The Blind Date That Wasn't
Summary: Joker is surprisingly gullible. So is Wendy. Somehow, this leads to Teh Hawt Villainsexxors. A fic request from Bezo, for my ROD: The Dating Game fiasco.
Timeline: Mid-TV
It had been a long day.
Not a particularly bad day, per se, but just a long, exhausting day filled with scheming and machinations.
And meetings.
Lots of meetings.
Exceedingly boring meetings.
When Mr. Carpenter had voiced this complaint, amid numerous yawns, to his faithful and – usually – sweet-natured secretary Wendy, she had given a small smile that looked as though it wanted to be a giggle but didn't dare, and reminded him mildly that he was the one who ran the meetings.
Therefore, she had concluded airily, if they were boring, it was his own fault.
This had led to Mr. Carpenter very decidedly and pointedly Ignoring her for the rest of the day.
Even when she had come to pass on a message from the new employee, Phil about a business dinner that had been scheduled at the last minute, he had carefully absorbed every detail without giving any indication that he was listening at all.
He had, however, relented and replied when she had begun to repeat the entire message in the most prim, dainty, and refined bellow he had ever heard.
Hmph. If she hadn't spent the entire day being such an insufferable little brat, he might well have considered bringing her along tonight, if only to ensure that he had someone around whose idea of fascinating conversation was to stare adoringly at him whilst he related his life story.
That, incidentally, was Joker's idea of fascinating conversation, too. Although, the topic of exactly what was in those Silk and Satin bags that she came back from some lunch-hour shopping with held considerable appeal.
But not as something to be discussed at a business dinner.
And so, with a heroic effort, he resolutely tucked images of convoluted lace and satin contraptions – and a few half-formed ones of a certain blonde modelling them – away for later, and pushed his way through the door into the restaurant's back room.
It had been a long day.
First, she had woken up, which had been bad enough; then she had been compelled by the continuous beeping of her alarm clock to actually get up.
Nothing good could come of such a thing.
And naturally, nothing good had come of it.
Before she had been at work an entire hour, Wendy had been subjected to the fate that every woman who has ever worked in an office whilst single, with several other women, also single, invariably must face.
She had been roped into a blind date.
Looking back on the conversation, she would have been hard-pressed to tell anyone how it had happened. Her vision had simply clouded over for a time…the voices of those around her growing dim…the sound of blood rushing in her ears overpowering everything else…
And when it had all cleared, she had been left holding a little bag containing what that infuriating Danielle girl apparently considered to be "THE perfect Date Outfit", as that same infuriating Danielle had called back to Wendy to be at the restaurant at 7:30.
Wearing the outfit, she had thought to add at the last second.
A pity, Wendy had thought, bidding all hopes of simply dropping the silly thing somewhere and simply going in a bathrobe a sad farewell.
Nevertheless, one had to keep an open mind about these things.
Maybe this mysterious man would be hot.
And it wouldn't be a bad experience, spending the evening with a man who would be, at the outset at least, actually acknowledging her existence.
How long that would last was anyone's guess.
Three seconds later found two startled and borderline horrified people staring at one another.
"S-so…are you here for a…" She choked slightly over the words. "…a blind date, too?"
"A blind date?" he repeated with a contemptuous sniff. "I'm here for a meeting, actually. The same one you gave me a message about earlier today?"
She did not blush noticeably at this, but turned away.
"Oh. Eh, right."
He sighed in distinct annoyance as he pulled out the unoccupied of the two chairs set at the table. The slender glass vase containing a rose of sweet pale pink caught his eye, and became the unfortunate object of his icy scorn.
However, as both the rose and the vase were, indeed, inanimate, neither seemed to properly appreciate just how devastated they ought to be by this.
"I would have thought you'd look into this a bit before blithely sending along a message."
"Oh, for God's sake," she muttered, folding her arms and glaring more petulantly than he'd seen her in a long while.
Perhaps the half-full glass of wine in front of her was to blame for that. He seemed to recall that she was always early enough for meetings of any sort that she would have ample time to become bored enough to begin sipping away at the vibrant red liquid that she'd never really liked anyway.
Always said it would be far better if it was tea.
There, he had to agree. If a beverage was not steaming hot and served in a teacup, preferably by the girl sitting across from him and glaring daggers, he had relatively little interest.
As he continued to muse upon the subject of how this unexpected rendezvous would be far more pleasant if there were tea involved, she continued.
"I didn't really expect that Phil would do something this silly – he seemed like he had half a brain at the interview."
This earned nearly a full smile.
"True, I suppose. Still…" Here, he trailed off as she stood and reached for his overcoat, and the full impact of something distinctly white and lacy and borderline transparent hit him. "What on earth are you wearing?"
"It's a blouse," she replied edgily.
"It hasn't got a back. Or any arms."
"I've worn things like this at those bloody parties you keep inviting everyone to at my flat because it's the perfect place to entertain," she mimicked rudely.
"Yes, and don't think I don't appreciate that," Joker said pleasantly, and Wendy took a brief moment to wonder if it was the use of her flat that he was appreciative of, or her revealing little party clothes. "But Wendy, what on earth convinced you to pair it with that?"
She looked down briefly at the leather micro-mini-skirt, and made a mental note to smack a certain tall leggy redhead tomorrow.
"It's Danielle's."
"I suppose that explains everything," he admitted smilingly.
"I thought I would try something a little daring," she said sulkily.
"You look ridiculous."
She gave a sarcastic laugh.
"Well, then! Maybe I should just take it off."
At these words, partially inadvertent and due more to temper than to her actually thinking about what she was saying, both froze, and slowly turned to face each other.
"It seems a plan with no drawbacks to me," Joker said, infuriatingly calm. "Although, I would prefer to take it off of you myself."
"Em…should we leave first?" she asked timidly, glancing sideways at the suddenly very attentive waiter.
"Good thinking, Wendy; no need to give this poor boy a show," he replied, the words melting off into a startled cry as she seized his arm and dragged him bodily from the room.
He smiled to himself as he flapped merrily in the breeze behind her,
"I don't know that I entirely approve of all this, but her enthusiasm is touching."
"So," Wendy began several hours later, propping herself up on her elbows and dragging the blankets up higher with one hand, "does this mean you're going to forgive Phil and Danielle and all those other crazies for inventing a meeting?"
Running one hand down her back and trying to push the blankets away, he smiled.
"Oh, I've already had them…taken care of."
She blinked.
"Does that mean that we can expect to have to conduct more job interviews in the near future?"
"I'm afraid so," he said with a sorrowful shake of his head.
She rolled her eyes, then stopped and frowned.
"Hold on; when did you have to…take care of half your staff?"
"While you were fetching the car," he replied.
"What!"
"Wendy, I am nothing if not ruthlessly efficient."
"Well. I'm glad you're not 'ruthlessly efficient' in everything."
He laughed, and pushed her back down against the pillow.
Several minutes later, he looked up, away from the engaging and extremely enjoyable task of seeing what sorts of interesting noises he could get by kissing her where, and frowned accusingly.
"Hold on; why on earth did you agree to go on a blind date?"
End Notes: As requested by Bezo, cue the Degrassi theme as the frame freezes on both our evil little lovebirds making the stupidest faces possible. :D