~.~A Will To Live~.~
Osaka, Japan
10:00 a.m The following morning after the rejection.
Rin slung her back over her shoulders and took one last look at the hotel room that was once shared by her and Sesshomaru. All of her hopes and dreams had faded away and died in that very room, yet, it held a special place in her heart.
She thought about Sesshomaru. Was he okay? Was he safe? Was he thinking about her? Would he remember the hotel room, or cast it aside as an unwanted memory? So many questions lingered in her mind, and they all centered around Sesshomaru.
Rin knew she'd love him forever but she wondered if the pain in her heart would ever go away. Would she be doomed to forever feel as empty as she felt at this very moment without him? Did Sesshomaru feel empty as well? What would she do now? Where would she go? Who could she turn to?
She refused to go back to Nara. That would be like taking two steps back in her life. She couldn't stay here in Osaka. That would be like her life was standing still and going nowhere.
Why did it always seem like she was losing something important in her life. First her parents were killed in a tragic car accident leaving her orphaned at the age of five. Other relatives were too busy with their own lives to lift a finger to invest in hers so she was shuffled around in just about every foster home in Japan. She had endured abuse from several of those homes, but when she turned eighteen she decided to make a life of her own. This situation was no different from that one right? Except then she wanted to be on her own and now she was forced to.
Now she had to face the loss of Sesshomaru, who was her life mate but would never acknowledge her as such. He was her first true love and he'd hurt her so badly with his rejection. Some would say she couldn't have fallen in love with that quickly but they'd be wrong. She fell in love with him in one night and it was not fair that she had to lose him just as quickly as she found him. One thing was clear to Rin though, she would move on with her life. She'd pick up the pieces of it and find a way to survive even through the pain.
Rin eyed the white envelope in her hands, and again her thoughts took her back to Sesshomaru. He had left without saying good bye, but left behind a white envelope with five thousand dollars stuffed inside.
Looking at the envelope now made her angry. He had treated her like a common whore and if that wasn't his intensions, then it sure felt like it. Did he think that leaving her money would make everything that happened okay in his world? Did he feel like he could just buy her out of his life? Did he think that this money would be retribution for all the pain he'd caused her? Did he think that this would change everything?
If anything did change, it was her life when she met him, and he made sure she'd never be the same when he left. No she was not the same Rin she was before she met him. The Rin she used to be was carefree and free-spirited. That Rin laughed often and cherished everything that life had to offer even through the hardships, but that Rin was now dead and buried. A new Rin had come in her place after meeting Sesshomaru. She was now an outcast with no family, and now no future for one. She would now and forever be someone to be looked down upon in shame and pity. He expected her to run with her tail tucked between her legs and just accept things as they are. Well he will be sadly mistaken if he thought that was what she'd do.
Yes, Sesshomaru had indeed broken her and her spirit to some degree, but she was determined not to let him keep her broken. She vowed she would mend herself, even if it took her years, she'd become whole again. He was moving on with his life as if she didn't exist and she would do the same.
Her pain and anguish was still very fresh but looking at the envelope full of money, she was now furious. She had never felt a rage like what she was feeling now. Sesshomaru had not only cursed her life, he used his money in an attempt to pay her off and keep his conscience clear about it.
"Have I not suffered enough? You have a life and a family while I am left with nothing and now you insult me with your money! Well I do not and will not use your blood money Sesshomaru, but I'll hang onto it, and if fate allows us to meet again, you will accept it back in the same envelope you put it in", she vowed angrily to herself, and with that she walked to the hotel office.
Mrs. Sung sat dozing in front of an old black and white television in the back of the hotel office. Her favorite soap opera was watching her sleep, when the bell rang to signify a customer needed service. She rose from her seat and went over to the front counter.
"Why hello dear", she greeted Rin with an ancient but cheerful smile.
"Hello Mrs. Sung", she replied with a sadden one.
"Say is there a bus station near here", she asked looking around the small office.
"Why dear? Are you going somewhere? The young gentleman you were with paid for four weeks advancement for your room. He also paid for the damages in the room as well", she said with a knowing smile.
"Well that is nice to know but I won't be needing it. I hope to go to Tokyo today", she said factually.
"What do I tell the young man when he returns to find you gone", she asked questioningly.
"You won't have to tell him anything because he is not coming back", she said in a sad tone without meaning to. "And as for the room, you can do whatever you like with it", she finished.
"Well now missy, I aint in the habit of taking things that aint rightfully mine. Let me give you the money back", she said reaching into a drawer to give Rin the bills.
"That's not necessary, Mrs. Sung. I don't want anything he has touched", she replied stubbornly.
"Ahh so I see. Well in that case, we'll just have to go about this a little differently. You say you are heading to Tokyo right", she questioned Rin.
"Yeah, I'm looking to start a new life there", she said positively.
"Well…It will be mighty hard for you with that rejection mark. I must say I've heard that could be done but I never seen one for myself or known anyone with one", she said sadly eyeing the young beautiful girl.
Rin touched her mark and felt stinging pain just like when Sesshomaru had licked it. Would it always be this way? Will this pain be a constant remainder of him and the pain I felt in that hotel room?
"My adoptive grandson is heading there in the morning. He finally passed the bar thingy and got an offer at one of those big law places or whose its. Said something about being coupled or what not", she frowned not knowing or remembering the terms he used.
This made Rin laugh out loud without thought at the old lady in front of her.
"You mean he passed the bar exam, he got an offer at a big law firm, and he made partner", she corrected sweetly.
"Yeah exactly what you just said", the old lady waved her hand in light frustration.
"Anywho, I could get him to take you. He's around your age and a sweet guy all around. He could look after you for a while too, by the way, how old are you", the nosey old lady asked.
"I'm twenty six", she replied.
"Well what do you know, Shippo's twenty nine. Come on missy", she snapped her fingers trying to get Rin to say her name.
"Rin Yamada", she filled in.
"Come on Rin let me help you. It aint gonna be easy for you in a big city where you don't know anybody, especially with that mark. Don't be stubborn dear", she pleaded with kind eyes.
Okay this old lady is off her rocker, but what she's saying is true even though I hate to admit it.
"Plus I'm looking to hire someone to keep an eye on him and report back to me while he's up there. I can't let them money grubbing fancy women try to hook their claws in him. He's mighty handsome you know, and he's a demon too", she stated winking at Rin.
"Okay you've got yourself a watch dog for your grandson", she stated while extending her hand to seal the deal.
"Good but just so you know, I aint paying you no more than eight hundred dollars for the first four weeks, after that we'll see how everything goes", she said with a wink and shook Rin's hand.
"Yes Mrs. Sung, I wouldn't dream of taking any more than that", she replied knowing that was the exact amount that Sesshomaru had paid the old lady for the room.
"Call me Kaede dearie. It makes me feel so much older to hear people say Mrs. Sung", she said irritably.
"But I can't, that would be disrespectful", she replied wide eyed.
"Not if I give you permission".
"Yes Mrs. S-, I mean Kaede. Say where's Mr. Sung if you don't mind me asking", she smiled lightly at the woman.
"Afraid he passed away ten years ago", she replied sadly.
"Oh I…I am so sorry. I…I didn't mean to-"
"Hush the fuss child. It was a long time ago", she replied cutting Rin's sentence off. "Now come dear, you can stay at my house for tonight and in the morning you can leave for Tokyo with Shippo. Plus, I got an old friend there that can help you and your condition", she said referring to Rin's rejection mark.
Well if that's the case then why can't her friend look after Shippo? She questioned only to herself, but was thankful for the old lady's kindness.
Tokyo, Japan
Same Day 10:00pm
Sesshomaru threw his keys on the countertop along with the stack up mail that had piled up in his mailbox.
He went into his bedroom which was a contemporary design and placed his back pack on the bed. He proceeded to shed himself of his clothing and headed into his lavishly decorated huge bathroom.
He looked at himself in the mirror and upon seeing his refection, he immediately felt disgusted with himself at what he'd done to Rin. He had broken her to a point that he knew she'd probably never rebound from it, but what choice did he have.
This was her own fault; she deserved the rejection mark because of her conspiracy with his yokai. What was he to do? He couldn't very well show back up in Tokyo after being gone for nearly a month and tell his father he was mated. And he mostly certainly couldn't tell him it was to a human, he rather die first.
Sesshomaru stared blankly at himself and then noticed his mating mark. He would now be forever reminded of Rin. Why didn't he just leave that bar that night? Why had he allowed her to follow him? Now they were forever bonded through his careless decisions that night.
In his mind Rin was standing in front of him, and all he could see was the sad look in her golden brown eyes. Eyes that was beautifully large and so very seductive when she blushed. Eyes full of tears when he'd announced her punishment to her. Eyes that had pleaded for him to take her life when she found the punishment was too much to bear. Eyes that lost their beautiful luster when he applied the rejection mark.
Sess did you have to reject her? She didn't deserve what you did to her. Our mate will be so very unhappy because of what you did. You've ultimately destroyed her life.
I don't need you reminding me of her and yes, I did have to reject her. She could not be a part of my pack. She doesn't belong with me, and as for destroying lives, I think you both managed to destroy mine when you mated!
Fate chose her for us, yet you refuse to acknowledge her. If you can't see what she can do for us, then you're right, she doesn't belong with us because you don't deserve her. You are stubborn Sess! Look at the strength your father has with Lady Izayoi, and the strength that Inuyasha has with Lady Kagome. Lady Rin could make us so much stronger with her by our side.
Do not compare me to father or that half breed! I am and always will be stronger and better than them. I refuse become like them! And I should remind you that you were the one who was always reminding me of their disgusting love for humans.
That was before I knew she was our life mate Sess.
Yeah, well I never asked for a mate and nor does this Sesshomaru need one! I will never need to rely on a weak human for strength. I am powerful all on my own.
You've been telling yourself that lie for so many centuries that you've finally started to believe it. Rin is our mate chosen by fate. We should be protecting her, not rejecting her Sess. I just hope you can live with yourself with what you've done her.
Go away yokai, you've caused me enough trouble. I wish to be left alone and that is final!
Sesshomaru watched the daisy on his neck blossom and wither in a sad continuous cycle, he thought of how Rin smelled of flowers. Her scent was the sweetest scent he'd ever smelled and now he could not smell her at all because of his rejection of her.
He touched his index and middle finger to the mark only to be flung to his knees by the simple act. Just touching it made him feel not just pain but it was a severe pain, something he'd never felt before. He felt emotions that he did not know he was capable of with he touched it, like his heart has been ripped out. Sadness, fear, rejection, despair hopelessness, loss, pain, heartache, remorse, emptiness, loneliness, grief, hurt all radiated through his entire being at once.
The great Sesshomaru Takahashi was on his hands and knees in pain because of a simple touch to his mark.
What did she do to me? What have I done to her? What did I do to…us? This pain and these feelings must belong to her.
Yes they do Sess, and you are feeling everything she's feeling from her rejection, and if you think for a second what you just felt was horrible; well when she touches hers, it ten times worse. The more powerful the demon who administers the rejection mark: the greater the pain that is applied to it when touched. I could have told you that would happen but you never listen to me. With what you've done, you will feel every emotion she feels until you release her of the rejection you've placed on her, which unfortunately for you means that if you touch the mark with your bare hands, you will feel her emotions weather you're together or apart. If she's happy and you touch it, you will feel it. If she's sad and you touch it then you'll feel it and the pain comes from the simple act of touching it. In cursing her you've cursed yourself.
But how? When she licked my mark, I…didn't feel this. This is all your fault. If you had never kept pestering me about giving her my blood this would not have happened!
Sure, and I put a gun to your head and made you do it! I realized she was the one the moment her lips touched our wrist. You dug your own grave Sess, but you don't want to take responsibility for doing so. Of course when she licked your mark you didn't feel any of these feelings because SHE was the one doing the licking. Tsk, tsk ,tsk Sesshomaru, you brought this on yourself. You wanted to exile our mate from our pack, so this is the price you pay. Congratulations Sess, you have succeeded in royally fucking yourself and you have no one to blame but you!
SILENCE YOKAI, that is enough! I don't want to hear anything else from you! Leave me! Now!
Truth really does hurt and in your case literally. I shall be silent for now but I will enjoy watching you make a mess of your life Sess. Believe me when I say there is more chaos waiting for you behind this.
Osaka, Japan
Next Day-8:00a.m.
Rin eyed the young man who sat in the driver's seat of his Camry waiting on her to get inside. Kaede was right, Shippo was handsome indeed. He had long reddish brown hair which was pulled into a high ponytail. He was about six even in height. He had a very toned build and beautiful piercing green eyes with a friendly smile. His disposition was very pleasant and Rin could tell from the moment that she was introduced to him they would become good friends.
"Shippo, don't you be driving too fast now, and mind all the traffic signs and take good care of Rin here", she smiled patting Rin on the shoulder.
"Gee grandma, you act like I'm seven all over again. I'm a good driver and Rin is in wonderful hands", he smiled at Rin though he really wanted to hurl from her scent.
"Don't go getting smart with me young man! You were taught better that", she scolded him.
Kaede then turned to Rin and handed her a note.
"Rin this is the name and address of the lady I was telling you about that can help you. The moment you get to Tokyo, you seek her out and tell her I sent you. Don't worry she's a kind old lady like myself thought she aint as pretty as me", she laughed.
"Thank you Kaede. I don't know how I can ever repay you for your kindness", she smiled sadly.
"Pish posh, just glad I can help. You know Rin that young man looked about as lost and sad as you did when he came in my office. Now I know it aint my business and you can call me crazy, but I believe he loves Rin. He just aint willing to admit it to himself", she said softly.
Rin only smiled in response and took the note.
"Oh and here, you can use this scarf to cover up your mark, but it won't help the scent. That's why when you get to Tokyo, make seeing my friend the first thing on the agenda. You'll be staying with Shippo for a while until you get on your feet and I already talked it over with him a he's fine with it", she smiled happily at Rin.
"Wow, you've thought of everything. Words can't express my gratitude", she said and then embraced the old lady in a hug.
"You just promise me you'll take care of yourself", she smiled.
"I will, I promise. I'll also make sure Shippo calls the moment we get settled", she winked.
"Oh and Shippo knows about your situation. I had to tell him because of your scent, so if he pulls over every now and then you'll know why", Rin smiled sadly at the lady and then said her goodbyes. She and Shippo then took off in his Toyota Camry heading for Tokyo where Rin would start her new life.
She was excited and scarred at the same time but after what she'd been through, she felt she could pretty much face anything. Somewhere deep down she'd found a small spec of light at the end of her very dark tunnel and she vowed she would use it as her will to live.
Please Review and tell me what you think so far. I'll tell you what I think. I think Sess had gotten a taste of his own medicine. Take that Sessy pooh!
To: Y. You bet if Rin takes him back Sess is going to have to be OOC and beg, especially after how he treated her!
I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I really, really, really appreciate you all taking time out of your day to read and review my stories. You guys are the greatest and I love you all. Oh and just so you know, when I post my chapters, I have just finished writing them. I want you guys to know this so you don't think I'm trying to keep you in suspense.
Any questions about the chapter? Feel free to ask, I am glad to answer.
See ya next chapter!
~Hershey Kisses~