Harley handed the silver key over for a second time and was certain Ron blushed as he and Daniel left the room. She took her seat, crossing her legs and laying her clipboard on her lap. The Joker was watching her every move and it made her feel slightly nervous. Harley reminded herself that she was the one in charge, she was the boss, and it gave her an extra boost of confidence. She smiled warmly and leant forward slightly.
"Are you going to talk to me today Mister Joker or would you like to miss out on another session? I'm perfectly fine having another day off."
She was trying to use reverse psychology. Harley thought it was a good idea but the Joker struggled to keep himself from laughing at her feeble attempts of 'helping him.' She really had no idea what she was doing. The joker shook his head and Harley tutted.
"I suppose I might as well just call the guards back in then."
She went to stand but Joker raised his hands in apparent defeat.
"No, Doctor. I would like to apologize."
Harley sat back down and raised an eyebrow.
"Go on…" she urged, curious to hear what he what say next.
"It was wrong of me to act so immaturely to you Harley. I've ignored other doctors but you're not like them and you deserve my respect."
Harley blinked in bewilderment.
"Thank you." She said, not knowing what else she could say. "So Mr. Joker are you ready to answer my questions today?"
The Joker looked at her sadly and fidgeted with his hands. Harley wrote a few notes and leant forward warmly.
"You can trust me Mr. Joker. I want to help you."
The Joker sighed and Harley watched him curiously. He was a mass-killer, a crazy man and yet he didn't exactly scare her. She could see that he wasn't as bad as people thought; the pain in his eyes was proof that he was just desperate for someone to listen to him and understand.
"You don't have to answer my questions if you don't want to Mr. Joker. How about we just talk? You and me."
Harley put her clip-board down and folded her arms.
"Is there anything you want to talk about, anything at all?... What do you think of Arkham?"
He smiled at her and Harley let out a relieved breath when he actually answered.
"To be honest Doc, it's a hole. There's nothing here too like…the people are annoying, the food is tasteless and have you seen the décor? Ridiculous!"
She knew he was trying to make her laugh and it took everything in her not to. She was his Doctor; she had to act professional at all times. Harley nodded.
"Well the walls are painted mainly in colors which will keep the inmates calm. I'm sure you know that already, though, Mr. Joker."
The Joker raised an eyebrow at her but otherwise didn't react to her seriousness.
"What do you think of Arkham Doc?"
"It's a decent enough place and it's pretty well facilitated." She shrugged. "I enjoy my work so it shouldn't matter where I am, really."
Joker grimaced.
"How can you enjoy being a doctor Harley? You have to listen to out of their mind criminals whine all day. That's no fun."
"It's rewarding. I feel good at the end of the day knowing that I've helped, or tried to help get someone's life back on track."
Joker lay back into the couch and crossed his legs.
"I couldn't do it. For me life's about fun, why waist it doing something you don't enjoy?!"
Harley scowled.
"Too me this is fun. Every one is different and has different opinions about what they think is…fun."
Joker rolled his eyes.
"Is this what you wanted to be when you were a child?"
Harley almost answered but caught herself at the last second.
"Did you plan on being a mass-murderer when you were a child?" she smiled at the Joker's disappointed expression.
"No…" he murmured under his breath.
"What?" Harley gasped.
"No. I wanted to be a…a"
"Yes?" Harley urged gently, her hand already reaching for the clipboard on the floor beside her. The Joker looked up and Harley stared deep into his eyes, they were swimming with emotion and not the tiniest hint of a joke or sarcasm could be detected.
"I wanted to be a-"
The doors opened and the two guards strode in. The Joker stopped mid-sentence and looked at Harley apologetically.
"Times up." He said and she bit her lip.
"Yeah." She sighed. "Well I'll see you at our next session Mr. Joker."
The Joker was led out and the moment he was gone Harley dove for her clipboard. He had admitted something about his childhood! It hadn't been much, only one word. But still it was more progress then any other doctor had made! And he had been about to tell her even more about his childhood, what he had wanted to be! Harley hugged her notes to her chest tightly; more pleased with herself then she had ever been before.
Their next session wasn't for another two weeks and Harley, after telling Joan about the Joker's behavior, couldn't wait to get talking to him again. Dr.Leland had commended her for her good work and admitted she had been wrong and maybe Harley was ready after all. Harley had smiled smugly at her compliment.
Harley picked at a hem on the end of her skirt as she waited for the Joker to be led in. When they were alone she put her clip-board aside and continued to fiddle with the pen in her hands.
"How are you today Mister Joker?"
"I'm great doc!"
"Really?" Harley smiled. "What put you in such a wonderful mood?"
"Nothing really…just the fact that I have someone like you to talk too."
Harley felt her cheeks flush bright red.
"That's very kind of you Mister Joker."
He shrugged.
"You're a pretty swell woman, what can I say?"
Harley's face went even brighter and she cleared her throat to hide her embarrassment.
Joker leant forward on the couch, his smile wide on his face.
"Embarrassed Harls?"
"No, I'm not!" she sounded too defensive and Joker laughed.
"I don't see why you should be, you probably get compliments from guys all the time…I mean look at you! You must have been the most popular girl at school."
He looked her up and down and gave her a mischievous wink. Harley giggled, unable to hold it in. She quickly disguised the laugh as a cough and brushed a strand of hair from her face. She stared at the floor as memories flooded back to her, as clear as crystal.
Age 13, training:
Harley finished her routine perfectly, her hands in the air and her left foot forward, her toes pointed to the ground. Her coach nodded at her and went back to praising his other students, not bothering to tell her in the slightest how well she had done. Harley sighed, used to being ignored and took a sip from her drink bottle. She gathered her things, said goodbye…again being ignored, and ran off to greet her mother. Mrs.Quinzel was distractedly talking with the other parents.
"Did you see me mum?" Harley asked excitedly, practically jumping up and down. "I did it perfectly! Not one mistake! I'll bet I win gold in the competition tomorrow!"
"Quiet Harleen, I'm talking." Harley's mother pushed her away gently, not bothering to even look at her. Harley felt her bottom lip quiver.
"But mum, weren't you watching I-"
"Harleen I said be quiet! Go and wait in the car."
The keys were shoved roughly into her hands and Harley ran off, trying to stop the tears from running down her cheeks. She slammed the car door shut behind her and folded her arms, glancing out the window as a fellow gymnast walked past. She was another girl who Harley trained with and she was slightly below Harley's level. The girl's father clasped her shoulder proudly as her mother kissed her fore-head and gave her a quick hug.
"Well done Rebecca, you were excellent." Her father said warmly. Harley sighed wishing that for once she could receive praise for what she did. But no. Her whole life she had been ignored completely by her parents. Usually an only child was spoilt rotten but Harley might as well have not existed for all her parents cared. Her marks were always extremely high standard, but her parents didn't care. She was always being invited to award ceremonies for the elite in academics. Her parents never came. Harley had started gymnastics in the hopes it would make them proud. They only agreed to get her out of the house more often. They never asked about it, didn't care about her training and pretended her many trophies and medals were invisible….
Age 16, home:
Harley crept quietly through the front door and made her way toward the stairs, not wanting to disturb her father who was busy watching TV. She had had another bad day, being teased by the same group of boys and bullied by the same group of girls. Her locker door had been ripped off the hinges and as usual she had been ignored by most of her teachers and everyone around her. Harley accidentally bashed into the coat rack, sending a clatter ringing through the small house. She grimaced as her father turned around.
"Come here Harley!" he said angrily. She had snuck out that morning, wanting to go to the library before school and she knew she would get in trouble for it. Harley let her head fall to the floor as she slowly slumped toward her father. He stood up, towering before her, his eyebrows furrowed and his large gut protruding in front of him.
"WHERE did you go this morning?" he yelled at her, spit flying everywhere. Harley flinched.
"To the library." She said timidly.
"WHAT?"
"To the library!"
"LIAR!"
Harley's
eyes widened.
"No Dad, honest. Look." Harley dug through her bag and pulled out a copy of Romeo and Juliet along with her most recent English paper, which had (A+) written neatly on the top along with the words "Well done." It seemed the only praise she ever got was a couple of meaningless words on paper. Harley's dad glared at the book as she held it in front of her with a shaky hand.
"You could have got that from any-where! Doesn't mean you've read it!" he scolded.
"But I did. See? I got full marks for the book report!"
Harley handed over the paper. Her dad gave it one quick glance and ripped it up in front of her face before he wrenched the book from her hands and threw it into the wall.
"Lies! You were meeting up with some boy weren't you? Or doing drugs?"
"I wasn't!"
"Your hopeless Harley! HOPELESS! I'm ASHAMED TO CALL YOU MY DAUGHTER!-"
Her father ranted on, never lowering his booming voice. He was an extremely angry man but never got violent when he was sober, he left the beatings for the nights he was overly drunk. Harley had been hit by him a few times when he had been drunk but it was never anything too serious. The things he said caused more damage then anything physical. Though Harley was perfect at almost everything she did and one of the most polite girls you would ever meet he still continued to shame her, treat her no better then a dog and insist she was worthless.
"YOU'LL AMOUNT TO NOTHING HARLEY, NOTHING! YOUR GOING NO-ONE IN LIFE. YOU'LL NEVER BE A DOCTOR, OR A LAWYER OR ANYTHING USEFUL WHY? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T!"
Her lip quivered violently and the tears poured from her eyes, Harley turned and ran up the stairs, locking her bedroom door behind her and staying there for the rest of the night.
Age 17 school:
Harley was beginning
to give up on gymnastics. She was good at it, extremely good, it had
even got her a position at Gotham college for the end of the year but
she was growing bored of the training. She had promised herself as
soon as she was a year into her college education she would give it
away completely and concentrate on her work. She had her mind set on
her future and knew she wanted to be a psychiatrist. In all honesty
the profession didn't interest her in the slightest, but it would
prove her parents wrong and…if she was good enough, she would
become famous. She would show all of the teachers which had never
believed in her.
Harley was a small girl. The gymnastics had
stunted her growth and she looked more like a twelve year old then a
seventeen year old young woman. She stretched onto her toes to see
over the crowd of students and as she did a hand came out of
no-where, pushing her flat on her face. Her books went flying
everywhere as a group of students behind her laughed loudly. Her face
flushed as she tried to gather her things. Her hand reached for her
English textbook when a black shoe came crushing down on her fingers.
She squealed as she heard a crack and gasped as the pain shot up her
arm.
"Woops sorry Harleen didn't see you there. Guess its cause you're so short." The girl laughed as she pushed down harder on her heel, before pulling her foot away. Harley cradled her arm as everyone around her shouted insults and laughed cruelly.
"Go back to junior year Harley!"
"Bloody Gymnast! Are you sure you're even a girl?"
"She's probably on steroids! She looks manly enough! Look at her muscles!"
"Haha! Ha!"
Harley pulled her things together, biting sadly on her lip when a hand was extended in front of her. She looked up with shock as the most popular boy in school stood in front of her, offering to help her up. She smiled and he helped her to her feet.
"Thanks." She whispered and he smiled back.
"No problem. Here let me take those for you."
She handed over her books with a hopeful smile, her heart fluttering, when suddenly the boy ran forward, leaning over the balcony in front of him. One by one her books went flying over the edge and into the shrubs below.
"Woops…I slipped. It's not a problem though, is it Harley? You can just flip down their and get them back. It's not like you have a life anyway...with your gymnastics and studying and everything."
He laughed and walked away with his friends as Harley fell to her knees, wrapping her arms tightly around herself in comfort.
The Joker snapped his fingers and Harley broke from her trance looking up at him.
"Sorry." She said in the same morbid way she used to too her father. Joker frowned and then laughed.
"Remembering the good times ay Harls? All those swooning school-boys…"
Harley's lip quivered as she felt her cheek burn from the attacks of her father, her arm stung from the sharp nails and her legs ached from the painful kicks of the girls in P.E and her heart thumped from the many breaks it had suffered from the many times boys had asked her out 'jokingly.'
"I never got told anything from boys…and I wasn't popular." She murmured sadly, her head still in the clouds. "No-body cared. I didn't exist to anyone. I didn't have anyone."
The Joker's smile disappeared and he looked at her sadly.
"Oh Harley…" he cooed with sympathy. She looked up at him, his compassion heart warming. She had the sudden urge to run into his arms and cry her heart out on his shoulder. He cared. Harley shook her head. What was she doing? Her eyes widened in realization.
"I shouldn't have said that." She gasped.
"Now now Harley, don't think like that. You can trust me alright?"
The Joker smiled at her. "I'm happy to listen to you; after all you listen to me."
Harley nodded at him professionally.
"Thankyou Mister Joker but that's alright. I'm your doctor; I shouldn't be telling you anything about myself."
Joker looked at her seriously.
"Everyone needs someone to talk to Harley. Someone who actually WANTS to listen to them."
"I have people I can talk to if I need to!" Harley lied, sitting up straighter in her chair. Joker shrugged.
"Well I'm always here."
Harley tilted her head to show that she had heard him and then began twirling the pen through her fingers again.
"So Mister Joker. Is there anything you want to – oh darn."
The pen went flying from her hands, over the yellow line and landing right by the Joker's foot. Without thinking Harley got up and strode right in front of him, bending down to retrieve the pen. Suddenly his hands were around her neck and she squealed quietly. She had been stupid enough to get close to him in their first session and now she had done it again. Was it so hard to not cross over the little painted safety line around the couch? Harley scolded herself and slowly put her delicate hands over the Joker's, standing up.
"Mister Joker…" she said warningly, though her fear was still eminent in her voice. She heard him sniff loudly and then he moaned.
"Mmmm. You changed your perfume." He said and Harley's hand tightened on his in shock.
"How'd you know?"
"First time I met you…your hair smelt of strawberries. Today your wearing Angel number four."
His hands trailed along her neck, clasping her hair and bringing it to his nose, breathing it in deeply. Again Harley couldn't stop the giggle that escaped her.
"You know perfume?"
"Only this one. It's the one my mother used to wear."
Harley froze.
"Your mum?"
"Mhmm."
"Do you remember her?"
The Joker ran a hand through Harley's hair and her heart skipped a beat. She loved the feeling of exhilaration and…desire his closeness gave her. Harley scolded herself again. He was a mass murderer! Was she insane? …But then again he was so charming and surprisingly polite. He had a gentleness about him which made her want to hug him tight and never let go. Suddenly his hands were back on his lap and he was grinning at the goofy look on Harley's face.
"Day dreaming doctor?" he said huskily and she practically dived for her seat, forgetting the pen.
"Did you say you remembered your mum?"
"Yes. But never before now. That smell brings back memories."
Harley watched the Joker silently as he leant back in the couch, looking at the wall behind her with his eyes glazed over in remembrance. He chuckled to himself.
"My mum was a loving and kind woman, she spoilt me and always made sure I was happy. If I wanted something… she bought it for me. If I was having trouble at school she would stay with me until I understood. When I wanted someone to play with me, she was there."
Joker laughed.
"I was five. We were playing a game in the backyard." He shook his head. "I was covered in mud and insisted to her that it was fun. Mum laughed and then jumped into the puddle after me so she could help me make my chocolate pudding. We can have them for dinner I had said and she had laughed. And then we began throwing them at each other, she was running around the yard with me as if she were no older then a five year old herself."
Harley giggled, picturing the cherished moment.
"Then we went inside and washed up, got changed into pajamas and sat by the fire. It was winter…and every winter mum made hot chocolate. We sat together, drinking and reading my favorite book… I think it was about a clown."
Harley's eyes widened and she missed the small smirk the Joker cast in her direction before he continued.
"I was feeling tired and cuddled up with mum while she read. That's when I remember smelling her perfume, and hugging her tightly. She was wearing a white dressing gown and fuzzy slippers." He laughed again. "The material was soft in my hands as I hugged her arm… her long blonde hair had fallen over her shoulders and would tickle my face. And then Dad came home, it had been pretty late."
Harley smiled at him, the image completely heart warming. The father kissing the wife hello and then spinning his son around as they all sat as a family in the living room…together.
"Dad came into the room, put down his briefcase and walked over to my mum. He smelt bad, nothing like mum had. Suddenly he pulled me off her lap."
The Joker's face went somber, screwed up in an imagined pain.
"He threw me into the wall and my mum had screamed at him. What are you doing? She had said. Then dad took another drink of his beer and slapped her across the face. He started yelling and throwing things across the room, trying to hit mum more. She ran away from him. I hid in the corner and watched as he caught her and punched her so hard that she started shaking. Then he picked up the book we had been reading and hit her across the face until she collapsed."
Harley's hand had snapped up to her mouth, her eyes watering at the emotion in the Joker's voice.
"Then he turned to me. How dare you turn your mother against me like that! He had yelled and then he began hitting me with the book. When I started crying he stopped and looked at it. He laughed at the clown. Stupid pathetic thing, he had called me, and then he took the book and left. He didn't close the door behind him and I watched as he drove away. Probably not coming back for weeks. I was used to it."
Harley wiped urgently at her tears.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered and the Joker shrugged.
"Why? It wasn't your fault." He sounded so un-caring it made Harley choke as more tears ran down her cheeks. She had had an abusive father and she still hadn't forgiven him. The very idea of her parents caused her insides to boil with hate and yet the Joker didn't seem to care. She didn't know why but she could feel herself breaking down. She hadn't thought of her past in years and now that the Joker had brought it up she was remembering everything…along with the horrible images of him as a five year old watching as his mother was beaten sadistically. Harley looked at the clock. They still had forty minutes. She was ready to snap right then and there.
"Excuse me a minute?"
Before the Joker could reply she was on her feet and running to the spare door at the back of the room. It was nothing but a cupboard with supplies and equipment for the doctors. She shut the door behind her and leant against the shelves, her shoulders heaving as she cried loudly into her hands, the picture of her fathers furious face and her mothers disappointed scowl clouding her vision.