thing, it builds over time and that's what separates us from the sues. But given time and if we got to know each other, then yes. I could love you. And you know that's true. I wouldn't have said "give me time" if I were lying. If I were lying to you I'd feed you the love at first sight crap that sues spew up for their crush like mama bird feeding her clutch."

Well, in her own way. Alex didn't know if she could truly love once she was back to her normal self, but she could certainly grow fond of him.

"She's right, Celeste. It doesn't work like that."

"You bitch!" Celeste screamed and threw a knife at Alex. Time seemed to slow down, Alex tried to dive out of the way but she wasn't fast enough to stop the knife from bring itself in her leg.

"Alex!"

"Shit." As the blood flowed, it was then that Alex realised that the body has some pretty major arteries going through the leg. "Crap."

She fell back. The room was spinning and everything went blurry. She thought it may have been her injury, but then the castle groaned like it was pulling itself apart.

"Alex! It's happening!" Raven called. "This is it! We need to get out!"

Deamus was holding Celeste captive, he managed to grab a knife she was aiming at Raven and was pressing it against her neck.

"Move, and you'll die!"

"She'll die anyway!" Raven called above the noise. As the fabric of reality unravelled, they all heard a high sound that was almost like a "ringing in your ears" sound only much louder and painful to hear. "This whole place is falling apart! Anything still left in here dies!"

"Get Alex out! I'll hold Celeste."

"Deamus, no!"

"It's the only way!"

"I'm sure there's another way that doesn't involve you killing yourself!" Raven argued.

After that, everything went fuzzy for Alex.

"Damn it Alex, wake up." She heard quiet muttering.

Deamus? No, it was a British accent.

Kay?

But she couldn't wake up. She could hear his voice, though it felt like the rest of her was wrapped in a numb cloud.

Then she felt the pain.

"Ow, god-dam it!" She sat up a little too quickly and immediately felt dizzy.

"Welcome back Agent Arganough." She heard Mac's voice. She looked around and realised she was in the medical wing back at headquarters.

"How long have I been out?"

"A while," Kay replied smiling.

"You weren't worried about me were you?" Then she realised she was still a sixteen year old human. "No offense, but when can I get back to my normal blood-sucking self?"

Then she saw their grim expressions.

"Wait, where's Raven?"

"I'm fine Alex, and it's Agent Keller now." Raven came in.

"Keller?"

"It's my real last name, not the one I used at the sue academy. My real first name is Helen, but I can keep Raven as a nickname. Mac here says it's common enough."

"Helen Keller?" Alex grinned. "Are you serious?"

"Shut up, it's a family name."

"Well congrats, Raven. But how come you didn't have to go through training?"

Mac and Kay both burst out laughing.

"Agent Keller was a sue, she's now the greatest expert we've got. And what an accomplishment that was." Mac grinned. "Even when a sue rehabilitates, we've never had one actually switch sides."

"I managed to get a hold of some of Celeste's hair," Raven told her. "According to the labs, her most recent world beside Hogwarts, was middle earth. She had a sister there called Princess Starr."

"Shit, the one I threw into Mount Doom?"

"One and the same. Starr was a queen sue too. Turns out all queen sues have heart-stones and that's what makes them so tough. Starr's heart stone was destroyed in the volcano so we don't have to worry about her coming back."

"Well at least Celeste is dead." Alex sat back.

Everyone else traded looks.

"What? What don't I know?"

"Alex," Kay said sadly. "Celeste jumped. Right before the dimension closed."

"Shit, so Deamus sacrificed himself for nothing?"

He was a nice guy, he hadn't deserved to die. But that was life, innocent people weren't immune to fate or random accidents. It was something she was all too aware of. In her past, it wasn't only criminal deaths that she had been responsible for.

"Tobey?" Alex asked.

"We don't know." Kay shrugged. "We're hoping he wasn't in the dimension when it closed, but there's a very big chance that's what happened."

"So he could be dead?"

"Anyone caught in a closing dimension gets shoved into the place between worlds, the place that allows cross-dimensional travel to be possible."

"You mean here? This place? Where the headquarters is built?"

"A place like it. It's a horrible existence, like being locked in a white room for all eternity. The lucky ones will find a way out and escape to other worlds."

"But Deamus had a gaping side wound when everything went kablewy," Raven finished.

"Could Celeste have taken Tobey with her?" Alex asked. "Which world did she go to?"

"That's your next mission, Alex." Mac handed her a folder. "If you choose it. It's pointless to send another Agent after Celeste given you have a history. And we're assigning Agent Keller as your partner. It was foolish of us to leave you alone with a rookie in the first place."

"Of course I'll do it. Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something? Ohhh crap!" She smacked her forehead. "Sirius! Tobey always took care of him! I didn't want to leave the rookie on his own."

"Celeste killed him," Raven told her. "She killed him when she kidnapped Tobey."

"Poor little guy," she sniffled. "Goddam it, can I get restored already? These human emotions are giving me the shits."

Mac and Raven left.

"Read the file," Kay tapped the manila envelope in her hands. "Sensitivity to sunlight won't help you were you're headed. He was no good for you, you know."

"Who? Deamus?"

Kay smirked.

"It's good to have you back Alex. I thought we were going to lose you for a while there, you lost quite a bit of blood."

"The lengths I have to go to, to get you to call me Alex…" She grinned.

"Read." He ordered. She saluted him sarcastically and when she flipped through the file she grinned.

This was going to be fun.

Alex didn't know where her life was headed, but there were three things she was sure about. Deamus was dead, she was back to her bad self and she had a very large fish to fry in the form of Celeste.

It was time to kill some sues.

And so ends Mary sue slayer: Hogwarts edition. Stay tuned for The death of Mary sue 3; Pirates of the Caribbean. Alex and Raven unite forces to track down Celeste and Tobey while carving their way through the Mary sue pirate horde.

See you next time!