Hey everyone. I see there are conflicting emotions about Mellie & Liv's encounter at her condo, as well as Liv's leaving the White House. With Liv, all I can say is everyone grieves differently. Sometimes what they think is best for them truly isn't, but they have to come to that realization on their own. I honestly cant say how I would have responded if I were in that situation, but we all know Liv is a runner when things get complicated and I wanted to reflect that even though this story is AU.
Now, some of you like Mellie and some still don't. I know some of you don't agree with Mellie calling Liv selfish and I agree, everyone grieves differently. But in order to write these chapters, I had to distance myself from my unhealthy obsession with Olitz and look at how each person may react, not how I wish they'd react. But I assure you, Mellie is pretty much out of the story from this point on. Maybe a phone call or a pleasant visit but I'm undecided on that right now.
In this story Liv isn't a threat to Mellie so it's nice to see them interact outside of their routine, however, that doesn't mean that Mellie isn't still Mellie. She does tend to show her abrasive side at times, even when she means well. With that said, this is the last update dealing with this issue. My heart cant take anymore. Thank you for not going too hard on me with the last two chapters but I do love the criticism and the praise.
When I lose the will to win I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything, 'cause your love is so amazing,
Cause your love
inspires me. And when I need a friend you're always on my side,
Givin' me faith to get me through the night.
I Turn To You- Christina Aguilera
xx
My levee's have broken, my walls have come
Crumbling down on me The rain is falling, defeat is calling
I need you to set me free
Take me far away from the battle
I need you, shine on me
I look to you, I look to you
After all my strength has gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I Look To You- Whitney Houston
"Hi"
"Hi"
Fitz's mind was in a cyclone. He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell, he wanted to cry. He wanted to dismiss her and make her feel the pain and torment he had felt when she walked out three weeks ago. But... Fitz knew if he did, he'd probably lose her forever. So Fitz swallowed his pride, and his own hurt in hopes that they could get past this point and be the happy loving couple they once were.
Fitz walked from behind the resolute desk and made his way closer to Liv. The closer he got, the warmer he became. He stopped when he reached the sofa and offered her a weak smile. His heart hurt for Liv. If he had his way she would never experience pain, mental or physical, ever again for as long as she lives.
"Meet me halfway?" He asked almost in a whisper. It was a small request, but the impact of the double meaning behind those words wasn't lost on either of them.
Liv remained by the door for a moment assessing Fitz's mood. She didn't come here to be yelled at and scolded like a little kid, and she hoped things wouldn't come to that. She came here because Mellie helped her see she wasn't going to get better alone. She needed Fitz if she was going to get through this, if they were going to get through this.
With a small nod, Liv crept her way over to the sofa. With every step she took, her body grew warmer. When she reached her end of the sofa, her body felt like it was in an inferno. Never in her life had anyone brought her senses alive without so much as a touch.
"Please, have a seat." Fitz asked as he motioned towards the sofa. He exhaled deeply as Liv sat but remained seated on the far side of the sofa. Not wanting to crowd her too quickly, Fitz took his place on the other end.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither sure exactly what to say next. Liv tilted her head as she took in Fitz's appearance. His gorgeous blue eyes that were normally bright and joyful, were now dark and hollow. Even the first creases in the corners of his eyes had made their appearance in her absence.
His five o'clock shadow was nearing a midnight shadow even though it was early in the morning. He may have been performing his duties as president without fail, but Liv could tell he had been suffering just as much as she was.
He had lost a little weight, five pounds maybe. Many may not be able to tell, but she could. His shoulders were hunched, his confidence had clearly taken a beating in her absence, maybe even due to it. Liv looked down at her hand as she toyed with the engagement ring that still graced her finger.
"I'm sorry..." They both blabbed out at the same time. "You go first." They spoke in unison again. Fitz took a deep breath and looked Liv in the eyes.
"Liv, you go first." He whispered. Fitz wasn't sure if he was ready to hear what she had to say, but there was no time like the present, to deal with the past, if they wanted a future.
Fitz cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Everyone grieves differently" He reminded himself before she began.
"Fitz, from the moment I first laid eyes on you I knew that I needed you in my life. There was this charge, this current that surged through my body the first time we touched. In spite of you referring to me as an ankle biter, I knew you were the one. We moved so quickly, sharing our first kiss not too long after, only a few hours after, but that kiss... That kiss bonded us together forever in a way that no one will ever understand. From that moment, I knew I was yours. When I was shot in Ocean City, I knew I needed to make my way back to you. I held on for you because for as long as you walk this earth, I will exist for you."
Liv paused for a moment to watch Fitz carefully. His eyes were shining with tears threatening to fall, but they seemed softer with every word she spoke.
"When we went to Punta Cana and we were able to enjoy one another without interruption, just being ourselves in our own element, I fell even deeper in love with you. You were so happy and so carefree, I'd never seen a happier president in my life. The day you proposed to me is a day I will never forget. I was so hot that day, and I felt so terrible about freezing you out of our room. I have to admit that you were adorable bundled up like an eskimo on the sofa trying to watch tv while I was walking around in only my underwear. The fact that you embraced your own discomfort so that I would be ok was the act the opened the floodgates in my heart."
"When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared, I was terrified. I wasn't ready to be a mom, to be thrown into the public eye. I wasn't ready to live my life, voluntarily hanging my dirty laundry for the entire world to see. But... When I heard Alyssa's heartbeat for the very first time, I knew that I wanted this life with you. I still worried about being a mom. I worried if I would be a good mom or if I would screw this child up beyond repair. I worried I would say or do something that would drive you away. I even worried you'd leave me because of my 2am cravings."
"When I came home from the office that night and saw Amanda... I couldn't think, I couldn't see past my worst fears coming true. I couldn't see past my own belief that I was never good enough for you. I didn't think. I ran from this office, I jumped into my car, and I drove off. Because of that I... I am sorry. I am so sorry I took her away from you, from us. I'm sorry that I didn't take your feelings into consideration after. I'm sorry I didn't allow you to be there for me. I'm sorry I didn't allow myself to be there for you."
"We lost our daughter Fitz. We buried our baby. I thought I needed to be alone, to grieve and sort through things in my own way, but I was wrong. I wasn't grieving, I was stalling. When I was alone, I felt the pain, but I was able to bury it by doing other things. I wasn't ready to face you because you are a reminder of... I love you Fitz, so, so very much. I want us to try to make it past this point, together. I don't want to run away from you anymore Fitz. I only want to run to you."
Liv reached for the box of tissues that had somehow made their way onto the sofa. At this point she wasn't sure whose tears were falling harder. Liv took a deep breath and exhaled all of the fears and reservations that had been plaguing her from the beginning. The pain of losing their daughter was still there, but she knew that in time, it would get better.
Fitz took a deep breath and reached for Liv's hand. When she didn't pull back, he scooted closer to her and took her other hand as well.
"Livvie, you are my everything. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew my world would never be the same. You're right, we did move and an incredibly fast pace, but it never felt like we were rushing. It felt like we were making up for all of the time we had missed. That first kiss, I don't know what came over us. The need to feel more of one another, the urge to merge into one body, I can only assume that was the moment our souls became one."
"The day I proposed to you is a day that I will never forget either. It was not only the day I longed to profess my love for you in one of the purest forms, it was also the day I learned we would be a family. It was the day I learned that part of me was growing inside of you. I cried because I was so overjoyed that our love was stronger than any obstacle placed in our path. Even birth control. I cried because no matter what happened to us down the road, we would always have the reminder of the love we share."
"I don't remember anything about Amanda Tanner. I only know what happened because I watched the tape but trust me Amanda has been dealt with. When I woke up in the hospital and learned that you had been in an accident, my whole world stopped. My first thought was you. I couldn't lose you. It wasn't until after the doctor began speaking and told me you were ok that I thought about the baby. It wasn't that I didn't care about Alyssa, I just couldn't imagine a life without you in it."
"My heart hurt when I learned that we lost her, but I never once thought of you as being the one to blame because you weren't. I wanted to be there for you after we buried her, but I was forced to return here to deal with the nation. I fought to keep myself busy until you came home. When Lauren told me you had finally arrived and you were getting settled, I rushed through my work to get home to you sooner. When I walked in and saw you were leaving, my world stopped. I felt like what we had meant nothing to you. I felt like you were looking for an exit and the moment Alyssa passed, you found it and were ready to take it. I felt like I wasn't good enough for you, and you finally came to realize that. Honestly, I blame myself for the pain you are feeling... Part of me just wonders if we'd be at this point we would have waited until marriage like you wanted to. I'm sorry you ever had a reason to doubt how much you mean to me. I'm sorry you doubted whether or not you are good enough. That means that I wasn't doing my job when it came to showing you just how much I love you. You know that don't you? I love you Livvie, more than words could ever say. I need you in my life. We deserve another chance, we're worth another chance..."
Liv leaned forward and rested her head on Fitz's chest. She had missed this terribly. Just laying in Fitz's arms seemed to make her feel lighter, more secure. For the first time in three weeks, Liv felt like she was worthy of his love. He didn't blame her for what happened. It was time she forgave herself.
"Fitz, I don't want you to ever blame yourself for me sleeping with you. I'm an adult and entered this relationship with both eyes open."
"So, where do we go from here? I don't want you to have any regrets." Fitz asked. This was the final elephant hanging in the room, and since they were getting it all out there, they may as well do this as well.
"Well, I say we work on healing. We work on growing stronger from this moment. We work on... We work on planning our wedding."
"Our wedding?"
"Yes. Our. Wedding." Liv responded in between kisses. "Oh and Fitz, I don't regret a single moment we've shared." Liv said as she kissed Fitz's lips. Before things got out of hand she broke away and continued. "And I'll be more than happy to prove that to you on August 15th."
"August 15th?"
"Yes. August. Fif. Teenth. Our. Wedding. Day." Liv responded unable to refrain from kissing him long enough to speak.
"So you still want to marry me?" Fitz asked sounding more surprised than he wanted to.
"Of course I do. It would be an honor to have your last name. I love you Fitz."
"I love you too Livvie?" Fitz said as he captured her lips once again. Fitz moaned as he felt Liv's hand creeping it'sway down towards his belt but suddenly had a moment of clarity.
"Livvie?" Fitz's voice was raspy and full of lust so what he said next came as a shock to Liv.
"Yes Fitz?"
"Livvie, I think we should refrained from sex right now. I mean, I don't mind doing other things, but I'd rather wait until we are married to reignite the intercourse part of our relationship. It will give us time to build on our relationship."
Liv looked at Fitz as if he had grown a second head. Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III giving up sex willingly?
"Fitz, you do know that August 15 is three months away, right?"
"I know how far away it is Livvie. But I want to work on strengthening our bond. I want our wedding night to be special. I know it's corny because I already know your body better than I know my own, but I'd like to at least give it a try."
"What exactly does this no sex policy entail?" Liv asked as she began sucking and nibbling on Fitz's neck.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean will there be touching" Liv ran her hands up and down Fitz's chest. "Kissing" She placed a chaste kiss on his lips. "Caressing" Liv moved her hands dangerously close to Fitz's belt line. "What are we not allowed to do?" She asked on the most seductive tone Fitz had ever heard escape her lips.
"Let's just say that no parts of my body will be allowed to enter any parts of your body until you are officially Mrs. Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III."
"This isn't some way of saying you don't want to sleep with me, is it?"
"Livvie I'm sure you can feel how hard I am right now just from kissing you. There is nothing I want more than to pick you up, bend you over my desk, and make you scream my name. But I want to enjoy you outside of the bedroom, with our clothes on as well."
Liv sat quietly for a moment nibbling on her bottom lip. Every second she didn't respond felt like an eternity. Fitz just hoped he was going about this the right way. It was after all what she wanted until he came along. It was what she deserved. This would be their new beginning.
"Ok." Liv finally responded.
"Ok?"
"Yes Fitz, ok. It sounds good. I'd like that too. Now come here. I have three weeks worth of kissing I need to get caught up on."
Fitz pulled Liv so she was now laying across his body. He looked into her eyes and for the first time in weeks, smiled a smile that actually reached his eyes.
Fitz drew Liv's bottom lip into his mouth and began sucking on it slowly. Liv gasped at the move and Fitz seized this opportunity to coax his tongue into her mouth. Liv's small hand slipped between the buttons of Fitz's shirt and she began stroking his chest. Fitz immediately felt himself growing harder from the act, and silently cursed himself for making this decision. Just as he was about to go back on his request, there was a knock on the door. Before the couple had a chance to correct their positions, Cyrus entered the room with Mellie close behind.
They took in the couple who had clearly been in the middle of the make up stage and smiled a knowing smile.
"So, I take it the wedding is still on?" Mellie asked praying they would say yes.
When Cyrus called her the night before and told him of the situation she knew she had to help. She also knew that if things didn't turn out well, Fitz would take all of his frustrations out on her. Cyrus had put her in contact with the man known as Huck. He knew that if she wanted to help in any way, getting past him would be the first step. Convincing Huck to take her to Liv's condo unannounced was not an easy feat. After hours of begging and persuading, Huck decided that Mellie wasn't a threat and took her to Liv. From the looks of it, everything had worked out for the better.
Liv looked at Fitz and then to Mellie and Cyrus.
"Yes, the wedding is officially on."