CH. 7
Tuesday evening
Callie had put off the meeting with the therapist about as long as she could. She'd asked for water, gone to the bathroom, but finally sat in a chair across from Dr. Kodema. "So, let's get this thing started," she said.
Dr. Kodema watched Callie as she settled into this session. She felt the apprehension and knew it was best to allow the client to relax. When Callie finally spoke, the Dr. gave her a small smile, "it's nice to see you this evening."
Scoffing, Callie's lips pulled into a smile. The ride to the appointment was filled with nonsense talk. Just filling space before an awkward encounter, a fact she'd lamented to Brandon, "seriously, I'm glad you can now play Orchestra 8 or whatever it is, but I can't really care right now."
Brandon had answered, "we could trade places you know. You can go to practice, I'll go to your appointment. In some ways I imagine you may be better at Orchestra 8 than therapy."
"That may work," Callie agreed finally with a small smile. "It'd be a break for you. You walk into piano lessons and get orders, I walk into therapy and get a smile, a bottle of water, and a 'nice to see you.'" She looked at Brandon, "however, she may notice the physical differences. Plus, you're far too boring for therapy."
"Me?" Brandon looked incredulous. "Please, I just earned freedom from grounding-"
Callie interrupted him, "that you earned because you tagged along with me."
Brandon sheepishly shook his head, "OK, point made, but still I'm far from boring." He looked at Callie, "give me time and I'll show you how exciting I can be."
"Is that right?" Callie trailed off. They'd reached the office. "Thanks for the ride. Good luck at practice. See you later." She got out of the car.
"You are a nice distraction this evening. See you at home," he waved.
"Callie," Dr. Kodema leaned toward her.
Callie blinked and focused back on the doctor, "sorry, I'm tired. School was busy today. So, what do you want?"
"As you know, today is an evaluation for a lot of reasons. I'm proud at your work in group. You are complying well with all requirements of probation it seems. That's great," Dr. Kodema praised her. "As much as I, and Stef and Lena it seems, want the world to be open to you, it's not really what we want. The question is what do you want?"
Callie furrowed her eyebrows as she listened to the doctor. What did she want? That was a good question. "OK, so I don't know the large answer on that yet. For now, I want to get through this appointment and go home. That's what I want," she looked at the doctor.
"Fair enough. So, we will get through this appointment and you'll think about what it is you want so we can discuss it next time?" Dr. Kodema asked. Callie gave her a shrug she accepted for yes. "Good for now. How is life with the Fosters?"
"Fine," Callie played with the label on the water bottle, "I mean, it's pretty great. They seem like the kind of family in movies, not the real life ones, but in a way that it's not always better right away," she tried to explain. Sighing, Callie continued, "they take care of us. More than like feed us or whatever. It's like they want to see us do well."
Dr. Kodema nodded. She absolutely got that feeling from Stef and Lena. Judging from the confusion, this was a new thing for Callie, "is that ever strange?"
"Yeah, it's crazy in a way I could get used to," Callie bit her lip, "I don't, it's hard to understand." Looking at the doctor, she continued, "what do I do if Jude's fine?" She shrugged, "I mean it's like that's been what I do and now it's not needed."
"Lena and Stef take good care both physically and emotionally of Jude and you're kind of feeling out of place," Dr. Kodema summed up. "It makes sense, Callie. You took the role of parent when you were a kid," she offered.
Callie rolled her eyes, "yeah, well I wasn't really a kid."
Dr. Kodema gave her a smile, "dear, you are still a kid. As hard as you have worked to make it safe for Jude to be Jude, you too deserved that. I know you didn't get it, but now it appears you have the opportunity to experiment."
"Right, but a baby who learns to use the toilet doesn't go back to diapers," Callie reasoned.
"Good point," Dr. Kodema noted. "That's an excellent point, actually. I will have to remember it."
Callie grinned, "yeah, well these people talk. Like about everything. Except for me moving in there but whatever," she paused. "So, it's hard to experiment and then face the idea of talking about it for the next week," Callie's thoughts drifted. She was so embarrassed she couldn't get through a night without waking Marianna up. Obviously, that's why she was here, "it's just so embarrassing to be real," she softly said.
"Honey, it is embarrassing to be real for everyone. Embarrassment is OK, we all have it. It's when that feeling gets piled on and turns to shame that I get concerned," Dr. Kodema pulled her sleeve up, "see this?" she pointed to a fairly large scar on her forearm. Callie nodded. "When I was probably fourteen a girl at my youth group said something I can't even remember to me about this mole I had on my arm. I was embarrassed because she seemed to think she could catch it or something. After thinking about it for a week, I decided to cut it out. My father was a doctor so I borrowed things from his practice and went at it. Two weeks later, my mother saw the gash and I ended up with another procedure to fix the damage. If I'd spoken to my father beforehand I probably could have avoided a lot of the bad feelings." She pulled her shirt back down, "we all have scars of many kinds. No one is immune, it's how we choose to treat them that can matter."
Callie listened to the doctor. She was right, Callie supposed. The pain Callie had wasn't a mole or a scar, though. She'd talked to Stef and Lena about Liam, but then they wanted to talk more and she wasn't ready to do that. "I don't want to disappoint them," Callie admitted. "It's like I tell them something and I know they want to talk more. I just don't have it in me right now," she shrugged.
"Did you tell them that?" Dr. Kodema asked. Callie shook her head, "that may be a place to start," the woman offered. "It's trial and error. You're learning to be parented and Stef and Lena are learning to parent you. As long as you both are willing to learn, it's OK."
"Maybe," Callie agreed. She answered more questions being as truthful as the doctor was. She appreciated the doctor telling her what Stef and Lena had shared. Instead of denying the nightmares, Callie admitted she was finding it hard to sleep. Nothing Stef and Lena had told Dr. Kodema was invasive or wrong. After thirty minutes of talking, Callie expressed her appreciation, "it's odd. I feel like I'm on a team, kind of. Like before it was me and Jude against whoever but Stef and Lena aren't opponents, really."
Dr. Kodema nodded, "that's right. You're a bright girl, Callie. I look forward to hearing what you can bring to group." She turned and picked up a pamphlet and paper, "now, I would like for you to work on this test this evening if you're up to it. I'm sure you've done it before, I would just like to have a current edition."
Callie took the paper and pamphlet. She had done this only about six months ago. But it didn't matter, "it's fine. I need a pencil, though." Taking the pencil, she followed Dr. Kodema into an adjoining office.
"I'll be in my office if you need anything. Come over when you're through," Dr. Kodema switched the light on and partially shut the door. As Callie worked, the doctor dug through notes and reports she had on her. While nothing amazing had been accomplished, the girl sitting across the hall was not the same kid who went into juvenile hall. The foster system desperately needed more Stef and Lena's. As she was finishing a report to send to the probation officer, Callie knocked on her door, "hey," she smiled.
Callie handed her the pencil and papers, "I'm done." She went back to retrieve her water bottle. "What now?"
Looking at the wall, Dr. Kodema said, "I think we're done for this time. I'm finishing a probation report for you. Maybe next week we can have a meeting with Stef and Lena?" She looked at Callie. "We'll see, though. Thank you for coming," the two walked toward the waiting room.
Lena was thumbing through a magazine when Callie and the doctor came out, "hey," she smiled at Callie who returned the favor. "How did it go?" Callie shrugged.
"I think it went well," Dr. Kodema offered. "You and Stef are lucky to have such an exceptional kid here," she raised her eyebrows.
Stef came from the restroom, "we think so, too," she nodded.
Taking the appointment card from Dr. Kodema, Lena and the doctor talked briefly about times and such. There'd be more time to develop a treatment plan.
"You ready to go home?" Stef asked Callie.
Callie nodded, "yeah. I need to rest." She looked toward Lena, "can we go?" She asked impatiently.
"Coming, coming, coming," Lena again thanked the doctor. "You want to ride with me or Stef?" She asked Callie. Callie decided Lena was the better choice. As they headed home, Lena tried to make conversation, "I like Dr. Kodema," she said.
Callie nodded, "she's all right."
Lena tried a few more times with small talk before realizing Callie had probably had enough. She and Stef had picked up a salad for Callie while Marianna was tasked with feeding the rest of the family. Lena hoped she'd done that. Pulling behind Stef, Lena smiled watching Jude greet Callie. Meeting Stef at the sidewalk, she linked her arms, "I think we'll eventually be OK, yes?"
Stef nodded, "yes." They walked into the house. Stef drifted to put her equipment away. Finally, walking in the kitchen, she found Lena arguing with Marianna. "What's wrong, Ms. Thing?"
Marianna glared at Stef, "how am I supposed to believe you when you don't let me have my phone back when I do everything you say?"
Despite the desperation in Marianna's voice, Stef laughed, "oh, Marianna, Mom and I are certainly sorry to have delayed your social experience. Of course, if you're that upset about it, I am almost concerned. We don't need you to become addicted to this thing." She set the phone on the table.
Lena shook her head as Marianna snatched it and ran toward the room, "first world problems, babe."
"We need a date," Stef mumbled putting her arms around Lena's hips. She rested her chin on Lena's shoulder.
Lena laughed, "so we need to start having individual time with that," she nodded toward the steps, "and ourselves. It sounds to me like we need to petition for longer days."
"I don't disagree with you there," the conversation was interrupted when Brandon walked in. "I'm never going to perfect this piece without about five more hours a day of practice." He got out some juice, "it's impossible."
"Nothing is impossible, B," Stef encouraged. "You've been sounding a lot better since you started with this guy," she noted. "I hope you've told your dad how much you appreciate it."
Brandon nodded, "yeah. Dad actually stopped by for a few minutes this evening. He said he was in the area. I can't believe he's so interested in music all of a sudden."
Stef shrugged, "I don't think it's music he cares that much about. Mike's a good father. He wants to be better. You're not a baseball star or wrestler, so he's learning about what it is you are great at. I'm glad you have him."
Brandon agreed, "me too. Did Marianna make dinner?" He looked in the refrigerator as he put the juice back.
"There is some chicken on a plate in there. I think she left a bowl of rice in the microwave," Lena said tentatively. "Why that was a good idea, I'm not sure, but let me have the chicken and I'll heat it all up for you, ok?"
Brandon handed the plate to Lena, "thanks." When the food was ready, he took the plate, "I'm going to my room and eat. Is that OK? I need to see the keys to figure this out." He headed up the stairs.
"OK, so it's 7, what do we do?" Lena asked putting the dish towel down.
"We can go see what Jesus has for us about community service, help Jude with his homework, listen to Brandon play the piano, lecture Marianna for whatever it is she'd doing because let's be honest," Stef smiled at Lena, "or we could go into the living room and watch mindless television for three hours."
Lena got two bottles of water from the refrigerator, "that sounds like a good idea," she answered following Stef into the living room.
Callie was finishing the journal Timothy had assigned. Frankenstein was a good book, as Brandon had promised. She was beginning to feel compassion for the monster. Stacking the books on her desk, she wandered into Jesus and Jude's room, "hey, guys." She sat on Jude's bed. "Did I tell you how proud I was of you for that grade?"
Jude shook his head and grinned, "no."
"Well, I am about as happy as I could be, Jude. You have worked so hard and it's paying off," she hugged her brother.
"Yeah, I am finally starting to get it. It's a lot easier having all of you guys around. If your busy, Brandon helps me. If he's busy, Jesus will. If he's busy, there's Marianna," Jude looked at Jesus, "hey, show Callie what you're drawing."
Callie looked over at Jesus, "you draw?" She asked.
"Not really. Right now, I don't have much else to do, though," he shrugged. Handing his book to Callie, he ducked his head at her praise, "I'm not that good. I just mess around. I'd like to be able to get into graffiti but that's not looking promising with the police downstairs," Jesus took the book back.
Callie laughed, "I wouldn't be spray painting anything for a while. You know a few years ago when I was in elementary school there was a thing I went to. We drew pictures and did artsy stuff. Most of the staff were high school. In fact, we painted a huge mural on the side of the building at the old rec center. Maybe that'd be something they'd let you do."
"I'm sure they're knocking themselves down to hire kids like me," Jesus mumbled.
Callie shrugged, "I don't know. There are a lot more kids like you and me and even Marianna there than there are of that one," she jerked her head toward Brandon's room. He was practicing his piano and they could hear his frustration.
"He's really good," Jude observed.
Callie nodded, listening to the music, "yeah, Jude, he is really good," she trailed off. Brandon was a great piano player. More than that, he was a better guy. "So, yeah, Jesus, think about it," she stood up to leave. "I'm going to get some water, anyone want any?"