Thanks V for betaing!
A/N: This might be my last update for a while. But I'm won't quite writing. It's because I'm on my final year of college and I have to study a lot in the next few months. The finals are in May/June so once I'm (hopefully) officially a Paralegal I will update on a more regular basis.
The warm autumn sun was shining through the curtains of Tom's bedroom as Sasha slowly began to awaken. Wanting to enjoy the warmth of the sun, and the softness of the bed, Sasha kept her eyes closed for a few minutes longer before opening them and let them adjusted to the sunlight. Gradually, she became aware of her surroundings and realized she was still in Tom's bed, in his arms, her head resting on his chest, with one muscular arm draped casually over her stomach. Sasha tilted her head slightly, half expecting him to already be awake watching her, but instead he was still sound asleep.
Carefully trying not to wake him, Sasha rolled onto one side, propping her head in one hand and began studying his face. As she let her gaze travel over his face, she noted the relaxed, peaceful expression on his face, so different to last night. The peaceful expression on his features once again brought to mind memories of a time when she would lie awake doing exactly this, watching her lover as he slept.
Feeling completely relaxed and well-rested herself, Sasha carefully eased herself out of Tom's arms and sat up on the edge of the bed, trying to locate her nightie. Grateful that it wasn't too far away from the bed she picked it and slipped it over her slender body before she looked over her shoulder again. After she was sure that Tom was still asleep she quietly eased herself off the bed and tip toed over to the bathroom.
A few moments later, Sasha was leaning against the sink inside the bathroom as she looked at herself in the mirror while her mind suddenly started to replay a very vivid memory of this morning. Brushing a few strains of her long, messy mahogany colored hair out of her face, she noticed the soft smile on her lips, as she realized how different she looked in comparison to the months she'd spent at sea, aboard the James in Asia. The soft, rosy glow of her naturally pale skin mixed with the light that seemed to have returned to her vivid blue eyes, it occurred to her she hadn't looked this... happy for some time. The happy, contented expression on her face made Sasha realize she hadn't just slept with Tom to break down the barriers of pain and sorrow he'd erected, but to rebuild the emotional connection she'd always had with him in the past.
What the f…., Sasha's eyes widen in horror when she spotted a soft red mark right above her collarbone. This can't be a…, she forbade herself to finish that thought as she hoped that maybe that red mark would magically disappear. Carefully she reached up and pulled the collar of her shirt aside to confirm what she already expected to see.
A hickey? Seriously Cooper? Sasha raised her eyebrow at her reflection in the mirror as she shook her head in disbelief. How old are you? 12? 13? 14?
She couldn't help but blush as her mind suddenly started to replay all those things Tom had done to cause that red mark on her neck. Closing her eyes to savor the moment she somehow was still able to feel Tom's gentle touch as he cherished her body. The feel of his soft lips, the rough pad of his tongue, the way he made her feel afterwards, so desired and loved while the pure satisfaction ran through her body as he pulled her into his arms.
I hope he felt the same way, Sasha sighed deeply as she opened her eyes to look at the hickey again. Kara will surely get a kick out of this maybe I have to find a turtle neck sweater or a scarf, Sasha thought as she suddenly felt like a teenager again.
I need to get back to him, she took another deep breath whilst she reached for the door handle, but then she hesitated as she suddenly felt torn between staying or leaving. She had no idea where the thought came from; maybe it was because she was afraid of the consequences of sleeping with him. Perhaps it stemmed from the need to sort out her own feelings before facing him again. Either way Sasha knew that she had to face him one way or the other, so after a few minutes of carefully considering her possibilities she decided to get over it and get back to Tom.
I'll figure this out later when he's up, Sasha told herself while she grabbed the door handle again and opened the door.
"Morning." Tom's husky voice startled her a little, but the second she saw his sleepy smile she relaxed again.
"You're already awake" Sasha stated, clearly surprised to see him stirring, having hoped to slip back into his arms before he'd awoken, before he could miss her. She'd wanted to savor those peaceful moments with him before reality hit them again.
"I am." Tom confirmed with a sly grin on his lips as he stretched his arms before he pushed himself up into a sitting position. Well aware that Sasha was watching him as he leaned his back against the headboard. Lounging against the doorframe, Sasha ran her eyes over his deliciously well-formed chest. She was definitely enjoying the view, but it was also a convenient way to see if she'd marked him the way he had so clearly done to her. Unfortunately his sun kissed torso was clear of any hickey's Damn! She thought to herself.
At the same time, Tom allowed himself to appreciate the sultry beauty strolling casually back toward the bed. He allowed his gaze to wander up her shapely legs, drinking in the breathtaking curves hinted at by the night shirt she wore, one that barely covered her equally shapely derriere Tom couldn't tear his eyes away from her as she made her way to the bed, crawling her way over the sheets toward him. He couldn't pinpoint it, but as she drew closer, he could tell something was bothering her. "Sasha…" his voice was barely above a whisper as he tried to ask her, but he immediately stopped as she crawled onto his lap and straddled him with her legs before she leaned in.
"Morning." Sasha murmured when their lips were only a breath apart while she reached up and cupped his face before she finally leaned in for a kiss. Their kiss was soft and sweet, something Tom hadn't experienced for some time.
The moment Sasha pulled away from his lips and opened her eyes Tom was already staring at her. As their gazes locked, her hands slipped behind his neck, holding him in place, as she lost herself in his beautiful steel blue gaze. For a while, Sasha allowed herself to simply enjoy the moment, but part of her wondered if his feelings for her were genuine, or just a means to forget the horrors of their recent experiences for a while.
Carefully Tom reached up and tugged her long hair behind her ears before he cupped her face with his hands while she bit her lip. He noticed it immediately and wordlessly soothed the rough pad of his thumb over it causing her to release it again.
"How are you feeling?" Sasha's voice was barely above a whisper when she finally had found the courage to ask, because she was afraid that her question might ruin their almost perfect moment.
"Better" he replied while he caressed her cheekbones with his thumbs. "Thanks to you." He added with a soft smile as he watched her leaning into his hand.
"You're welcome." Sasha took a shacking breath, her tone telling him that she was enjoying his gentle touch.
His feelings are real, there's no way he would pretend that. Stop worrying, she told herself while she closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax into his soft touch before he slipped his hand into hair.
We can't… you can't! You should talk to him, her mind was yelling at her when Tom threated his hand into her hair and started to pull her in for another morning kiss. But it was too late, because the next thing she felt were his lips on hers, teasing her as he gently brushed them over hers before nipping her bottom lip softly. A soft moan escaped her lips as she parted them and allowed his tongue to slide in to deepen their kiss. Even though her mind told her to stop and finally talk about this morning, Sasha couldn't bring herself to end their kiss not only because she was enjoying their intimate connection, but she was very much concerned stopping now could mean it would end the way their last kiss aboard the James had – badly.
Not wanting to let go of her Tom slipped his hands down to the low of her back and pulled her body closer, enjoying the feeling of her soft curves against his bare chest. The way she traced her fingertips through his hair, the softness of her lips and their tongues dancing together made him realize that he wanted more. So without thinking about his actions Tom grabbed the hem of her shirt while he waited for the perfect moment to get rid of the offensive piece of clothing. From her side, Sasha realized they really needed to stop and talk about last night, and halt Tom's delicious explorations. It took all of her willpower to pull back from his soft lips, reaching behind her back and stopping his hands continuing their intimate explorations.
"Tom…" Sasha breathed his name as their gaze met. For a few seconds she didn't know what to say as she saw the confusion in his eyes. "We can't… not again." She shook her head as if she was trying to apologize for stopping him and then she climbed off his lap, leaving enough space between them while she wrapped the other blanket around her legs. For a while, neither could say a word, and the only sound in the room was their ragged breathing as they sought to bring their thoughts and emotions under control.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Tom was the one who finally broke the silence. "About what happened this morning?" he added when he noticed her puzzled expression as she looked at him.
"I don't know…." Sasha sighed deeply while she still tried to sort her thoughts about what had happened between and if she really wanted to discuss this now. Sasha was well aware that part of her just wanted to throw caution to the winds, and continue kissing Tom, but they needed to have this discussion.
"What's on your mind?" Sasha asked in a lousy attempt to draw the focus to Tom.
"That we might have moved a bit too fast too soon…" He replied but for Sasha it sounded more like a question than an actually answer to what she had asked him.
"We can't undo what we've done now, now can we?" She asked but the moment the words had left her mouth she immediately wished she wouldn't have said them.
"No" Tom shook his head. "Do you regret it?" He asked back and then just like Sasha he immediately started to regret his question.
Don't tell me you do, because it certainly didn't felt you regretted it this morning, Tom thought as he recalled the moment where she had told him not to be sorry for what had happened.
"Honestly?" She asked while she held his gaze for a few more seconds before she turned her head and looked over to the window as she tried to come up with an answer that would make sense at least for her.
"No" She shook her head. "But under the circumstances I don't know…" She shrugged while she took a deep breath before she finally was able to face him again. "I don't regret it, Tom, not one bit. But under the circumstances I don't know if it was the right timing for us." She explained to him hoping that somehow it would make sense to him.
"Do you regret it?" Sasha asked whilst she looked directly into his blue eyes, eyes that she loved so dearly, that had been so full of hope this morning, she could get lost in them sometimes.
"It made me feel whole, no you made me feel whole again, Sasha." He held her gaze. "Thanks to you I felt alive again. Why should I regret it?" He asked her, but he didn't give her a chance to answer. "Look, Sasha. I still care for you a lot. Even when I left the service… our goodbye…" Tom stopped midsentence as his mind replayed the moment where he kissed her goodbye he'd been worried it could've been forever. "So no, I don't regret sleeping with you. I would never regret it with you. But I agree about our timing."
"Yeah." Sasha nodded as she started to process what Tom had just said as she slowly realized that her plan to make him feel again has worked out at least for now.
I did it. Maybe we can work this out together and I can help him to heal and move on maybe build a future together, Sasha suddenly had a bunch of ideas for their future in her head. But how? She wondered as she still felt like she couldn't answer the one question that had been bothering her since the moment she had seen him yesterday.
"So how are we going to take this from here?" Tom's voice brought her back to reality.
"I don't know." She shrugged whilst she pulled her legs up to her chest and probed her head into her hand before she looked at him again with a questioning expression on her face. "Maybe we should do this together." She suggested. "You know, heal." She added when she saw his puzzled expression. "And then maybe… maybe we can start over… as a couple… I mean if that's what you want?" Sasha asked him hoping that he wouldn't reject her offer completely, because no matter what he would decide she wanted to be there for him as a friend or a partner.
But instead of answering her question right away Tom held her gaze for a few more seconds before he leaned his head back against the headboard and stared at the door across room. She could tell from his expression that he was processing her suggestion, but after a while his continued silence made her feel uneasy, so after a few minutes had past she removed the blanket from her legs.
"I think I should leave." She simply said when the unbearable silence had reached the point where she wished she wouldn't have made that suggestion in the first place.
I knew it! It was too soon to ask him for any kind of relationship, he needs time to process, Sasha sat up on the edge of the bed as she tried to locate her underwear on the floor. Like he would say yes to that right away just because he slept with you, Cooper? You know him better than that, she told herself as she suddenly felt a rush of anger running through her veins. Strangely, she knew her anger didn't stem from Tom's lack of response to her suggestion, but her own poor timing.
"Sasha, wait!" Tom caught her arm the moment she was about to push herself off the bed. "I want to try" he added quickly, as she turned to face him, noting her puzzled expression.
"You're sure?" She asked raising her eyebrow in suspicion after a few seconds had passed. "Because I don't want you to say this just because you think it's what I want to hear, to stop me walking out. I understand if you need to think about this Tom" Sasha told him, looking into his eyes, as if trying to read his mind, before he could voice his answer.
"Of course I'm sure about it. And I'm not only saying this because I don't want you to leave now." Tom replied as he held her gaze, hoping that she would see how serious he was about them going through this together.
"I need you to heal, because I know that you care for me not just because "I'm the man who saved the world", but because I know we still have this emotional connection that I need to get back to the way I was." He told while he let go of her arm and took her hand. "I know how much you care for me, that you know me like no one else does. I need you, Sasha."
"I would love to be there for you." Sasha had a soft smile on her lips as she looked down at their hands. It was the simple connection mixed with words that made her realize how much she actually cared for him and how much she wanted this to work out. "But we are taking this slow, one step at a time. Not like we did this morning." She added after she brought her gaze back up to his eyes and she could've sworn that she saw a hint of disappointment in them.
"Okay." He nodded and then they simply stared into each other's eyes as they both slowly processed what had just happened.
"But I still think that I have to go." Sasha sighed as she pulled his hand out of his grasp.
"You think or do you know?" Tom asked back even though he could tell that she was a bit disappointed.
"I know that I have to leave. Kara will surely get a kick out of this." She rolled her eyes as she could already see her friend teasing her while she pushed herself off the bed and faced him again. "That I stayed the night." Sasha explained when she noticed the puzzled look on his face. "And that you might have left a hickey on my neck." She added trying to sound causal about it, but Tom knew that she wasn't because he saw her blushing while she pulled the collar aside, showing him the mark he'd left on her creamy skin.
"I did that?" He asked in disbelief causing her to blush a little more as simply smiled at him before she walked around the bed.
"I'll just get changed and let myself out" Sasha told him gently, as she walked out of the bedroom.
The moment she had closed the door behind herself, Sasha closed her eyes as let a huge sigh of relief. A few minutes later Sasha walked down the stairs were to her surprise Tom was already waiting for her by the door.
"You got dressed." She noted with a smile, but he ignored her comment. "Thank you for staying the night and for everything else." He nodded and smiled at her as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly as Sasha buried her face in the crook of his neck, enjoying the feeling of being held by him again.
"You're welcome. Thanks for letting me in." She replied as she let of him and made a step back. "And you know if anything happens, if you need someone to talk or if there is anything else you know where can find me." Sasha reached up and caressed his cheek.
"I know." He sighed deeply and she could tell that he didn't want her to leave just yet, but she knew that she had to. So instead of simply stepping away and walk out of the front door Sasha gently pulled his head down as she leaned up before she placed a soft kiss on to his lips.
"We will make this work." She told him genuinely as she caressed over the stubbles of his cheek with her fingertips when their gaze locked.
"I thought you were about to leave?" Tom asked chuckling quietly as she stood there still not leaving.
"I am." She replied with a soft smile as she stepped back. "I just wanted to make sure that you know that you are not alone in this."
"Okay." Tom reached for the door handle behind his back and opened the door for allowing her to walk pass him. "See you soon, Tom." Sasha turned around with a big smile on her lips when she reached the stairs of the porch.
"Bye Sasha." Tom smile back at her before she turned around made her way back to her temporary home.
TBC...