Two Years Earlier…
M'gann was not happy about this, not at all, that was clear as day to Alex. Ayrdaen had been ushered off by M'gann to her room to play, but M'gann had stayed behind. There was a talk imminent. The tension was thick and Alex had wished that she could just side step out of the room so as not to be in the middle of it all.
The room filled with an angry silence before there was a word spoken.
"I told you that this was cruel to Ayrdaen," M'gann said, controlled anger filled her tone as she pointed her conversation towards J'onn. "You should have discussed this with me before you even thought about going back there...you have no idea what you may have done to the timeline...and I don't think that you care...or even thought about it." Then M'gann looked over at her, the fire that filled her eyes really made Alex wish that she wasn't present for this. "You were too grief stricken over her to even think about your daughter! Our daughter! We agreed that I would have decisions in raising Ayrdaen, just as if she were biologically mine!" M'gann's anger flipped back to J'onn, not letting a beat pass. "We knew that Alex would die. We knew that day was coming, but you held on...you foolishly held on...even after all of the deaths we've seen! Why couldn't you just let her go?"
It hit Alex in that moment that that was the most that she'd heard them verbally argue since she'd arrived there. She wondered if M'gann had just wanted her to hear it all. Alex hadn't really had a choice in it, well...she had...but for her it was more of a trust or don't trust...and all she could think was to trust him.
"I don't know!" J'onn practically exploded. "I just couldn't!"
"You've spent so many years feeling a certain affinity for her," M'gann continued on. "You don't need her in our lives to live, J'onn-"
Her eyes caught something between the arguing, though.
"Ayrdaen," Alex spoke up.
The girl was standing in the shadows of the hallway and maybe it was all of the yelling, but Alex was surprised that they hadn't thought about that...but perhaps this was the first time they'd had a conflict that was loud and verbal...or maybe they were just too focused not to have sensed Ayrdaen.
"It's okay," she said quietly, trying to immediately console the girl from the other side of the room even though she wasn't entirely sure if Ayrdaen was upset over the argument. Alex just knew that it never felt good to see your parents argue. "We hadn't meant to be so loud."
"I want my real Mama," Ayrdaen voiced.
It broke her heart that she couldn't be that for Ayrdaen. Maybe J'onn had been right to pull her there, because if she could have pulled it off...then this would have been worth it. To be able to bring some comfort to Ayrdaen. But the little girl could sense that she wasn't her mother and Alex didn't know where that would leave her amongst all of the emotions in the room. "I know, Sweetie," Alex whispered because it seemed like Ayrdaen being there had caught both M'gann and J'onn off guard and they were taking the time to calm themselves down. She ignored them, focusing her attention on the girl. "Can I tell you a story?"
"What kind of story?"
"Do you know the story about Supergirl?" Alex asked as she approached Ayrdaen, who tilted her head in quiet response.
"You don't know it."
That made her smile. "I do," Alex insisted.
"Not my Mama," Ayrdaen said as she looked away from Alex.
Crouching down, Alex just smiled at her. "Maybe not, but I think I'm pretty close… Can we maybe just talk? I'll tell you whichever story you want...or even just start at the beginning…" She knew it had to be confusing for Ayrdaen, but maybe it also gave her some comfort? Alex could only hope so.
"Okay," Ayrdaen finally spoke up and motioned towards the door behind her.
Alex didn't even look back, she just followed after her future daughter. She took in everything about her that she hadn't seen before. She didn't know how it was exactly possible, but there were parts of Ayrdaen that reminded Alex of J'onn, things she saw of herself in the mirror...and even of her parents. The more time she spent with Ayrdaen, Alex was sure that she'd see more.
The room that they stepped into was bright, unlike the room Alex had been staying in. Its walls looked like windows to the outside except they didn't show the outside of Thoron, but instead showed a paradise. Thoron was beautiful, but this was something more...it was like a three dimensional video desktop screensaver. It reminded her of a place that Kara had told her about when they were children, a planet that she'd visited with her parents.
"It's beautiful," she said before looking over to find Ayrdaen sitting on the bed. "Your room is nice...so much nicer than mine was when I was your age."
"I'm confused."
"About?" Alex asked as she moved closer to Ayrdaen's bed. J'onn and M'gann hadn't come in, so she assumed that they'd have some space. If there was any further arguing going out beyond the bedroom doors, it seemed like the two of them were likely safe from it.
"You. Not my mom?" Ayrdaen asked slowly, her head tilting slightly as she asked the question.
Alex took the question and thought seriously about it for a moment. It was clear that Ayrdaen was bright and who knew what Green Martian abilities that she'd inherited. She didn't want to talk to her like a baby, even though she was tiny...but she didn't want to talk to her like a fellow colleague either. She was fairly sure that no matter, time travel was too complicated to explain to someone under five for sure. "Yes...and no," she managed to say. It was the truth.
"Yes? No?"
"I'm not your mother yet," she put out there, knowing that that had to be even more confusing or equally as so if she explained time travel in full. "When you're older, you will understand."
Ayrdaen stared at her for a long moment, just blinking. The silence wasn't awkward at all, actually Alex welcomed it and took the chance to take in Ayrdaen further and their surroundings because it told so much.
"So, a story?" Alex offered. "A Supergirl story. You said I don't know it, but I'm sure I do." And she hoped that she could keep that statement a truth. As long as it happened in her current span of lifetime, then she was good...not so great if it was past the time J'onn took her.
"Supergirl's Earth birthday."
Alex smiled, instantly thrilled that she knew many stories that involved her sister's Earth birthdays. "Which one?"
Ayrdaen didn't seem so thrilled. She was quiet and Alex wondered if she was now being tested. "The one you forgot about."
Her mouth dropped open and she closed it again as she tried to process what Ayrdaen was saying. Alex's mind cycled through Kara's Earth birthdays and wondered if it was the last birthday that Ayrdaen was referencing. "I didn't forget it...not really...I just...our lives were different," Alex said. "I didn't Kara would mind if we celebrated a different day."
"But it's her birthday. Birthdays are important."
"My father used to say that."
"I know."
Alex just stared at Ayrdaen, it was almost trippy at how smart and talkative she was at that age. "I'm sorry that I'm not your real mom, Ayrdaen," she whispered as she stared into the little girl's eyes. "I can't be that...not now, at least," Alex told her. "But that doesn't mean that I can't be your family...at least while I'm here."
"You're leaving?"
"I don't know," she said honestly.
"Who will tell me stories?"
Alex smiled at that. "You know, your dad knows a lot of stories...about your Mom and about Supergirl… He knows stories about Earth and about Mars."
"So does M'gann."
"You're right," Alex said with a nod.
There was a brief knock before Ayrdaen's bedroom door was open. J'onn and M'gann were standing there. Alex assumed that this meant that they were done discussing things, mainly her being there. M'gann still didn't look pleased, but Alex didn't know just yet where this would leave her. Was J'onn really telling her the truth when he said that it had been a one-way trip? Could she not go back?
"We need to talk," J'onn said quietly, obviously talking to her.
Alex looked over at Ayrdaen with a smile, she was glad that they got some quiet time even if they really hadn't had that much time. "Maybe I can think of a story you haven't heard yet."
"I've heard a lot of them."
She leaned in and pressed a kiss to Ayrdaen's forehead before running her fingers through the girl's dark curls as she stared into her brown eyes. "I'll be back, okay?" Alex got up and turned, but found her wrist being gripped. She looked from where J'onn and M'gann stood and then turned her head back to look at Ayrdaen.
"Even if you're not Mama, can you still stay on Thoron with me?"
Alex felt like her heart was breaking a bit. She was torn and all she wanted was to assure Ayrdaen that she wouldn't be losing her mother...not again. Sure, she wasn't exactly her mom, but Alex felt like Ayrdaen knew in some way that Alex was as close as she was going to get to having her mother back again. She opened her mouth to say something, though she wasn't even sure what it would be when she found herself cut off before words could even fall from her own mouth.
"Sweetie, why don't you let your dad and I talk to Alex right now and we can talk about things later okay?" M'gann said. She moved up besides Alex, her attention on Ayrdaen, and then kissed the girl's cheek before grabbing Alex by her upper arm.
Normally, she'd argue or at the very least pull her arm free from M'gann's hold, but she didn't want to bring anymore tension or upset to Ayrdaen. So, she allowed M'gann to guide her back out into the open area they'd been in before. As soon as she heard the bedroom door click shut, she yanked her arm out of M'gann's hold.
"What did you think you were doing in there?" M'gann practically spat.
There was clear anger in M'gann...still. Alex wondered if it had always been there or if it was just with her future self's passing. "I was trying to comfort an upset and confused child...a child that's apparently part mine…"
"She's not yours! Ayrdaen's mother died!" M'gann turned her attention suddenly to J'onn. "And now that you've selfishly ripped Alex from the past, what does that mean for this time? Does that mean that Ayrdaen will no longer exist?"
"I'm not sure that's exactly how it works," Alex spoke up, which gained her an extra annoyed glare from M'gann.
"Any damage is already done," J'onn said evenly, like he was relieved and yet pained. "We can't go back and change it now."
This didn't seem to appease M'gann at all. Obviously whatever they'd discussed before hadn't been resolved.
"What do you plan then moving forward? Just let her step in as Ayrdaen's mother?" M'gann pushed at J'onn.
"No," J'onn said, his head hanging. "She already understands that Alex is not her mother, but that doesn't mean that she shouldn't be a part of her life."
"As what?" M'gann pushed again.
It was clear to her that M'gann wanted answers now and that she preferred if Alex would just stand there and be silent, but she didn't know how much longer she could stay silent. All she kept thinking about was how sweet Ayrdaen was and that if she did spend the rest of her life on Thoron in the future then she wanted the opportunity to know about the first years that she had no knowledge of.
"I don't know," J'onn said finally, frustration clear in his voice.
"Not her mother, certainly," M'gann said. "And she has no place on Thoron. She will only pull attention to our family, J'onn."
"She is part of our family," J'onn insisted. "She can teach Ayrdaen about Earth and about her traditions and-"
"And those are all things that you can teach her," M'gann pointed out. "You lived there for so long, J'onn… You were close to the Danvers family, you know it. You know enough-"
"You both remember I am standing here, right?" Alex put out there. She didn't wait for either to say anything before continuing. "Are you sure that I can't go back to my time?"
"I will ask, see if there is another way, but I believe you are stuck here," J'onn said.
That still was hard to hear. She sucked in a breath and looked at them both. "Ayrdaen is special, there's no denying that… And though I may not be her real mother, I am still in a way her mother...her family at the very least." She paused. "And I do have experience in raising aliens on a new home planet."
"There is no way you could protect her," M'gann countered.
Alex raised an eyebrow at that and crossed her arms over her chest. "You should remember that I have never been just some scientist in a lab...J'onn trained me. The DEO was my job-"
"The DEO doesn't exist here."
"No, but-"
"But you're just a human!"
The way that M'gann said it, it felt like an insult...which Alex felt like was so much worse given that Ayrdaen was a hybrid. Did M'gann just expect to raise Ayrdaen as a Green Martian child with no knowledge of Earth besides the stories she was told?
"She's a human that I trained to take down the worst alien convicts that escaped Fort Rozz," J'onn said, his voice stronger as he raised his head once again and his eyes touching on them. "She's more than capable."
"So is that what we're deciding? She's some kind of guard? Some kind of keeper?" M'gann questioned.
"Why is the label such an important thing for you?" Alex countered. It confused her. Why was it so important to decide what her role would be in that moment.
"We are not hidden here on Thoron, many we socialize with on a regular basis," M'gann said, this time her voice was calmer. "But they don't know that Ayrdaen is part human…"
And there it was.
"The Thorons were not always a people who welcomed outsiders," J'onn explained. "It has only been in recent years that they have even allowed non-Thorons on their planet...and even more recently that they've allowed a colony of refugees. It has not been easy… It is odd enough for a Green and a White to be in a relationship...to produce a child, but for a Green and a human? We would have been shunned...and a target may have been put on Ayrdaen." He paused for a moment. "We knew that coming here...but it was the best option for the safety of all of us. We hid away Alex for a time…"
There were so many secrets…
Alex had no idea how she could live in that.
The lies.
The cover stories.
At the same time, she understood that it wouldn't have just been about her...it was about Ayrdaen, J'onn, and M'gann...and possibly others. Alex didn't know how she'd feel, though. She'd grown through so many years without her father in her life...she'd never imagined having to live out the remainder of her life without her mother...and without Kara. Her mind wandered back to Ayrdaen...her face and her words...and just the thought of leaving her (not that that seemed to be a possibility) broke her heart a little.
It was then that J'onn's face seemed to soften. "It was not easy...but it took us some time to introduce Alex into society here," J'onn said. "It was so difficult for her when we began...to be isolated and to be so grief stricken at the same time." He paused for a moment, likely processing his own emotions on the subject. "But it became a little easier for her once she moved about a bit more freely… Thoron is much like Krypton was...and I think that helped because it reminded her of Kara."
She didn't know if living there on Thoron for the remainder of her days, living a secret filled life, would get any easier...if it would ease her heart. It had been about two weeks and she'd been homesick. It hadn't just been missing Kara and her mother, but also her life...National City...the DEO...Vasquez, Winn, Adler, Benanti...and her thoughts had even gone to Maggie.
"I will ask if there's a possibility that I can take you home, Alex, I promise that," J'onn said. Alex just gave him a slight nod and silence fell between the three of them for a long while before J'onn finally broke it. "I should check on Ayrdaen."
When J'onn was gone, Alex looked over at M'gann who seemed to be calmer now. She knew that things were different, that they'd gone through so much...but she had questions. "Can I ask you something?"
"She and I were very open," M'gann said. "There was only love and joy in this house...until grief consumed it."
And there was her question answered.
"From when I come from, we're sort of friends...can you and I be that?" Alex questioned. She didn't think she could live there with the tension. "I know I'm not the Alex that you all lost, but-"
"I will try...for Ayrdaen...and J'onn," M'gann told her before leaving.
As Alex stood there alone in the open area, all she could think was that it was all something...she didn't know what else she could hope for. Right now, she supposed all she could do was take it moment by moment and hope… She was about to retreat to her room when she heard the click of Ayrdaen's door, she turned to see J'onn standing there.
"Ayrdaen said that I should remind you of something," J'onn said.
Alex blinked for a moment. Remind her of something? She'd just now met the girl. "What is it?"
El mayarah.
It was something that had only strengthened her bond with Kara, especially after she'd taken up the mantle of Supergirl. "I guess I had to have Kara with me in some form…"
He closed the distance between them and the expression on his face was this mix of happiness and sadness. "No matter how much distance has separated you from her, you've always had her with you," J'onn said as he placed his hand over where the human heart sat. "You carry so many...and far too much with you." He paused and smiled. "But that brought my Alex so much happiness… As much as there were secrets, there were so many truths that we shared. "Before she got sick and confined herself to the house...to her lab, she had started to share stories with many of the people here. Not only of Earth, but of Krypton...the legacy of the House of El...and in a way, you are now the last of that line…"
"I'm not Kryptonian…"
"Kara wasn't human, but you don't have to be in order to embrace and share a culture...to find similarities…"
"So, if she shared stories...what do people think happened to her? Or are you overselling it and there's only three people who listened?"
"They know that she fell sick...and we haven't told anyone that she died," J'onn admitted. "We still don't know why or how she came down with the virus, it was something she was trying to find before…"
Alex nodded. "So, it won't be so strange for me to go out on Thoron...once I learn more about this place."
"No."
"Show me her lab at least?"
"It's been sealed…"
"You and M'gann didn't catch it...or Ayrdaen."
"No, we believe it to only be solely attracted to human DNA," J'onn said as he motioned for her to head to an area she'd yet to be near.
This was a start...a start to somewhere…
TBC…