Chapter 7

Bella

Bright, blindingly bright.

My eyes struggled to focus against it as I blinked. Something moved in front of me. I tried to focus on it but everything was so blurry. I could hear it's every move, the sound of it's hair rustling against it's shirt, sound of air being sucked in and out through it's nose and the steady beat of it's heart. I mentally comprehended that I was somewhere very unfamiliar and that I was also not alone as I continued to regain my vision.

When a loud booming voice called out my name I practically jumped through the roof, in a split second I had leapt out of the bed and was trying to balance myself in the corner of the room. I put up my hand defensively as the room continued to swirl, willing my eyes to just focus. I could hear it's heart pound rapidly in it's chest now, it's breathing picked up and as it loudly swallowed a lump in it's throat before saying my name again: "Bella". Why can I hear it's heart beating? Why am I able to hear it's diaphragm moving? The chambers in it's heart pumping blood? Why can I hear all of this?

What is wrong with me?

"Bella? I-It's ok. You're safe, you're with me." I whipped my head around to face him, and nearly lost my balance in the process. Balancing myself now up against the night side, the room finely came to a rolling stop and I was able to focus on the anxious face of my best friend standing in front of me. " Jacob?" I reached out to touch his face with my right hand as my left guarded my chest. Before my hand made contact with Jacob's face I brought my left to rest on his right shoulder before he pulled me into a full on bear hug. "Oh thank God Bells', you have no idea." He looked intense as he pulled me away from him, looked me in the eyes and said: "No idea." and then he resumed his bear hug. We kind off swayed together for a minute before the sound of his heart became deafening: right chamber, left chamber, deep breath in deep breath out. Really getting weird now, why can I hear all of ----

"Jacob--" I said while pulling out of our embrace, but my train of thought was interrupted as a cool breeze blew in through the open window. It fascinated me as it traveled towards us singing a soft chime-like tune before gliding across my bare skin. Lots of bare skin. I stepped back and looked at Jacob and his big goofy grin plastered across his face, "Jacob…." "Yeah Bells". Speaking slowly through my now clenched teeth I asked rapidly:

"What happened?

"Where are we?"

"How long have we been here?"

And lastly: "WHY THE HELL AM I NAKED?"

The grin immediately fell from his face as he answered: "Oh, umm about that…." His gaze started to fall down my body before quickly retreating back up to my eyes (but not before turning as red as his shirt though). "Umm, your clothes were uh, not in the greatest condition, and I uh, thought that umm it would be better if I uh, got rid of them before you woke up, because umm……Well any how, I brought you a change of clothes from Rebecca's room, I figured you'd want to get cleaned up and have fresh clothes after ever- soooo…" He turned his back to me and walked across the room to the dresser, where his nap sack was. He started to pull out some clothes and other things as he continued: "I figure most of it should fit you, but that was before… I don't know about the umm…ya know…". Did he really just do the 'boob' gesture? My jaw dropped open.

"So the shower is in through ther-"

"Get out."

"And there's a towel already in the-"

"GET. out"

"So I'll be on the porch if you-" I threw the clock sitting on the night stand at his head missing only by an inch because he ducked.

"GET OUT!"

"Geez Bella, take it easy. I was only saying ----

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

"Ok, Ok, you don't have to yell."

Jacob closed the door behind him, leaving me alone to exhale loudly. I carryied the soap and shampoo into the bathroom he brought for me rambling to myself that: it's bad enough that I know that I wasn't blessed with….. ya know, but to have him point that out to me? For crying out loud they're not that-- I dropped the bottles onto the floor as I met the reflection staring back at me. Had the mirror not been old, tarnished and chipped I could've sworn Jake was stocking up on naked chicks out here. Was that really me? It couldn't be, I must be drunk. Though I've never had a drink in all my life, well except for that one time that I mistakenly took a sip from Phil's coke before quickly spitting it back out two years ago. I stepped closer to get a better look at myself , "I must be dreaming." I said aloud as I touched my face. There is no way that was me. I- I, I was like-- Oh my God those are…! My jaw dropped for the second time as I took in my chest. Holy Hanna, That is not a B cup! Shell- shocked, I slowly looked over the rest of my body in the mirror, and then down at myself while twisting and turning so I could take in every angle. It was easy to see all the changes, some were subtle but still noticeable and others were blatantly obvious: defined waist, longer leaner legs and thighs, everything was firmer and more "womanly". How long had I been asleep? Was I like, in a coma or something? If so what am I doing here and where is Edward?

Edward.

The mere thought of his name sends me into near hysteria. I sat down on the toilet and covered my mouth with my hand waiting for silent tears to appear but they never did. Neither did other automatic responses that sitting on a toilet usually brings on. Weird. Who am I kidding everything is weird.

While showering I continued to ponder what all of this meant, everything before this morning was a blur. Why was everything so hyper sensitive? I could still hear Jacobs' heart pumping from the front porch on the other side of the house. I could hear the foam bubbling on top of the water at the beach, and the birds chirping off in the distance. I could hear all of this, everything around me, but I couldn't hear a single thing from myself? What could any of this possibly mean? I shut off the water closed my eyes and concentrated on only me. Silence. No. I placed my hand over my heart and felt nothing. Nothing but cold. hard. skin. No, it couldn't be? I flew out of the shower and rubbed the steam off of the mirror and took a closer look at my eyes.

"JACOB!"

Edward

(Flash backs in italics)

It had been a few months since we left Forks. I know, I just can't bring myself to say what really happened, aloud at least. My every thought was consumed with memories of Bella. Every second of every day: Bella beside me in my car, Bella at sitting next to me at lunch, Bella in Biology for the first time, hiding behind her hair. Strawberries. Bella in my room. Asleep in her bed. Bella in our meadow. Our first kiss together. Our last. Although that night in the woods was only about twelve weeks ago it felt like an eternity. Every day since Bella died felt like an eternity. And every minute of every day was a living Hell.

I sighed deeply as Carlise appeared at my door, "Edward" he said softly, I turned around to see Emmett standing behind him with his hands in his pockets, eyes fixed on the floor. "Edward, we need to.." we continued aloud as he thought silently to me that "it is time. We need to go and find Bella. We can't just leave her… There.. ." I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply hoping that when I opened them I would realize the entire night was a dream, a nightmare. But alas, when I opened them Carlise and Emmett still stood in my doorway waiting for me to led them out into the woods.

It wasn't long before we were able to find the path I had taken home, about 40 minutes into our trek we were approaching the thicket of trees where I had run away from Bella. It's easier to say that I 'ran away' from her like a coward, then to admit that we were approaching the thicket of trees where I left her to die. "Are you sure?" "Yes I'm sure!" I said while pacing back and forth in front of the tree that she was previously underneath. "I don't understand Edward, it's dark out maybe we're in the wrong spot", "No, no we're not, I'm telling you she was right-" "Shhh" Emmett said silently, "Listen." The three of us froze in our spots as we very faintly heard voices calling out in the woods. "There's three of them (Carlise said) 50 yards away, we need to go-" I shook my head "No we have to find her, we- I can't leave her, I can't just let her--" "It's Charlie. Edward we have to go, no one can know you were out here". We could see the beams of their flash lights off in the distance scanning through the trees. "BELLA!" "BELLA!" "Edward, now. we have to go now!" "I can't, I-"

I didn't have a chance to argue with them any further, Emmett had grabbed me around the waist, slinging me over his massive shoulder and took off running full tilt back out of the woods. Carlise only but a step behind us. Once we got back to the house and Emmett put me down I tried to run past him but found myself flat on my back. Repeatedly. I tried with no avail for over three hours to get away from Emmett. I didn't even make it off the front porch. After I had exhausted myself, Carlise and Emmett helped me back inside the house. For the remainder of the night no one spoke, not a word. Not when they loaded the car, or when they put me into it. No one spoke a word the entire trip to Ketchikan, Alaska. When we finally pulled up in the drive way we found Alice's yellow Porsche already waiting.

Tiny arms engulfed me before I could even get in through the door. Alice looked racked with guilt as she untwined her arms from around my waist. She stepped back and looked up at me through deep regretful eyes, "It's all my fault.. I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. Not until…" her voice fading away. "Alice.. it's not….. Ok?… It had nothing to do with you…". Everyone else was busy bustling past us quickly unloading the cars, unpacking boxes and generally just trying to steer clear of me. It was a long, tense, painfully quiet drive up here. Esme came up from behind me and pointed to the stairs "Yours is the last on the left" she said while gently rubbing my back. I silently nodded and then continued through the hallway that led to the stairs, stopping briefly to pick up my bags before heading up to my 'new' room. When I turned around Jasper was standing in front of me.

It felt like the wind was knocked out of me (again) when I saw him. I was so many things right there in that moment: Angry, Sad, Relieved, Frustrated, Scared, Furious, Hopeful. I wanted to hate him so much I could taste it, but I knew no matter how much I tried I could never hate Jasper. Because no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't blame him for what happened. I was the one who brought her into our dangerous world. I was the one who kept putting her life in danger not him. Jasper only reacted as he could, given the situation. We both stood there for a moment just staring at each other, neither knowing what to say or how to react.

Poor Jasper, you could tell this was eating him "alive", his eyes were heavily circled and dark, his skin had almost taken on a shade of grey and you could also tell he hadn't been hunting much. He just looked a mess. Like me. "Edward…" I looked up to find Jasper staring intently at me. "Edward…. What I did, there is just no excuse….. It's all my fault and I am so - so very sorry for what I did. I never meant to lose control like that I- I, I can't even begin to explain how much I hate myself for what I just put you through. And for what it did to …."

I put my hand up before he could finish that sentence. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose inhaling deeply, when I exhaled I reopened them and if at all possible Jasper looked even worse. "Jasper…. I-I just can't right now. I know….. and we'll…but I just can't. I'm sorry". Jasper looked as if he had completely deflated right in front of me, his eyes fell to the floor and he slowly shook his head before moving aside to allow me to pass. When I made it to the landing I heard Alice comforting Jasper trying to soothe him. She was telling him that it would work out; he wasn't going to leave; no one blamed him or wanted him to leave; that I would forgive him, that she had seen it, and that in the end we would have a stronger-closer relationship. I kind of snorted to myself when she said this, I certainly couldn't see how we would be "closer" anytime in the near future, but rest assured my dear sweet sister silently reaffirmed for me that I: "Would in fact forgive Jasper, and it had better be soon".

Carlise had received a phone call from Charlie three days later regarding Bella and had quite believably told him that Bella was not with us nor did he know her whereabouts and also that the night in question the Cullens were already half-way to Alaska and everyone could vouch for my whereabouts that night as well. He even offered to send him sworn affidavits from each member of his family. In the weeks that followed there were several minutes devoted to Bella's disappearance on the local evening news, even a few national stations aired her story. It always ended the same way, separate interviews of both Charlie and Rene begging for her safe return and several pleas from the Forks Police Force to call in "If you have any information to her whereabouts."

I spent the next month and a half alone in my room before Emmett and Carlise forced me out into the woods one night to feed. Alice and Rosalie had already gone ahead of us and when I wouldn't hunt of my own accord, Alice hand very daintily (but forcibly) dropped an eight - point buck at my feet as Rose warned that they weren't opposed to force feeding me too. "Now be a good boy and drink".

For the first time in what seemed like a hundred years, I laughed.

A/N: Sorry it took so long for the update, four rounds of stomach flue in one household will put anyone off schedule I think. I'm already working on Chap. 8 so hopefully it'll be out by the weekend.

Oh and I really- really like reviews, good or bad, let me know what you think.

So review. Pretty please with a half-naked Edward on top.