A/N: Howdy ladies and . . . well, if there are any guys reading this, gentlemen! Here's hoping you're still reading. I'm still in the midst of writing a whole lot of different crap, but inspiration started flowing again for this story. Of course I can't just leave that alone. :)

This chapter started off being one of my least favorites, but I think it's growing on me. Miss Josie has been working really hard on feeling good and being happy, but sometimes you just gotta get depressed. :(

Thanks to the lovely WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading. Enjoy :)

In This Skin

Chapter Seven

Into the Ocean

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down

-Into the Ocean – Blue October

Josie

"I know what I want for my birthday," Eli said after school on Friday. It was the day after Halloween and the kid's birthday was only days away.

"What's that?" Mom asked.

"Well, I've been thinking about this for a while, and I think I have a plan." He sounded so grown up. Mom nodded. "I want to start going outside for recess."

I pursed my lips. Mom did the same. Even if it was a lot cooler here than it was in Phoenix, it wasn't the temperature that hurt him.

"Honey," Mom said slowly. I wanted to tell him to forget about it. It just wasn't possible. Mom looked at him in the rear view mirror and sighed. I wondered if she was thinking about all the times she had wanted the same thing in school. "Let's talk to your dad about it."

I stared at her for a second. I knew she wanted him to have the things she couldn't, but this was going a little overboard.

She glanced sideways at me. "Don't look at me like that, Josie."

I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. I could see Dad's reaction now. If he was in a good mood, he'd probably give Mom his sympathetic eyes then bring on the logic. If he wasn't, he'd probably just tell them both to forget it and lay down the law. Either way, I knew he'd stop it.

Dad wasn't in the best of moods that night, but he wasn't in a bad one either. I kept my opinion to myself at dinner while Eli told Dad what he wanted. Dad gave Mom a strange look when my brother mentioned that Mom had said they'd talk to him. He took a deep breath and stayed quiet for a few minutes, taking a few bites to fill the time.

I swallowed and looked at Mom. She put her fork down and cleared her throat. "His recesses aren't long," she said quietly. "Half an hour, I think." She paused and looked at Eli. "Aren't they?"

He nodded. "Morning and afternoon. Lunch recess is forty-five minutes. Please, Dad?"

Dad shook his head. "I don't think it's a good idea. It might just be a half an hour, but then you have other shit, too. Windows you pass by or the library with the glass ceiling. Adding another hour in the sun every day is asking for a problem." He looked at Mom. "I know you know that, babe."

She nodded. "Yeah, but he'd have time in between them. What about just one recess?"

Eli looked between Mom and Dad hopefully. It really hurt my heart to see him asking for that kind of shit. He shouldn't have to. What I wouldn't give to take it away for him. I could be the one with photosensitivity so he could play in the goddamn sun.

"What about no?" Dad said. I smirked. "Ness, it's asking for trouble and you know it. I don't think it's worth the risk."

Mom looked at Eli and reached over to pat his hand on the table. "Let me think about it some more, okay?"

Eli nodded. "Okay, Mom."

Dad sighed but didn't say anything else about it.

I looked at the old cookbook that Mom pulled out as she turned the page with the recipe for Eli's birthday brownies. It was nine o'clock on Wednesday, Eli's birthday, and his party was that afternoon.

Many of the pages were worn and wrinkled, some more than others. When I was younger, she would stop and look at some of the recipes for a few seconds longer than needed before she'd continue in her search. Now she knew exactly where the one we wanted was and turned right to it. She smiled at me.

"Will you get the eggs out?" she asked.

I nodded and turned to get them. I knew that the cookbook had belonged to her mother, my grandmother Isabella. I'd seen a few pictures of her and had often wondered what she was like. It made me sad that she had died when my mom was born and that everyone who knew her was dead. Nobody could answer any questions I had about her. I'd asked my mom a few times if Grandpa Edward had said much about her before he died. I usually got the same response. He'd said she was pretty and smart and that he'd loved her very much.

I'd wondered a few times if she was the reason Mom had to take so many pictures. The upstairs hallway wasn't the only place lined with them, all kinds from Mom and Dad in their younger days to me and Eli as babies. There were even a few of Faith, our dog that had died when I was seven.

I had promised myself several times in the last few years that nobody else in my family would be forgotten. I would remember at least something of my family and friends and pass it on to my kids someday.

"Josie?"

I looked up at Mom and realized I was standing in front of the open fridge, just staring. I blinked and grabbed the eggs.

"Are you okay, honey?" Mom asked.

I nodded and put them on the counter. "I'm okay. I love you, Mom." I wrapped my arms around her waist and hugged her.

She hugged me back. "I love you, too, baby." She kissed my head. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded again and pulled back. "Yeah, I was just thinking about Grandma Isabella and how nobody remembers her. It makes me sad."

She pet my hair and pouted. "I know; it makes me sad, too." She kissed my forehead.

I took a quick breath and smiled. "What else do we need?"

We finished making the brownies, then I went upstairs to get the book I'd been reading. It was one of the few that I could really get into. Unlike my mom, I couldn't read a book in a day. I'd been working on this one for almost a week, but I was getting close to the end. I didn't want to stay in my room, so I went downstairs and sat on the couch.

"When will people start coming?" Eli asked impatiently a while later.

Mom looked up at the clock. It was only noon. "In about an hour."

Eli groaned. "But that's forever!"

Dad laughed as he came into the room. "Go do something fun and it'll go by faster than you think."

"There isn't anything fun to do, Dad."

I rolled my eyes at him. He didn't notice.

"There's plenty to do," Dad said as he walked into the kitchen. "Go clean your room."

Eli didn't look enthused. "You said to do something fun," he said lamely.

"Cleaning is fun; just ask your mother."

Mom scowled in his direction but didn't say anything. I had to make an effort to keep from laughing. Eli sighed and looked at her.

"Can we watch a movie or something?"

Mom shook her head. "No, not right now. We still have some things to do to get ready for your party. I'm assuming you want some decorations put up?"

"Duh. Can I help with that?"

Mom smiled. "Of course."

"You never let me help with my own party decorations," I reminded her.

"That's because you never asked." She got up and held out her hand to Eli. "Come help me get everything together."

She was right; I never did ask. I always had better things to do. Since he was going to help, I didn't need to. While Mom, Dad, and Eli had their decorating fun, I went upstairs to my room and got Eli's present out of the closet. The little shit had better appreciate it; it cost me twenty whole bucks. I wrapped up the Lego set then I went back to reading my book for a little while until Mom called me down.

The party was interesting to say the least. Eli's friends started showing up ten minutes to one o'clock. He'd invited ten kids from his class, but only four actually showed up. He kept asking Mom when the rest of them would come, and she kept making excuses on their behalf.

Eli was so excited to introduce me to his friends after he got to meet a few of mine on Halloween. Charles and Madison were twins, both equally blonde, blue-eyed, and pale-skinned. They kept saying stuff in unison like they'd rehearsed it. It was weird. Billy was a hulk of a boy, but he seemed really sweet. He had thick, dark brown hair and hazel eyes, and he always referred to Mom as "ma'am" and Dad as "sir". Landon was a tiny thing with wispy, dirty blonde hair and the biggest blue eyes I'd ever seen. I thought Eli could pull off a good "poor me" face, but this kid had perfected the art. He seemed nice, too. Maybe a little greedy, but what can you expect from an eleven-year-old boy?

Billy's and Landon's mothers stayed for the duration of the party. Billy's mom, Patricia, was nice, but Landon's mom, Lexi, made me want to smack her so many times. She'd get pissy with Mom about the tiniest things like she knew everything about raising a child and Mom knew nothing. I noticed that she never made a comment about anything when Dad was in the room. Mom glared at her a few times. I had to applaud her for not making a scene. I barely managed to keep my mouth shut.

Eli took center stage when he opened his mound of presents. He'd gotten almost everything he asked for, aside from the authentic light saber, real-life dinosaur, pet Gila monster, and recesses outside. He even liked the Batman Lego set I got for him.

After presents, it was time for brownies and ice cream.

"What, no cake?" Lexi asked condescendingly when Dad went to light the candles.

"Ew, no way," Eli said as he scrunched his nose. "Cake is nasty."

Mom smirked. "I've doomed my child's whole future by not giving him cake even though he doesn't like it, haven't I?"

Lexi scowled. I wanted to cheer. It would only have been more awesome if Mom had punched her in the face. Or if she'd let me do it.

Dad came back and we all sang "Happy Birthday" to the little twerp. Mom told him to make a good wish because he only got one birthday wish a year. He closed his eyes. Somehow I knew exactly what he was wishing for. It hurt my heart to think he'd be spending his wish on a day in the sun. He opened his eyes and blew out the candles. Dad hugged his shoulders.

"Congratulations, Eli," he said. "You're officially eleven."

I smiled. Both Mom and Dad had said that every single year of my life to both my brother and me. It was sort of a tradition; we only got one wish per year and we couldn't actually become a year older until we blew out the candles. For a long time when I was younger, I wondered what happened to those kids who, for some reason or another, didn't have candles on their birthday. I had wondered if they just never got to grow up. Of course I knew the truth now, but it was still fun to hear.

As Mom was passing out the brownies, I thought about telling Lexi she couldn't have any. I decided that would be a little rude and made another plan. As I had hoped, she asked Mom if she'd made them. Before Mom could answer, I gave her one of my own.

"We made them, Mom and I did. We made sure to use extra spit in the batter, too. Hope you like it."

The boys laughed, and I swear Lexi gagged. It was awesome.

"Josie!" Mom said with wide eyes. Dad was having a hard time hiding his smile.

I shrugged. It was worth it.

"There is no spit in the batter; ignore my daughter." Mom gave me another look.

I laughed even harder when Lexi put her plate down, ignoring the uneaten half of her brownie. Not surprisingly, the wench had to leave soon after that. The only thing I felt bad about was that Eli was down one more friend for his party.

I was put on clean-up duty after everyone finished eating. I was pretty sure Mom made it that way to punish me. Too bad I'd already expected it and wasn't fazed. The kids really weren't that messy, considering. As I threw away the garbage, I thought about taking a fresh batch of brownies to Lexi as a sort of "I'm sorry, fuck off" gesture. In the end, it wasn't worth it. Making the treat required too much effort.

The boys—and girl—decimated Eli's room as they played with his newly acquired toys. Patricia and Mom talked a lot, and Dad disappeared while I was cleaning stuff up. I went upstairs and smiled to myself when I heard the kids playing. They were laughing, screaming, running, and generally having fun. It was nice to hear it.

"I talked to my teacher today," Eli said at dinner the next Monday. "She said there's a lot of shade outside I could stay in if I went out for recess."

Dad sighed. I licked my lips and reached out to touch Eli's arm. Dad was already frustrated about a few things; it wouldn't do any good adding this on top of it.

"We've already said no," Dad said. He was surprisingly calm. Mom stared at him with a look I couldn't decipher. It seemed to be worry and maybe a little surprise wrapped in one.

Eli pouted. "But it's not fair," he whined. "All the other kids—"

"All the other kids won't fry outside the way you will," Dad shouted. So much for calm. "Jesus Christ, Eli, we've been over this and the goddamn answer is no."

Eli's lip trembled. It didn't matter that he knew how bad Dad's temper could get; he never really knew how to handle it. I squeezed his hand.

Mom cleared her throat. "Jacob, can I talk to you for a minute please?" Her tone made it obvious that she wasn't giving him a choice.

Dad glared at her for a second before he got up and followed her out of the room, grumbling as he went.

I tugged on Eli's hand. "Come on. Let's go upstairs."

He looked at me with wide, tear-filled eyes. "I didn't mean to make him mad."

I stood up and tugged again. "Come on."

He got up and came with me. We went to my room. I sat on my bed and let him curl up against me. I closed my eyes and prayed our parents could keep it together. It wasn't ten minutes before Dad's voice carried up the stairs with Mom's right after it. I kissed my brother's head and gently ran my fingers through his hair.

"It's not your fault," I said softly. "Dad was already in a bad mood, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."

He sniffled. "Except bug them again about something I know I can't have."

I hugged him tightly. "Yeah, but how many times have we both done that? What's happening right now isn't because of you asking again, okay? It's just all the things Dad's dealing with combining together to make him irritable. Sooner or later, he'll come apologize."

Eli nodded. "I know, but it still sucks."

"I know it does. It will be okay." I pet his hair. "You'll see; everything will be back to normal soon."

He huffed. "Our family doesn't know what 'normal' means."

I wanted to argue. We were normal . . . for us. I couldn't, though, because I knew he was right in a way. Not every family had two people with photosensitivity. That in itself was strange. Then there was Mom with her PTSD and Dad with his bipolar.

I sighed and hugged Eli tighter. I didn't know what to say, so I changed the subject.

"Are you getting tired?"

He sucked in a huge yawn before he sat up and nodded. "Yeah."

I ruffled his hair. It was already standing up in odd places, so it didn't get very messed up. "Go on. Get ready for bed. I'll brave the war zone in a minute to make them stop long enough to say goodnight."

He smiled. "Thanks, Josie."

I hugged him one more time before I kicked him out. He ducked into his room and shut the door. I took a deep breath then shut my door to get changed. Once in my pajamas, I started down the hall toward the stairs. I didn't hear anything but the soft creak of the steps under my feet, but that didn't mean anything. Mom and Dad had a few stages of fighting. The first stage was more of a bicker and involved them getting slightly annoyed with each other, but no voices were raised. The second stage was an argument where they'd usually act fairly calm until they shut the bedroom door. Sometimes I wondered if they thought that made their room soundproof.

The final stage was all-out fighting. They'd slam doors and yell and cry until one or the other shut the other one out of the room. There were a few mini-stages between argument and fight. What Eli and I heard earlier was closer to a fight, but it seemed to have mellowed out.

I heard their voices as I crept closer to their room. Mom was talking.

"Ten minutes, Jake. That's all I'm asking. I know he'll want to push for more, but think about it."

"I have thought about it," Dad retorted. "And I've told you before that it's a stupid idea. If you give him any time outside, he's going to take more whether we give it to him or not. Who is going to make sure he goes back inside after ten minutes?"

I planted myself just outside their closed door and pressed my back against the wall to listen some more.

Mom sighed. "Who makes sure he doesn't go outside as it is? His teacher. I could talk to her and ask her to set a timer or something."

"Ness, this is ridiculous."

Mattress springs creaked, and my heart rate skyrocketed with fear I'd be caught when Dad opened the door. I gasped and looked around like a deer frozen in headlights for a second before I realized Mom was talking again.

"You do realize that nothing is actually stopping him from going outside without our permission, right? Think about it. I was told I couldn't go out when I was a kid, but there were plenty of times I snuck out. I always paid for it, but I did it anyway."

Dad grunted in annoyance. I sucked in a slow, deep breath and thought about knocking before someone could catch me. They were both quiet for a minute. I turned around and raised my hand. Before I could knock, Dad spoke again.

"I know you want him to have all the things you never had, Ness." His voice was much calmer than it had been a few moments ago. "I know that. Believe me; it kills me that he has to go through this. What I wouldn't give to put him and Josie both somewhere where neither of them could ever get hurt."

"I know, Jake. But we can't do that. Giving him ten minutes outside during lunch recess won't be exactly what he wants, but it will help."

"Are they still fighting?" Eli whispered. I hadn't seen him come down.

I shook my head and put my finger over my lips to tell him to be quiet. "They're just talking," I whispered back.

He nodded and stepped up beside me to eavesdrop with me. I put my arm around his shoulders. I must have missed something, because instead of more talking, we heard kissing. Eli looked up at me with a grimace and quickly scooted around me to knock on the door. I smiled to myself and waited for one of them to open up.

A moment later, Mom opened the door and let us in. Eli went right up to Dad and hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Dad," he said.

Dad sat down on the bed and looked at Mom. She smiled at him, and he just sighed. "It's okay, Eli. I'm sorry I yelled at you. Your mom and I would like to talk to you about the situation, though."

I really didn't belong in the room while they hashed things out. I had a feeling Eli was going to be happy for what he got and maybe a little annoyed it wasn't more. Instead of sitting around listening to more conversations that had nothing to do with me, I left the room and went to go clean up the kitchen from dinner.

Eli was a bundle of excitement the next morning. He was ready for school in record time. I was still eating breakfast when he came down the stairs with his coat and backpack on. Mom had been partially right; he had thrown a mini fit over getting only ten minutes, but once that passed he was extraordinarily bouncy. I was happy for him, but I shared Dad's hesitation. I really hoped this didn't end up backfiring on the rascal.

I got ready for school thinking about the whole situation. My brother was so excited because he got to spend a little bit of time outside. I could only imagine what that would sound like to someone who didn't know about his condition. They'd think we kept him locked up in a dark basement and fed him scraps of leftovers. I scowled to myself as I put my hair up. It reminded me of what he'd said the night before. Our family doesn't know what normal is.

I was normal. Sort of. Just an average teenage girl living with a weird-ass family.

I'd never felt out of place before. Not like this. There had been plenty of times that I felt like I didn't fit in with a particular group at school or that so-and-so didn't like me or maybe the perfect Barbie bitch was right and my hair or my clothes or my makeup or my shoes or my whatever was stupid. But I always had Hannah or Josh or Aunt Leah or even Mom and Dad to bitch at about it. Every time I felt like that, someone around me would help me feel like I belonged again. I wasn't sure how that would work this time. I felt like an outcast because I wasn't an outcast. How did that even make sense?

I pushed that thought away as much as I could to focus on getting ready for school. Mom had to run in to the school when she dropped Eli off to talk to his teacher, then she dropped me off. She smiled at me and told me to have a good day. I hugged her and tried to muster a convincing "I'll try" before I got out of the car.

I felt off the whole day. Jennifer kept asking me what was wrong and I kept telling her to mind her own business. I had friends all around me, but not one of them was Hannah or Josh or Kaylie. I couldn't talk to them the way I talked to my other friends in Phoenix. They didn't know about my family's oddness or why I would even feel the way I felt today. I was alone among all of them. Alone and melodramatic. Not a good combination.

I listened to everyone's conversations at lunch, but I didn't have anything to offer. Kyle sat beside me like always and laughed as he told a story about pissing off his dad the night before. The other guys at the table laughed. I thought it was immature and stupid, but that was because I couldn't intentionally piss my dad off without risking really pissing him off which nobody wanted.

After school, I went home and all but locked myself in my room to do my homework. I tried to call Hannah but she didn't answer. Josh was working and couldn't talk for long. Kaylie didn't answer either, although I wasn't as used to talking to her on the phone about heavy shit as I was the other two. I groaned to myself and texted Hannah to call me as soon as she could talk. Maybe if I got some of this out of my system I'd feel better.

A/N: Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts :)