Chapter 7 sanctuary

"I was about to tell you at the engagement party; before Kelly insulted me and whisked you off. I had an operation in London and they removed the bullet completely hence I now have two arms and hands that work,"

"I would have married you as things were; you know that."

He hung his head in shame.

"I know Lady Edith and I am deeply sorry for what I did to you but we will talk about that later. Dr Clarkson is on his way."

He poured a glass of water and held it to her lips so she could drink. She smiled her thanks.

"I feel so weak and so confused Anthony; but Dr Clarkson will tell my father and he mustn't know."

"He would be breaking the Hippocratic Oath if he did; he cannot tell anyone about your condition without your consent."

"That's something at least. I am so tired I must have walked miles from Kelly's place. I need to rest,"

"Of course my lovely,"

"Please don't call me that because I know what he did to me and I am now damaged goods. No man can love me now much less want to marry me but I have to marry Kelly; I have no choice."

"Of course you have a choice, Lady Edith,"

Edith burst into tears and he took her in his arms and held her close to him, soothing her. It felt so good to have his arms around her. She held him in turn.

He gently laid her back on the bed and rearranged the pillows.

Dr Clarkson was shown in by Mrs Grayling.

"Lady Edith." He gasped.

Strallan took Clarkson out into the hall and said, "My butler found her this morning, outside in the cold almost frozen to death and that is not all; she has been brutally raped and her memory is hazy. Please don't tell Lord Grantham just yet."

"I am in no position to tell him Sir Anthony."

"Thank you."

Clarkson examined Edith, took her temperature and checked her pulse.

"Can you remember what happened, Lady Edith?"

She shook her head, "Not very much, just bits here and there. I do know Sir James Kelly drugged my wine because I fell asleep and when I woke up I hurt down there and he was just fastening his trousers so I know what happened. He left and I left too and I walked all the way here and passed out just by the door and Anthony's butler found me and Anthony carried me in."

"I will come and see you tomorrow, Lady Edith. Eat light meals, keep warm and drink plenty of water. I think you are severely dehydrated and you have pneumonia. If you had been out there much longer then I would not be talking to you now, Sir Anthony has just about saved your life," Clarkson sat on the edge of the bed, "if you will take advice from an old man, Lady Edith then marry Sir Anthony."

"I would love to Dr Clarkson but I can't; I can only marry the man who ruined me and if he has left me a lasting reminder then I am double-damned. I just can't believe this has happened to me, "she looked at Clarkson, "Please tell me I will be able to have children."

"I can't see any reason why you won't, Lady Edith, but we can talk about that when the time comes. I want you to try and eat something and get some rest. Sir Anthony will take care of you I promise."

"My parents think I am away in York with Kelly this weekend so he must have been planning it carefully; to have got hold of whatever drug it was and to pick a time when I won't be missed if I don't come home."

"He doesn't deserve you, Lady Edith; there is something about him I just don't like."

"Please don't tell Cousin Isobel either."

"I can't tell anyone anything, Lady Edith, firstly because you are of age and secondly because I would be violating the Hippocratic Oath which would get me in a lot of trouble."

Clarkson left after giving both Sir Anthony & Mrs Grayling instructions for Edith's care.

Strallan went back into the room and pretty soon he was holding Edith in both arms and kissing her soft hair.

""Clarkson told me I should throw Kelly over and marry you."

"Would you give me another chance?"

"In a heartbeat, my darling but I have to marry Kelly; I really don't have a choice."

"I can't let you, Edith; you would be setting yourself up for life-long abuse. He would break your spirit and destroy you. I can't allow that to happen," he paused as he gently stroked her back, "Edith I can't let you marry him because I love you and I always have."

She looked at him, her eyes bright, and she kissed him on the lips.

"Oh Anthony, I love you too and I always have. I need you right now more than I have ever needed anyone. I have to decide what to do next,"

"Well a few things have happened since our non wedding, other than the obvious," he told her about Rosamund and her determination to prove to Lady Grantham that Kelly was unsuitable husband material."

"She doesn't know the half of it," Edith said, "Kelly is the nephew of Sir Richard Carlisle who used to be engaged to Mary before she had the sense to throw him over for Matthew." Edith started to laugh and Strallan smiled. "The night Carlisle left Downton he had had a fight with Matthew over Mary. Granny came in and asked what was up. He said that he would be leaving in the morning so he didn't think they would meet again and she said 'Oh do you promise?" She didn't like him and nor did I."

Her memories were flooding back but she could have talked gibberish all day as long as Anthony was there by her side.

Mrs Grayling brought them some lunch and Edith managed to eat something. It meant so much to see him able to use his right arm and hand.

Edith slept for most of the afternoon and Anthony dozed in the chair.

When she awoke it was twilight. They ate some dinner.

He kicked off his shoes and lay on the bed beside her; holding her close."

"Oh Anthony my love, you have to forget me now. It's me who is not good enough for you. I'm soiled and degraded fit only for the man who did that to me."

"I don't agree, Lady Edith; to me you are beautiful, intelligent and you make me feel more alive every day," he looked into her eyes and she shivered, "marry me, Edith. I don't want you to waste your life on him; he'll destroy the very essence of what you are."

"You seemed to think you would do the same to me not so long ago."

"I know, I am so ashamed," he brushed a stray copper curl off her forehead, "please at least tell me why you must marry him."

With a deep heart-rending sigh she told him about his threat to expose Mary's scandal and the fact that Lord Grantham's valet had come within a hair's breadth of being hanged for murder; the same threats issued by his uncle, Sir Richard Carlisle. I believe he will and I can't see my family, whom I love despite their indifference to me, destroyed."

She looked at him, "Would you fetch my bag please?"

Strallan retrieved it from the chair on which it had been placed. Edith reached inside and her hands closed around the card.

"I discovered this quite by accident when I dined there two days before, "she handed him the card," if my father knew about this he would not let me marry him."

Anthony turned pale with shock as he studied the card and clenched his fist.

"You mean to tell me he made fun of my injury when he went no nearer to the front line than your grandmother did."

"Yes it made me sick because all I could think of was how the man I loved had been injured; I didn't know then of course that had been straightened out."

They held each other close and she fell asleep in his strong arms knowing that he was her sanctuary.