Thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing this.
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Chapter Five: Indecent Exposure in the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part One
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever made a dime from this. So there.
Snarky Summary: Tanya spends eight hours with Bella. And no one had sex. Really. Seriously. Although they talked an awful lot about it. Not having sex. With Edward. Tanya gives Bella a homework assignment. Bella and Edward go grocery shopping. Bella does her homework with astounding success. Edward rips her clothes off. Sorta. Kinda. And with Bella's naked backside showing - well part of it - we begin.
From her hotel room in Port Angeles, Tanya looked down at the virgin she had just finished pleasuring. She had forgotten how eager these humans were to please as she gazed at the young Quileute hunk that lay gasping for air. It really was too bad about that erectile dysfunction issue, she tsked. Then again, since she had to hold her breath due to the stench, she re-considered, he wasn't quite a human - being a wolf and all.
She'd have to find another virgin. Soon. Perhaps she could call that Ben Cheney. He definitely looked untouched - dewy eyed - just like she liked them. And surely he smelled better.
She asked the dog another question while caressing his shoulder, "Now how long have you known Bella?"
With one blast of her power she had him begging for more from her and eagerly providing her detailed answers. She'd had to hold her nose while riding him; although that wasn't the first time she shuddered as she remembered the stench from Elizabethan England.
Ultimately, however, Jacob Black had given every bit of information that she had required to complete her knowledge of Bella and Edward. She did have Edward's best interests at heart. Tanya had played the woman scorned to perfection. She might have dropped a tiny hint or two that she would dearly love to break up the star-crossed couple. How could she be blamed if he misinterpreted her words? He was, after all, an over-excited virgin with performance issues. She might possibly have encouraged him to imbibe in a mushroom or two. The hallucinations should have kicked in any moment now. So he might have fuzzy memories of the whole thing, or if caught, Tanya could always insist the man had shown up to her place drugged.
Holding her gorge, she cooed at him as she handed him his clothes and unceremoniously ushered that tall young man out of her suite. Tanya lied straight into his dilated eyes with the claim, "Once you get Big Chief there in working order, perhaps we can do this again." She might be inspired in her game but there were limits to even what she would do. And "perhaps" really meant "a cold day in hell," but Tanya was nice like that. She liked giving men hope in their dull dreary lives.
She offered the idiot one last glimpse of her stunning naked figure as she leaned against the doorway, waved her fingers at him and blew him a kiss. Two elderly humans walked by her open door, clutched at their hearts and made gasping noises. One of them started popping nitroglycerin tablets. Poor thing, the sight of her in her glory was harming his heart. She blew a kiss at him, too. She couldn't help it if she was the hottest thing the human man had ever seen. As her hotel door firmly shut on the blissed out Quileute, her snort of disgust resounded through the room.
"Sister dear, you have such impressive control. I don't know how you managed to do that dog." Kate laughed, a bit too loudly before schooling her features into a calm mask. Irina went through the penthouse and briskly opened the windows, letting in cool breezes. She tossed an extra container of air freshener to Kate and both of them began attempting to rid the room of the distinctive stench that Jacob Black had left behind.
"It was a sacrifice but somebody had to do it for the greater good of our family. I worry about dear Edward. And did you notice I kept the dog's hands off of my clothing? Ugh. There are some men that just aren't worth stripping for. We're going to have to disinfect the entire room. Call the hotel and tell them we want the other penthouse suite."
"Of course. Why did you?" Irina sounded curious.
"Why did I what, Irina?" Tanya responded with an edge to her voice.
"Why are you bothering to pursue Edward?" Irina clarified.
"I'm not pursuing Edward." Tanya looked the very picture of innocence. Her sisters were not buying it.
"Sister dearest, you just rode a dog to get information from him. If that's not a sacrifice I don't know what is. Why are you continuing after Edward?" Kate retorted. Privately, she wondered if her sister had come unhinged from the bachelor party.
"Or is Bella your target? Are you going to seduce her away from Edward?" Irina actually sounded shocked and impressed. "With some work she could be a fine addition to our family." She gave a wicked grin. "Edward will truly never see that one coming. Bella the lesbian. You are very naughty."
"Relax. I'm not going to try to seduce the human girl away from Edward, even if I do agree with you on Edward's limited imagination. If I slept with Bella he really would kill me then." Tanya laughed. "The poor girl would most likely keel over from pleasure after having a heart attack."
She ignored her siblings solemn expressions lost in her own Tanya Universe.
"Jacob Black is close to Bella, and despite her feelings of friendship for him, definitely wants more from her. If I can learn about what makes Edward and Bella tick, then I can see why he wants her. So talking to the man proved useful."
Irina wanted to end this obsession her sibling had with Edward. Tanya had given it her last go, had failed, and needed to keep in line with the family image. If she had honestly loved the man, then it would have made more sense to Irina. But she knew her sister well enough to know that Tanya held no romantic sentiments for their cousin. Irina also drew the line at bringing scandal on the Cullens. They did not like the spotlight. She also had a soft spot for Edward. He was turning into quite the fine vampire male after centuries of doing his best to blend into the wall.
"What did Alice say that captured your attention last night, dear Sister?" Concerned, Irina gently touched Tanya's hand.
"Come with me to the bathroom. I have to wash the stink of the dog off of me and I'll tell you both." Tanya scrunched her nose and sniffed at her breast. She'd been staring at her left one more and more. As much as she hated to admit it, the breast did sag by four point five millimeters.
"Too bad vampires cannot get plastic surgery," Tanya sighed as she put her hair up into a high ponytail.
As she sank into the warm water and scrubbed her skin with a Brillo pad and bleach, Tanya told her sisters, "Rosalie told me yesterday that Edward runs hundreds of miles every week in order to burn off energy before he allows himself to see Bella. Even his family was impressed by the amount of effort he put into his precautions. If I had to guess from what Bella did not say, I would bet that she has attempted to seduce him ineptly at least once or twice."
"Poor girl," Irina said.
"It's clear that Bella has no idea how hard he has to work. So he's been spending even more time running these past few days."
"Well, she is his singer. I can't imagine how she has remained living all this time around him. What does this have to do with last night?" Kate asked.
"When the party ended, I heard Alice ask Edward if he was going to run before he went to see Bella. He told her that he felt fine." Tanya confessed. "Sisters, he didn't even sound rattled."
"You are infamous for arousing men. We all are! We have a reputation to maintain." Irina sounded indignant, hoping to remind her sister of the big picture.
Kate agreed. "I could sense the arousal from the crowd. They could not stop staring at you. Even Edward looked distressed. The place went wild when you removed your top."
"After Edward left, Alice congratulated me. She predicted that fifty human babies were going to be conceived just from the effects of watching my show. So that made me think. My performances cause people to go insane with desire. I certainly used all my power last night and even borrowed some of Jasper's to make the room explode in lust. And Edward did not feel compelled to burn off energy prior to seeing his precious human? The one that he is fanatical about to the point of almost being OCD? That told me everything I needed to know about Edward. The man has self control that is even better than my own," Tanya breathed.
"I have a reputation to maintain in the vampire community. We all do. So if we can't seduce him, we are definitely going to help Bella do it, and get a little payback in the process. Here's what I have in mind."
Tanya pulled the plug and began plotting with her sisters as they helped her get the stench out of her hair. She couldn't help but wonder in the midst of her machinations how Bella was doing on her homework assignment.
At that moment, her phone chirped. Tanya smirked as she read her new text message from Demetri who thought Tanya and her sisters might want to go see the Cullens at home but wouldn't say why. Phase one had just been completed. She wished she could have been there to see Edward's face. She giggled, and typed back a message indicating shock and surprise to her fair Italian flunkie. Her sisters, hearing her laugh, raised identical brows. Tanya turned to them and shared her news.
"I paid a little joke on Edward, not that I'm going to admit to doing it. Payback's a bitch," she trilled. "We need to be on our way." She threw clothes on at vampire speed, gathered her sisters, and sped out of the suite.
Tanya couldn't help but feel a teensy twinge of regret about Bella one she ruthlessly quashed at the alter of her ego. Humans were so flighty. The girl would forget about it in a few weeks. Tanya would try to make it up to her. She did have a reputation to maintain in the immortal community. She couldn't let Edward Cullen get in her way no matter how hot he was.
Irina and Kate both bit the inside of their cheeks, metaphorically speaking, to keep from shrieking at their sister. They would have to wait until she decided to inform them of what was going on, although Irina sent an innocuous text to Rosalie to test the waters. She was going to have to, once again, clean up after her sister. Both Irina and Kate thought about Bella's smile as she had left earlier. She was such a sweet girl, a perfect match for Edward. If only Tanya would accept that and leave the two in peace.
What made Kate frustrated the most was that she could understand if Tanya did all this out of love. She had seen her sister with Alexander. But Tanya did not do this out of love; and that kind of single-minded dedication disturbed Kate. She wondered where Bella was and hoped that she was in one piece.
Prior to hell breaking out at the Thriftway, a tiny part of Bella had been actually enjoying being naughty all undercover-like and completing her homework assignment. The rest of her had been terrified. For once she had thanked goodness for all the stress in her life and her ability to hide it. Edward's vampire senses could detect simple signs of deception like an accelerated heartbeat, adrenaline in her bloodstream, even Lord help her, sexual arousal – which she totally was not deceiving him about. These past few weeks had kept them running so much that Bella's heart fluctuated all the time, she constantly seemed to have adrenaline in her system from stress, and in his presence she seemed perpetually aroused, damn him. In its simplicity, Tanya's plan was genius.
She crouched for the container on the bottom row. The Denali sisters would be so proud of her progress, Bella vowed, as she peeked at Edward. The boy looked positively dumbstruck. Holding the syrup, Bella slowly stood. She had to remind herself to keep her facial expression blank. Caressing the bottle top while appearing distracted was a brilliant afterthought, she crowed. Tanya had told her that if she touched the syrup while facing him, he'd become suspicious. But if she was turned away from Edward and stared off into space, then he would never suspect a thing. Bella's confidence in the plan soared to new heights.
She stiffened in surprise and wondered if perhaps she had taken things a bit too far when she felt Edward's fingers on her rear end in a feather-light touch. Maybe Tanya's advice worked too well on Edward, Bella squeaked. She straightened her shoulders in shock and yelped when she heard fabric tearing and felt an uncomfortable breeze from the direction of the frozen foods section wafting over her back.
Why is only the left side of my bottom cold? Oh. My. Bella belatedly realized that Edward had ripped the left portion of the seat of her jeans right off of her body. Had she driven him so mad with passion he was going to jump her bones there in the store in front of everyone? Bella wasn't Tanya. Right? Even she had limits.
She had wanted to do homework, Bella mentally whined, but not this kind of homework in public. Had she pushed him too far? Had he completely lost control over a bottle of syrup? Was syrup some secret vampire aphrodisiac? Had Edward unleashed that inner beast she had so wanted to meet and had decided to go CaveVamp on her in public?
She turned her head ever so slightly to her left to meet his eyes. With white knuckles, Edward clutched the fabric from her jeans and stared at it intensely for a millisecond before it vanished into his pants pocket. His features instantly became expressionless. Bella gulped.
Bella's panicked mind immediately filled with visions from her personal humiliathon: A red-faced Charlie frog-marching her away from the store - her partially naked behind flashing for a huge crowd of her classmates to see while he angrily stuffed his handcuffed daughter in the back of the squad car for public indecency. 'Why, of all days,' she mentally wailed, 'did I have to decide to wear a scarlet thong? Oh yeah, that's right Swan, you wanted to wear it to convince yourself that you could face Tanya. What a great day to wear a thong for the first time in your life.'
Her mental vision continued as she saw Edward in chains, being led by Charlie's deputy to sit in the cruiser beside her. In her vision, Edward stared aghast at her. In her vision, he wordlessly blamed her with a glance for his loss of control. In her vision, Bella looked back mournfully at him as she realized Vision Edward was right.
A choking noise from behind her distracted Bella from her mental self-flagellation a split second later. She could hear Mike Newton's sudden intake of breath followed by a strangled cry. A few seconds later, she then heard Mrs. Newton gasp. Bella did not think it could get worse, but then she heard Jessica Stanley shriek in glee. Bella would have liked to have done something to cover up but right now she felt frozen in place by fear. The shrieking noises. She couldn't take them. All this occurred within a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity.
As the Newton's spluttered, and immortal voices around him shouted orders, Edward took decisive action. At vampire speed, he tore off his coat, and immediately put it on Bella. It covered her down to her knees. Mrs. Newton's thoughts mortified him.
'Now he's tearing off his own clothes? What is he going to do, try to have sex with her here in the supermarket? Poor Bella! I need to step in and save that young girl. If that were my daughter, I'd kill him. I'm going to have to call Esme. And Charlie.'
From her vantage point in the personal products aisle that was twenty feet in front of Bella and Edward, Jane watched gobsmacked. She definitely recognized Tanya's pasty in the fabric in his hand. Jane actually felt bad for Bella as she saw the girl. Decades of being annoyingly uptight and virtuous had finally broken Edward Cullen. Tanya must have pushed him over the edge last night. Was he going to do Bella right there in the store in front of the humans? Jane vowed, if he so much as twitched I am so going to teach him a lesson. In the time she'd spent around her, Jane had come to like Bella. Marcus and Aro had a soft spot for her. Besides, her innocence was obvious, and Jane didn't think Bella wanted her first time to be in a Thriftway in front an audience.
Oblivious, Tyler stared at the assortment of boxes in front of him. He looked at Jane and asked, "Ribbed? Or not"
"Both," Jane said absentmindedly. Tyler flushed and grabbed five boxes. To keep him occupied, Jane added six more to the cart with a small smile. She stroked his arm with trailing fingers. Tyler's eyes glazed over as Jane watched and waited to see what Cullen would do.
From his vantage point behind the small crowd, Marcus saw the whole thing happen like a car accident. He nudged Felix with his arm, and wordlessly ordered him with his eyes to move. Nobody disobeyed Marcus. Besides, this was going to be fun. Felix gracefully moved to Bella and Edward's side.
Bella heard an admiring chuckle from Felix who, in a blur of movement, took position between Edward, Bella, and the Newtons. Kindly, his bulk blocked the view of most of the astounded spectators. He clapped Edward across the shoulders.
Felix quietly muttered, "That's no way to treat a lady you plan on marrying. Or did you change your mind and decide to offer her to us now? In Thriftway? Is this a charming new American custom?"
Irritated, Mike's tiny little mind was occupied with the overwhelming fear that Edward was going to take Bella right there in the supermarket aisle. It would ruin his mental fantasies of her, not to mention he wouldn't be able to see it with that hulking foreign dude blocking the view. Mike was also panicking because the sight of Bella's lovely behind had made Mike the Monster come out and play. He was now standing by his Mother, painfully aroused in public, with nowhere to hide his erection. Irrationally, Mike couldn't help but snicker nervously. It's a shame that he didn't factor in the pair of eyes glaring at him from across the store. And oh yeah, maybe he should step in and help Bella. So he moved one step forward and held out an arm.
Jane decided from her viewpoint that Cullen needed a break. Clearly something had happened, but he appeared in control and she decided that he seemed rational. She concluded that he must have had a good reason for tearing Bella's clothes in a public location. She needed to find a way to distract people from looking at Cullen and Bella. Her eyes lit on Mike Newton as he moved. Ah, the asshole from last night. The one who spanked Tanya and tipped her one dollar. Perfect.
She beamed a jolt of her power at Mike, who fell to the ground like he'd been hit by a semi and screamed the bewildering words, "Mike the Monster!"
Jane couldn't help but notice with malice that the boy had been aroused when her power hit and now made a spectacle, rolling around on the ground with a small tent-like patch on his trousers before his aghast parent. Jane quickly stopped her power. Confused, Mike stared up from the ground. He had no idea what had hit him. He wondered if he was still drunk.
Edward reasoned that the crowd gathering around Mike and Mrs. Newton would offer the second he needed to spirit Bella away from the unwashed masses. He heard Mike explain that he felt fine and that he had tripped. Edward realized he had to be careful given that they had an attentive human and inhuman audience, whose rude comments he was doing his best to ignore. He stiffened as he heard Aro mentally call for him to wait.
Aro nudged Demetri as he watched the guard fiddling with his new BlackBerry. "Demetri, find out the name of the merchant from that tiny Cullen girl where she purchased Bella's undergarments. I want to purchase two dozen in that color. And don't even think about taking a picture."
Demetri had managed to send one text but his phone was no longer working. And he never would have dreamed of taking a picture of Bella. Not that he could even see anything. He valued his hide.
Caius grumbled at Aro, "Black would be more tasteful than scarlet. It would match our colors."
Aro sweetly chirped, "But it's not you I want to see in that lingerie, dear brother." Aro leered as thoughts of his mate crossed his mind.
"Are you buying this for your wife?" Caius asked. "You want her wearing that? It looks like string. It can't be comfortable. Girl, is that comfortable?" Caius barked at Bella.
"Please excuse us, sir. We really should leave," Edward smoothly answered for her. Bella looked more frightened than she had that day in Italy.
"You can leave after she answers. Well, girl?" Caius growled.
Bella had reached her limit. She turned to Caius and snapped, "Yes."
To Aro, Bella said, "Your wife looks more like an Autumn to me. Try forest green."
Shocked at her outburst, Caius stood dumbfounded. Humans didn't talk like that to him and live – well, ever. She was going to be fascinating once she was turned, if she lived that long. That Cullen boy seemed wound pretty tight. He just might snap before the wedding and kill her. Edward glared at him.
Aro radiated happiness. He nudged Demetri and caroled, "Find them in both green and scarlet. The holidays have come early this year."
Bella was starting to shake and Edward realized that he really needed to get her out of the store without bloodshed. With the Volturi standing beside him, he could not carry Bella out of the store at vampire speed. He knew if he carried her that they might move quicker, but it would call more attention to Bella they needed to look as normal as possible and act their way out of the store. Instead, mentally wincing, he began the supermarket walk of shame.
Bella saw everything going on around her, but the world seemed to just slow down to a snail's pace. She started to say something as they rapidly abandoned the almost empty shopping cart behind them. Bella had visions of the syrup bottle mournfully waving an egg noodle at them in farewell which mentally transformed into a feather boa held by some voluptuous stripper. She was never going to live this down. They needed to arrange her death quickly so she never had to deal with Forks again. She shuddered when she thought of having to face those same people in a little over a week. She knew they'd be thinking of her underwear as she stumbled down the aisle. Then she started thinking of crowds and screaming filled her mind.
"Hush, Bella," Edward said soothingly. "I'll get you out of here." Bella realized that she had been making that strangled noise.
Edward shuffled through the greeting card section and past a sympathetic Angela and Ben, who nodded at Edward in support. That represented the best part of their escape. The worst part entailed passing all the people who stood frozen in place just staring at them. They passed Charlie's next-door neighbor. Edward could tell by the direction of the woman's thoughts that she worried that Bella could faint. He knew that it was only a matter of time before someone called Charlie. Edward decided to think about that later. Bella had to come first, and they needed to get out of there.
Once they actually were outside of the store, tears started down her face. She began to shake violently. She couldn't seem to breathe. And then she could not think at all. Marcus who had been following, waved at a group of his guard, and indicated that they should escort the couple.
Edward heard Bella start to hyperventilate. He ran his left hand down her back and carried her quickly to the car. He ignored the curious glances from the shoppers in the parking lot. He only just managed to avoid snapping at one matron whose thoughts wondered how far along Bella must be in her pregnancy as that could be the only reason the two of them were getting married so young.
As they arrived at his Volvo, he shifted Bella's weight to his left arm. One of the guards opened the passenger side door. Edward delicately placed her in the seat. The men surrounded the vehicle and pretended to carry on conversations.
Edward kept his features impassive as he wiped away her tears with a handkerchief. He crouched at her side, and ran his hands down her arm soothingly. His face remained calm as he whispered, "Bella I need you to try to concentrate and slow your breathing. You're hyperventilating. I want you to move your lips like you're blowing out a candle."
Edward demonstrated for her by pursing his lips and blowing his breath across her face. "Go ahead and exhale just like that. You're doing fine." He crouched beside her encouraging her with his words and gentle tone. He knew he had to remain calm for Bella's sake. It killed him to see her cry.
Ben and Angela exited the Thriftway, saw the silver Volvo across the lot and ran toward them. Edward waved them past the guards. Seeing Bella's distress, Angela crawled into the driver's seat and wrapped her arms around Bella's shoulders from the left side. She pulled tissues from her purse and wiped at Bella's eyes making shushing noises. Edward almost smiled as he watched Angela encouraging Bella to exhale slowly, running her fingers affectionately through her friend's hair. Ben stood guard with the other men keeping others from approaching. Edward could hear Angela mentally wondering what on earth had happened in the store to make Bella so upset. She decided that Bella would tell her when she was ready.
Edward had always considered Angela Weber to be the kindest human in Forks, next to Bella. Her thoughts and deeds now only served to underscore that observation. Between the three of them, they managed to get Bella calmed down in a matter of minutes. Once Bella's breathing had become normal, he stroked her cheek and said, "You were very brave just now. I will take you home."
As grateful as he was for Ben and Angela's help, Edward needed to get Bella away from the store before the Volturi emerged. Angela kissed Bella on the cheek.
"Bella, call me when you feel better."
Bella took Angela's hand and whispered to her friend, "Thanks, Ang, You're the best."
Angela smiled at her, squeezed her hand in return, and said, "You're worth it." She and Ben nodded at Edward.
"Thank you for helping us," he said to them as he climbed into the car. He drove away and decided to forget about the speed limit once they were out of sight of the store.
"Lilies." Bella's whispered word seemed thunderous in the silence of the car.
"Pardon me?" Edward had no idea what she meant.
"Angela's favorite flower. I should send her a bouquet." Bella wiped at her face. "She's a much better friend to me than I deserve."
"Oh Bella," Edward answered. "That is not the case. We are all so lucky to have you in our lives."
His phone rang. The screen showed his sister's name, which was the only reason he bothered to answer it. Anyone else he would have ignored.
"A little warning would have been appreciated, Mary Alice," he growled at vampire speed. For Bella's ears, he said, "Hello, how was your hunt?" She and her mate were over a hundred miles away.
"Jasper and I could not reach you. When the vision hit we were out of cell phone range hunting. I'm so sorry Edward." Alice sounded tearful.
"Duly noted." He could not think of anything else to say so ended the call quickly. The phone disappeared into the folds of his jacket. As they drove home, Edward reached out with his right hand and stroked Bella's left hand tenderly. She still had not uttered a word to him about his deplorable behavior.
Edward decided groveling was definitely in order. "Bella, sweetheart, I am so very, very sorry. I never meant for that to happen. Please. Say something. Anything."
He spit the words out so quickly she had a hard time discerning what he actually said.
Bella realized that Edward was possibly as embarrassed - if not more so - than she was. And Bella had to admit to herself that the past few minutes had not remotely resembled the way she imagined showing her assets off to Edward. She had pushed him too far and now paid the price for her arrogance. Her conscience smarted as she imagined walking in her fiancé's boots.
She felt in that second that karma had paid her a visit for her bet with Tanya over his bachelor party. Since the fault was hers, Bella vowed that she was going to have to handle this horrifying event with good grace. She reasoned that it was only fair. Also, once Edward found out that she had unleashed Tanya on him, the gloves would be off. She didn't even want to think what he would do in revenge as Cullen honor dictated. If she acted understanding about his behavior in the store, before he found out about hers with the wager, then he'd have to forgive her. That made some kind of twisted sense to her so she decided to run with it. First, she had to find out if she had taken things too far.
"Edward, could you share something with me?" she softly asked, still staring straight ahead, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "What was that?"
"Bella, I need to talk to you about last night." Edward sounded like he was walking the plank. She had to let him off easy.
"Did you shoot the neighbor's dog?"
"No."
"Did you eat their cat?" She saw his lips twitch at that comment.
"I have better taste than that. And Jasper is the one who ate a cat. But it was our cat at the time so the neighbors were not upset." He shuddered.
"Did you murder anyone?" He stiffened slightly.
"Unfortunately for me, Mike Newton still lives and breathes. Felix too. Clearly, I am slipping. I will vanquish a few obnoxious wedding guests when we return home."
"Did you cheat on me?" Bella almost sounded like her usual self.
Edward quipped, "As tempting as Jasper was last night, I somehow found the force of will to resist those soft lips. Don't tell him though; he's still angry at me and feeling sensitive and rejected."
"Jasper? I would have thought the stripper that is present at every Bachelor party would have caught your eye. Unless there's something else you need to share with me." Bella was starting to emerge from her daze. She still felt numb. She knew she was in shock. But her ability to stay calm in a crises began to take over.
"Alas, despite her heroic efforts, the dancing girl who appeared briefly could not hold a candle to the temptation that is you, Bella. I left the party early because I could not stand to be away from your side." He caressed her hand. She loved him so much right now. She even ignored that he broke three traffic rules to get her back to the Cullen mansion.
They pulled into the driveway. Charlie wouldn't be home for several hours, if he even returned, so Edward decided that his dinner could wait. Bella did not mind when her fiancé put his hand at her waist and let her past his startled family up the stairs.
As he blitzed past, Edward tuned out everyone's mentally shouted questions with a stiff nod of his head.
The household landline was already ringing - indicating that word had spread through the tiny town of Forks. Esme went to answer the phone. The forbidding expression on Edward's face as he had passed everyone ensured them privacy for now.
Edward sat on the bed and kept her cradled within his arms. Her face seemed paler than usual. He berated himself for being a complete lack wit. He was dying to know how Tanya's pasty came to be on Bella's jeans, and definitely planned on researching that issue with extreme prejudice. He ran his fingers gently through her hair at her temple. Usually that comforted her. He gazed upon her, sadly. She had shadows under her eyes. He knew she was barely sleeping. Today's events certainly wouldn't help. He had to make it better.
He could hear Jasper and Alice arrive at the house and climb the stairs. Jasper immediately came into the bedroom and sent calming waves to Bella. His brother's thoughts indicated frustration because his gift did not appear to be working. Alice went to a drawer in Edward's dresser where Bella had been storing her clothes and collected fresh clothing. Without a word, Alice took Bella gingerly by the hand and led her away from Edward's side into the bathroom. Bella moved like she was wrapped in cotton batting, still clearly in shock.
Alice's heart broke as Bella faced away from her and her sister took off Edward's coat, revealing the torn jeans and the flash of a forlorn scarlet thong. Bella fumbled with the button of the jeans and pulled them off. Standing on one leg almost caused her to fall. She added her shirt, bra, and the thong to the pile on the floor. Bella swept the discarded items into a haphazard pile.
Still facing the shower, Bella dressed in jerky movements. She picked up the bundle at her feet and handed it to Alice.
"Burn this, please. I don't . . ." Bella stared anywhere but at Alice's face.
Alice found a plastic bag underneath the bathroom sink and stuffed the clothing into it.
Bella sat on the marble counter and slipped her feet into the jeans. It was easier to put them on that way since she was so uncoordinated. Alice discreetly held her by the waist as she slid to the ground and fastened the pants and finished dressing. After staring in contemplation for a moment, Bella slipped her feet into the same loafers that she had worn. She had polished them last night, just like her Grandfather had taught her. Burning them would be wasteful and petty.
"I should probably add the rest of the lingerie I have hidden away where he can't find it," Bella briefly considered thinking of the merry bonfire her clothes would make. She wished she could burn away the memories along with them.
"Get a grip. It's not like he stripped you naked. Only a few people saw and not much for very long." Then the sounds of Mrs. Newton, of Mike, of Jessica Stanley reacting mentally came knocking at her door like unwanted dinner guests. Currently their voices were in echo mode. She heard her Grandmother's voice in her mind. She was made of sterner stuff. Bella decided to ignore all the voices. Life had to go on.
Edward, back in the bedroom, hung his head in his hands and covered his face.
Alice watched Bella change into a clean pair of jeans and top. Alice noted with concern that Bella appeared weary. She knew better than to pry. And there were too many ears around to have a blunt talk.
Alice could hear Edward suck in air as if he were in pain as Jasper asked at vampire pitch, "What happened?"
"Did Alice not tell you?"
"I want to hear it from you."
"I did something thoughtless and foolish."
"That's not like you, Edward." Jasper waited for his brother to continue speaking. For a moment, Jasper feared his brother would bolt from the room, before Edward took a deep breath and put his hands back over his face. Edward was done talking for the moment.
Alice lifted a thick hair brush from the counter in Edward's bathroom. Edward had taken great joy in buying little things and leaving them at the house that showed that Bella belonged there. The brush was a brand Bella had remembered from her childhood that she loved. After hearing her wistfully comment to Rosalie that they did not make brushes like they used to, he had decided to please her. It had taken him three weeks of tracking on the Internet to find the exact model in a little store in Turkey. Edward had happily paid more than the brush was actually worth to have it shipped overnight to surprise Bella. Alice quickly smoothed Bella's thick hair into order, and gently hugged her.
"Bella, I'm so sorry I did not see that happening. I feel like I failed you!" Alice whispered in pain.
"Alice, life just happens. I'll get over this. I'm just embarrassed. It's not like anyone died." Bella hugged her back. "But I love you for trying. I'm so glad you're going to be my sister."
The women walked back into the bedroom. Alice had the bag of clothing tucked under her arm. Hands balled into fists, Edward now stood near the window wall, fuming and trying not to let it show. The vampires could still hear Esme on the phone downstairs fielding outraged phone calls.
Edward winced as he heard his mother say, "No Mrs. Newton, my son is not a sexual deviant. And yes, Mrs. Newton, we would have known about any history of such behavior when we adopted him. Bella is here now. Of course she's clothed! Yes my daughter Alice is with her right now. Thank you for your concern about Bella's welfare and thank you for informing me of this incident. I clearly need to speak to Edward and Bella. I'd like to go check up on my family, if you don't mind."
He heard Esme mutter darkly as she lowered the phone upon ending the call. Edward realized he had a lot of apologizing to do.
Edward searched through his mind for the right words. It seemed clear that the immediate effects of shock had worn off and Bella was starting to crash as the adrenaline in her system dissipated. She sat on the edge of their bed with a new outfit and guarded expression. Edward slowly approached and sank to his knees before her. He took her face in his hands, leaned down, and kissed her softly on the forehead. Bella closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. She placed her head against his shoulder after the chaste kiss ended.
Before he could say a word, Tanya and her sisters swept into the room. Their thoughts were filled with sympathy. Apparently, word had already spread through the immortal contingent in Forks. They had come to help – so said Irina to his gobsmacked mind.
Irina mentally said, "Edward, we're here to assist you and then I will get Tanya out of your hair."
"Bella, dear, I'm so sorry to hear about the unfortunate incident at the Thriftway. Are you ok?" Tanya sweetly asked.
"I'm fine, Tanya. Thank you for asking. The trip was going quite well right up there until the end." Bella paused.
Edward remained still as guilt washed over him. Of course he had managed to ruin a perfectly normal trip to the grocery store. As usual in his attempts to protect Bella, he ended up hurting her.
Bella fretted that she should have not done that last bit with the syrup. Tanya appeared worried. Bella gave the eldest Denali sister a glance indicating she was not going to say anything about her homework. She noticed a tiny nod and smile in return from Tanya.
Edward stared from one woman to the other. Watching.
"Bella, if I had a nickel for every time I've been caught completely naked in public, I'd have more money than that human Bill Gates." Tanya laughed. "Believe it or not you get used to it. Would you like me to go down there and strip to give the humans something else to discuss?"
Perhaps his cousin in her odd way might actually help Bella, Edward mused, as his bride laughed at Tanya's jest. Upon reflection, he conceded Tanya's point. She had probably been caught naked more than any vampire he knew. Most definitely, he could attest that she had made a distinct impression on the men in the club last night. Edward was not one to advocate public nudity, but if anyone could take people's minds off of the unfortunate incident, his cousin could handle the challenge.
"What possessed you to tear Bella's clothing off, Edward?" Tanya appeared the very picture of innocence. He gritted his teeth. Bella tensed.
"Bella had something," Edward stammered, "stuck to the seat of her pants. Others noticed. I, ah, attempted to remove it discreetly."
"How so?" Tanya wearing her angelic façade dug the blade in deeper while blocking her mind. He hated talking.
"I inadvertently tore her clothing. Bella, I am deeply sorry."
"What was on my pants?" Bella asked with a surprised tone.
"Honestly, I couldn't say," Edward smoothly replied.
Edward noticed Tanya's lips twitching.
Jasper said at vampire pitch, "You know she needs to know whatever it was, right? Women don't like not knowing details like that."
Mary Alice concurred, "He's right, Edward. Bella's imagination will take over."
Bella wanted this conversation to end soon. She was afraid her homework exercise could be revealed. "So you're telling me you tore my clothes off of me because I sat in something?" Bella's voice sounded incredulous and he winced. Then inspiration hit. "Actually, Edward that's kind of sweet."
"I forgot my strength. I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?" Why was he always begging for her forgiveness? He truly did not deserve her.
"Of course Edward, you didn't mean to hurt me. Mistakes happen." Bella not-quite-smiled and patted his hand. If he had forgotten his strength, then her homework exercise had been a resounding success. She really couldn't complain now could she? Ok, she could. But she was still going to forgive him. She just could not go out in public until after the wedding. Or after that, either.
"Edward, do me a favor and sit next to me. You don't need to stay on your knees before me forever. I forgive you. Really. Um Tanya, I have a favor to ask?"
Tanya watched fascinated as Edward begrudgingly arose from his position on the floor and gracefully sat beside Bella on the bed. She noted that he immediately put his arm around Bella's shoulders. Tanya had never seen Edward so physically demonstrative before. She felt like she watched a creature in the wild. Irina and Kate were equally absorbed but better at hiding it.
"Yes, Bella, how may I serve you?" Tanya answered.
Bella said, "Well, I was wondering if you had a scarlet letter or two that I could borrow to sew to my clothes when I go out in public."
Tanya, Irina, and Kate actually giggled.
Tanya scoffed, "Scarlet letters are so seventeenth century. These days you have to do so much more than having torn pants to be branded by the public. I think you're safe, Bella. Unless you plan on débuting a sex tape on YouTube any time soon." Tanya wagged her eyebrows.
At the words "sex tape" Edward looked like he was going to go into convulsions with the effort he was making to maintain a composed demeanor. He stroked Bella's hair throughout but Tanya caught his hand shaking a time or two. How unusual.
'He truly does not deserve that girl,' Tanya sanctimoniously aimed her perceptions so her cousin could hear. 'That poor child was instantly forgiving him for his brutish behavior.' She noted Edward's reaction.
While blocking his mindreading ability, Tanya decided being nice to Bella had the advantage of further irritating the heck out of Edward. Irritating Edward while having the moral high ground was fast becoming her new favorite pastime.
"We have decided to stay in the hotel in Port Angeles. We find the view charming." Tanya said.
"Bella," Kate soothed, "This will soon be a memory. Let's get together tomorrow to chat. We'll do pedicures. It will be amusing. We'll see if we can do something to take your mind off of this." She beamed sweetly at Bella who offered a shy glance in response.
"Fine. But I want to bring Jane. I owe her a pedicure," Bella insisted.
Tanya could not possibly imagine what the legendary Jane would be doing spending time with Bella, but she was not about to admit that from her currently-blocked mind.
Edward felt relieved to hear that the Denali siblings would not be staying with them. He desperately wanted privacy to comfort Bella.
Irina elbowed her sister and said, "We'll take our leave now, Bella." Her voice warmed, "I'll see you tomorrow."
Tanya boldly winked at him on her way out the door, the demented woman. A voice in the back of his mind ordered him to keep an eye on her.
With smooth words, Alice and Jasper walked the Denali Sisters downstairs to visit with Carlisle, Carmen and Eleazar and his parents. On his way out, Jasper firmly shut the door to Edward's bedroom. Alice briefly stopped for a moment as a vision swept through her. She saw more visitors arriving soon. Honoring Bella's request, she carried the clothing downstairs and stuffed it into the fireplace and set it alight.
Edward said, "Love, I have to take care of something I'll be back."
He called out to Rosalie and Emmett to come into his room to keep Bella company. His siblings quickly arrived. Bella brightened at seeing them. He kissed her forehead and left the room.
Edward walked downstairs, and attempted to regain his composure. Despite being three floors below, his parents and their guests had heard every word of the recent conversation and he could hear a veritable chorus of perceptions. Esme's thoughts went out to Bella needing to comfort her. Carlisle suggested he give her a checkup. Carmen and Eleazar asked if they could help in any way. Tanya, Irina, and Kate enthusiastically offered their support.
Edward tried not to groan as he heard two separate vehicles pull into their driveway. Now was not the time for uninvited guests. With all the Volturi around, they had extra guards around the house. He texted them new directions and handed Bella's grocery list to Esme.
"Mother, could you please send someone to see to Bella's shopping list? I do not think it would be prudent if I went there at the moment."
"What was she shopping for?"
"She wanted to cook for Chief Swan."
To his surprise, Tanya and her sisters took it.
"Shopping is our favorite pasttime. Second favorite," Kate joked.
Irina promised, "Edward, we will have this done quickly. Have no fears."
They acted excited at the prospect of grocery shopping.
Hearing footsteps outside, Edward opened the front door to find an irate Charlie Swan. Behind him stood a confused delivery man holding a long box over his shoulder.
Armed and in uniform, Charlie barked, "I've come to investigate a report of my daughter being assaulted by you at the local Thriftway, Edward. Would you care to explain why my cell phone has been ringing off the hook for the past twenty minutes?"
Edward removed his hand from his coat pocket and took out the scrap of fabric from Bella's jeans. He handed it to Charlie wordlessly.
"What is a pasty doing on the seat of Bella's jeans?" Charlie tugged at it. "And how did it get stuck there?"
The delivery man interrupted, "I'm sorry about the family drama, but I'm here to deliver this stripper pole somebody ordered to be sent special delivery. Looks like I found the right place."
"Stripper pole?" Charlie spluttered. His eyes bugged out of his head. Chief Swan now had the vivid mental image of his daughter's clothes being torn off by Edward revealing a skimpy costume underneath. In the Thriftway, for crying out loud.
Aghast that a father could even mentally have such awkward and unjustified suspicions about his own child, Edward inwardly swore that Charlie had set new records for mental stupidity. He really should test that man's brain stem to see if he was evolution's missing link. I mean sure Edward intended on tearing Bella's clothing off at some point. But in public? Not unless she was on fire. And he'd remember to stop, drop, and roll first.
Chief Swan took a threatening step toward Edward, "Somebody start talking. Now!" He demanded. His hand moved to rest on his gun.
Please review, or Charlie might open fire. LOL
Snarky Summary: Tanya seduces Jake. Sorta. Kinda. She definitely drugs him. So Edward kinda sorta tore Bella's clothes off and she's happy her homework was successful, not so happy that it worked in public. She's not a stripper. Well, she wasn't a stripper. I mean she has no intentions of ever stripping for anyone but Edward. Alone. Not like this.
The Volturi, Edward, and Bella have a consultation concerning lingerie. Jane sends her very best to Mike Newton. Bella freaks out on Edward. Tanya drops by the Cullen mansion to offer soothing words. Having heard of his daughter's ordeal, Charlie shows up armed and clueless wondering why that man just showed up with a stripper pole.
Didn't I tell you Tanya was fun? Huh? We'll have more fun with Tanya next chapter. I think you actually will really like what she does.
References:
The Scarlet Letter tells the story of a woman who had to wear one sewn to her clothing when she gave birth to an illegitimate child. It is a cool book by Nathanial Hawthorne:
http:/www (dot) online-literature (dot) com/hawthorne/scarletletter/
Stop, Drop and Roll is a phrase I learned growing up in regards to fire safety:
http:/www (dot) ehow (dot) com/how_2273326_stop-drop-roll (dot) html
Mushrooms. Yeah. Don't eat these:
http:/faculty (dot) washington (dot) edu/chudler/mush (dot) html