Title: A Supervillain's Guide to Getting Married.
Pairing/Characters: Loki/Tony. Thor, Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Nick Fury, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff.
Summary: Written for this prompt on Avengerkink: "Even though there's the frequent battles with the Avengers, and his plans are always being thwarted, Loki likes it on Earth. He doesn't want to leave! But Odin (and Thor) rather want him back in Asgard. Loki decides it would be a good idea to marry a local, and have an excuse for staying put. Maybe he tries meeting some new people, but they don't interest him much. Better to stick with the people he knows (and would never admit to maybe kind of respecting a tiny bit). So Loki decides to marry an Avenger."
Tags: Accidental marriage, FrostIron, Wooing, Courting, Mild Hurt/Comfort.
A Supervillain's Guide to Getting Married.
Chapter 7/14
~0~
~0~
On day 12 of their honeymoon Tony briefly left their suite to collect the gifts that JARVIS reported had been left in the main living room upstairs and found himself ambushed by Pepper, Bruce and Thor.
As Tony looked around the room, he asked, "What is this, an intervention? I think it might be a little late for that."
"I'm worried about you, Tony," Pepper said. "Marrying someone while you're drunk I might be able to take, but marrying him?"
"Hey, don't be dissing my husband," Tony said.
"He threw you out of a window!" Pepper shouted in exasperation. "Has he even apologised for that?"
"Well… not exactly," Tony replied, and then added, "But he said I have a nice ass, so ya know, I kinda let it slide."
"You know that if word of this gets out everyone will hate you don't you? When that happens and Stark Industries is suddenly worth about five dollars overnight don't come complaining to me," Pepper said throwing her hands up in the air. She turned, and then quietly added, "I can't believe you left me for someone like him."
"I didn't leave. I'm still right here, you're the one who walked out on us," Tony said.
Pepper suddenly looked furious and marched up to Tony, pointing her finger. "Don't you DARE throw that in my face! I loved you and you pushed me away."
"If you loved me that much you wouldn't have left," Tony snapped back.
"And if you loved me you wouldn't have let me leave," Pepper shouted.
"Is that what this is about? You think I should have come running after you like a puppy?"
"No, Tony," Pepper sighed. "I thought it might have made you realise that you need help."
"Ooohhhh, so you think I'm some kind of basket case who should be in a hospital then?"
"I just wanted you to talk to someone about how you were feeling because obviously you didn't want to talk to me."
"I never talked to you because you would never understand how it felt, to be there, fighting aliens."
"You could have talked to Bruce, he's a doctor," Pepper suggested.
"I'm really not that kind of doctor," Bruce said quietly.
"So you think me marrying Loki is some kind of symptom of mental illness, is that what you're saying?"
"I just don't think you're really yourself at the moment and he's taking advantage of that," Pepper said as she ran a comforting hand up his arm.
"He's using you, Tony," Bruce said, and then he motioned to Thor who had sat on one of sofas looking like he wished he was anywhere but here. "Thor told us what you said to the guards who came to pick him up, and after he tried to marry us all it just seems logical that he thought it would let him stay in the country."
Tony thought about it for a moment. Was Loki using him? Had Loki mentioned extradition orders or staying on earth once to him? Tony was pretty sure he was the one who came up with that idea, and anyway even if Loki was using him did it really matter that much when he was having the time of his life?
"You really don't have to worry. I know exactly what I'm doing," Tony lied.
"You do?" Pepper asked.
"Yes, I admit accidentally marrying him, not my best idea ever, but since the marriage has been consummated I can't just get rid of him because I was so drunk I forgot the whole pre-nup thing, and believe me if I take him to court I will lose," Tony said, then he turned to Thor and said, "You've seen him cry, right?"
Thor seemed to give an involuntary shudder and said, "Stark is correct. If Loki weeps in front of court your king will not be able resist giving him everything he asks for."
"Not that kinda court, buddy, but you guys get the picture right?" Tony asked.
"So you're just staying with him until you can find a way to divorce him?" Pepper asked.
"Absolutely," Tony announced triumphantly, pretty sure there was at least a 50% chance that he was lying, OK, maybe 70%.
"You swear?"
"Scouts honour," Tony said, but since he had never been a boy scout swearing on something he never had in the first place couldn't technically be a bad thing.
"So until then you're just going to keep sleeping with him?" Bruce asked.
"Well, yeah. Have you seen him?" Tony asked. "He's like goddamn catnip. I can't get enough of him."
Thor put his face in his hands and shook his head.
~0~
~0~
Tony had thought that Loki would hide himself away and avoid the other Avengers who sometimes occupied the tower, but he was very wrong.
After the little intervention that Tony had been subjected to, which ended with Pepper storming out of the tower in tears, Loki took to parading around the communal areas dressed only in a dark green silk robe that fell off his shoulder to reveal the bruises that Tony had sucked onto his neck.
Sometimes Thor would corner Loki in a room and try to question him about his plans for the future, but Loki would sit on a chair with his legs wide, and let his robe fall open to show that he wasn't wearing underwear. Thor always left the room at record speed when that happened.
Tony had bought him that robe. It emphasised the paleness of his skin and brought out the colour of his eyes. He didn't regret it for a second, even though Thor was positively traumatised.
~0~
There was a slight incident in the kitchen on day 14 of their honeymoon when Steve and Loki almost came to blows, and Tony sat in the middle of it almost enjoying watching two grown men fight over him.
The day had started well enough with sex in the shower, followed by sex on the bed, and then sex in the shower again because Loki could be particularly prissy on some days and the idea of having come in his hair just WILL NOT DO FOR A PRINCE, STARK!
So after that they went up to what had been Tony's kitchen when he lived alone in the tower, and had now become the communal kitchen since he invited the super hero club to live with him.
Loki said he was tired of being cooped up, but Tony know that he actually just wanted the peanut butter because the jar in their suite was empty as he had spent most of the previous evening licking it off various parts of Tony's body.
Tony wasn't complaining obviously, because the licking thing was pretty cool, but when they arrived in the kitchen Steve just happened to be there eating a bowl of cereal as Thor wolfed down piles of toast. He got a sinking feeling in his stomach because this was probably not going to end well.
"Good morning, brother," Thor announced cheerily.
"It was until I was greeted by your ugly face," Loki replied as he stalked across the room, started opening the cupboard doors and rooting through the contents. "I cannot see it, Stark. Order your AI to get me more."
"JARVIS, add peanut butter to the grocery list, even though I know for a fact that we have a jar in here," Tony said as he opened a different cupboard.
"I have added it to the list, sir."
"Oh," Thor said. "I believe I may have eaten the last of it."
Loki whipped round. "I knew it! I knew you would be responsible for my misery yet AGAIN!"
"I apologise if I have hurt your feelings, brother. Would it help if I walked to the market and purchased a jar to replace it?"
Loki flounced across the kitchen and sank dramatically onto a chair, placed his hand across his heart and closed his eyes. "It is too late for that. You have wounded me with your inconsideration."
"Hey, cheer up, I have something even better than peanut butter," Tony said as he held up a jar.
Loki shot across the room and snatched the jar from Tony's hand. He read the label and asked, "What is Marshmallow Fluff?"
"Try it and see. I guarantee you will love it."
Loki hesitantly unscrewed the lid and caught a dot of it on his finger. He sniffed it and then placed his finger in his mouth and sucked it in a way that made Tony's jeans suddenly seem a little tight. "It is satisfactory."
Tony moved his hand towards the jar, hoping to have Loki suck on his finger, but instead it was snatched away.
"This is mine," Loki hissed, and then dipped his finger into the jar again.
"You aren't going to share?"
"What have you done today to deserve it?" Loki asked.
"Well… I thought that blow job in the shower was particularly good," Tony said, and he heard both Thor and Steve practically choke on their breakfasts.
Loki, hearing the gasp that Thor had let out, replied, "Hmmmm perhaps."
He offered out the jar, and then when Tony almost had his finger on the white fluffy spread he ripped it away and scooped two fingers worth of it into his mouth. He moved towards Tony, edging closer with a predatorial look on his face, and when he was backed against the countertop, Loki leant forward and kissed him, pushing his tongue into Tony's mouth, licking the sweet taste into it.
"That's definitely my kind of sharing," Tony said, when they parted.
"Then it is to your good fortune that the jar is still half full," Loki replied, as he dipped a finger into the jar and smeared it onto his exposed collarbone.
Tony leant forwards and ran his tongue along the pale skin, suckling on it gently until Loki moaned. This is what heaven must be like, Tony thought to himself, and if he could keep his lips on that skin for the rest of his life he would die a happy man, even if it meant they looked like worlds strangest Siamese twins forever.
"Will you two get a room?" Steve asked.
"He has a room and you are sitting in it, lest you forget that he allows you all to stay here out of the goodness of his heart," Loki snapped, as Tony pulled away from his neck.
"I understand that and I'm extremely grateful that he lets me come here," Steve said, "But I don't like the way you treat him. You act like he's your property."
"He is my property. Thor has his mortal pet and now I have mine," Loki replied seriously, as he wrapped an arm round Tony's waist and pulled him possessively towards him. "And unlike Thor I will feed mine golden apples so he does not become old and ugly and perish before we have a chance to try out even half of the sexual positions I know."
"Wait, we haven't tried them all?" Tony asked.
Loki cast a glance at him, his face softening into a smirk, and raised a finger tip to Tony's nose as he said, "Oh, Stark, you amuse me so."
"Loki, you know I offered Jane the apples. She does not wish to eat them. She does not want to be immortal," Thor piped up.
The last few words of that sentence caught Tony's attention. "Wait, I'm going to be immortal?"
"Yes, of course," Loki replied, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"Shit, yeah!" Tony said as he pulled away and punched the air.
"So you're going to be immortal and let him treat you like that forever basically?" Steve asked.
"He doesn't really mean it. You guys just get him all riled up," Tony said.
"Why Captain, I do believe you are quite jealous and wish you could have Stark all to yourself," Loki said lowly, pulling Tony back towards him.
"Jealous? Of you?"
Loki released Tony from his iron grip and stood squarely in front of Steve. "You can't have him. He's mine."
"I don't want Tony. I just want you to stop treating him like shit."
"Oh, and what will you do if I continue to treat him exactly how I have been? Do you intend to do something about it?"
"You better believe I will," Steve said as he stood up.
"Guys, come on. Let's not ruin a nice breakfast here," Tony said, attempting to calm everyone down.
"You believe you can best me?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I seem to remember kicking your ass in Stuttgart, yeah."
"Loki…" Thor said lowly, his tone almost threatening.
Loki tilted his head, and a smirk crossed his face. "Well why don't you try it again?"
Steve moved forward, and Tony wasn't sure if he was just trying to intimidate a fucking god or whether he really intended to smack his husband, but before he even finished his step Loki had him, one hand round his wrist and the other tightly wrapped around his throat as he lifted him into the air.
"Release him, Brother!" Thor bellowed.
"Quite the surprise is it not, Captain, when I let you feel my full strength," Loki hissed as Steve dangled in mid air and Thor jumped to his feet. "When you realise that the time I fought you I allowed you to win."
"Guyssss," Tony said, as he worried that his kitchen was about to become a battleground. "That expensive dinner service we got as a wedding gift is like right behind you so if you're gonna fight can you make sure you don't damage my plates… or the gravy boat."
Loki cast a glance at Tony, and then back at the man struggling in his arms, and said, "Anything for you, my love."
Steve coughed as Loki released him, drawing in huge lungfuls of air, as he bent over and put his hands on his knees.
"Are we done here?" Tony asked.
"I believe my point has been made," Loki replied, still scowling at Steve.
"Are you well?" Thor asked, as he placed a hand on Steve's back.
"I'm fine," Steve said as he straightened up and glared at Loki, "But you better stop bullying Tony like that. You need to treat him with respect."
Loki snorted in response, maintaining silent eye contact until Steve turned and strode out of the room angrily, followed by Thor.
"Thanks for that," Tony said as he slumped into a chair. "Now he's gonna go running off to Fury and report that you attacked him."
"And I shall respond with the truth, that the Captain attacked first, and naturally you will concur that I was merely defending myself."
"Even if I did agree that you were defending yourself, no one else would see it that way," Tony pointed out.
"So in future I am to let others call me names and I can do nothing to stop them, simply so I can be with you?" Loki asked, looking genuinely upset or at least some good impression of it.
The look on his face made Tony relent for a second. "Noooo, of course not, just do it with less fists and less of the throttling people thing. Anyway, I'm quite surprised you didn't kill him."
"I'm awfully fond of the gravy boat," Loki replied as he leaned back against the countertop and folded his arms. "If it was damaged I'd be heartbroken."
Tony ran his eyes up and down Loki's body and said, "You might wanna close your robe. I can see your… little sceptre."
Loki looked down, looked back at Tony and raised an eyebrow. "Little?"
"By little obviously I mean giant, satisfying, huge, etc," he quickly corrected.
"Obviously," Loki replied, and then he looked around the room. "Tell me, Stark. Have you ever had sex with anyone in this kitchen?"
"Not that I remember. You wanna christen it?" he asked, and Loki nodded. "A little public don't you think? Anyone could walk in here."
"Do I look like I care?"
"You like being watched, huh? Does it turn you on?"
"Not especially. I just know it annoys Thor and the other so called heroes in this tower. That gives me more enjoyment."
"Where you wanna do it? Countertop?"
Loki raised his hand, gave a flick of his finger and all the dishes on the table flew off and hit the floor with a crash of broken cheap crockery. "On here I think. The countertop would be too close to the gravy boat."