Discouraged Symbol of the End

Damn it all, I should be able to do better than this! I remember when I could do this centuries ago. So why is it that I cannot get the power to flow so easily. Rusty, that's what I am. Completely and utterly rusty, no longer used to the travails of hard work and fighting. I should realize this, but even so, I must get better.

At least I've improved from before. Even if danmaku is a rough measure of a being's power, I am aware that I can do much more than this. At least I can use my mind to make the patterns much more complex than the basic ones that sufficed at scaring away rowdy youkai. Especially at this time of year. At least spring should be ending soon. Not too much longer until we arrive at the best season of all.

Oh, listen to me sounding like that. Perhaps I've been listening to Minoriko's speeches too much, recently. All about how while spring is the beginning of life may start in spring, but fall is when we reap the bounties. Although, she was surprised when I reminded them of what else that fall brings. While it scared them, it is good for them to remember. Fear of the unknown is always healthy.

It does drive them to become more than what they are now. A subtlety that I think they wish to ignore, but it is true nonetheless. It's the same thing that is driving me. I've ignored for far too long what may become of my sister when I'm gone. If I'm strong enough, though, I shall preserve her position in life even when I've become but whispers in the wind.

Hrm. I do suppose I must be more careful with my practice. The leaves aren't quite on schedule to start falling… Oh my. In my exuberance, the tree nearly seemed to go with it. Well, at least it seems that I do have some power left, even if it is dull from unease. I need to forge my blade again so that fears not whether it can cut its foes.

Speaking of foes, what is this that I feel approaching? Death itself… A leaf that has been cut from its tree, and refuses to die. I should go and hasten its passing, so that it may know peace.

Wait a moment, that feels familiar… Just a little bit more than a passing familiarity. I know that leaf. It was full of life, having so much in front of it. Why is it that it has been cut down before its time? I must, no, I need to see. Was it that one? The one whom made everything clear to me? Was it that-

Human.

What happened here? How did this one die? I know that it was recent, but still, I feel- Wait, the leaf isn't in here. The human truly is dead. But the spirit… Where is it.

There you are.

Heh, well, that is a reaction that I did not expect. Granted, there are very few in this land that believe it is good fortune to meet me. Still, though, it is good to see you again. Although… what happened? How did you meet your end? This seems very familiar…

Cursed goddess! We should have driven her off the mountain a long time ago! I was too strong, and she was content to leave us alone for the most part. And we both know how unlikely it was for me to go ask the goddesses on the mountain for help, even if that might have worked. Still, though, for someone that I personally know to be taken by her hand…

We don't know each other very well, do we? Just a moment of time that we took, speaking to each other as the sun tried to beat down on us through the trees. I may not know you well enough, but you know me better than most others do. I suppose that is why I am injured so by your own passing.

I am making it sound so impersonal, aren't I? That is my own fault. I am used to the end of things, so it is my nature to not be affected. I'm… I'm unsure of how I should show my own grief, though. I do not desire to know, either. If I do that, will I become used to it too much? Even as someone not a stranger to death, I would not care to dwell on it.

…Speaking of your death, why is it that you're here, with your body? Should you have not buried it, so that you may rest in peace? I am aware of how frightening the beyond is, but you need to move on. For ou- your sake.

Your companions do not seem to take my question very kindly, human. I did not mean to offend them in the slightest. Could you please tell the one with three eyes to calm down? You've already met your end, and there is very little for me to do in order to hasten it. Not without earning the shinigami's wrath.

My sister was the one you were searching for? My, that's…. that's unexpected. I had hoped… Forgive me, I'm assuming. But there would be a reason that you'd be searching her out. What reason could that be? From the look on your face, it does not seem to be a personal call. You aren't acquainted with her, are you? I didn't believe it was the case. So you must be seeking a blessing. Not one of bounty, and the crops have yet been planted. So that leaves…

Oh.

Well.

.

.

.

Nothing is wrong human. Nothing at all. I'm just surprised that you'd go so far. Trying to preserve your life to such a degree? It's… It's not what I would have expected from you. I realize that you may have your own reasons, but have you- Never mind.

It's not the first time you've died? What do you mean by that? That should not be the case. No, go ahead, tell me everything first. It won't take too long. A few more minutes will not impact your desires.

So, it was Komachi that brought you back the first time? I wonder why she did such a thing. To go above and over her boss in such a way is foolhardy in and of itself. Still, Komachi is not an idiot. If she does something for a reason, I shall have to assume it was a good one.

And what of the second time? Did you seek out your own resurrection, or was it gifted to you once again? No particular reason, I just want to know. That sounds like an interesting explanation. The schoolmarm rewrote history for you, didn't she? That is… Well, why would she go out of the way to do that?

Wait a second. You said you met someone in Higan. Not Shigan, but Higan proper? You crossed the river of the dead, and she took you back? What madness had crossed her mind. Even if she had been drinking, I do not understand. No one crosses back over that river, human. No one except the shinigami and the yama.

Yes, I am confused. Completely and utterly. But I suppose I shall save my questions for later. So, a third time you have died, and that time you were sent straight to hell. Yet again, though, you managed to escape. Walked straight out, your only punishment being your lack of a body.

I understand that you have promises to keep, human. Well and truly I do. I have my own promise that I need to be keeping to you. But do you think… Do you realize what it is you've done?

I suppose not. Dear me, I'm starting to sound like an old bint. That's what age will do to you. Here I was complaining the last time we met about running out of things to see. Yet, here you come, and show me something I've never seen before. What, you ask?

You've just showed me my End.

Realize what it is that you are, human. I know what you were. There were no special powers lurking under your skin. No great proclivity towards magic especially compared to those of your kind. No inherited abilities, no sense of whether you were stronger, or faster, or longer lived. You were perfectly ordinary in every sense. That is what I can appreciate. The only special quality I could feel was your charisma, your ability to have others talk.

However, think for a moment. You remember what we spoke of? How there are many who are avoiding death, whether they be fairies, or celestials, or the two humans that live among bamboo? They make it so hard to teach what death means. When one is able to avoid death, and treat is as others might treat a scratch, what is learned?

Youkai have a hard enough time understanding it as it is. What will humans think of when they see you? Will they see a human that has seen the other side, and has become wiser for it? Or will they see a way for them to avoid death themselves? How it does not take any great amount of power, but just strength of will and a tongue to have others help them? How soon will it be that one discovers a way for them to avoid their end at all?

Human… You've shown them a way that life can be extended, and death avoided. In the end, what good will come of that? Fear of something will in the end bring understanding, as humans seek to rationalize their fear. Once that fear is taken away, what is left but ignorance? They will have no reason to understand death, because they will never suffer from it.

We all grow weaker from it, human. Some of us… some of us weaker than others.

That is why I am particularly shocked at your coming to me. You wish to ask me to grant you this blessing, do you not? You wish for me to return the life that was taken from you. …You know what it is you ask of me. I'd give away what little time I have left on this planet. Time that I could help my sister. It would not be an immediate reaction, but it would occur in time. I would fade away, like a leaf on the wind. And all you could do is watch how I soar into the distance.

…Very well.

Why? I do owe you a blessing, human. I could not deny that, after I promised you. Funny thing, aren't they? Promises… Most do not bother to keep them. Others will take every opportunity to avoid them. You could have used death as an excuse to shed your burdens. Instead, you sought life again in order to keep them. It is almost too bad that my conviction equals yours.

There is something I wish to do before we proceed, though. Just… just stand still. I want to discover something for myself.

Surprised? Hehe, sorry, I suppose I didn't bother to ask permission, did I? Nor did you expect to feel the touch of another while you were but a spirit. Just remember whose domain you reside in now. Those of us in that domain can exercise this, if we so desire.

I never imagined that your cheek would be this warm, human. Especially in death's icy grasp. Perhaps that is my touch failing me, though. I had hoped to see you again, if this silly old bint of a goddess will admit. I had hoped that someday, perhaps after I had finished my current tasks… Oh, here I go rambling. That was never to happen, was it? Besides, if it was, there is someone else that has laid claim to you, isn't there?

No, I've nothing bothering me… Just sweat from my work. That's all.

I don't mind her. I may be a symbol of loneliness, but I will survive. Do what it is that your heart desires, human. That is what I am following here. But before you go, there is one thing I ask of you.

Please, human… Tell me your name.

}\ Playback Log; Section 46 specified. Fast-forwarding until after departure.

}} Note: This log is about same subject as Section 4. Please refer to for further details.

}} The chance meeting with the goddess Shizuha Aki (Classification: Star-Crossed) turned out to be both less and more fortuitous than expected. Master seemed thrilled to have met her again. However, the longer they spoke, the more and more depressed the two became. This unit was most disturbed when the girl turned away, as if she were one of my sisters. Not to mention this unit's uncertainty at the sudden death of the willow nearby as the leaves fell from it.

}} I wonder if it would be remiss to ask if we had wrought something terrible.

}} Further playback on request. Quitting out…

}\ Session ended