TonDC - End of the first night of trials
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She thinks she's dreaming, but she can't be certain. Her entire body feels weak and heavy like it's useless to try and move. That's a good thing, she thinks, considering any amount of moving she thinks she might be doing is causing her extreme pain. Maybe this is a nightmare.
She can hear voices that are fading in and out with brief glimpses of warm torchlight each time she's able to gather enough strength to open her eyes. The pain and the feeling of being dragged down into darkness against her will makes it hard to focus. She hears her name whispered reverently and thinks her heartbeat picks up at the sound. There are other voices, but she only has the desire to try and focus on one. Lexa's voice. Lexa is here with her.
She knows she's fading into the darkness and doesn't have the energy to fight it any longer. She feels a cool pressure against her lip and sips at the water as best she can before her head is gently lowered back down. She fights to open her eyes one last time and is met with worried green, darker than she's ever seen them. She tries to convey as much as she can in her look, but feeling it isn't enough, she uses the last of her strength to whisper, "Please don't leave." The world goes dark before she can hear a response.
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"How is she?" she hears as Octavia walks over to stand on the opposite side of the bed Clarke is resting on.
"Still asleep," Lexa replies, sighing. "It was deep for many hours but seems to be a bit restless. I think she's uncomfortable." She lowers her head down to rest against her hands that are holding onto Clarke's right hand. She's been in this position most of the morning, and it's now midday.
Octavia nods and sits down beside Clarke, across from her heda. "She doesn't like sleeping on her stomach," she says, glancing over the blonde's body, "but I guess that's the least painful position she could be in."
Lexa looks across to the girl, tilting her head. She doesn't ask, but she wonders how she knows this about Clarke.
"It's not what you think," Octavia assures her. "Not that I know what you're thinking…" She pauses and laughs softly. "One morning, back at the drop-ship, she woke up in a foul mood complaining that the next time she gets knocked unconscious to make sure she's on her back or side because if any of us put her on her stomach she'll smother us in our sleep."
Lexa can't help but let a small grin take over her face, "I don't believe Klark would ever hurt her people." Looking to the blonde, she reaches her hand up to move a stray lock of hair out of her face. "You can blame this position on the healers. It seemed like the least likely to cause her additional pain."
Octavia smiles. "She will understand. I think a stiff neck and rough sleep will be the least of her concerns when she wakes up." She stands, making her way towards the door. "There is some broth and bread waiting for her when she comes to."
Lexa doesn't look back but simply nods her head, continuing to watch over the girl in front of her. She gently places the hand she has been holding back on the table just under Clarke's chin. Taking comfort in the knowledge that people she trusts are just outside, she uses one finger and delicately traces over the hand, memorizing each scar, freckle, and crease.
She pauses briefly, her hand hovering in the air over Clarke's as someone else approaches. Recognizing the footsteps, she allows herself one final touch and then stands to face the healer. "She hasn't woken yet, Nyko."
"I know, Heda. She may sleep most of the day if we let her, but she needs to eat some, and I need to change her bandages. It would be best that we wake her, rather than the pain she will feel from that." He proceeds forward and takes the position Octavia had just occupied.
Lexa hates to wake her but knows he speaks true. Leaning forward, she gently brushes the blonde hair back a few times before resting her palm on Clarke's warm cheek and whispering her name softly. She repeats the motions and calling of her name until the blonde begins to stir.
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The darkness doesn't seem as endless, and the air doesn't seem as thick. She can feel consciousness coming to her and feels relief flood through her as she is able to recognize Lexa's voice calling her name in a soothing tone and begins to feel a warm hand gently rubbing over her face and head. It feels nice.
Until the pain begins to register, and she can't stop a whimper from escaping her lips and her body tensing. She can't hear anything but the screaming of her skin. Her arms feels raw and are throbbing viciously, and her back feels as if it was on fire yet cold at the same time. She knows she has tears streaming down her face when a thumb wipes at her cheek.
"I…" she tries, but her voice cracks. She tries to swallow and begin again, "Help." That has to do for now, because she can't get anything else out even as she tries with all her strength, which is nearly non-existent, to push herself upright from the table.
"Skai Heda, wait, let us help you," she hears a man say before feeling two strong hands lift her under her arms and another pair of hands swiftly pull her legs around so that, within seconds, she is sitting upright on the table with her legs dangling over the side. She cries out as the feeling of her skin shifting on her back and sides sent flares of pain throughout her body. She feels her head fall forward slightly and is grateful for the hands that hold her up by pressing gentle pressure below her collarbone.
Raising her head, her eyes meet Lexa's, and she can't help but smile even as tears continue to stream down her face. "You're here."
Lexa breathes out a sigh of relief as eyes, as blue as the clearest waters she's ever seen, meet her own, more focused than she has seen them since the mountain. "I'm here, Klark." She swallows.
Nyko walks around to face the blonde with a warm smile on his face. "She didn't leave your side, Skai Heda." He glances at Lexa in what seems to be a bit of fear mixed with a bit of mischievousness, while Lexa just looks down rather bashfully.
"You asked me to stay," she states, looking back up into Clarke's eyes. "I stayed."
Before anything more can be said, Echo makes her way inside in a hurry, stopping abruptly next to Lexa, but her focus is solely on her blonde sister. "Klark," she says with such happiness the blonde can't help but smile at her.
"Looks like I'm still here," she states, raising an eyebrow at Echo, remembering the woman telling her that her fight isn't over.
"I expected nothing less," she replies as she steps forward and rests her forehead against Clarke's in a display of comfort. "I'm so glad you're awake," she says as she takes the blonde's hands in her own, squeezing gently.
"Klark needs to have her wounds tended to. Perhaps you can go get her the food Okteivia spoke of," Lexa questions, but it sounds more like an order with the edge to her voice.
Echo leans back and smirks at Clarke, cocking an eyebrow, knowing her commander can't see her face. "I'll be back soon," she states and makes her way out of the hut.
Watching with slight amusement in his eyes, Nyko clears his throat to address the blonde. "Are you ready, Skai Heda?" he asks, having all of his supplies at the ready to tend to her numerous cuts and burns.
Clarke clears her throat, accepting the cup of water Lexa presents to her and drinking deeply. She glances up and hands the cup back. She takes a deep breath, reaching her right hand out slightly, wincing at the heaviness and the pain, but keeps it hovering in the space between herself and the woman in front of her.
Lexa understands and steps forward, taking the hand in her own. "What do you need, Klark?"
Clarke clenches her jaw before taking both of the commander's hands in hers and putting them back on her chest and gripping her wrists tightly as she nods for Nyko to proceed. "Just you."
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Lexa walks around outside as the sun is setting, taking deep breaths and enjoying the cooling breeze as it wraps around her, blowing loose strands of her hair this way and that.
She had stayed with Clarke while her wounds were redressed, then as she had eaten and finally succumbed to more sleep. Lexa is ever amazed at the strength the blonde possesses. She only made but a few whimpers, choosing to bite her lip or grind her teeth in effort to keep quiet as Nyko finished up. She had also continued to grip at Lexa's wrists, squeezing tightly during a few of the more painful moments, then releasing as the pain lessened some. The blonde had even apologized, although Lexa was quick to assure her it wasn't necessary, and she would gladly do it for her until she's healed. Clarke had rewarded her with one of her endearing smiles. It may not have been a full smile, but it was a start, and Lexa is happy to even be allowed in the blonde's presence.
Hearing footsteps approach, she turns her body to face Octavia and Echo who stop before her. She can't help the slight glare on her face as she looks at Echo, but quickly diverts her attention to Indra's second. "Okteivia. Eko."
"Heda," Octavia begins, "you said I could be there for Klark during the dream-walk, and I wanted to make sure I was here when it was time. Linkon told me that once it begins, no other interruptions can be allowed."
Lexa keeps her eyes on Octavia as she speaks and nods her head once, but then turns to Echo and tilts her head. "And what of you, Eko?"
Echo straightens herself even taller, making eye contact with her commander. "I wish to be present as well, Heda. Klark and I have become close, and I wish to be there for support."
Lexa narrows her eyes slightly, not liking the feeling that is building up within her chest at the thought of Echo and Clarke becoming close. It isn't an emotion she is familiar with, and it troubles her. However, she will leave that decision to Clarke as she will not make it for her. "I will leave that up to Klark once she wakes. We will begin shortly." With that she turns to make her way back to the healer's tent.
Echo turns to Octavia, giving her a short nod before jogging to catch up with Lexa. "Heda, wait," she calls out, stopping when Lexa turns back to her, waiting for her to continue. "I just wanted to assure you that my feelings towards Klark are nothing you should fear."
Lexa's eyes harden as she turns to fully face her warrior and rests her hand on the hilt of her sword. "And what exactly is it you think I fear, Eko?"
Echo sighs. "She cares for you, Heda. It is true, she cares for me and I for her, but it is the bond of sisterhood, nothing more. It is nothing like what you two could share." She speaks firmly but quietly, knowing how her commander is with her emotions since Costia and wary of the others walking near them.
Lexa clenches her jaw and nods. She isn't sure what to say on the matter. She doesn't want to say anything, least of all to someone that isn't Clarke. But she understands now how Echo sees Clarke, and digging back into her memory, she recalls that Echo lost a clan sister several winters back. She can't fault her for this, and it is honestly a relief to know that Clarke will have one more person to help protect her and look out for her. Since a verbal conformation may be required, she speaks the only thing she can at that moment: "I understand." With that, she turns and walks away.
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Clarke yawns as she sits up as gently as she can. She really needs to stretch, but she isn't ready to open up any of the wounds Nyko and Paun so carefully stitched up for her. Instead, she settles for rolling her neck and shoulders, wincing as the pull on her back causes her burns to flare up in pain.
"Careful, Skai Heda," Paun says as he approaches her and helps her to stand up. "Nyko and Heda will be in shortly. I've come a little earlier to explain the last step of your trials."
Clarke nods and walks around some, needing to stretch her legs. "Paun," she starts hesitantly, "why do you and some of the others call me Skai Heda? I'm not officially the leader of my people."
Paun looks up from his mixing of something in a bowl. It's some form of herbs as far as Clarke can tell. He regards her gently as he explains, "Your people may see another as their leader, but as far as we of the Trikru are concerned, you are their leader. It is you we made an alliance with, and it is you who has made the decisions and saved your people. That is something we honour; not one chosen by a group, but one chosen by fate."
Clarke thinks on that briefly, recalling Lexa telling her their leaders are chosen through reincarnation. She can't imagine herself as a reincarnated leader, but then, she can't really make peace with any decisions she has made thus far, regardless of the fact she's sure she would make them again.
Since she doesn't have a response, Paun decides to show her what he is working on. "This mixture is a combination of several rare herbs found throughout many areas where we have allied clans. When mixed with water and drank, it puts your body and your mind into a calm and relaxed state. You will still be awake, but it will be to you as if you are dreaming." He walks over to her, showing her the mixture that is now ground to look like a fine powder. It smells sweet.
"Once you drink this, you will focus on a small flame, breathing deeply as they begin to work. How long it lasts solely depends on you and how much you need to face," he explains, pausing as she takes it all in.
"So, I drink that, and go into an awake but trance-like state?" she asks, trying to understand what will happen and why this is part of the trials. It doesn't seem like it will be such a big deal.
"It is kind of like that. However, it causes things you have buried deep within to come to the surface, and you will feel as if you are reliving it. As that happens, you may say things as you did when you experienced them, or you may say the things you wish you could have. It's about facing your inner demons, Skai Heda. The ones we fear and hurt us the most." He sets the bowl down and pours some water in, waiting until the mixture dissolves.
Clarke swallows hard, her mind suddenly racing at the possibility of what could play through her mind during this. She knows some things, but others she is terrified to think of. Clearing her throat, she addresses him once more. "Who will be present during this?" she hesitantly asks.
He smiles kindly at her. "Only those you wish to be present, and a healer of your choice to tend to you should you require it. It is safe, but sometimes the inner workings of the mind can cause undue stress on the body, especially when it is still healing as you are." He waits a moment to see if she has any questions, but she only nods. "Do you know who you wish to be present, Skai Heda?"
Before she can answer, Octavia, Echo, and Lexa all enter the hut. "I'm not giving you a choice here, I will be with you," Octavia states boldly, making her way to Clarke to take her hand and squeeze gently. She wants to hug her friend but doesn't want to risk hurting her.
The blonde squeezes back and huffs out a laugh. "Honestly, Okteivia, you were my first choice, because you know how life was on the Ark, and you know the most about me. I would be honoured if you were with me in this as well," she replies seriously and then turns to the other two women.
Echo is watching the scene with a warm smile on her face, and Lexa is staring at her boots, looking as unsure of herself as Clarke has ever seen her. It is sad yet endearing to see, and the blonde knows they will need some time alone to talk after this is all over. For now, she only has one thing more to say.
"Eko, Leksa," she addresses the two, and both pairs of eyes lock onto her, "I would like both of you with me as well, if you would."
Echo nods, still smiling, and Lexa looks at bit shocked yet relieved at the request. "Whatever you need, Klark," Lexa says and hesitates only briefly before adding, "Would you like me to send for anyone else?"
She doesn't have to say who; Clarke knows she is asking about her mother and shakes her head. "No. I would just like you three," she turns to Octavia, "and Linkon, as the healer."
Paun smiles and nods. "Linkon has been witness to this before and knows how to proceed. I will fetch him." He walks over and grasps one of Clarke's hands and kisses it softly. "It was a pleasure to meet you, but I must return to my village. You will heal well, Klark. These three will see to it." With that, he exits the hut.
Turning to the three women, she glances at each of them before coming to a decision. "Okteivia, go grab Linkon, and let's get this started. Eko, could you please put a couple blankets against the wall so that I can sit against it during this?" At her nod, she turns to Lexa. "Can we speak privately for a moment?"
Lexa nods and directs her to the far end of the hut, waiting for Clarke to begin. "Leksa," she breathes out and looks into the green eyes before her with hesitance, "some things you may hear… you probably won't understand, and some if it you won't like." She steps closer to the brunette, leaving only a couple inches of space between them. "I just need you to promise me that we can talk after this is over. I'll answer any questions you may have, clear the air, so to speak, but please do not leave while this is happening." She looks away hesitantly.
Lexa slowly extends her hand to cup Clarke's cheek, only pausing to make sure her touch is accepted, before holding her gently and caressing her with the pad of her thumb. "You request that I stay, and I will stay. I will not leave, although I'm not sure why I would?" she questions softly.
"You have a habit of coming to my rescue and my defense. I don't want to come out of this and find out you went to pick a fight at the Ark," Clarke states seriously, cocking an eyebrow at the commander.
"I see." She considers this, wondering what she may find out that has Clarke worrying she will go charging off to the Ark. Vowing to herself not to do anything without Clarke's knowledge at least, she nods her head. "I promise I will stay, and after, we will talk."
Clarke shakes her head and lets out a small chuckle. "You didn't promise not to go pick a fight."
Lexa gives her a half smirk and lowers her hand. "One thing at a time."
The hut door opens, and in stride Lincoln and Octavia. Turning towards the back of the hut, Clarke smiles, seeing Echo has outdone herself by making a very comfortable-looking pallet of furs and blankets for her to sit on and rest against.
"Okay, let's do this," she states as she makes her way over and has Lincoln and Octavia gently help her lower down until she finds the most comfortable position.
Lexa does outside and orders the guards to not allow anyone entry in the hut until they have word from her. Once inside, Lincoln hands Clarke the herb mixture that has dissolved in the water and advises her to drink it all. Once she finishes, he places a candle in front of her and tells her to focus her breathing and just relax.
The three women watching each get into position, Octavia and Echo sitting on either side of Clarke, with Lexa choosing to slowly pace back and forth in front of her.
It only takes a few minutes of staring at the flame, seeing Lexa in the background pacing, before Clarke feels like she is drifting off, even though her eyes never close.
Lincoln checks her over and puts the candle to the side. "It's begun."
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