Buffy walked up the steps of the large psychiatric building. Iced coffee in her hand and gum in her mouth. She was exhausted, having driven all night by herself with no sleep for the past week she wasn't in any talking mood, but she also wasn't in any mood to be alone. She didn't bother knocking, never had before.
"Have I ever told you exactly what happened that night?" Buffy asked after ten minutes of silence and Kate shrugged taking a sip of coffee.
"No, I mean we've talked about how your brother was the first victim, but never about why or what had caused the outrage." She states pulling her notebook onto her lap.
"Well the reason is simple. I'm not ready to go into all of the details, but he flipped because I wouldn't have sex with him." Buffy picked at a strand on her jeans and when she looked up, Kate's face was pale and her lips pursed.
"Buffy I am sorry for this next question, but I am required by law to ask . . . did he rape you?" She asked, Buffy could never understand how she kept herself so calm during those types of questions.
Buffy was quiet for a while before answering, "I don't know." She whispered and Kate's lips parted.
"You mean you don't remember?" Kate asked.
"It's not uncommon for children to shut down memories like that. That event would have been the ultimate violation." Kate explained.
Buffy shook her head, "No I remember, it's just I don't know if what he did was rape or just assault I don't know the difference." Buffy mumbled, feeling stupid.
"Well, you could tell me what he did and I could tell you." She offered and Buffy thought that over.
There was a possibility of closure if she knew the truth, but she would be letting go that last part of her, that naive part that said her father was horribly awful, but not that sick. With a deep breath, she'd made up her mind
"He came up from behind me. Told me that he wanted me to prove how deep my love was. I was frozen in shock, I could feel his arousal pressing into me and I just couldn't move." She inhaled shakily. Kate moved on the couch next to her.
"Buffy that is a natural phenomenon that happens to even grown women, you were a child." She defended softly and Buffy stared down at the ground.
"Anyways, he proceeded to unzip my jeans and everything was all buzzy and confusing. Then I felt this pressure inside me, his fingers and that's when Spike came in." Buffy pushed from the couch, a tear falling down her cheek as she looked back at Kate.
"Was it rape?" Buffy croaked, tears pooling in her brilliant green eyes, as her heart galloped in her chest.
"Yes. Yes it was. Oral rape as it's known." Kate said watching Buffy quietly.
Buffy just nodded staring out the window. Wonderful. Her father wasn't only crazy he was sick.
"I had a flashback. Some guy at school came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. It was an innocent gesture, and he wasn't hurting me, but I was slammed back to that night without my control." Buffy whispered taking a seat again and Kate sighed, nodding.
"Buffy, it's not uncommon for victims of traumas like that to relive them. It's the minds way of reminding the victim what had happened. A way for the body to flush out that fear. It's paralyzingly and scary, but it's a nessicissity to recovery, keeps you from pushing it away. One needs to admit what happened to them, so they can move on." Kate explains and Buffy shrugs.
"Well, it's stupid." She mumbles stubbornly and Kate smiles sadly.
"Yes, Buffy, very stupid, but necessary and relieving to know that you're still strong enough to live."
Buffy got home late Sunday night, still exhausted, that was a given. But she felt a little better. Kate always had that effect. She claimed out grumbling about stupid suicide machines. When she looked up she saw Angel sitting on his porch. Biting her bottom lip she walked over fidgeting with her keys.
"Hi." She said waving and taking a hesitant seat, his crooked smile had buterflies fluttering in her stomach.
"Hey there, Jade." He greeted turning to face her with his back against the ledge.
"It's cold out, what are you doing?" She asked, feeling very interested and he shrugged a firm shoulder.
"I like the cold, it's refreshing. And my parents are arguing, I have a tendency to take my mother's side, even when she's wrong and right now I need to be far from that." He explained running his hands through his hair and leaning forward. Buffy merely nodded, not prying.
"I like the rain." She murmurs staring up at the crystal clear night sky, lit up with millions of stars.
"Really?" He asked and she nodded.
"Oh yes, heavy rain, one time I went out in a thunder storm, didn't come back until it ended, I was drenched and it was amazing." She said giving him a wide smile. He was watching her with an inquiring look.
"What?" She asked, was Buffy Summers actually blushing? Yes, yes she was.
"Nothing I just can't figure you out. You're different." He murmurs and she swallows.
"Good different?" She asked softly and he nodded.
"Great different." He said seriously. She watched him for a little while, then she stood.
"Goodnight, Angel." She murmured starting back toward her home, but not before hearing his response.
"Sweet dreams, Jade."