AN - Ok. So... there is some pound-caking in this chapter, so I had to change it to an M rating. First off, it's my first attempt at writing a sex scene. Be nice. I was going to take it out but, I went to all the trouble so... whatever. Also, there is bit in here about an ultrasound. I know that it wouldn't happen this way, that a radiologist would do it and blah blah blah... both Callie and Lexie did Sloan's ultrasounds so if it's good enough for Grey's, it's good enough for me.

CALLIE'S POV

So I have been here for 98 minutes and 12 seconds, well 15 now… I haven't seen her. She's probably in surgery. Surgery. We are surgeons and she has kids to fix. Lots of kids. Kids that she doesn't want. Stop. You are not getting into this again. You did the big romantic gesture, if she doesn't want to take you up, you'll wait. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. One step at a time. If she doesn't want you. If she moves on, then that's OK. Who are you kidding Calliope? It won't be OK.

Ooo. There's Mark. So much to talk to him about. So much to say. I have to tell him about Baby Torres. The first trimester is just about over and I actually have to start telling people. Actual people, not just roommates and (ex)-girlfriends(?). Mark would be next on the list.

As I get closer to him I realize he looks tired. REALLY tired.

"Mark, are you ok?" I'm a little concerned that he'd even be operating. His eyes are bloodshot.

"Satan Riley kept me up all night."

"What?"

"Kids, Callie don't do it. I haven't slept in 3 months. " Thanks. Really good advice.

"Oh, he couldn't have been that bad." I mean he's 3 months old. How bad could it be? He has barely learnt to lift his head up, his sleep patterns should be starting to be more manageable, he should have formed an emotional attachment with them and is probably starting to actually listen to language. All the studies show that now is the time to start speaking lots of words, maybe start reading and start to develop his sense of tou-. Why is he looking at me like that?

"What?"

"Where the hell did you learn all that?"

"What?" Crap. I did not say that out loud...

"The stuff about the 3 month old kid that I have no idea about. Is it like an ingrained woman thing?" Perfect. Just tell him.

"Oh, I was just… it's just research." Liar, liar.

"On babies?"

"Yeah, well… I've been dating a pediatric surgeon for what? 18 months… it's just rubbed off I guess." I'm so going to hell right now. I should just tell him. I have to tell him at some point. I'm going to start really showing any week now and scrubs can only do so much.

"Are you still dating the pediatric surgeon?"

"I don't know. Maybe. She wants to works it out, I think… but something came up so… I don't know."

I see Derek in my peripheral vision and he's making his way toward me. He has that whole McDreamy smile that so doesn't work on me, but hey, he's a nice guy so I can't really judge him for it.

"Congratulations on..." What? How does he know about… Cristina. I am going to kill her. Can't keep her mouth shut. Damn twisted sisters. Now the gossip about Baby Torres will fill the whole hospital. Poor Arizona she will have to face the gossip. She'll probably be laughed at. God what a mess. This is going to severely hurt my chances at anything with her. I'm going to kill Cristina. I should have let Burke rip her a new one last night.

"Torres?" Derek asks with concern. Must have been something to do with the horror that is written all over my face. I look over at Marks face and his shocked expression does not make me feel any better. Terrific. Terrific terrific terrific.

"What? Sorry?" I'm sorry Derek, I was too busy trying to think how quickly I can transfer out of this hospital.

"Cal, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize that last night were the awards. I've been so busy with Lincoln and Sloan. Wow that's so great. Congratulations." He pulls me into a very uncharacteristic bear hug. Awards? Oh, wait! I'm a Harper Avery recipient. I'm a superstar. So they don't know. Breathe Calliope. Stop jumping to conclusions.

"Thanks Mark." I start to pull away from his hug, a little thrown at the big girl that Mark has suddenly become.

"I believe you are also in line for the Nobel Peace Prize too." Derek smiles at me knowingly. So my roommate has spoken to the happier half of the twisted sisters.

"Well let's just say if Cristina thought she was responsible for Burke getting the award before, she thinks the award is hers now."

"What happened?" Mark looks confused.

"I took Yang to the Awards. I figured I could deal with Burke, she could deal with Erica. It was fine until after the award was announced an inebriated Cristina got all cage-fighter on Preston Burke. Nothing he didn't deserve, however I had to physically remove her."

"Jennings wants a word with you. I'll clear your schedule for 3?"

"Sure. What is it about?"

"Well he just wants to prep you for the interviews and the press-conference."

"The WHAT? Derek No. You've seen me on stage in front of people. No. I don't do. I'm not. NO."

"It's part of winning."

"Don't care. You can have the award. In fact… Cristina can have the award. It's in her room, she can have it. She can talk. She'd be very good at it. Plus she really wants the award. REALLY wants it. OR Bailey? Bailey would perfect. She can do it. She's ten times the surgeon I am - she can do it."

Mark grabs me, like he had done so many times before, by the shoulders so I looking in his eyes.

"Callie. Stop speaking Spanish. We don't understand. All I can understand are names. I have no idea how Bailey or Cristina fit into this."

I look at them both with the terror I feel.

"We will keep the speaking to a minimum. Just answers to questions. I'll try to convince Jennings that there is no need for a presentation. I'll be there to help deflect some attention."

"Derek, are you sure? I don't want to make the hospital look stupid."

"You won the Harper Avery. You're making it look better. Now I'll see you in my office at 3." He walks off and I remain still and scared out of my mind.

"It'll be ok Cal. Really." Mark pats me on the back. I don't know if it's the morning sickness or the stage fright, but I have the sudden urge to be sick. Very sick.

I'm in the stall. Again. This one must be reserved for me, because I swear I have sat here almost every day for the last month and a half. Except right now I have never been more uncertain or scared or messed-up. My life has not looked this chaotic ever. Even when my husband was sleeping with a hot blonde, or even when I was so attracted to Erica I thought I would die of embarrassment just to be in the same room as her. Nothing compares to this moment. Just yet another thing to add to the drama that is my life.

Spotting.

On top of everything else. God is obviously punishing me. Arizona's avoiding me, again. I have to speak in front of who knows how many people. Now I might even be losing the baby. My life is so crazy in this moment. I'm exhausted. It's all so exhausting.

I feel the tears fall from my eyes. I call the one person who can help.

"Addie"

"Callie what's wrong?"

"I'm… I'm spotting."

"What?" She takes a while to comprehend, but immediately rattles off a number of questions and I answer each one. "Ok, so you don't have any of those symptoms at all? You don't feel like anything is wrong?"

"No. None."

"Cal, I want you to get your OB to check you over."

"I haven't got one yet."

"Callie!"

"I've been putting it off. Obviously I want someone who works here at the hospital, but I knew the second I would see an OB, and get all the labs and tests and such that the rumors would spread like wildfire. I wanted it to say quiet."

"Who does know?"

"Arizona and Cristina."

"That's all?"

"Yep."

"And Arizona's not an option? While she isn't an OB, she'd probably be pretty close to it."

"I think she's avoiding me."

"Why?"

"I woke her up in the middle of the night and professed my love for her. Told her that I'm not the slutty person she thinks and that I'll wait forever for her. Now she's avoiding me."

"Cal, you really don't do anything by halves, do you?" Amused? She's amused? Really not the best time to be amused Addison Montgomery. I could lose everything today.

"Apparently not."

"You don't want anyone else to know just yet?"

"Like who?"

"Karev – He seemed to doing a good job in that area when I was there."

"No. Nooo. Not with our history."

"Bailey? She wouldn't ask questions, she wouldn't tell anyone."

I think about it for a moment before imagining Bailey all 'What did you do?' in a very Bailey way. She doesn't do personal. Although she has Tucker so she knows what it was like to have a baby. She'd be comforting. She's a good doctor and a great surgeon. She's also really busy.

"No."

"Fine." She sounds exasperated. "Can you read an ultrasound?"

"Yeah." Seriously Addison?

"Ok, well you need to look for three things…"

"Yang. With me now." I bark out. Karev, Grey and Yang look up immediately, startled by my tone. Good.

She doesn't even ask any questions when I turn and walk away. She just follows. Huh. Feel the power Calliope. This is what a Harper Avery feels like. I'm going to enjoy this. We are walking for a good thirty seconds before she has enough courage to speak. Go me.

"What are we doing?"

"We are making sure that my patient isn't miscarrying."

"You're patient? Since when do you have - Oh – do you have a trauma?"

I roll my eyes at the way her eyes light up with excitement. You'd think that she actually likes people getting injured. Wait. She does. She'll just have to deal.

"No I've-"

"Calliope! Finally." She smiles at me and practically runs (heeley's really fast?) in my direction. Oh great. Just when I don't want her to show up… Cristina's body tenses and she crosses her arms.

"Cristina don't."

Arizona looks between the two of us and her and I both watch as Cristina's posture returns to normal once I shake my head at the resident. I don't know where this protective Cristina came from. Trying to defend me from Arizona? As much as I appreciate the gesture, Arizona would kick her ass without even trying.

"Cristina, I don't need your help anymore, at least I don't think I do."

"What about your patient?"

"I…I think Arizona would be better to help."

"Whatever." She storms off.

"What's that about?"

"Umm…" I gulp. I don't even know what she wants to talk to me about. I have no idea if she even wants to be around me. "I need your help… on an ultrasound."

"Ok, how old is the patient? What are we looking for?"

"33. Miscarriage." I watch her face as realization dawns she looks at me.

"Are you ok? Are you experiencing pain?"

"Calm down, I need you to be calm. Quite honestly I am freaking out here and I need someone else to be calm. Addison said that it was probably not a miscarriage but she wants me to get an ultrasound and get the baby checked." She nods looking a little less crazy. She grabs my hand and drags me to a consult room.

"This is going to be cold. But you know that, so… deal." She smiles at me. She's trying to get me to stress less. Admittedly I've calmed down a little, knowing that she's ok to be in the same room as me. It's a start.

The screen comes to life and my eyes are suddenly glued to the screen. This is going to be the first time I see my baby. It might also be the last. Fuck. Again I feel the tears well up in my eyes. My thoughts are a million miles an hour.

I feel Arizona's free hand intertwine with mine and give my hand a squeeze. She looks at the screen and then releases my hand to point out what I can see for myself.

"There's your baby." She looks over at me and smiles reassuringly. She turns back to the screen. "That is the heartbeat." She takes a longer look at the screen and her eyes start to gloss over.

"What's the matter? Is something wrong with him?"

"Him? Calliope really?" She smiles at me and raises her eyebrow. Whoops.

"The baby. Is something wrong with the baby?"

"No. Why would you think…?"

"Your eyes. They say a lot." She blushes a little and looks at her shoes. She's embarrassed? I don't understand.

"The baby is fine. Heart beats strong. Within normal ranges. Normal is above 150 and it is 163. Baby looks nice and relaxed."

"So I'm not losing the baby?"

"It certainly doesn't look in any distress, which is great. I think you should get your OB to take a look at least in the next couple of days. Here I'll print a picture."

"Would you recommend any OB's?"

"Calliope! The baby is what? 11 weeks, 12 weeks? You haven't had a check-up?"

"I've been waiting to get into the second trimester before I tell everyone. I mean if you thought I slept with Mark, then, what chance do I have of everyone else? More whispers and more gossip. I just wanted to avoid it all. "

"I'm sorry. About my reaction."

"It's ok, it's a natural reaction. Usually pregnancy is not planned in a 33 years old single woman. That's what I'm saying… it's natural for everyone to questioning. I mean I can't imagine that you'll escape the gossip either. I'm sorry for that."

"It doesn't matter what they say, because we both know the truth. Your friends will know the truth. We can deal with this."

"We? As in you and me?" She nods.

"Cal, I have done these scans a million times. I don't even have any real attachment to it. I know that parents see this thing smaller than the size of most cell phones, and they fall in love with this alien looking thing on a screen, but that was your baby. Yours. I love you. All of you. You're bad habits, your flaws, your goodness and your beauty, I love it all. This baby is part of you. I may not be thrilled at the prospect of midnight feeds and diaper changing, but I love you. All of you. That includes him." She holds up the photo and then realizes what she has just said and rolls her eyes. "Or her."

I blink a couple of times. My right hand reaches over to my left arm and pinches as hard as I can.

"Ow." Nope. Not a dream.

Arizona, who had turned around to pack up the ultrasound machine, stops in her tracks and rushes back to my bedside and looks at me.

"What? What happened?" I chuckle, which soon turns into a laugh. She just looks at me. My hand snakes around her neck and pulls her down to me.

"I love you." I look at her and take in every inch of her face. She looks tired, which I am most probably responsible for. My lips only brush hers initially, and then they come back to taste the cherry lip gloss that I love. She rubs my bottom lip with her very tip tongue. She knows exactly what her light touch does to me. It gets her exactly what she wants. She leans into me, forcing me to lie back against the bed I'm on and I cannot comprehend how I'm going to go back to work after this. Just this is making me dizzy, if her hands begin to wander even in the slightest… It's been three long months since the best sex of my life. Don't judge.

A pager interrupts the moment and I guess I won't have to worry about what happens when her hands wander. I grunt when I can tell it's mine.

"Ew." She sounds like her patients.

"What?"

"I got the gel all over my scrubs. Gross." We look at each other and smile. We are going to be ok. "Go, I'll clean up here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go unbreak some bones." Before I leave, I kiss her again, just a quick kiss, just like it is habit. Our eyes don't leave each other's until I'm almost out the door.

"Calliope?"

"Yeah?"

"Congratulations… on the baby and on the Harper Avery."

I smile and leave the room. Yep today is great.

"Mark!"

"Torres?"

"I need to talk to you about something."

"It wouldn't have anything to do with the fact I saw you and Blondie run off to consult room would it?" He raises his eyebrows suggestively. I decided to play along.

"Actually that is what I want to talk to you about."

"Do go on." He actually thinks I'd tell him that. What a total perv.

"I'm pregnant you pervert." I slap his shoulder.

"Pregnant."

"Yep. Bun in the oven and all that."

"How?"

I laugh. He looks VERY confused.

"Oh come on, I was with Addison for two weeks."

"Three months ago? You've known for three months?"

"I have and now that the chances of anything going wrong have lessened, I can tell people. Here I am, telling you."

"You and Arizona are having a baby?"

Well that's quite the question. I am having a baby and Arizona is my girlfriend/partner/something. Does she want to be the baby's Mom, or does she was to have it so that it's like she's dating a single Mom? Does she want to be part of the decisions or she's just here for me?

Huh.

I'm confused. She said she loved me and by extension the baby, but what does that translate into exactly.

Mark is starting to look at me funny.

"Yeah, me and Arizona." I try to smile, but I can't. How 'In' this is she going to be? Is she going to want to pick out nursery colors? Is she going to pick who the Godparents are? Is she all in?

"What's up Callie?"

"I'm just nervous about the meeting with Jennings. He's an ass."

"You'll be fine." He really does look exhausted. "So does Papa Torres know about little Torres yet?"

Oh. Crap. Thank You Mark Sloan.

"No, not yet. I'm going to give it a little time." He's going to have a coronary. His little girl pregnant and not married. Not that Arizona and I can get married, but legally we aren't… anything. We don't live together. We don't have any legal ties whatsoever. I mean the extent of our legal life together is that she is my in case of emergency contact. That is it.

Oh that will be a very fun phone call. I better buy a house before that. And a crib. And all the other stuff I'll need. And move some money to a different account. Maybe just move it all. Maybe if I move across the other side of the world… Ooo Australia! It always looks nice in pictures. I could live near the beach somewhere I'll never have to worry about- Stop panicking. He's going to be ok. He's going to love the baby. He wanted grandchildren. Particularly since neither Aria nor Orion seem to be focused on producing any heirs.

It's going to be OK Calliope.

There is going to be a press conference. There is going to be questions and there is going to be a presentation by me. Which will be a disaster. I did the most mature thing I could think of and I stormed out, running to the nearest on-call room to cry and hide. Well at least I managed to refrain from saying 'rue'. That's something.

I hear the door click open and then click closed. The lock clicks soon after. I know who it is before she speaks. Before I hear the footsteps. Before I can even smell her. I just know.

She sits on the bed, takes her shoes off and then lies next to me. She pulls up close to my back, putting her chin on the crook of my neck. She puts one of her arms around my waist, with her hand sitting on my stomach.

"I heard about the conference." I don't respond verbally. I move my hand to cover hers, holding on to it, like I'll never let go. "We'll get through it. You learnt a lot about speaking at the lectures."

"Why couldn't Bailey have won the award. Or You? You are both great surgeons and either of you would be able to handle this."

"Calliope do you know much about this award?"

"Not a lot really."

I feel her smile behind me.

"Do you know that the last woman to have won the award was in 1984 when Ellis Grey won the award for the second time? That she was the second woman to have won the award?"

"No."

"Do you know that you are the only person who has been openly gay to receive the award?"

"No."

"Do you know that I was nominated for the award three years ago?"

What?

"What?"

I feel her laugh against my back and I turn around, despite the fact I probably look hideous, with my make-up running everywhere.

"We have to fight so hard as women sometimes. There are times when we have to have twice the research. When we have to have twice the results. When we have to work twice as hard. My work was never going to win me an award, but others have deserved it. In the last two years, you have worked so hard and pushed the boundaries, and I don't just mean here at the hospital. You've fought to be you. And by doing that you've made break-through after break-through. We'll work on the presentation. We'll work on your nerves. But you need to do this. It's important."

I guess I've never really thought about it. I guess the program here is an exception to the rule. According to an article in an AAOS journal that I read a while ago, thirty-five percent of residents all across this country are female. Ten percent of all orthopedic residents are women.

Only two other women have won the Harper Avery in its 35 year history?

Trust this woman in front of me to knock some sense into me.

Her hand is drawing circles on my hip and my focus on anything but her is lost. She has her dimples out and I know her intentions are anything but honorable. She leans into me and kisses me hard. Biting at my bottom lip and soothing it with her tongue. Before I know it she's straddling me and my hands are lifting her scrub top above her head. She pulls mine off too. She leans back into me. Her lips come back on to mine. The feeling of her silky skin against mine is pure ecstasy. She manages to unclasp my bra before throwing it away. My hands follow her spine down to her ass, which I grab and pull her into my body. She pulls back and smiles evilly. She leans back down inch from my lips. I lean up to meet hers and she backs away. I smile and bite my lip. She inches a little closer and again I rise to meet her lips and she pulls away just before I make contact. She giggles as I groan.

She starts to lean back into me, but not to my lips. She makes her way down to my left nipple, where she lays the lightest wet kiss on it, before blowing it with her warm breath. She then does the same to my right. I swear it's enough that my brain is ready to shut down. Two can play that game Miss Robbins.

I grab her bra and get rid of it as fast as I can before flipping her over and trapping her to the bed, grabbing her wrists and pinning them above her head with one hand to ensure that she is forced to endure the teasing I have for her.

I start at her navel, hovering my face close enough for her to feel the warmth radiating from my skin and my breath, but not close enough to be considered a touch. I slowly make my way up her body, breathing harder in spots where I know she loves me to kiss or bite, but I don't touch her, I just look into her eyes. I watch them widen and close, always returning to my own. I reach her breasts and realize that this teasing thing isn't working out so well for me. My need to touch her and taste her is overriding my want of retribution. I crash my lips into her left breast and nip at it before flicking it with my tongue. My free hand has gone from helping to keep me steady to pinching her right nipple. I feel in total control until I feel her thigh is raised to meet my core. My head shoots up to look at her and she has an innocent smile on her face. I suddenly need both arms to support me and without realizing it, I let her wrists go.

She knew exactly what she was doing, because I'm now on my back again, minus my scrub pants, with her lips on mine and her hands roaming my slightly swollen stomach. Teasing me by drawing patterns that continually get lower and lower, closer and closer to where it's becoming increasingly obvious I need her. Her lips pull away from mine and I feel her fingers hook under my panties and she slowly pulls them down my legs, letting the lace brush against my skin, leaving goose bumps in their wake. Again the item of clothing gets thrown carelessly away, she follows my legs back up with her hands. I realize that at my knees she starts to slow the journey. Her face is suddenly adorned with a teasing smirk.

If I wasn't so out of mind with want I would definitely give her something to smirk about, but it's been months since I've had her touch me like this and there is no way I'm not cherishing every second. Her fingers eventually find their way to my centre and she teases with one finger following my folds. It works to because I feel my breath catch. I feel it catch again when her tongue makes contact with my clit and the whole world around me stops.

At some point she replaces her tongue with fingers and her lips find their place on mine. I know I should try and make this about us, but she's got me where she wants me, and it's a place where the only thing I can do is tangle my hands in her hair and try and keep eye contact with her.

My next conscious thought is minutes or hours later as I feel my body tremble involuntarily. I feel her fingers pumping in and out of me, her hips creating more pressure and friction. I feel myself heading toward oblivion. She whispers 'I love you' and I feel my release envelope me completely.

Today has been quite fickle. This morning I assumed Arizona was avoiding me, then, we ended up having lots and lots of hot, hot sex. I thought I was losing the baby, Arizona was there and she told me that I'm not, and I was able to see him and now am totally in love with hi- with it. Arizona managed to stop me from freaking out about the conference. Hmmm. I'm noticing a pattern here. She makes my world a better place. But there are still so many question marks about what we are, about what she wants. I don't want to force her into endless discussion over names and houses if she's not ready for it yet. The only problem is how do I know she is ready?