Chapter VII: Where someone totally goes round the bend

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Melissa didn't know how long she was under the wave that muted the world and left her feeling disconnected and cold. Time ticked by without her, fast and endlessly, but when she came to, colors and sounds rushing back, only a few minutes had passed.

Evidently Jackson had finished flirting and had spun the bottle, and Nathan was next in line to get gutted. He had stupidly chosen the truth and was looking rather nervous. Melissa couldn't feel much sympathy towards him. No one was forcing them to spin the bottle. Nathan could leave the game. She could leave the game. Why didn't she?

"What is the worst thing you have ever done?" Jackson's voice was demanding. Intense. He hadn't forgiven Nathan for asking the question about his criminal record. He wanted to dig up some dirt.

"What do you mean?" Nathan looked uncomfortable.

"The worst thing you have ever done. Played truant? Drank your dad's liquor? Lied? Come on - nobody can be good all the time."

No, Melissa knew that no one could be good all the time. People lied and cheated and they led you on. Did one love them in spite of that, or because of that?

Nathan stared at the fire, his eyes fixed on the flames. Melissa was surprised to see that his posture mirrored hers; arms around knees that were drawn tight against the chest. He must be cold too. Melissa could detect a small tremble in Nathan's low voice, when he spoke, "I fought with my dad before - before we left to Palau. I said I hated him."

Melissa wanted to say that it wasn't the worst thing he had ever done, and that he would get to apologize to his dad and tell him how he hadn't meant it. How his dad had already forgiven him thousand times. She couldn't though. Her lips were numb and there was a lump lodged tight in her throat. Others seemed to be tongue-tied as well. Heavy silence fell over them. Why do we spill our secrets when it would be so much easier to lie?

"That was - okay, so we have established that Nathan is a regular boy scout, can we continue the game now?" There was no bite in Eric's words, just a desperate need to move to a safer topic, away from the gaping wound that a touch to a raw nerve had left in its wake.

"Eric, don't-" But Daley fell silent as Nathan grabbed the bottle and spun it around. Melissa was strangely resigned, when the bottle ended up pointing towards her. Resigned and almost detached. Her heart beat a little faster, but it didn't mean anything. Her heart always beat faster, when Jackson was looking at her.

"Truth or dare?" Nathan didn't seem to be that thrilled to be the one asking. Why doesn't he leave the game? Why am I still here? It was a little hurtful, a little shameful, to realize she still cared so much about what others thought of her. How they would see her, if she were to leave the game.

"Truth." Her heart was a heavy stone in her chest, thudding against the ribcage. Melissa could feel Nathan's gaze on her, but she didn't meet it. She stared at the sand by her feet and had a sudden urge to draw something on it with her finger. Her initials. Pointless. It will be gone come morning.

"Okay, uh…What is your greatest fear?"

What did she fear? Back at home, Melissa had been afraid of the dark. She had detested spiders, and sometimes she had seen dreams, where spiders were scurrying out of the darkness, straight towards her. But, as with everything else, also this had changed, had become different. Even now, she wouldn't voluntarily touch a spider, but the old fear seemed here so childish, laughable.

"Come on Mel, what are you afraid of? Can't be too difficult to think of something."

No, when she let herself really, truly think about it, it wasn't that difficult at all. She was afraid that the next storm would rip their camp to pieces and leave them without shelter. That one day they would run out of food and get sick and die, or the others would die and she would be left alone. That Jackson would never like her back, not the way she wanted, that she would never be kissed again, properly, never loved, that her mom and dad would forget her and go on with their lives, that the others would notice that there was something wrong with her, all the time. That she would never again sleep like she used to sleep back home, in her own bed, blissfully, peacefully, resting in the knowledge that all was right in her world and in the morning there would be another day. In short: Melissa was afraid of everything.

Everything, and one thing above all. "We are never going to get out of here." Melissa heard the words come out of her mouth. She couldn't stop them; didn't want to stop them. It was the truth. At that moment, it seemed the truest thing of all.

Silence. Then a jumble of voices, not filling the void but widening it further.

"That wasn't a proper answer."

"Melissa-"

"Was that your answer? Or was that just some random, morbid statement?"

"Mel, are you alright?"

"You don't have to-"

"Was that the answer?"

"Let's just continue the game!"

"I just want to know-"

"Shut your trap!" Jackson's shout finally rendered all of them quiet. "Let Mel explain, if she wants to, otherwise let it go." Either way, she didn't care. They could yell themselves hoarse, rip each other to pieces, dissect her to atoms.

"Mel?" Nathan's tone was careful, like the merest sound of his voice would shatter her, burst her into thousands of tiny grains, lost in the sand.

"It's the truth." He had asked the truth and she had given it. What was there to explain?

"Don't say that." Daley clenched her fists. "You don't know that."

"We have to stay positive, we'll be rescued." Nathan had repeated the same mantra over and over again, but this time he didn't sound like he believed his own words.

"I so don't want to dwell on this now. Let's just continue the game." Taylor fidgeted in her place, seemingly uncomfortable and frustrated by the turn of events.

"If you don't want to hear it, then you shouldn't ask for it." Melissa was getting annoyed. They all just wanted to brush aside her answer, the topic they should be really talking about, instead of silly games and criminal records and sexual exploits. No one ever heard her. They asked her opinion just to assert and bolster their own minds. And when they need my vote.

"It's been a long day, you're just tired." Daley avoided Melissa's eyes. "Maybe you should go to bed."

"I would if I could, but the nearest bed - not to mention my own bed - is quite a way from here." Suddenly nothing was more irritating than Daley's attempts to baby her. Melissa was not in the mood to be mollified. "I can't say exactly where though, since we don't know where the hell we are." Daley tensed visibly, and Melissa was viciously glad about it. She wasn't some rag doll that could be thrown about, trusted to keep her mouth shut. Not anymore.

"Melissa - let's not talk about it now." Nathan's soothing tone of voice went amiss. "It's not a good idea. It's late and we are all tired."

"I'm not tired!" Melissa was far from tired. She was wide awake - for the first time in her life it seemed.

"Okay, you're not tired. Great. So play if you want, if not, then leave and do whatever it is that rocks your socks off, but please, can we continue the freaking game now?" Eric's restless hands were reaching for the bottle.

"You're not finished with trying to humiliate people? What a shocker." Vaguely, Melissa was aware that her hands were shaking. Blood was rushing in her ears, but nothing could stop her from speaking now.

"Hey, if you can't take it, you shouldn't ask for it. Right?" An obnoxious smirk spread to Eric's face, and Melissa felt a sudden violent urge to rip the smile, every strand of his hair away, make his skin bloody and bleeding. Bastard.

"You know, do you really believe that sarcastic, I-don't-care-about-anything-attitude is fooling anyone? That we can't see what you truly are; a sad, pathetic, lonely bastard? At this rate, no one is going to give a damn about you. I certainly won't!" Melissa found herself standing, her finger jabbing accusingly at Eric, who had also jumped to his feet. Others were hurriedly standing up, stepping between them, for some reason looking rather alarmed.

"I…" Eric was taken aback, lost for words. Melissa wasn't interested in anything he had to say anyway.

"Mel, calm down." Nathan sounded anxious. Whatever for? I am quite calm. A small, hysteric burst of laughter escaped her.

"Okay - someone has totally gone round the bend." Taylor just had to insert her own opinion, and Melissa turned to face the other girl, determined to speak her mind.

"Why do you even open your mouth, since you don't want to dwell on this? You're always turning up your nose at everything, meddling in other people's affairs. Just stop already."

"Oh please, you don't have any interesting affairs to meddle with."

"You always have to take everything - you're a selfish, heartless bitch, and I-"

"Melissa!" Jackson's shocked voice got her full attention. He looked at her as if he was seeing her for the very first time. Melissa's eyes were burning. He has never really seen me. Jackson waited until she looked at him, then said with a firm tone, "That's enough. Calm down."

"Don't you tell me to do anything, you don't have the right. And why don't you make your fucking mind already? I'm tired of trying to read your mind." The words were pouring out of her, uncontrollable, fast, exploding with the weight of all her pent-up emotions. "Although - don't bother on my sake. I'm so done with you!"

"Mel-"

"I'm done with all of you! Here you are playing games, tearing each other to pieces, when none of it matters! None-" Her shrill voice cracked. She swallowed, then continued with smaller volume but equal fervor. "I'm so sick of this. We are not going to be rescued - we are going to die here. And if this is all there is, then the sooner the better."

"Melissa, listen-"

She didn't want to listen. And for once, she had said all she wanted to say. Only one thing remained to do, and she had waited long enough to do it.

"I'm not playing anymore." She turned away from the fire, away from the others, and started walking into the darkness.

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So, Melissa finally reached her breaking point. Was it believable? How she got to that point and what she said? Your opinions matter! And every review is greeted with disturbing amounts of zeal and warm hugs.