I LOVE Vic Mignogna. 'nuff said.

The Slytherins did not like Professor Lupin. For one, he had sullied the reputation of their prized member, Malfoy. For another, he had made one of their own experience something so traumatising. Slytherins do not like people messing with their own even if that person was a brand new member with a metal arm.

Edward thought Malfoy was being overly defensive. Malfoy had gone around claiming that Lupin had conjured up the image of his father on purpose because he was poor and desperate enough to try to suck up to his family.

Lessons had thankfully been uneventful. They were learning to take care of Flobberworms in Care of Magical Creatures and it was a boring job. Good, Edward had enough of exciting jobs. It was a good thing that none of the Slytherins brought up the incident with the boggart. No one wanted to know what the thing was or what the circle meant. They just knew it was a topic that denied anyone from venturing deep into it.

It was Potter who was the first one to talk to him about it after potions one day.

"I heard about the boggart. People kept talking about a corpse rising from the ground and how you freaked out."

Edward rounded on him, eyes blazing.

"I did NOT freak out! It was nothing. I just saw it in a cheesy horror movie ok! It was nothing!"

Before Edward could storm off, Potter grabbed his arm.

"Wait. I've got the same problem too but mine is with dementors. Maybe you could learn some defence spells to-"

"I don't want to," Edward said coldly and walked away. Stupid hocus pocus people. As if magic would work against the Gate.

The next time Edward saw Lupin was another practical lesson. This time, he strayed to the back of the group. Malfoy and his buddies stayed at the head of the group and made loud, snide comments whenever Lupin said anything.

"Today, we're doing defensive spells and shields. Form pairs and when one person tries to attack, the other shields. Use disarming spells only when attacking."

Lupin continued his lecture and Edward saw Malfoy head to the back of the group. It had been days of stalking Malfoy but Edward could not see any reason why he needed a bodyguard. Except for threats from the Weasley kid and death glares from Potter and Granger, Malfoy was in no real danger. Still, Edward kept observing him.

"Elric!" Malfoy shouted, even though Lupin was still talking. "Pair with me."

Edward nodded impassively.

When Lupin allowed them to practise, Malfoy's laugh glittered like knives.

"Man, I want to see how good you are if you can make it to the third year just by being home schooled. Last lesson, you were such a wimp."

Edward bit back a retort about Malfoy's own vision with the boggart. Lucius would kill him if he said anything wrong.

As Malfoy pulled out his stick, Edward realised with a sinking pit of dismay, that it was going to be the first time he was using his stick.

Briefly, he remembered that the incantation for a shield spell was Protego. But he had no idea if it would work.

"Elric! You're weak!" Malfoy shouted. "Stupefy!"

Edward thought that Malfoy's spell was going to make him stupid and he stupidly did not react fast enough. The spell shot him in the chest and Edward was flung backwards. He landed heavily on the ground and when he got up gingerly, Malfoy was in hysterics.

"Impedimenta!" Malfoy shouted mercilessly.

"Protego!" Edward retaliated before the beam of light hit him. Nothing happened. There was no shield. Edward tripped and fell flat on his face. His cheeks burned with shame.

"Diffindo!" Malfoy snarled, aiming at Edward's braid.

Oh no you don't. Not the hair.

Edward barely managed to dodge the spell in time but it ripped through the uniform. Edward clapped a hand on where Malfoy had ripped his sleeve.

Instantly, the bloodlust left Malfoy and he looked a little worried.

"Hey! Elric! Can't let a little cut bother you can you?"

Edward did not reply, gathering up his sleeve in his gloved hand.

"What's the matter? Afraid of glowy circles?" Malfoy said. Without waiting for an answer, he shouted,

"Stupefy!"

Edward felt the bunched up cloth his fist fall from his fingers as he was flung backwards again. Part of the uniform fluttered away.

Lupin was shouting at Malfoy to use gentler spells but no one was listening. They were all staring at Edward's shoulder where a bit of the cloth had torn off.

Gasping for breath, Edward looked at his own shoulder to survey the damage. The uniform was ripped only a little, giving everyone the barest glimpse of his automail. Edward clasped his gloved hand over the metal surface to shield it from prying eyes.

"Elric, can you stand?"

Edward glanced up to see Lupin offering him a hand. Reluctantly, Edward took it and stood up wobbly. The spell that Malfoy had flung at him was still making him feel lightheaded.

"What's that?" Pansy Parkinson asked. Her voice was nasal and unpleasant today as if she had caught a cold.

Everyone was looking at Edward expectantly.

"I... It's temporary. It's just my-"

"DIFFINDO!" Malfoy roared before Edward could finish. The flash of bright light cut where the remaining strands of cloth were holding onto the sleeve. The dark green uniform blasted off to reveal the full glory of his automail. Edward winced. He was in so much trouble.

"Malfoy! Enough! Twenty points from Slytherin for attacking your own classmate!"

Malfoy gave a smug shrug though he could not tear his eyes away from Edward's arm.

"But you told us to, Professor."

Lupin ignored him. "Elric! You need to get that arm seen by Madam Pomferry now. If not, we can ask the headmaster to lower the spells and apparate you to St Mungo's."

There was a fierce urgency in his voice. Wimps, Edward thought. Haven't they seen any automail in their lives before? And there was no way Edward was going to have his arm fixed by some hocus pocus stick. He was going to find a permanent, reliable, scientific way. And his brother was getting his body back before him.

There were similar rules in the hocus pocus world and his hometown. One of them was not to bring back the dead. Edward doubted his arm and leg would return when he had broken the laws in both worlds. It was better if he did not have to explain why his limbs did not grow back if the spell failed. Edward thought his mental reasoning sounded stupid. But he did not want the cut any more corners.

"NO!" Edward hissed before Lupin could lug him off to see the Pinako look-alike. In a softer voice, Edward lied, "I... I want it like that... as a reminder."

"But-"

"It was an accident that happened when I was a kid and it was all my fault," Edward interrupted tersely. His classmates were glancing from his automail to his face and back again.

"I just- I just want it like this until I can correct my mistake" and return my brother's body back.

"But it's a prosthetic!" One of his classmates who took Muggle Studies protested. "It shouldn't work in Hogwarts! No muggle stuff would!"

That would explain the lack of telephones. Maybe it was because his nerves at his severed shoulder were still working. Pinako had said it was lucky that the nerves were still alive when she fitted on his first automail so for Edward, the automail could work like a normal arm to him.

"It's magic," Edward lied and gathered up the bunch of cloth which had fallen from his shoulder.

Lupin glanced at the awestruck class and sighed. There would be no one paying attention after this.

"Ok, homework is reading the textbook pages 43 to 70 on defensive spell theory. Class dismissed. Elric, I'd still want you to see Madam Pomferry. She might know a little spells that could work with that arm."

Instantly, everyone clustered around Edward. Malfoy's eyes were glinting dangerously.

"Elric! What accident were you talking about?"

"Can it move normally?"

"Why is it metal? Couldn't you ask for a flesh version?"

"Does it rust?"

"Can I touch it pleeeease?"

It took Edward snarled apologies, clubbing a boy on the head for getting too close and ten whole minutes to escape the crowd staring at him. He wrapped his torn sleeve over his shoulder so it would hide the metal glint and sprinted to his dormitory.

He was so grateful that he had the entire room to himself for once.

Edward stared at the stick in his hand for a while then pointed at the torn sleeve.

"Reparo!"

Nothing happened. Edward sighed and flung the stick aside. Brilliant. He had to survive a year in a magic school, follow a kid around the school compound, worry about his ass being kicked by Lucius Malfoy, make sure his cover was not blow, and pretend he could do magic.

Wait a minute. He did not have to survive a whole year. Edward clapped his hands and fixed the sleeve back in place. It felt so good to be able to do alchemy again.

With a maniac grin, Edward grabbed a parchment and quill and wrote a very nice letter to that ass Mustang to let him go back home because he was not competent to finish the job. He ran out of the common room again, ignoring the stares of his classmates who had just returned from Lupin's lesson. Many of them begged him to show them his automail again.

Edward found the Owlery, a place where he could deliver letters with the help of Sir Cadogan who threatened to cut off Edward's head first before gleefully embarking on the quest to find the room.

Surprisingly, the Owlery actually had owls. It also smelt very strongly of bird droppings. Most bird droppings do not smell. Owl droppings smelt like... owls. It was a musky, bird-like smell that made Edward wrinkle his nose instantly.

An owl flew down to him and Edward noticed a piece of string on its leg. Remembering how Malfoy's owl had the note attached to the string, Edward swiftly tied his parchment onto the owl's leg.

The owl cooed softly and cocked its head.

"Oh... er... Give this to Colonel Mustang in Central, Amestris." Edward told the owl who nodded wisely. Edward chuckled as he imagined Mustang's face when an owl flew into the room.

"Oh, and could you please poop on his head?" Edward gave the bird a wide grin and the owl took off out of the window.