So open your eyes and see
The way our horizons meet
And all of the lights will lead
Into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed
But both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home
"All of the Stars" by Ed Sheeran
Sam relented in the end. Even Emily joined my cause, much to my surprise, and a week later I was quietly moved into Embry's two bedroom cabin. As promised, Kim got me the job working at the private reservation school, and life slipped into a comfortable, if not boring routine. To break up the monotony I worked on deep cleaning the cabin and redecorated a little bit.
The pack left me alone. Occasionally I would see the flash of a wolf in the treeline but when I looked again no one was there. Maybe I was better off alone. I don't know that I was ever built to be a part of something bigger than myself. That was thrust upon me by falling in love, repeatedly, with those who weren't right for me. I thought of Gabriel a lot in the first few months of living in the cabin. Being with a human had been so much easier than any of my supernatural relationships. There was nothing riding on it. But his death, and the death of my co-workers, hadn't been worth those few moments of happiness. I couldn't sacrifice anyone else. A knock on the door drew me from my morose thoughts.
"Jake said I could find you here," Raven said awkwardly when I froze in the doorway. I gestured for her to come in and she stepped into the living room.
"I don't know what to say," I murmured. She laughed nervously.
"Me either," she admitted. "Then again for a long time we thought you were dead."
"Apparently I am way too hard to kill," I said. "Which is good I guess depending on how friendly you are feeling and if you have a knife." She laughed at my lame joke and I relaxed slightly.
"I wanted to see for myself," she said. "And to tell you that I agree with what you did." She shocked me into silence and I sank onto the arm of a worn recliner. She settled onto the couch without invitation. "I would have done the same."
"I'm sure that went over well with the pack," I managed to say. She gave me a half smile.
"Jake and I split over it," she said sadly. Her eyes looked…empty. "I defended you. I knew you weren't doing it to be some kind of hero. You were trying to save us the way we were trying to save you. To me it's simple. I think they took it as some kind of insult to their wolfish talents."
"When I was In Volterra I saw over six hundred vampires," I said. "All have talents like the Cullens. It would have been like swatting flies for them to eliminate everyone on the entire reservation." She nodded.
"I know," she said. "Unlike everyone else I paid attention to the histories."
"You need to make up with Jake," I said firmly. Her eyes rose to mine in surprise. "The imprint is cemented. You can't be apart permanently. I am back. I am alive. And I don't want anyone to fight about me anymore." Her shoulders sagged.
"I don't even know how to talk to him anymore," she admitted. "We've been apart for so long." I placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Your heart hasn't forgotten how," I reminded her gently. "You struggle like I do with logic and love. Go with love for once." I knew as she left that she would do as I asked. That was one tiny fence mended. I couldn't fix everything but I could put tiny pieces together. I could help from afar, when they would let me. Raven was right, I made the decision I thought was best for the time. A voice made me jump.
"Someone is playing cupid," Carter said from the doorway.
"I'm too tired to argue," I said kicking off my shoes.
"I'm not here to argue," he said. "I'm here because I am ready to talk."
"I think you've said enough," I mumbled. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned into the door frame.
"I came to say I was hard on you," he said. "I was hard on you because I thought we had become close. I don't take every skinny, haunted white girl to bed with me you know." I half smiled at his small joke.
"I know," I said. His stance softened slightly.
"I thought you trusted me more than you did," he said. "It was my mistake and not yours." I sighed.
"I won't apologize," I said. "Ever. I did the only thing I could do at the time to protect everyone. I still don't think one life, even mine, is worth hundreds." He inclined his head once.
"Those who love you might disagree but I can see your point," he said.
"You were the one I thought would understand," I said suddenly. I stood and started pacing. "You were a soldier Carter. You know that sometimes the death of one person can save everyone else."
"Logically I know that," he said quietly. "The heart isn't logical." Impulsively he reached out a hand and I took it without hesitation. After a moment he tugged gently and pulled me into the strong circle of his arms. I still wasn't used to as much contact but his warmth felt good.
"I missed you," I confessed into the soft skin of his neck. "I thought about you almost every day."
"Almost?" He teased. I smiled into his skin and tightened my grip on him.
"You know how they say when you die your life flashes before your eyes?" I asked.
"Yeah…" he said sounding confused.
"I died a lot," I said. My hands shook slightly. "You were always there in my last memories."