CHAPTER SEVEN
Wednesday, September 30
In the glasses store, against my will
5:00 p.m.
"Oh, Gee look at these! They're on sale!"
"Mutti, darling… have I mentioned yet that I am NOT in a MILLION YEARS ever going to wear glasses?"
"Don't be silly, Gee. The Dr –"she seemed to daydream as she mentioned him, "recommended you get glasses, and that's exactly what we're doing. Here, try these on."
"I see how it is. If Dr. Clooney were jumping off a bridge, would you go too?"
"Don't be silly Gee. Of course I would."
Dear Lord.
2 minutes later
"OH GEE! Look at these! They are so cheap!"
"Mutti, those look like Larry Potter glasses. I will never, ever wear those."
"Just try them on."
"NO."
She literally forced them onto my face. Ouch!
"Oh they're perfect!! Bob! BOB! Come here! I've found the perfect ones!"
She must have found the cheapest pair in the whole store. It's so nice knowing how much my parents care for me.
"Mutti, these are Larry–"
"See, Bob? Aren't they perfect! And they will barely cost us anything!!"
"The love is too much, Mutti. It's so nice to know how much you care. Can we PLEASE leave this store and check out the designerglasses store??"
"Don't be silly Gee. These are perfect!"
"Can I PLEASE just get contacts? Or how about this? NOT GET GLASSES AT ALL! See? I'm trying to save you money and you –"
"We'll take them," my Vati said to the sales clerk.
My room
6:00 p.m.
It is settled. I am never coming out of my room.
2 minutes later
"Georgia Nicholson!!!!!! GET YOUR BLOODY ARSE DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"
"Sorry, Vati, I have an unfortunate medical condition which disables me from exciting my room as I please."
"GEORGIA NICHOLSON, the dishes will not clean themselves!!!!"
"Then I feel very sorry for them. But, as I said before –"
Then I heard some smashing. Oh dear, I hope the old loon hasn't injured himself.
"THAT CAT HAS GOT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"