They went through the force-feedings every day, twice a day. It never stopped breaking Ichigo's heart. Sometimes tears rolled down Grimmjow's cheeks. Sometimes he would just turn away and refuse to look at Ichigo. Sometimes he begged and struggled. Sometimes he was practically limp. He accused Ichigo of wanting them to take him away. He accused him of being in league with Kurotsuchi. He would also try to appeal to the alliance they had established in Hueco Mundo. He repeatedly told Ichigo the Soul Reapers were keeping him in the dark.

It took all of Ichigo's energy and will to do this. He still made Grimmjow walk across the kitchen for exercise, but it usually took two hands on each of his shoulders to get him to do it. These two things alone took so much time he didn't have anymore to devote to deciphering his many twitches, and odd tendencies.

So for eighteen days this was their life, with the occasional visit from Orihime. It was a Friday night, when he came in with the food, and Grimmjow just said please and the desperation in his eyes, was like Ichigo was about to start torturing him. And Ichigo just stood there, because he knew this was torture for him, in a way all of its own. He was becoming those heartless guards who had kept him alive for all the wrong reasons. But he didn't know what else to do.

"Grimmjow, you know I can't give this up, you aren't getting what you need as it is. You should be eating way more than this, you've barely put on five pounds and it's been weeks. If you know that I'm just going to win anyway, why not just drink it yourself?"

He watched him.

"You think I'll break first." Ichigo concluded. "You think I'll give up and let you get sick."

"I do."

Ichigo shut his eyes, it was a terrible stand off. "Grimmjow he's twisted you so bad. He's controlling you even now, don't you see that?"

"No, if I eat that willingly, that's when he controls me."

"Just forget about him. Do what you have to do to get strong, to get back who you were."

"Who I am? And who am I? I'm a fucking test subject! I'm his. He made sure I knew that, every single day."

"But he was wrong. You were a warrior, Grimmjow."

"I was your enemy. I hurt your friends. And this is your revenge, isn't it?"

"You know that's not true."

"It makes sense." Grimmjow continued. He remained on the bed, but when Ichigo took a step closer he flinched. This wasn't just one of his many hysterical accusations, some part of him was working it all out, making it make sense, he actually believed it.

"Oh Hell, that's it, isn't it? He wants me to believe I'm finally free, he wants me to get better so he can start all over, and what do you get out of it? Well you get to be the one who pulls the rug out from under my feet. You get to destroy me like I tried to destroy you."

"ENOUGH!" Ichigo grabbed him by the shoulders and Grimmjow moved back so fast he smacked his head on the wall behind the bed but he couldn't escape the stronger man. "Stop it with these scenarios! Stop thinking about him. Stop imagining what he might want and do what you want."

"How long have you been working with him?" Grimmjow refused to listen to reason. "Did you always know what he was doing to me?"

"Stop this, Grimmjow!"

"Did you watch, on those cameras? You did, didn't you? I see it in your eyes, all the time. I see you look at scars and know why they're there. It's the only reason you figured out I could see or hear when nobody else could. Because you were there, the whole time."

Ichigo let him go and backed up. The other had wholly convinced himself this was the truth, and he did not have the energy to fight him anymore. But Grimmjow wasn't going to make this any easier tonight. When Ichigo reached for the bottle of protein shake he bolted off the bed.

"What are you doing, Grimmjow?"

"What, you don't want me to fight back? You don't want to get your hands dirty? You just prefer to watch!" Ichigo shoved him into the wall a little harder than intended and used his forearm to pin him there while he opened his jaw with that hand. The only upside to Grimmjow still being so fragile was that he was easy to physically control. But Ichigo had let anger cloud him, and he poured the drink into Grimmjow's mouth more to make him stop talking then to give him the nutrients he needed.

None of it was true, but it still hit a nerve. Because Ichigo had known they'd taken Grimmjow prisoner, since the day he was captured. He had known and he'd done nothing. Because he was hurt, he needed time for his wounds from the battle to heal. And then he was trying to get into university. And pick courses and find a place to live...

He went once, to see the Head Captain and plead Grimmjow's case. Once in those two years did he spare the time to try to honour that allegiance they'd forged. And he'd taken Yamamoto's word, that Grimmjow was in a private cell, that he was simply awaiting his trial, and then Ichigo could plead his case to the court. He'd imagined Grimmjow in a facility, bored out of his mind but safe. He waited to be contacted about the trial. But then classes built up, he had exams, family things, he started dating Orihime.

And he forgot about Grimmjow.

So now, those hateful words, had triggered all that guilt, and it was only when he heard a desperate sputter that he realized he'd gotten emotional, he was hurting Grimmjow. He pulled the near empty bottle up, not having meant to pour so much in. Much of it was down his hand and arm, and Grimmjow's face. Grimmjow choked out, Ichigo released him and he dropped to all fours and hurled.

Ichigo stepped back. Horror, shock- it all hit him, he slid down the wall and sat on the floor, hand over his mouth. Grimmjow sat back after his stomach stopped clenching. He sat covered in the shake he had and hadn't swallowed.

Ichigo burst into tears. Grimmjow watched him, shake, cry and cover his face in shame. He himself was shaking head to toe, he didn't have the energy to move again but he watched the man he'd just accused of being as bad as Kurotsuchi himself sob his heart out because he'd lost his temper.

Eventually he made out a broken apology. Ichigo lifted his face from his hands and spilled his guts about it all, about not making the effort he should have, about not making sure Grimmjow was really okay. He said he didn't want to do this to Grimmjow everyday, he didn't want to become someone he feared, but he didn't know what else to do, how else to help him.

And then he stood and came over to him, got him back on shaky feet and took him to the bathroom to clean him up. Neither spoke now, as Ichigo pulled Grimmjow's shirt off, took a cloth and ran warm water over it. He tried not to wonder about ever scar the cloth ran over. He tried not to see how much hands shook as he washed them too. He didn't want to look into haunted eyes but he didn't have much of a choice when he wiped off his cheeks, his mouth.

"You feel guilty." Grimmjow finally spoke after he'd watched Ichigo for some time.

"Yes, Grimmjow, I feel guilty, about what just happened and about not saving you two years ago."

"I was wrong, wasn't I? You aren't working with him?"

"No, I'm not working with him." He bowed his head. "I believe you."

"Thank you."

"I feel sick."

"It's my fault."

"No. I mean all the time, I feel sick. I don't..." he sat on the edge of the bath, head in hands. "I just don't know what to do." He finally said. He was exhausted, too tired to articulate anything more or deal with anything else.

"Here, you need to rest, and I mean, a real sleep." Ichigo got him standing but he faltered, totally spent. The young man got and arm around him and took him to the couch. "I'll clean up your room."

Grimmjow just nodded, and sat bent over with his head back in his hands.

It took him half an hour to scrub vomit and protein shake out of the carpet. Grimmjow was as he left him when he returned.

"Ready?" Grimmjow was already half asleep by the time he managed to get him from couch to bed. He eased him down and was glad the other didn't resist being put into a prone position. His body needed serious rest, not the few minutes he got here and there as he sat staring at the door.

He waited until Grimmjow was completely asleep before pulling a blanket over him and leaving.

Grimmjow's eyes parted on a dark room, he was still face down on the bed and moved to sit up.

His hands met resistance.

"What..? He moaned out, still trying to make sense of things but neither wrist moved an inche and he heard the friction of metal on metal. Panic. He saw the shackle around each wrist, attached to the legs of the bed. But it wasn't his bed, no, it was a metal table, his body shivering against its cold surface, mostly naked. And his legs were similarly chained, leaving him so open, so exposed.

And then that face was right before him.

"Kurotsuchi..."

"Welcome back, Grimmjow."

"No..."

"I thought we'd resume an old experiment." the scientist moved away, he heard the clanking of tools, bottles.

"I still think there is much we can learn about your hollow hole." Hands found his lower back, he couldn't move the way he was restrained. A cold swab ran along the edge of the hole, then there was a buzz of an object Grimmjow remembered vividly, part electricity, part spirit energy, but all pain.

"Try to relax."

"NO!" "GRIMMJOW!"

Ichigo had him by the shoulders. Grimmjow's hands were clenched around his arms in return, but it took along time for the nightmare to fade back to the bedroom around him. He choked on air, couldn't speak, couldn't find his breath.

"Grimmjow calm down." Ichigo tried, but the pain in his chest was severe, worse than it had been in months, maybe even more than year. Knowing he was having a panic attack only made it worse, come on stronger, hurt so much more. He fell back on the bed, fingers biting desperately into Ichigo's arms. Ichigo remained sitting over him, watching his body move in pain, his body consuming excessive amounts of oxygen.

There wasn't much Ichigo could do. He'd investigated this thoroughly, but most techniques relied on the person themselves doing something they practised to calm themselves. He could try to cover Grimmjow's mouth to stop him from breathing in so much but he didn't want to do anything forceful after yesterday.

It took forty five minutes for Grimmjow's breath to even out. By that point he was on his side, hand against his chest, whole body covered in sweat and exhausted. Ichigo was still sitting on the bed with him, he had a hand on his upper arm, but he didn't know what other comfort he could offer.

Tears came. There weren't many, he was far too spent to burst into full sobs, but there was such a broken edge to them, and they said everything Grimmjow couldn't: This is what they'd reduced him to. This was his life now, and no matter if he trusted Ichigo now or not, he couldn't escape this.

The day had just started and he was already exhausted.

Ichigo suggested Grimmjow try to sleep again, but the other shook his head and tried to sit up. He was shaking, but held onto the hand Ichigo offered and managed to sit. Ichigo gathered it had been a nightmare by the way Grimmjow had been screaming when he found him.

"Why don't we move to the kitchen?" He offered, hoping a change of scenery would help. Grimmjow just nodded. He got him up and out to the couch. The living room and kitchen was one open area, broken only in the transition from carpet to tile. Grimmjow sat stiffly, Ichigo arranged some pillows and managed to convince him to lay down for a bit. He lay on his side, holding his stomach like someone had just kicked him there. Ichigo decided to get some breakfast.

It had only been four hours since Ichigo had put him to bed in the middle of the night. Dawn was just peeking over the horizon, but Ichigo didn't think it was a good idea to leave Grimmjow alone.

He ate. He did some homework. At a more reasonable hour of the morning, he started getting some laundry ready. Grimmjow remained as he was the whole time. By noon, it was well past when Ichigo would normally give Grimmjow food, but he was hesitant. He wasn't sure where they stood on that issue after yesterday. He moved to the couch with a glass of water as a test. He got Grimmjow to sit up and handed it to him.

He drank it.

Ichigo didn't let his enormous relief show. He just took the empty glass back and went to make something more solid for Grimmjow to eat.

Grimmjow didn't speak for the entire day, he was caught in terrible memories ever since the morning and couldn't seem to shake them. But he ate twice, so Ichigo considered that a win. At night, however, he knew Grimmjow wouldn't sleep. Perhaps all this time he wasn't trying to keep an eye on the enemy, but trying to keep nightmares at bay.

Thanks for the continuing reviews! I love hearing your thoughts!

Next time: Flashback to the war when Grimmjow rescues a poisoned Ichigo; in the present a rainstorm brings on an honest convesation about torture.

**Upping this to M rating to be safe. I'll change it when I update next.

Riza