I do not own 'Doctor Who' or anything related.
Just when it seems we're about to be exter-er, I mean, 'deleted'! The Doctor whips out his sonic screw driver and defeats all of the cyborgs.
Rose: -Wait. Is that it?
Doctor: Is what it?
Rose: After all that tension and suspense it's just instantly resolved with your sonic screwdriver?
Doctor: Well Rose, you should know by now that any problem that I'm at lost with can easily be resolved with my sonic screwdriver. It's like all of batman's gadgets rolled into one! Or a miniature version of the megasword. Anyway this isn't my sonic screwdriver, it's the Gallifrey power battery needed to bring us back home which conveniently finished charging whose energy I was somehow able to use as a weapon.
Rose: - Still feels like kind of a cheat to me.
Rose: So what were those creatures, Doctor?
Doctor: Cybermen. One of my top nemesis. Number four I think after Daleks, the Master and Davros.
Mickey: -Well that can't be right, Doctor! They were a little too big and metallic, doncha think?
Doctor: -Not Saibamen. CYBERmen. As in cybernetic humanoids, once fully organic then turned into cyborgs who want to turn other humanoids into cyborgs.
Rose: -You mean they're like British Borg?
Doctor: -Pretty much. Accept they're more machine, it can't be reversed and they came first. But it seems that one of the main differences in this reality is that characters with an extraterrestrial origin have a terrestrial one here.
Rose: You mean like it's the difference between Marvel and Ultimate Marvel?
Doctor: Precisely.
Pete: Hey, if you think they were threatening, you should have seen what Lumic was working on before! Some kind of genetically engineered squids in miniature tanks. Daleks I think they were called.
Doctor: I rest my case.
While trying to infiltrate the facility, Alt-Dad and me get accosted by a Cyberman, who turns out to be more of a Cyberwoman.
Rose: -Mum?
Pete: My word. Jackie….YOU'VE GONE BUFF!
While also infiltrating the facility, the Doctor and a member of an underground organization called Mrs Moore, came across and overpowered a Cyberman, who also turned out to be a cyberwoman.
Cyberman (Or Woman!): COLD. SO COLD.
Mrs Moore: What's wrong with her?
Doctor: Her emotion inhibitor is gone. She's miserable because without that she can't stand being in a cold, mechanical body.
Mrs Moore: Really? Cos I think I would love being in a robot's body-
Doctor: No you wouldn't.
After getting captured, the Doctor along with me and Alt-Dad are brought before the newly created Cyber-Controller.
Cyber-controller: WELCOME PRISONERS, TO THE BEGINNING OF A NEW AGE. AN AGE OF ST-YOU!
Doctor: Me?
Cyber-controller: YOU DARE SHOW YOURSELF HERE? AFTER WHAT YOU DID?
Doctor: -I'm sorry. Have we met?
Cyber-controller: LISTEN TO MY VOICE, DOCTOR! RECOGNISE MY VOICE, DOCTOR? RECOGNISE MY VOICE, YOU PIECE OF S**T TIME LORD?
Doctor: Hey now, there's no need for language like that-
Cyber-controller: I LOOK DIFFERENT, BUT I BET YOU CAN RECOGNISE MY VOICE?
Doctor: (face brightens) Oh. (He smiles) Hello Father.
Cyber-controller: YOU'RE NO SON OF MINE!
Pete: Um, do you have any idea what they're talking about?
Rose: Not a clue.
Yeah I know this was a terrible scene ! If you want to see a better take (or at least a different one) on this scene, check out the parody of this episode on fiveminutedotnet!
Cyber-Controller: PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE GOING TO APPEAL TO MY HUMANITY?
Doctor: Actually, I'm planning to threaten you.
Cyber-Controller: STALLING ME WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING.
Doctor: No no! Threatening. (Takes something out of his pocket) Jelly baby? No? You're sure? I'm having one (Puts it in his mouth)
Rose: Do you have the feeling they're referencing something that hasn't come out yet-
Cyber-Controller: THE CYBER-MEN ARE BEING MANUFACTURED. A NEW RACE. WHAT HAVE I TO FEAR?
Doctor: Well let's do a head count shall we Davros for the Cybermen? See, you're up against a regenerating, good looking last member of an extinct alien race that mastered time, a sassy girl who acts as the human element to the show, an IT wiz able to remotely shoot a harpoon missile from Plymouth at downing street, a wealthy businessman with inside knowledge of the company that produces the cyber-men, and a guy who um, um….we have an extra guy, that's always useful!
Cyber-Controller: I HAVE AN ARMY.
Doctor: We have an idot. Called Mickey. Who, say, if he was just happening to listen to this conversation, would listen to my hints and go to that particular section in the Lumic family database entitled 'plot resolution'.
Cyber-Controller: YOU WILL BE-
Doctor: Exterminated?
Cyber-Controller: DELETED! YOU WILL BE DELETED!
Doctor: Right, that was my second guess!
Mickey: Hold on, Doctor. I'm going to save the day! Again.
Jake: Wait, what are you doing?
Mickey: I'm going to hack into the Lumic database and find that code that will stop the Cybermen!
Jake: -Oh. Wait, you're good with computers?
Mickey: …Er, yeah. What, did I give the impression that I'm not into IT.
Jake: Well, it's just that, um….You're black.
(Awkward silence)
Mickey: ….So?
Jake: Hey now don't go beating the crap out of me or anything! I mean it wasn't a racist remark like that or anything, but it's just that your people have a reputation of being- um…not academically inclined. Not that you're less intelligent than white people or anything, but that due to your upbringing and social background that you would be more inclined for um…physical activities. Or musical.
Mickey: …Okay. You know, I'm sick of this. It's time someone showed the audience that not all black people are muscle bound, aggressive, lower class- (Jake stares at him) well, not aggressive and muscle bound I can at least prove!
Cyberman: What the-? I'm a robot? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Cyberman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Cyberman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Cyberman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Cyberman: NO-
BOOM. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM .
Pete: Okay. What's happening now?
Doctor: Yes! Aha! Mickey did it!
Pete: Did what?
Doctor: Disabled the Cybermen's emotional inhibitor chips so that they can't handle what they've become! Because that's what happens when humans get their brains placed in mechanical bodies with their emotions intact. Their heads explode.
Pete: -WHA-
Rose: Just go with what he's saying. I know it sounds like he's just making this up as he goes along, but that doesn't mean that it isn't true.
Pete: Of course it isn't true if he's just making it up! How can it be true?
Doctor: It's called Parallel Reality and Illusion Irony. The same logic that the Gruffalo ran on.
Pete: All right then, clever clogs, then why isn't his head exploding?
Cyber-Controller: NO! YOU HAVE DESTROYED MY CYBERMEN! RAAAAAAARGH!
Doctor: Um- um...(clicks his fingers) his high amount of emotion is acting as a buffer to the force building up threatening to cause his head to burst?
Pete: -So, the thing that's killing him, is keeping him alive?
Doctor: Yes!
Pete: ...That doesn't make any sense.
Doctor: Look, we can debate this later, right now we have an enraged Cyberman to run away from!
After escaping from the Cyber-Controller (Who disappeared in a massive explosion like in an action movie) Alt-Dad asked me something.
Pete: There's one last thing I don't understand. Just who are you?
Rose: Me? Oh, I'm your daughter from an alternate reality.
Pete: -OH! A daughter, eh? That's mine and yet isn't. Well. Isn't that nice? Oh look at the time I've got to start helping destroying the Cybermen! Well, er, goodbye, AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Rose: Well. If that wasn't an unnecessary frightened man as I've ever seen one!
Mickey: I'm staying here.
Rose: What? Why?
Mickey: Well mainly because my gran who's not my gran is here, and even though she's a different person who raised a very different me and may die within the next few years leaving nothing for me here, hey! Gotta live for the present!
After that adventure we came to a planet where humans were investigating a black hole, where strange things were happening.
Rose: Anyone else feel this whole episode is reminiscent of Horizon?
It turned out that this planet was a prison for an alien that claimed to be the original Devil.
Doctor: Oh nooooo everyone, it's the original Satan! Run for your lives! Do you really think you're the first creature I've encountered who claimed to be the original Satan? You even sound like someone who claimed the exact thing, heck I've actually met creatures who were embodiments of evil!
Later the Doctor would venture down the hole with help from a member of the crew.
Doctor: Does your religion have a devil?
Ida: No. Does yours?
Doctor: Nope. Don't you find it odd that this episode claims makes it out that the devil is a universal concept yet we've just have a conversation where neither of us have devils?
Ida: No, not really.
After that adventure we went to the 2012 Olympics.
Rose: Wow! Seems Shane Ward's gotten big in 2012. What a and easily believable prediction!
Doctor: Yes, and not completely forgotten about after 2007.
Rose: (Shh!)
Doctor: What, I said not!
Rose: AAAAAAAAAAAH! D-Doctor what is that?
Doctor: What, some kind of scary drawing on a wall?
Rose: No! That, what is that, what even is that?
Doctor: I believe that it is the UK's Olympic mascot.
Rose: But, what does it have to do with Britain? How does it relate to the country?
Doctor: (Checks the leaflet) Apparently they're named after the places that were precursors to the modern Olympics and Paralympics games.
Rose: -Huh. Okay, that's understandable, but everything else? So what, China gets characters from a famous Chinese novel, Greece gets an ancient Greek doll, Australia gets its local animals, but we get a - a- I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!
Doctor: Well just so you know, there are two of them.
Rose: Two of...Doctor we have to go back in time and stop these -whatever they are- from ever being created, so that we can have something that clearly represents the country!
Doctor: Sorry, can't do it.
Rose: What? Why, because of some no meddling with the timeline code? I mean it's not like we would have become part of that timeline yet.
Doctor: No, it's because if you intentionally go back in time in order to change history, and it's successful, then what would propel you to go back in time in the first place if the thing you wanted to change is no longer there? It's a little not well known and grossly underused concept known as the Apathy PARADOX. And as you should very well know from last year paradoxes are a no no! That's why last year a paradox was created when you saved your Dad.
Rose: I thought a paradox was created because I met my past self and the universe cares if a person meets with their past or future self?
Doctor: Oh really? Then why did the paradox right itself when your Dad died when that wasn't what caused it?
Rose: A hole in space and time.
Doctor: -What?
Rose: Anyway, I thought we didn't remember that whole paradox episode?
Doctor: -Um, a hole in space and time?
Rose: No, doctor. Just no.
There, as it happened, a girl was being possessed by something, however the Doctor managed to save her and her family, while we enjoyed the opening of the olympics. With no casualties at all if that's shocking! Yet the Doctor is looking glum about it.
Rose: You should be pleased, Doctor! No one died in this episode! You usually get excited about that! Well your last incarnation did.
Doctor: Yes, and that's what disconcerting.
Rose: Why?
Doctor: Well, the last time people stopped dying so frequently, a lot of them died in the next episode.
Are the Doctor's fears founded? Are we due for a massive body count for the finale? Will we FINALLY get back to that shore where Rose started her tale? Find out in the exciting conclusion of the adventures of Rose Tyler and the Tenth Doctor: Army of Doomsday. Coming soon. Probably. Hopefully. Nnnyeh, you know what, your best to give your hopes up, it'll probably come when you least suspect it.
Mickey: So wait a minute you're actually telling me that all of the aliens in marvel are earthlings in ultimate marvel? What about the symbiote?
Doctor: A product of Spider-Man's dad's research in a cure for cancer.
Mickey: And the Shiar?
Doctor: A cult dedicated to the worship of the Phoenix.
Mickey: And Mojo?
Doctor: An anti-mutant human who arranges illegal mutant fights.
Mickey: GASP! And the Kree?
Doctor: Non-existant.
Mickey: AND THE SKRULL?
Doctor: ...Well, okay, they're still in it.
Mickey: And Galactus-
Doctor: Okay, so maybe not ALL of the Marvel aliens, but a good number have either been excluded or terrestrialised.
Rose: They also turned the Savage Land into an hallucination and changed Spider-Man's spider from being radioactive to genetically engineered.
Doctor: Right you are Rose. After all, grounding the series into reality as much as possible is the reason why Ultimate Marvel has proven so popular.
Red Skull: Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of iron men armours in one sec?
Iron Man: Yeah. So?
Red Skull: That's against the laws, isn't it?
Iron Man: Screw the laws, my whole body's a giant brain!
Red Skull: Oh. Wait, what?
Iron Man: That's right, Red Skull! I have a genetic condition in which every cell in my body has developed neural tissue, effectively making my body one brain! How else do you explain all this advanced technology that I have?
Red Skull: Um, your rich and intelligent?
Iron Man: No. That's not believable at all. No one will buy that! You see we here at Ultimate Marvel strive to make our continuity as down to earth, relatable and realistic as possible, and the only way to explain my high IQ is that my body is in fact a giant brain!
Red Skull: That really just makes it unnecessarily complicated. I mean I liked how the spider that gave Peter Parker his powers has been updated to being genetically enhanced and that both Captain America and Thor lost their wings and I love how it wasn't clear whether he really was Thor or a nutter, and I can even accept that the existence of the mutants in the world is somehow due to the attempt at trying to recreate the superhero formula! But the explanation for Tony Stark's genius intellect is because he essentially has a giant brain? That's just plain stupid! It's almost as random as the Green Goblin suddenly declaring that killing Spider-Man is God's will. Where the heck did that come from anyway? I mean I know that you Americans don't feel right unless you read or write at least one story about religious fanaticism on a regular basis, but that's just being excessive! I mean wouldn't that make your tumour which is the size of a golf ball that is going to kill you the equivalent of a speck if you essentially have brain matter throughout your body? Makes about as much sense as Magneto's reasoning for eating human flesh, because I'm sure that early Homo Sapiens Sapiens were all like 'Hey! You Neanderthals are a separate species, meaning it's okay to eat you!' What's with all the cannibalism, anyway? What are the writers expressing some hidden desires or something-
Iron Man: By the way, I should probably mention that in this continuity, you're American too.
Red Skull: What.
Iron Man: Not only that, but you're the long lost son of Captain America.
Red Skull: No. No. That's not true. That's impossible!
Iron Man: And the reason you're called the Red Skull is because you felt such an inferiority complex over having Captain America as your father that you cut off your own face, surviving any form of death that would have resulted in such an action!
Red Skull: ...You know what? F**k this. (Loads a gun) I refuse to let myself be sucked into your convoluted, Strulbrugian mess of a reimagined comic book franchise. (Holds the gun to his head) Goodbye, Ultimate World.
Gun: BANG!
Gail Richards: Son! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Captain America: He died before knowing they retconned that whole Iron Man origin into an anime movie!
Iron Man: Yeah. Wait what?