Clare's Pov

The bell rang as she was finishing the last touches on her makeup for the date that evening as she moved towards the door expecting him to be standing there. However, Fiona stood in the waning light of the day with a slight smile upon her lips holding an envelope from her fingertips towards Clare.

"Hey, Fiona what brings you to this neighborhood?". She asked softly as the letter was settled among her hands with a soft but firm pat of Fiona's own hands.

"Please read this with an open mind, and except the apologies that come from this all when you realize the account on them. I... I hope that You can keep an open mind once the words sink in and if you can't well that's accepted to. However, I would hope that You can forgive us some day.". Fiona said sadly before she turned to walk back down the steps towards her car quickly, not even allowing Clare to call her back. Somehow she knew what was going to be in the envelope and sighed, pushing the door closed with a little frown.

…...

She almost didn't hear the doorbell it rang a second time in the space of an hour as she sat staring down at the letter in her hands. When she didn't move to answer it, the knowing click of a key in the lock could be heard as she spotted Eli entering the house quietly with a look of concern. He stopped quickly as his eyes fell to the letter in her hands before he moved forward to sit opposite of her.

"I see you got yours as well...". He trailed off before patting the pocket of his blazer gently. "I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty dim isn't it?".

Clare lowered her gaze back to the paper as one tear rolled down her cheek to blot the words. It hadn't occurred to her before now that in this small universe of hurt that he was an occupant as well. She hadn't allowed this train of through in such a long time that it was going to take some reassurance in her mind.

"Yes.. Yes, It's horrible. For the longest time I blamed myself for some unknown wrong that I may have done to you on the last visit. All that I remember after coming home from the funeral was that You wouldn't take my calls and all the emails that I sent came back undeliverable. After a while even Adam wouldn't speak to me and that was the worst to know that I lost both the person I loved the most and my best friend. It makes sense now to me having the answers here.". She whispered almost inaudibly.

She waved of his attempt at handing her a tissue as she sighed harshly as a laugh escaped her parted lips.

"I blamed myself for the longest time for things that were so ludicrous that even now make me furious. I thought... felt that maybe I was being so insensitive to you because I knew work was going to be heavy for you that week I was here. I should have rescheduled it all, yet you were trying to be accommodating. Yet, no it wasn't me at all but the girl who once talked you into throwing away medication you needed and to write a play about a cultist girl's love. Ugh...".

His hand slid across the table to grasp her empty one gently squeezing it to lend her some of his strength. Her blue eyes lifted from the words in front of her to meet the green ones watching her intently waiting for her to speak.

"I'm so sorry, for everything. I was upset that weekend yes, but I knew it couldn't be helped that You were doing what You loved so much...". She sniffed quietly attempting to explain the images in her mind as best she could. "I may have said something that in the wrong mind as being tired of certain things, but I wouldn't have ever wrote an email to break something off. That is such a cowardly way to let someone go, regardless if that was the farthest thing I would want. I went to sleep much of those years dreaming of a wedding, and children.".

"Clare, You have nothing to be apologetic for. In this whole wrong of wrongs there is one person whom did nothing at all but seems to have taken the blame, you. I want to get that across to you before anything else is spoken about, you deserve to be the judgment here not myself. She took it upon herself to tear us apart and I chose to believe something that now I wouldn't have even blinked if I received, but then I was so stressed with the world going on and I couldn't barely breathe let alone take care of you.". Eli breathed softly allowing his fingertips to brush against her wrist with just the barest of touches. She watched carefully not giving anything away in her face but her breathing hitched just for a second giving away everything in just seconds.

"We were both robbed of our future, and that to me is unforgivable in so many ways but I've learned to forgive much more as I grow older. However, with her this is just another thing she's done to me even without knowing me... I did nothing wrong ever to her except be someone in your mind that she didn't like.".

"Clare, I can explain that without even knowing what is in your letter. I think that there was something there where she believed that I wanted her. Perhaps I shouldn't have led her on when I began to write the play, or kiss her one night but that kernel of denial began to grow within her. You were the block in me that made her upset, and I was the shadow that was always out of reach. Perhaps had I turned to her after the whole thing went down it would have been different but I turned in myself and began to work, and write and didn't go out and date like she wished. So, she lost double because I didn't want anyone else, just you.".

Words, like images began to trickle down that slippery slope of memory bringing her back to that girl of sixteen standing in the club before the only boy whom she loved and understood her.

Did You erase me from your memory...

Shaking herself back to the present time as she sat in front of the one she screamed at that one spring after the world dropped away. Not the insecure girl she once was sighed and shook her head sadly back at the man in front of her.

"I almost ended it all, you know, after... after one of your friends came back to visit Toronto and confronted me. Blamed me for all of your troubles and really, this was the first time I knew anything... anything about what went on. I had accepted that perhaps I had pressed too hard on you and that you wanted time for yourself... but.. but... No, he told me that I was a heartless bitch for doing something to you. Granted, He didn't know I was already depressed because I believed I HAD did something to you.". She whispered and glanced down quickly, fingers brushing over the two faint scars that ran along the vein. She glanced up quickly as his eyes followed the movements of her hand, eyes widening in realization.

"Oh... No, Clare.".

She nodded quickly brushing the curls that fell into her line of sight, blushing slightly as she looked at him with an honest gaze. If this was going to be the time to be honest, it was going to be everything out in the open now before she opened her heart again. Even if it broke him, she would tell him the things that were kept secret.

"I do have one confession that I kept from everyone, but I shouldn't have kept from you. I took something back with me when I left New York, even if I hadn't expected it. Even my mother doesn't know, or I was planning on letting her know if...". She stopped and threw the paper off the table, palms pressed against the hardwood as her eyes met his again. "The last night I was there... um.. when we...". She couldn't finish but started to quietly weep as her head lowered, covering her face from view.

…...

Eli's Pov

He sat in stunned silence as she began to break down in front of him in that dining room. This wasn't what he wanted to do at all when he came back to Toronto. In fact, he had thought it would be a quick weekend and now it was beginning to change for him in more ways that he cared to admit. After finding that the last years of his life were just a lie from someone who had wanted him for themselves and now the woman he wanted was here hurting as much as he did infuriated him again. His eyes flickered down to her wrists before turning to see her blue eyes grow cloudy again.

"Take Your time, we have as long as You need to speak Clare,". He murmured in a soft, low voice lending her all the strength she needed.

She nodded towards him as she began to speak again, "I came back from the trip and really was thrown a loop when mom picked me up telling me what was going on. I tried.. tried to get a hold of you but I remembered you had that class so I figured that later would be okay. Then it turned bad with grandma and lost track of time. One week and then another went by before I noticed and when I didn't get anything from You, it was a crushing blow. I tried, and tried to call you with no success and when I got in touch with Adam something was off, but I explained what was going on here he understood. However, he would shut down when it came to you so I let it go, and even then I spoke to him once. I started to get sick, but I kept it from everyone and let them grieve as I was wont to do, but then I realized what was going on. Silly me, so silly.".

Something in him clicked as he listened to her speak, but not come outright and tell him the words she wanted to. He wanted to demand she say it to him, but kept the silence as she began to fidget in the chair.

"I realized that I was pregnant in those weeks we watched as my grandmother fought to stay alive, and the heartsick foolish girl that I was kept it from everyone. Only when I began to get sick in the mornings did I stop to realize that after I came home that something didn't come when it should have. Once I took a test and really confirmed it was when I tried harder to get a message to you, but then came the morning that I was outside the hospital and ran into the friend from school of yours. I guess the stress from everything raveling down around me caused a miscarriage and then came the cutting. The idea of the baby kept me from every bad idea that had run through me.".

"Baby, What?". He stuttered watching her look up finally for the first time.

Clare frowned at his tone, but kept on talking even as he began to fret uncomfortably hearing her confession. "It was one of the reasons I was trying to get a hold of you so badly, but when no one there would help. I should have said something more than I did, I realize now but I couldn't admit it to anyone. The baby while unplanned and would have broken my mother's heart, I loved it.". Her eyes drifted to her fingers as they clenched and unclenched rhythmically in time with the beats of her heart.

Eli sat in stunned silence for several seconds after she finished talking, the only sound in the house came from the fan that slowly turned above them. His green eyes widened as his mind finally came to the same conclusion that his heart was already feeling, heartbreak for the girl sitting in front of him now. The rage began to build again towards Imogen for something that she may not have known would happen, but the consequences for her decision was now coming home after all these years. To hear that he could have had a carbon copy of Clare in his life made him just that more determined that she had to hear the pain she caused, regardless of the hurt it would give her. For a woman, his mother had always said to him, to be alone and pregnant was akin to being lost in crowd when there was no one there to help him.

"I.. I should have come up to New York after.. after it happened to let you know.". She continued quietly as her eyes lifted slightly under the curls to meet his with a soft unsteady inhale of breath. "You can be upset with me if it makes you feel better, because for a while there I believed I did something that caused the baby to die, but the doctor said that it just wasn't viable.".

His hands slide back across the table taking hers gently into his trying hard to keep his anger in check so that she didn't believe it was towards her, because it wasn't. Fate, it seems had drawn them a bad hand but perhaps this could change.

"You have nothing to be ashamed about and I wouldn't blame you for a second in any of this. I wish that I had dropped it all and came back here to demand you tell me what was in the email to my face and perhaps this wouldn't have happened and it could have been very different now, just think You'd had have an almost teenager who could be causing you stress. Clare, things happen and while I'll grieve over what happened now I know and I understand why You are the way You are now because of the world crumbling around you. Believe me when I say that I know the feeling more than you can ever know. I know that I have no right to ask this of you but, how did you feel about the baby? You said You loved it, but would you have kept her or him?". He asked softly, his eyes locked with hers.

She nodded towards him with a slight, almost undetectable smile but he caught it as quick as it flickered across her pale skin. That fluttering of hope began to build in him much like the days when all he had to do was look at her to know it was right in the world, even if it still was a mess.

"Thank You". He whispered again, his fingers still lingering over hers gently as the slight touch was still electric.

"Eli, I want you to know something and You can disagree with me on this. While... While I'm very upset at the lengths that she would go to get you and it pains me to know that her lies caused both of us to lose more that she would ever know, I'm going to forgive her. It may seem like I'm foolish for not going out there and beating her senseless and I DO feel like doing that anyway, it's just not me. I'll forever hold a spot in my heart that feels pity for her but strangely I won't give her the power to control any aspect of my life.". She said with a nod, brushing her fingertips against the delicate planes of her cheeks wiping the tears away.

"You always were the better man than I". he mused aloud causing her to chuckle ever so softly, but her eyes still held the deep seated pain that he knew wouldn't go away with just a conversation. "I won't pretend to not be upset that this turn of events, and when I say upset it's not even that! I'm furious! Why would a friend do this to someone they claimed to love, or even want. To find a way to hurt them so deep and leave lasting scars.. erm, figuratively and apparently literally is beyond the scope of being. Hell, I'm an author and I wouldn't have come up with something as fucked as this. I spoke to Fiona when she gave me the letter and she reminded me that we shouldn't judge ourselves as we did during school years. I find that I now have to speak to her about the hurt that's gone on, you don't mind if I share what you told me just to make her understand. I want your approval, because it's your story as much as it's mine now.".

"If it helps then yes, but all means please share it, but I wanted you to know because I felt it was time to come clean about it all. I know that I alluded to it when I wrote, but at the time it helped me get over the guilt I carried and there was so much of that. The therapist told me that if I could write about the whole incident that it may allow me to overcome what I felt that I did, even if it wasn't really my fault. When the book came out, it did take away the feeling that I had somehow neglected something when I know now I didn't. It wasn't the right time for me to bring another person into the world. Perhaps sometime I will get that chance again, and if not then perhaps I may get the chance to be an aunt and give that child the love I have.".

Eli hadn't even remembered how he knew that it was her words when he spotted the book in the store that one summer morning. Yet, the moment he read the jacket the story that arose was one that hit against the wall he built quickly, and in that second he knew it was her. It wasn't a long read by any stretch of the imagination but it was one he recognized, but chose to not reach out. By then he had hardened his heart towards her, and this only made him realize that she was as damaged as he was.

…...

They never made it to the dinner that he had planned for them, but in the end it had been worth it to just sit and talk about some of the things that needed to be discussed at greater length. No one could ever accuse Elijah Goldsworthy of not being smart enough to know when it was a good time to listen to woman. Clare had a lot to say about any topic that had come to both of their minds and it still amazed him that she could keep up with him on deep topics.

What did surprise him that was she still kept to those long held traditions imposed upon her from childhood. It could have been his guilt deep inside that remembered one of the biggest promises that had been the one she wanted to keep till marriage, but teenage hormones and the thought of forever had broken that. Perhaps he could have told her during the hours they spent together he had kept one thing of theirs that probably meant the most to her, that small silver ring with true love waits etched upon it's smooth surface. True love had waited for them, but froze the time he thought to himself as he watched her mouth move with a laugh.

"...and then Adam begged her to come back.". Clare laughed softly

as her hands waved to mimic something as he was brought back into the conversation with a flicker of an eye.

"Clare, Can I ask you a question and You don't have to answer it, but I have to know?". He asked quietly, suddenly sobering up as his eyes locked with hers.

"You needn't ask to ask. Just go for it.". She said sweetly, brushing back a stray curl as she smiled shyly towards him.

"Can you forgive me?". His eyes lifted slightly to stare at her with a naked need in them for something that he couldn't quite put into words at the moment, but hoped she would catch on.

"There never was anything to apologize for, as far as I'm concerned when it comes to You, Elijah. When I came home from that weekend I felt as if I came up there and bothered you, even if you choose to say I didn't, I knew. If I hadn't insisted that I needed to see you perhaps this could have been prevented, or at least avoided. When you can see the forest for the trees you tend to overlook small, but potentially significant things and it happened for me. The want to see you overrode the pride of knowing that you were doing something important and yet, I chose to come there and try to take your time. At least it didn't derail you, ah that I know, because I followed your work in college and afterward from a distance.". She winked quickly as her smile curved into a warm smile.

He blinked several times at her confession and began to laugh deeply, feeling the muscles of his chest contract as her smile. This woman still knows that she can effect me like no one else and that was priceless to him.

"Stalker much?". He said smugly the smirk sliding onto his face as she began to laugh.

"Absolutely!". She replied with a giggle.

"Clare, regardless of what's happened to both of us know that I've cherished all the times we spent together and if by some small miracle and your approval, of course, we should want to pick back up and start anew I would make it up to you.".

His breath stilled as her eyes widened with the realization of his words, her face took on a pensive look that started to build the panic within the confines of his mind. What if she never wanted to have anything to do with him, sure it would break the hope within him but he'd been alone for so long now what was eternity?

…...

Clare's Pov

She hadn't been expecting that question from him this evening, if not ever but she had been pleased to hear it. Some would, ali, question why she would ever want to get back into a relationship with him but she had never stopped loving him and therefor would have been alone forever. Sadly most people never understood why she couldn't move on and find someone else to make her heart happy, but when you found the love of your life it was hard to think of anything else. While she was happy to hear the question her mother hadn't raised a fool and therefor she wasn't going to show just how eager the feeling was within.

Do you think we could ever pick up where we left off?

Her memories flashed back to the day of her junior year when the boy, no man, in front of her asked the same question to her in that little garden. Then she was unsure and afraid to take the same path that had caused her both the greatest highs and lowest lows. However, she couldn't say the same for this moment in her life.

"Do you truly mean this, I mean, pick up as friends... or more?". She asked cautiously as her blue eyes slid over his with a meaningful look that seemed to raise the smirk on his lips.

"Take it however You wish to take it for now. If you want to slow it down and reacquaint yourself with this specimen of wonder then so be it.". He said playfully the smirk still upon his lips as she laughed low in her throat finally being able to relax with him in the same room.

"I... I... I think it would best to take it slow and get to know you again and then let it go from there. I'm afraid I am set in my ways as an old maid and you may not want to deal with my persnickety nature.". She mused softly with another laugh on her lips.

"Then Madame, we shall do as You wish.". Eli stated with a definitive nod as he glanced down at his watch and sighed, "Far too late for dinner it seems, but I did decide that it would be far more proper if I stayed in a hotel so on my travels I booked one. I'm going to get my clothes and head on over there so you can get some rest, it's been a long day I'm sure. For tomorrow night brings much revelry. Shall I pick you up then Milady?". He asked ever so formally she had to laugh. She nodded and watched as he stood from the table but not leaving before kissing her hand gently.

"You don't have to go, I mean, I do have the empty room and all.". She said uneasily as he began to move into the hallway which made him stop and sigh wearily.

"No, Clare this is the right thing to do. Mostly because I know the people whom surround you and they would be up in arms about it and mostly because when it comes to you, I don't trust myself.". He said with a wink disappearing into the hallway as he began to whistle. She was left with her own thoughts as he left soon after but not before promising to whisk her away the following evening.

…...