this is the last of the updated chapters (07-08-2017) but I shouldn't take too much longer to do the others because i am now a graduate and so i have more time during the day. of course i still have work and life but i'm more equipped to handle that with writing now.

enjoy!

Desperation

Part Three:

Pain

July 30th 1999 - Friday - 11:30 p.m

Lily

Harry.

Harry.

Harry.

Lily couldn't focus on anything else, the view of her grown son had stopped her whole world in it's tracks. She hardly remembered waking up in her own grave, he whole focus was on her son. Her baby boy who wasn't much of a baby anymore. She didn't know what she she was feeling, and she couldn't focus on figuring it out. Her brain kept switching between her consciousness and reality, only staying in each for seconds and it was never enough to let her adjust to the situation. The world around her was unfocused and she couldn't seem to focus on anything, she hadn't been able to since she saw her son. The image of her grown son in auror robes was really the only thing she could somewhat focus on.

Lily wanted her son. She wanted him to be in front of her. He may not be the baby she remembered, and that hurt, but he was her son. She had never been this far from Harry since she gave birth to him, and that hurt too, just differently.

She missed out on so much of Harry's life and now he was all grown up. Lily really couldn't handle that right now and everything shut down into a unidentifiable mess of emotions. One minute she'd feel too much at once and she felt as if her body would be ripped apart from the pain. Not even the cruciatus curse had hurt her this much. Then the pain would ebb away and she'd go numb and her body would ache all the way to her bones. And she'd feel so empty, so, so empty that she barely felt like she was breathing. Just when it felt like the emptiness would swallow her up, her emotions would fill the void. The cycle would then repeat.

It seemed like hours, but it could have been days or simply just a few minutes before the worst of the shock wore off.

"Ms. Potter, are you feeling better?" A healer asked from behind her floating clipboard. "You aren't feeling any ill reaction to the calming draught are you? There are some people who they don't work right on, and I couldn't find anything in your records that said if you were one of them or not."

"No, no, I'm fine, the calming draught worked okay."

The woman asked a few more questions which took Lily a minute to answer. Once the healer was done, she handed Lily another potion.

"Drink this, it'll help with the magical exhaustion."

There was a knock on the door, another healer peaked his head in, waving over Lily's healer. They exchanged a few quiet words before they both left. Lily took this time to observe her husband. He looked worn out and unsure, Lily was sure she looked the same to him. They looked at one another uncertainty, not sure how to even approach the topic they both wanted to talk about. James held his hand out between the two cots and Lily gladly placed her own hand in his. It helped anchor both of them. The door opened and Lily's healer stepped back in.

"Greg are you finished?" She asked from the doorway. "Potter is here to pick them up."

"Yes, I've done all that I can think of. I'll be in my office Ann." Greg answered, stepped around Ann and disappeared around the corner.

"Are you two ready to leave?" Anne asked, eyeing them carefully.

James squeezed her hand tightly before saying, "Yeah, I mean, yes."

"Alright, follow me, your son is waiting by the main floo entrance."

Lily stood with James' help. After making sure she was steady on her feet, they followed the aging healer out of the room. They didn't go far, just down two hallways and out a door. Harry was standing by the floo, the redhead from earlier was by his side talking to him quietly and a skinny brunette was on his other side watching the door they just came through.

"Ann, I didn't realize you'd be the one that was looking over my parents." Harry blurted as soon as he noticed the healer.

"At least they didn't give me as much trouble as you did the first time I saw you. You were practically dead on your feet, suffering from exposure to the cruciatus and magical exhaustion and you refused to let me treat you. Like defeating a dark lord was an excuse to refuse medical attention."

Lily could help the horrified gasp at the mention of the cruciatus curse. She didn't focus on it too much because her son was in front of her and obviously okay, but she wouldn't forget it.

"I wasn't that bad!"

The brunette snorted, and said scathingly. "Yes you were."

"It took Malfoy of all people to get you to see a healer. Malfoy mate, Malfoy." The redhead added looking disgruntled.

"Anyway," The brunette said, nudging Harry and turned her attention to Lily and James. "I'm Hermione, I'm one of Harry's best friends, since first year actually. It's nice to meet you."

"And I'm Ron, Harry's best mate." After sharing a look with Hermione, he added. "We met on the train our first year, so we've know each other for awhile. You'll be staying with us at my parents so, yeah."

"Really Ron, yeah?" Hermione muttered darkly.

Ron looked affronted as he replied. "Bloody Hell Mione, what else am I supposed to say?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh, those two remind her much of her and James when they started dating. Harry smiled slightly down at her after briefly catching her eyes. James' hand tightened around hers briefly, and she squeezed his hand back reflexively.

"You guys don't mind staying with the Weasley's do you? I've been looking for a place of my own so I don't have anywhere else to go this short notice-" Harry broke off once he noticed he was rambling. "You're okay aren't you, physically I mean, right?"

James seemed to relax next to her. He let out a pleased huff before saying, "We are both okay, just have a case of magical exhaustion for the both of us."

"And we don't mind staying with the Weasley's." Lily added with a wide smile.

"Alright we're flooing there, if you don't mind." Harry said, grabbing the jar of floo powder on the mantle of the fireplace behind him, "I'll go first, then you guys and then 'Mione and Ron. Floo address is 'The Burrow'."

"The Burrow, got it." Lily confirmed with a smile.

Harry smiled back at her, grabbed a bit of floo powder and handed her the jar with a small smiled. He tossed the powder into the flame and stepped forward, muttered the floo address and was gone.

"Together?" Lily asked as she gave him a pleading look.

"Together." James agreed and grabbed a handful of floo powder.

They handed the jar to Hermione, and stepped into the now green flames.

James grip tightened on her hand as he called hesitantly, "The Burrow!"

They both stumbled out of the fireplace in a unfamiliar room. Their tired and stiff bodies found that way of transportation nauseating and disorienting. James looked seconds away from throwing up, and if Lily herself didn't feel the same she would have laughed at the expression of his face.

"Shit." James cursed and scrambled to his feet, using Lily as a crutch. She helped him up while looking around the room. Pictures frames were scattered around the room but only a few caught her eye. The slightly ajar door to the side of the room was pushed open all the way and her son stepped out. A woman who must have been Ron's mother and a thin man who must have been the father followed him into the room. The woman stepped forward and pulled Lily and James farther into the room. She moved them to the small loveseat in the room, and gently guided them so they were sitting.

"Hello, I'm Molly Weasley, wow Harry really does look a lot like you!"

"You should have seen him when he was baby, he was such a papa's boy." James replied, smiling sadly after he finished.

"Oh I don't think that's really changed, he really does look up to you." The thin man said reassuringly. "I'm Arthur Weasley, I'm really happy to meet you."

The sound of the fire in the fireplace flaring startled Lily badly even when she was expecting it. Harry's friends stepped forward together, they both moved so they were sitting together on the larger couch in front of the love seat. Harry who was leaning against the wall moved so he was sitting next to them.

"I was named your- as in both of you- temporary guardian." Harry paused, watching her carefully. "Which basically means that in the view of the law you both are underage wizards under my care. Well outside of being able to use magic anyway..."

Honestly Lily was a little overwhelmed and just wanted to sleep. She also wanted to spend time with her son, but it would be best if she rested first. Especially since she was sure that they had a lot to talk about and it was already late. She just didn't know how to tell him this. Lily was afraid to disappoint Harry by asking if they could wait to have this conversation.

"Harry dear," Molly said after a long moment. "Why don't we go over all this tomorrow, I'm sure your parents need some rest."

"It has been a rather long day." Arthur added, smiling at Harry warmly. "I'm sure it would do everyone good to get some sleep, we have a busy day tomorrow."

Harry's eyes widened slightly and his jaw went slack in shock. He seemed a little lost for words as his mouth opened and closed comically for a moment. He looked to Molly pleadingly, and Lily couldn't help but feel a little jealous that he looked to her for reassurance. She did her best to shake it off, but she couldn't so she did her best to make sure it didn't show.

"Merlin," He said breathily, "I totally forgot. It's my birthday tomorrow, and we have the party planned, shit I hate being a public figure..."

Both Lily and James froze at the mention of Harry's birthday. The rest of what he said seemed to go in one ear and out the other. In the morning Lily wouldn't be able to recall being shown to the room they'd be staying in for the foreseeable future. When time and reality shifted back into place sometime later, she found herself sobbing into her husbands chest. The couple were cuddled up together on a unfamiliar queen sized bed. James made a pained noise and pulled her closer, resting his face where her neck meets her shoulder. They cried together as they felt the full weight of the situation.

Harry had grown up without them and he had forged his own family in that time and it hadn't involved them. For a fleeting moment Lily thought that maybe it would have been best if they hadn't been resurrected; It didn't seem like Harry even needed them there.

These were the kind of thoughts that followed Lily and James Potter into a night of restless sleep.

thank you for reading!

-haley