Dark Moon
"Calm, Bella," Jasper put a comforting hand on my shoulder. Instantly I felt a wave of peace wash over me, pushing away my panic. My panic at the sight of the man who stood waiting behind the metal detectors at Sea-Tac airport.
Charlie.
Oh God. Even with Jasper's help my instinctive panic wanted to break through, was already rising. Screaming at me to turn and run, back onto the plane, and fly somewhere far away. Over my head, Jasper looked pointedly at Carlisle, standing by my side.
I suddenly felt his muscled arm wrap around my waist, pulling me against his side. His velvet voice sounded in my ear.
"It'll be alright, Bella. He's not going to be mad at you," he told me reassuringly. He kissed my temple, and I felt my knees go weak.
"How do you know?" I asked acerbically, irritated by my irrational body.
"He wasn't mad on the phone, now was he?" he said. I shook my head, and I could imagine his annoyingly warm smile when he knew he was right. As usual.
"It'll be ok, Mom," Nessie piped up beside me. Alice shot me a reassuring smile, Jacob's crinkly eyed grin was supportive, Seth's understanding, seeing as his own mother, Sue, waited beside Charlie. Even Leah gave me a slightly sympathetic grimace.
"Let's get this show on the road," I sighed as Carlisle propelled me forwards, still holding me in the circle of his arm. We joined the queue for the security desk, and I was glad that it seemed to crawl forward. It gave me time to think, to plan what I would say to Charlie.
Crap, time's up.
We emerged from the metal detector and suddenly I was standing right in front of him. I peeked up at him from under my lashes.
"Nessie!" He grabbed Renesmee in a great bear hug, pulling her close. She returned it wholeheartedly, almost crying. But she was laughing too. As he turned to greet Jacob and the others, I scrutinized him carefully.
Charlie had got older. His receding hair had receded even more, with major grey patches all over his head. There were deep crows' feet at the corners of his eyes and the skin of his cheeks sagged slightly. It was frightening.
Carlisle gently nudged me from my reverie and I realised Charlie was standing watching me too. Waiting.
"Dad….." I started. But I saw his movement before he began to truly make it. I stepped forward into his arms. They closed around me, a feather-light embrace, and I felt his tears on my neck, through the curtain of my hair. Eventually he let me go, stepping back and clearing his throat gruffly.
"It's good to see you, Bells. I didn't think I was gonna see you again, kiddo," he mumbled, slightly embarrassed. Neither of us liked showing too much emotion.
"Me neither, Dad. Me neither," I murmured. Carlisle's arm was still around my waist, and I could see my dad's eyes flicking back and forth between us. What was he thinking?
"Bella! It's good to see you back!" Billy Black, Jake's father and Charlie's best friend called over to me from where his wheelchair was placed. Jacob already stood at his side, smiling widely.
"Hey Billy," I called back, surprised to see him here. He didn't exactly approve of the Cullens, or my being a vampire. But I supposed he was just glad to see his son, and the rest of the pack home safe and sound. Sue had Seth and Leah in a death grip and she didn't look like she was about to let go anytime soon. Seth was already eyeballing Jacob pleadingly.
"Come on guys, we'd better get you home," Charlie said as he led the way out of the airport, Nessie in one arm, Alice in the other. Jasper, Carlisle and I followed close behind. Carlisle still hadn't let go of my waist.
Three Days later
If I were still human, my heart would have been beating faster than a racehorse's as we approached the glimmering white building in the distance. It stood out like a pearl amongst the emerald green foliage.
Our cars had arrived the day before, so Carlisle and I rode in my Aston towards the house where we had lived for nearly a decade. My hands were shaking as I drove toward the place where my life had started, where I had married Edward, bore his child, become immortal and watched him, my husband, die. I had to be completely insane.
Or a masochist.
Carlisle was as quiet as I, and I could tell he was lost in memories of Esme. The lights were on in the house, as Alice and Jasper had returned a few hours earlier to get things set up. Nessie was still at Charlie's, spending quality time with her grandfather. It didn't look any different. The same incredible décor and renovation that had been Esme's trademark. The automatic garage door opened and I drove in, stopping smoothly next to Alice's yellow Porsche.
As I got out, I saw with a strange pang that Rosalie's red convertible, Emmett's jeep and Edward's Volvo still sat, beneath white sheets, as waiting to be awakened. Carlisle's beloved Mercedes was also peeking from beneath one of the ghostly sheets. Side by side, we walked through the door into the empty house. It was empty, devoid of furniture or the graceful art that had covered the walls. Devoid of life.
Alice waited beside the staircase, standing awkwardly, as though unsure. Yeah like Alice was ever unsure about anything.
"We didn't get any of the furniture out of the attic yet. We weren't sure-" she started in a rush. Carlisle held up his hand to stop her.
"It's alright Alice. We'll get it done at some point," he assured her. I drifted away from his side to the glass window. I wondered where Jasper was.
"Bella?" Alice's trilling voice asked. I saw her reflection in the window as she approached. Her lovely forehead was furrowed with worry. "You ok?"
"No, but I will be," I shook my head. I looked back at my reflection, still inhumanly beautiful, but I felt as though I could see a new layer of sadness in my golden eyes. Alice interrupted my thoughts again.
"You two should hunt; I know Carlisle hasn't taken any blood since you rescued him, and you haven't hunted for several days, Bella. Jasper and I will take care of things," she suggested, still wringing her hands like a little girl waiting to be told she's done something wrong. I nodded. There was somewhere I wanted to go first anyway.
Carlisle fell into step beside me as I flitted out of the door. We took off around the side of the house, heading to the east, towards the mountains. I caught a glitter of bronze in my peripheral vision and stopped abruptly. Carlisle ran a few more metres before he realised I had stopped and turned. Once he was with me again, I walked towards the glittering bronze object. Set into the ground was a small plaque, engraved with the words:
Here lies Rosalie Hale, beloved sister, daughter and aunt,
Esme Cullen, adored mother and treasured wife,
Emmett Cullen, cherished brother, son and uncle, and Edward Cullen, loved brother, son and husband.
We will always love you.
Never forget.
I stared at it, feeling the grief come back with a vengeance. Everything, the empty house, the plaque, the return to Forks was just too much. I was shaking with sorrow and pain, the tears I could not cry straining to trickle down my cheek. I wanted to scream, I wanted to shout, I wanted to tear out my own heart just to quash the pain inside of me. Never forget. How could I forget Edward's last moments, the pain in his perfect face as Jane burned him with her mind, the defiance and the arrogance, the love and sorrow in his golden eyes that we would not have eternity together, before he was burned away forever? I would never forget; the images were seared into my infallible vampire mind. I was drowning in my pain.
But someone was there, with me in the pain and the burning blackness. A warm hand twined itself with mine; warm lips placed a gentle, soothing caress on the side of my head. It was enough to pull myself out of the blackness, and I gazed dazedly at Carlisle's perfect face, trying to find my mental feet. He searched my face, before he pulled me into his arms, burying his face in my hair. I clutched him to me desperately, needing the rock-like support of him as the turbulence swept me. Leaving me adrift, a fragile wreck tossed upon a sea of emotion. But not alone.
Slowly the turbulence lessened, I could breathe again. Carlisle released me and I could see the same pain and sorrow I felt reflected back at me in his jewelled eyes. He smiled a tired, wan smile and turned back to the plaque, holding my hand as though it were a lifeline. After a moment, when we simply looked down and stared at the cold metal, he murmured, "Alice and Jasper collected the ashes from the fires and buried them here, after the police left. They left the plaque so if either of us returned we would know they were not forgotten,"
"That was good of them," I sighed stiltedly. I was surprised by how calm my voice was, compared to the turbulence within me, swirling like a whirlpool, waiting to suck me back down again. He turned to me, wrenching his eyes from the engraved names and laid his hand on the side of my cheek. The same rush of heat ran through me, making my knees weak, but I would not collapse. The moment was too sad for any other emotion to intrude.
"We will never forget them. We loved them so they will never truly be dead. They will live on in us," he said gently, smiling gently. I returned his smile hesitantly but he turned from me and knelt down before the plaque. He stared at it for one moment, before he reached out a hand and ran his fingers longingly over Esme's name. A moment later, he bent his head and kissed it before he stood and walked away. I watched him go, before I too knelt down. I stared at Edward's name but didn't touch the plaque.
"I got her back, Edward. Just like I said I would, I got Renesmee back. She's so beautiful; I wish you could see her. You would be so proud; she's intelligent and brave and loving. She reminds me of you so much it hurts sometimes to look at her…." I paused, suddenly unsure. Could I say the words, knowing it would be the last time? The last goodbye? "I will always love you, Edward. Never doubt that; but I have to go on, for our daughter. Wherever you are, I hope you can see how much I do love you, my Edward. You brought light into my life when it was at its most dark. You gave me life, Edward. I love you and I will never forget the gift you gave me. I love you," this last was a whisper as I stood in a tenth of a second and flitted away. I couldn't stay anymore, in case the turbulence returned and I fell to pieces again. As I ran further and further, running faster than anything on Earth, the wind flicking my hair back, the forest laid out in perfect clarity by my vampire vision, every leaf and stone as familiar as my own face, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Relief followed. I was free. I had been right to return here, to the place where I had come alive, to face up to my grief and to release it. Edward had opened my eyes, and given me a reason to live. Now I had to start living.
I emerged from the forest into a familiar clearing; before me stood the cottage Esme had restored for me. The place I had lived with Edward and Nessie, our own little piece of heaven.
The grey stone walls were covered in ivy and there was a small hole in the roof. The door was askew, and I guessed the Volturi had come here, looking for me. I entered quietly and saw that, though much of the furniture was upturned or on its side, there was no damage. A thick layer of dust covered everything and the place had an air of loneliness about it. It needed people to make it come alive again. But I would never live here again; maybe Jacob and Nessie could have it. For me, it carried too many sad memories, too many happy ones. I was free but far from healed. Eventually I left the cottage by the overgrown garden, and flitted back into the forest. I needed to hunt.
The late afternoon sunlight, rare in Forks, rolled over my glittering skin as I searched for prey that was to my liking. The familiar taboo scent filled my nostrils but I ignored it easily. Humans no longer held any allure for me; I would not kill them. Another scent filled my nostrils, beneath the delicious scent of humanity, a deeper, tangier scent. Mountain lion; perfect. I grinned predatorily and launched myself into the forest. I sprinted over boulders and fallen logs, brooks and crevasses in the foothills of the mountains. Running like this was pure freedom. In that shining moment, I was happy.
A moment later, I dropped the corpse of the drained lion to the floor. I looked down at my roll-neck jumper and smiled. There was not a single drop of blood on it. I had perfected my feeding technique so not a drop of blood was wasted. Not like the first time I had hunted. I snorted, and turned to run back home. Worry caught me for a moment; I hadn't caught Carlisle's scent at all whilst I had been hunting, nor heard him. Where was he?
"Looking for me?" his velvet smooth voice came from behind me. I spun, already going into my instinctively defensive crouch.
"Carlisle! Don't do that!" I snarled at him playfully. I straightened a moment later, and he smiled and pushed away from the tree he had been leaning on casually. I noticed he had changed into black slacks, a black roll neck jumper and a tan jacket, with his customary grey scarf around his neck. I never had asked why he wore scarves; it wasn't like he ever got cold. As my eyes returned to his, I noticed the slight darkening that indicated growing thirst was gone, replaced by his brilliant gold twinkle. It was a reassuring sight.
"Finished?" he asked conversationally, walking over to me gracefully. Slightly breathless I nodded. He stopped before me, and I stopped breathing. His hand came up and gently caressed my face.
Be happy.
That whisper again, in Edward's tone, echoed in my head. Was he watching me now? Encouraging me to live my life? I still hadn't sorted out what I truly felt for Carlisle.
"Are you alright?" he asked gently, as he wiped a drop of blood from the corner of my mouth. Desire ran through me, hot and sharp. Too unexpected; it scared me.
"I'm fine," I replied, my voice a little bit strained. "You feeling better, now you've hunted?"
"A lot better. Alice and Jasper have got most of the furniture in place, and Nessie's on her way over. Shall we go?" he offered his arm to me, as if we were going to the theatre. I grinned, took his arm and we started walking back to our home. We were halfway there when I turned to him and grinned. Evilly.
"Race you!" I muttered before, with no warning, I darted into the trees. I heard his quick laugh before I felt his pursuit. I'd forgotten how fast he was, he was gaining on me every minute. I pushed my legs harder, made them move faster, and we were blurs of speed and colour, too fast for humans to even see. The forest passed in a smear of green and brown, and I heard the gurgle of the river ahead. I laughed, throwing my hair back over my shoulder, head thrown back. The river approached a ribbon of rushing blue water and I waited until the last possible moment before I jumped, soaring through the air, gracefully arching my body like a long jumper's. I landed, and felt Carlisle land beside me. Christ I hadn't realised he had caught up with me!
The house wasn't far, but I put on an extra burst of speed. We passed into a small copse of trees not far from the river and I felt the ground fall out from under me. Surprise washed over me. What the….?
I glanced back and saw Carlisle on the ground also, hugging my calves. I glared at him, about to turn and fight him off when he suddenly pulled me under him, playfully pinning my wrists to the forest floor. I narrowed my eyes at him, all golden Apollo, supporting himself above me.
"Cheat!" I growled mock threateningly. My breathing was accelerated, even though I didn't need to breathe, from the run and something else. I was achingly aware of him, of his body a few inches above mine. His beautiful face, his warm butterscotch eyes that managed to smoulder as well as twinkle. His perfectly sculpted lips slightly parted above mine. I flicked my gaze down to them, before I quickly raised it back to his eyes. What would he do if I kissed him? Jerk back in alarm? Reject me gently, trying not to hurt my feelings? Or would he return it? But I was too chicken to risk it. Not yet.
"Yep," he agreed to my accusation mock-sheepishly. His grin turned devilish, as he watched me, chuckling. There was still a hint of sadness in those eyes, it would always be there. For all eternity. We were both breathing heavily, and we simultaneously slowed our breathing as he leant forward and kissed my forehead. Desire sizzled in my veins, always there for the time being. I slid one of my wrists free and tugged at his scarf. He looked down then at me curiously.
"Why do you wear scarves, Carlisle?" I asked, direct and straight forward. He smiled again, and averted his gaze. He really was sheepish this time.
"I wear scarves because it protects the place where I was turned. My…vulnerable area on my body," he explained slowly, obviously waiting for me to start laughing. I didn't, it didn't seem silly to me, just endearing. I smiled impishly, and his eyes narrowed. "What that's grin for?"
"It's not silly. It's quite….sweet," I murmured. I hadn't really thought of Carlisle having insecurities or vulnerabilities. But now I thought of it, it just reinforced the image of his humanity. The man might drink blood, be able to run faster than any living thing on Earth, be stronger and immortal but he was, underneath it all, still just a man. "Now let me up. Alice will have a field day when she sees this," I muttered. Carlisle chuckled but let me up, pulling me to my feet. We dusted each other off then turned and walked back towards the house.
"Carlisle! Bella!" Alice shouted as she came running out of the house, her cell phone in her hand. We watched her curiously. "The hospital called. If you can manage it they want you both to start work next week,"
"That's a bit fast," I said, confused. Surely I had to go through interviews and all that stuff before I could work there?
"They know me, and I recommended you. That's all they need," Carlisle explained. "You'll be in the ER, with me,"
"Now that's going to get confusing every time someone yells 'Dr Cullen', and we both jump up," I remarked jokingly.
"I'm sure we'll manage," Carlisle replied seriously, his golden eyes twinkling.
"You will," Alice chipped in. It didn't matter, I felt the nerves start to flutter anyway. We walked back into the house and I noticed everything was back to the way it had been five years ago. I almost expected to see Esme come in through the door of the kitchen, or Edward at the piano playing my lullaby. It was surreal. "We brought your clothes up from the cottage, Bella, and I stuck them in Edward's room. I hope you don't mind. Carlisle, your study's back to normal again, and I put everything back in Esme's room, so all your stuff is in there. Nessie is in Rosalie's room, for now,"
So Alice had seen my decision to let Nessie and Jacob have the cottage.
"I was thinking Nessie could have the cottage, when we've fixed it back up," I suggested. Alice nodded, already knowing what I had been going to say but Carlisle looked surprised.
"Won't you live there?" he asked. I shook my head.
"I can't live there again," I simply replied. To my relief he didn't press the issue.
"Mom!" Nessie rushed into my arms and hugged me like she hadn't seen me in years. She was dressed in designer jeans and a sapphire blue lacy top. I glared over her head at Alice.
"I see Alice got to you," I remarked, glancing over her outfit. Alice rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue at me.
"Hey Nessie, I've set up the stereo in your room, if you want to go listen to it," Jasper said, suddenly appearing at her side. Nessie shot Jasper a dazzling smile and skipped up the stairs. Despite everything, all those years of hell, she was such a happy thing.
"Jacob will be here soon!" Jasper called after her. I smiled at the affection in his voice. I had thought being around Nessie would be difficult for Jasper, considering how he had always struggled with the bloodlust but he was managing as easily as me or Alice would.
"Come on, we'd best get cooking. Y'know what Jake's like; appetite of a horse," I muttered jokingly, drifting into the kitchen. Carlisle drifted with me and we set to work, making chilli and tacos for Jacob. He breezed in a few minutes after I pulled the steaming dish from the oven and sniffed the air.
"Mmmmm, chilli. I'm starving," he moaned. I laughed at his face.
"Here you go, pig," I laughed, laying out a full plate for him. Nessie flitted in too, and sat down beside Jacob, hugging him gently.
"Hey Mom, can I have some too?" she asked innocently. I stared at her. Nessie didn't really like human food; she preferred blood. Human blood at that, although she didn't mind the animal blood now. Wordlessly I filled a plate and slid it over to her.
"Can we go upstairs? Please, Mom?" she asked again, pleadingly.
"No chilli stains on the furniture," I warned her, mock frowning at her. She rolled her eyes.
"No, Mom," Jacob piped up beside her, jokingly. I glared at him. They disappeared into the hallway and up the stairs. I heard the door to Rosalie's, now Nessie's, bedroom open and shut, and the music turn up louder before I turned back to the sink. I started rinsing the pans, meditatively staring into the distance as I worked. In the window I saw Carlisle put his arms around me, and I relaxed back into his embrace. He leaned his cheek on my hair, talking into my ear.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, eyes fixed on mine in the reflection from the window. I remembered when Edward used to ask me the exact same question. But this time I struggled to answer; I was thinking precisely nothing until he had spoken. I was at peace, blissfully relaxed, calm. Just happy, for the first time in five years.
Eventually I replied, "Nothing whatsoever,"
Carlisle sighed, and exhaled slowly, as though breathing in the fragrance of my hair. I felt him relax, his arm tightening around me momentarily. I closed my eyes in bliss, but not before I caught a glimpse of Alice smirking behind us. Smirking in a very smug manner.
I remembered when she'd had a vision in Italy, and wondered what it had been about. Was it about Carlisle and me? What did the future hold for us?
All unanswerable questions and I refused to dwell on them any longer, as I relaxed further in Carlisle's arms, revelling in the warm body holding my own.