CHAPTER 7
Regina didn't go to the bathhouse that evening; although, she'd originally thought she would. In fact, she had been already heading out, her hand grasping the door knob, when it hit her that she had no idea what she could say to the gladiator. They hadn't seen each other since Regina's last night duty at the temple, and while her instincts told her to go and, at least, find out if Emma was all right, it was still easier to simply ignore the somewhat baffling feeling of concern and remain hidden within the four walls of her room. She wasn't used to caring about someone; even Kathryn was more of a good acquaintance than a true friend who she ought to worry about.
Feeling strangely off-kilter, Regina opened the door, but almost immediately slammed it closed again, a little too forcefully. She heard Ruby's muffled voice as the younger woman was just walking past her room: "Gods, Regina! Calm down."
"What's happening to me?" Regina whispered out loud as she sat down on the edge of the bed and combed her hands through her hair exasperatedly. Yes, it would be best if she didn't see Emma at all before her own thoughts were untangled.
Staying true to her word (Regina was nothing if not perseverant once she decided something), a week went by without a single game of dice between the two women.
One day, Regina had just returned from the sacred spring with a vessel filled to the brim with its precious water when Kathryn hesitantly approached her.
"Would you... Would you like to go to the games with me later today?" It was mediation for their infamous quarrel at the temple, Regina knew. She kept pouring the water into an amphora, stubbornly clinging to her annoyance towards the other woman and remaining silent.
When Regina didn't answer, Kathryn continued: "I don't know if you've seen Emma since, but...she's battling today."
The now empty vessel clanged unpleasantly against the table as Regina finally whirled around. "Didn't you just tell me to stay away from her a few weeks ago?" she asked incredulously.
"I was only thinking what's best for you, you know that," Kathryn defended, and, as much as it cost her to admit it, Regina knew she was telling the truth. "So, please, would you go to the games with me?"
"I don't know," Regina sighed, trying not to consider the alluring fact that she would actually get to see Emma if she relented.
"Please," Kathryn pleaded. "There's only so much gushing over Emma I can take from Ruby." Regina ignored the obvious pang of jealousy that Kathryn's comment caused.
"Fine." Regina conceded finally, causing Kathryn to smile widely. "But I don't want to talk about anything related to her."
"That's fine. So, I'll see you after I get back from Marcus Valerius? He only wishes to hand over his will for us to store in the temple, so it shouldn't take long."
"Sounds good." Regina nodded, secretly satisfied at the tentative reconciliation.
OuaTOuaTOuaTOuaT
The fight, that afternoon, was not what they had expected at all. There was something in the way Emma carried herself this time around that caught Regina's attention the moment the blonde stepped on the sand. There was a ferociousness to her movements that Regina had never witnessed before, and the Vestal involuntarily flinched when Emma delivered a particularly forceful blow – seemingly without caring about covering her bases for a possible counterattack.
Before, Emma's fighting had been graceful and smooth, her obvious talent with a sword coming forward. Now, there was no proper coordination; she just didn't think before attacking. The obvious rage practically oozed from her, and she took it out on her opponent who didn't stand a chance against the irate blonde.
A forceful blow sent the other fighter face first to the ground, and before he had a chance to get up on his feet again, Emma was hovering over him, punching him hard, over and over again. He was gone long before Emma stopped, and when she finally did, panting heavily, her hands and armour were covered in blood. Stepping away from the body sprawled on the sand, she grabbed the sword she had let go of earlier, but, unlike all those times before, didn't even bother raising the weapon as a sign for victory. The crowd was perplexed, since the fight had lacked all the special components that made Emma's battles so popular; they cheered wildly anyway, because she was still their favourite and one of the most victorious gladiators they had ever seen.
Regina watched, troubled, as the blonde exited the arena, the usual lightness in her step utterly lacking.
"What was that?" she heard Kathryn ask, but couldn't find the words to reply.
What they had seen was a gladiator who had nothing to live for anymore, but who wasn't quite ready to die yet either.
And that was why, after a rather long absence, Regina found herself at the bathhouse that evening. She still didn't know what she could say to Emma if the blonde happened to be there, but, somehow, she couldn't really stay away either. Gingerly, the Vestal slipped inside the building and immediately spotted the gladiator at her usual spot, an amphora of wine next to her.
"A private party?" Regina asked, slowly making her way towards the pool. Emma was unmistakably startled by the voice behind her, and she turned to look at Regina with eyes that were bloodshot and unnaturally clear from too much wine.
"What are you doing here?" Emma's tone was flat, uninterested.
"Would you care to explain what the heck it was that I witnessed earlier?" Regina asked disapprovingly and sat down on the edge, her feet submerged in the warm water.
"Winning. Isn't that what you people want to see?" Emma took another swig from the amphora.
"Today was the first time I truly saw a savage," Regina stated, eyeing the clearly drunk woman in disgust.
"Well, congratulations, Regina. I guess you were right all along!"
"You're pathetic."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me," Regina challenged. "What I witnessed at the arena today was pathetic and barbaric."
"Does it really matter how I get rid of my opponent? The outcome is always the same."
"Using brute force proves nothing. Just makes you look like an uncivilised animal."
"Well, too bad for me then."
"Just because the emperor refused the pardon doesn't-,"
"Oh, please! He can shove the pardon up his backside."
"That's a really mature attitude," Regina said sarcastically. "But what else would I expect from someone like you?"
"You mean from an undefeated fighter who everyone adores?" Emma said, but then added mockingly: "Well, apart from you, of course."
"You're pitiful," Regina spat out, utterly fed up with the way the other woman was acting, completely ambivalent about everything.
"For fuck's sake, I didn't come here to be insulted! I came here to drink and to be alone, but I guess that's too much to ask from your Highness." Emma got on her feet, only swaying a little.
"That's right, run from your problems," Regina taunted, watching as Emma emptied the amphora with a single gulp and dropped it on the floor. The brunette got up on her feet as well and looked at the blonde with disgust.
"Actually," Emma began, leaning forward and looking right at Regina. "I'm going to get laid."
Regina scowled at the crude expression. "Because that will solve absolutely everything."
"Care to find out?" A wink that, had Emma been sober, Regina could have actually considered cute, now only aggravated the Vestal more. Her nostrils flared in annoyance.
As Regina remained silent, Emma continued: "You know what they say about gladiators, don't you?" She was slurring only a little. "Our virtues, they extend well beyond the arena." She took a few steps forward, purposefully invading Regina's personal space and bringing their faces mere inches apart from each other. "As lovers, well, we are said to be ravenous beasts." Emma hammered home her point by raising her hand and sliding a finger slowly along Regina's jaw and then down her neck.
Regina swallowed hard, an involuntary shiver going down her spine. She could feel the warmth radiating from the other woman, the gladiator's breath caressing her lips, and, for a fraction of a second, Regina was sure she was actually going to lean in and taste the wine on the blonde's lips. But then her brain caught up with the rest of her, and with a forceful push Regina thrust the gladiator back a few paces and slapped her hard across the face.
"You disgust me right now," she ground out and brushed past the blonde, not looking back even when she heard what she assumed was the amphora hit the wall and probably shatter into hundreds of pieces.
OuaTOuaTOuaTOuaT
Regina hadn't been so enraged in a long time. The scene in the bathhouse had been playing on loop in her mind for nearly a week straight, and with every repeat, she became more and more annoyed. The rational part of her understood what had brought on the gladiator's behaviour, but it didn't mean she should ever forgive her for it. And if Regina solely concentrated on hating Emma, she didn't have to acknowledge the clear signs of arousal she had felt when Emma had stepped into her personal space and practically offered her services to her. Regina had been within moments of planting her lips on the blonde's, which definitely would have been considered crossing that fine line between 'somewhat dubious behaviour' and 'treason'.
No, it was Emma who had been utterly inappropriate in her conduct; no one was allowed to talk to a Vestal in such a manner. If the emperor found out, he would have her executed on the spot.
It didn't help that the current day had been a complete disaster anyway; there was no other way to describe it. Regina should've known things would not work out after she had gotten out of bed that morning and promptly dropped one of her rings through a small crack on the floor. At midday, she had performed a sacrifice in honour of goddess Vesta at a local marketplace, and, somehow, the knife she had used for slaughtering the sacrificial lamb had slipped. Never mind that such a mistake was bad luck anyway, but there was now an ugly, red stain of sheep blood on her white stola, a stain she was vehemently trying to scrub away with her fingers. It only made it worse, however.
Frustrated, she squeezed her hands into fists and counted to ten. Lately, she had been getting increasingly sloppy. Her thoughts were a mess, and the inability to concentrate properly was starting to affect her duties, which was unacceptable.
"Regina?"
Regina spun around and came face to face with the Chief Vestal.
"Do you have a moment?" Granny asked, her tone stern. Her eyes dropped to the front of Regina's stola and the glaring, red stain.
"Yes, of course." Regina self-consciously pulled the mantle more tightly around herself. She had an ominous feeling about the upcoming talk.
"I'm going to be frank with you, Priestess," Granny began, and Regina felt her heart drop. "While I am fully prepared to defend my girls against every unjustified slander and unfounded criticism, I will not allow any sort of inappropriate conduct within the walls of my temple."
"I understand." Regina nodded, not entirely sure where the older woman was coming from.
"You can imagine my surprise when I was at the Senate earlier and heard the most ridiculous rumour about one of the high priestesses of the empire."
"About me?" Regina asked incredulously.
"Indeed." Granny eyed her passively. "So, I am going to ask you this once, and whatever you tell me, I will believe and will stand by you. But if it later turns out that you lied, I will have no trouble throwing you to the dogs. Is that understood?"
"Yes," Regina said quietly.
Granny nodded, satisfied. "So, is there anything at all I should be aware of? And do think carefully before you answer."
Regina found herself standing up taller, her head held high. "No." She shook her head minutely. "There's nothing."
Granny studied the other woman for a moment, as if trying to assess the truth in her words. Finally, she sighed. "Very well."
Regina bowed her head, and The Chief Vestal turned on her heels and left the younger priestess alone with her thoughts. Regina truly hadn't done anything that could be considered a breach of her Vestal oath, but a small part of her felt like she had just outright lied to the highest Priestess in all the empire. Cold sweat appeared on her forehead as she attempted to figure out what exactly had happened to her life.
Outside the temple, Regina was still privately panicking when a messenger approached her. With a smile, he handed her a small curse tablet, the kind they used at the games, and walked away. At first, Regina assumed that someone had wanted to send her an anonymous hate letter for the butchered—no pun intended—sacrificial ceremony earlier. But as she read the two words, scribbled nearly illegibly on the surface of the tablet, she immediately knew who the sender was.
Me miseret. I'm sorry.
Regina inspected the pathetic chicken scratches before her and, despite everything, felt a warm feeling spread through her. When she thought about it, she wasn't entirely sure if anyone had ever actually apologised to her for their wrongdoings. That is why she begrudgingly found Emma's gesture rather heart-warming. The blonde's penmanship was terrible, though, and Regina realised that, of course, Emma likely didn't know how to write at all.
Cradling the tablet in her hands, Regina decided that the gladiator really should apologise to her in person, which was why, completely disregarding the earlier meeting with Granny, she headed to the bathhouse later that evening after a nearly week-long break. There was no other reason. Absolutely none.
As Regina had expected, Emma was sitting at the edge of the pool again, waiting. As she spotted Regina walking towards her, she smiled meekly.
"Don't worry, I'm sober this time," Emma began.
"Care to explain this?" Regina tossed the tablet on the ground between them. She crossed her arms above her chest and raised her eyebrows questioningly. The all-consuming rage she had felt for the past week still loomed in her mind.
"Oh, gods, there weren't any swear words in there, were there?" At Regina's perplexed look, Emma went on: "A friend of mine, he helped me with the writing. I mean, I can't write, obviously, and, oh gods, if he made me write profanities in it, I'll kill him," she rambled, clearly upset that she might have unknowingly aggravated the other woman further by scribbling something unacceptable on the tablet.
"There were no profanities." Regina let the blonde out of her misery. She slowly walked to the side of the pool, but remained standing, watching the flames of the torches reflect off the water's surface.
"Oh, good." Emma visibly relaxed. "Good. What I wanted...what I hope it said was that I'm sorry. And I want you to know that you were right."
"Oh?" Regina replied, still refusing to fully acknowledge the blonde.
"Yes. Your...your slap was quite a wakeup call. I needed that. I was...pathetic and barbaric that day."
"Indeed."
"Come on, Regina. Look at me," Emma said exasperatedly, splashing the water in frustration.
With her head held high, Regina finally turned and looked at the gladiator with an impassive face. "What do you want, Swan?"
"To apologise, for how I acted, and for you to forgive me. It seems like I'm always apologising to you, but...I genuinely mean it."
Regina narrowed her eyes. "What makes you think I will ever forgive you for talking to me so offensively and acting the way you did?"
"Because I would hate to never see you again, knowing that I didn't have your forgiveness," Emma said fervently.
"What?" Regina's annoyance at the other woman faltered momentarily.
"I'm going to go, Regina."
"What are you talking about?" Regina frowned, her earlier irritation suddenly forgotten.
"I'm trapped here, Regina. It doesn't matter how I fight, the result will always be the same. If I happen to lose a battle and don't die, there is no way the emperor and Gold would let me go even then. They know what I'm capable of at the arena. Gold would lose an enormous investment, and the emperor, well, he wants to keep the crowds happy. "Emma looked defeated. "Fleeing the city is the only way. Otherwise, I'll go insane."
"When are you leaving?" the Vestal asked, her voice quivering just a little, and she hated herself for it. Regina knew this day would eventually come, when they would be pulled apart one way or another. She just didn't expect it to happen quite so suddenly.
"I don't know yet, probably in a few weeks. I need a plan of some sort; if I just run, they'll catch me before I even reach the city gates. I also need to gather some supplies before I can even entertain the idea of running away."
"Right." Regina nodded placidly, but the feeling of hopelessness in her heart was impossible to ignore.
"I hope I can trust you," Emma continued, looking uncertain. "I understand that the word of a Vestal is valued higher than that of most people, so you now actually have the possibility to squash me like an insect."
"I won't tell anyone," Regina said quietly and truly meant it. She could destroy the other woman completely with the information she had, and only months before, she wouldn't have thought twice about doing just that. But now, Regina noted in wonder, the thought wouldn't have even crossed her mind.
"Thank you."
"Will I... Will I see you before you go?" She tried to sound ambivalent about it, but the slight desperation was transparent in Regina's voice.
"If you want to." Emma's face lit up.
"You know, just to make sure you're really going. Who knows how flimsy you northerners are?" Regina shrugged. "So, I am only going to confirm that you're leaving."
"Wouldn't have it any other way." Emma chuckled. "I'll send a message, when I know the details for certain."
"All right."
A silence fell between them, both eyeing the other uncertainly.
"I'll miss this, you know," Emma finally stated, smiling.
"What's that exactly? You apologising to me? Visiting a random bathhouse in the middle of the night?"
Emma laughed out loud then. "Exactly that; you being, well, you."
"You're strange." Regina snorted, but a pleased blush crept up her cheeks.
"We could play one more game of dice," the blonde suggested, fetching the dice out of her pocket.
Regina pursed her lips. "Well, I suppose it would be rather poetic; those damn things got us into this mess in the first place." She sat down and tried to ignore why she suddenly felt wonderfully placid.
"I have to say, Regina, you hitting me really hurt." Emma shook her head, subconsciously raising a hand to her cheek.
"I'm stronger than I look."
"I certainly can account to that."
Regina won the game easily, and Emma laughed heartily at the pleased look on the Vestal's face.
OuaTOuaTOuaTOuaT
Thinking about Emma's decision to become a fugitive and to, essentially, flip the finger at Gold and the emperor of the mighty Roman Empire, had Regina on edge for several days afterwards. It's not that she didn't understand why Emma was going to run, she just found it incomprehensible that the blonde was brave—or perhaps stupid—enough to attempt it.
Regina also needed to come to grips with the fact that she apparently cared enough about Emma to feel something akin to sadness when she thought of never seeing the other woman again. If she did see Emma again, it would only be after the blonde's capture, at the arena when she was executed for escaping her duty. And that, she knew, she couldn't dare contemplate. Regina had come accustomed to the company of Emma, and, during the days when they didn't meet, Regina constantly found herself wondering when the next time might be. All of these thoughts distressed her greatly, because caring about someone else made her weak and vulnerable. And if there was something Regina didn't do, it was feeling weak or vulnerable.
Another problem was her work, it was starting to suffer, and that was something people would notice sooner or later.
Regina was so preoccupied with her own thoughts that she didn't even see it at first. The small note folded neatly and placed upon her pillow. Confused, she stared at it, an ominous feeling seeping into her consciousness with every passing moment. She noticed, annoyed, that her fingers trembled as she reached for the piece of papyrus and carefully picked it up. She glanced around her, as if the culprit would still be in the vicinity, and hurriedly closed the latch of the window, just in case.
The note, as she unfolded it, only held one word. Ludia. Whore.
Her breath got stuck in her throat, the note falling to the floor, and she had to swallow several times in order to get her breathing under control again. The trembling of her fingers increased as she bent over to scoop up the piece of paper, reading it several times to make sure she hadn't misread it the first time. Bold, black letters stared back at her, mockingly, making an accusation of something she wasn't even guilty of – at least in theory.
As the panic finally subsided, Regina sprang into action, stepping out of her room and half running to Kathryn's door. Not even bothering to knock, she frantically barged right in. Kathryn was sitting at the vanity, brushing her golden locks, her eyes widening as she saw Regina's furious gaze reflected in the mirror.
"Regina?" Kathryn frowned.
Regina closed the door firmly behind her before speaking. "Did you write this?" She held up the note.
"Write what?" The blonde turned to look at her in confusion.
"This." She took a few steps forward and thrust the piece of paper towards the other Vestal.
Kathryn pressed a hand against her mouth in shock when she saw the word written on it. Eyes wide, she looked up at Regina. "Why would I have written something so awful?"
Regina lowered her voice. "Because you are the only one who knows that I've been talking to you-know-who!"
"Regina, I would never do something like this," Kathryn defended herself, standing up. "You might not consider me as your friend, but you are mine. And I would never do something like this to a friend."
Regina saw the sincerity in the other Vestal's eyes, her anger gradually evaporating. Her shoulders sagged, and she let out a defeated sigh. "I know," she admitted, rubbing her face tiredly.
"Are you sure no one has ever seen you anywhere with her?"
"Yes. Apart from that incident outside the arena all those months ago, all our conversations have been in private."
"Just how many times have you met her?" Kathryn asked warily. The silence from Regina said it all, really. "Regina, you know what will happen if this gets out. It doesn't matter if you've actually done anything or not. It'll look bad, regardless of what way you look at it."
"Yes, I am aware of that!" Regina retorted and began pacing the floor.
"I think your best option is to simply wait it out," Kathryn said. "There's nothing you can do before you know for certain who that note is from."
"This is a disaster," Regina muttered, still walking back and forth. "Why would I throw everything away over someone like her? I don't even like her!"
"Are you sure about that?" Kathryn asked, tilting her head to the side in question.
"You are kidding, aren't you?" Regina came to a halt, peering intently at the blonde. "She's a gladiator! A slave, a goddamn barbarian! She's the last person I would actually like." The last bit was spat out in disgust.
"And yet, here we are," Kathryn noted softly. "It wouldn't be the first time it happened to a Roman woman."
"Kathryn." Regina's tone held a warning. "For the last time, there is nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, between that savage and I. I am a Vestal!"
"Okay." Kathryn relented. "But you still need to figure out what to do with this...situation."
"You're right; I need to know who sent the note. I need to wait this out."
"I've said it before, but be careful."
Regina nodded slightly and walked to the door. Just before leaving she turned her head to the side, not quite able to look at the blonde. "I'm...sorry," she mumbled, clearly uncomfortable. "About before, about suspecting you."
"Already forgotten."