The Talk and THE Talk

I woke up the next morning in my bed. I don't remember falling asleep and I don't remember being moved but I was sure Edward had something to do with it. I could hear chatter coming from the other room as Esme walked through my door.

"Would you like some help again this morning?"

"Thank you, Esme."

I was getting used to her carrying me to the toilet and placing a stool under my legs so I wouldn't tip, then patiently waiting outside the door. Next, she would hold me horizontal while Rosalie washed my hair, then I would be given privacy again to take a sponge bath.

The part I dreaded the most was when Alice would appear to get me dressed.

"Let me see," Alice's musical voice mused as she looked me over. "You look like you are in a green mood today." She headed to the closet.

"What does that even mean, Alice?"

"Green means renewal, and health, so you look green today," she answered. "Plus the cute yellow bra and panty set will be stunning with it."

"Do any of you have x-ray vision?" I suddenly wondered if Elizabeth hadn't told me everything about their powers.

"No, Bella, but you will know what is under your clothes. It will give you a certainjoie de vivre."

"I don't speak vampire," I said exhausted.

"It's French silly, it means living life to the fullest."

"I don't think yellow panties will counteract the fact I can't move my legs," I groaned.

Alice suddenly turned very sad. "I'm sorry Bella; this can't be fun for you. Here we are all thrilled to be together as a family and seeing Edward finally happy, and you are suffering. Our excitement must be torturous for you."

At the sight of tears welling up in my eyes Alice gasped and rushed to my side to embrace me in a tight hug. "Shhhhhh," she coaxed. "Don't cry it will ruin the whole look of your outfit."

I couldn't help but turn my sobs into laughter. Only Alice would see crying as a fashion faux pas.

Rosalie returned to my room at that moment and looked hesitantly at me and Alice.

"Edward will rip your tiny arms off if you keep making her cry," she said as a matter of fact to Alice. She walked closer and handed me a yogurt and spoon. "We're spending the day on the boat so dress her in something appropriate."

I just sighed.

I was finally carried to the chaise dressed in a swimsuit and some weird towel looking thing attached by Velcro. I found Edward there waiting for me. He smiled from ear to ear when I looked at him. "Good morning, beautiful."

I snuggled up close to him and whispered in his ear, "For the love of God if you have any feelings for me at all please change me now!"

"ALICE," he roared! I could hear light musical laughter but it sounded very far away.

"I'm sorry; my family can be a bit much."

"Ya think! I can't even escape your mother from a hundred years ago."

It was his turn to nestle into my ear and speak. "I remembered something else about my mother."

I smiled encouragingly as his eyes lit up.

"I remember my mother teaching me to dance."

"Yes," I giggled. "It was something every proper mother did for her son. She wants me to tell Esme how much she appreciates her for continuing to teach you as the times changed."

"When your legs are healed I want to dance with you." He ran a lone finger across my exposed skin above my cast. I shivered in response.

"You are going to be sadly disappointed," I informed him. "My mother never taught me to dance."

I probably shouldn't have said it that way. Renee would have loved for me to take an interest in dancing. I could have attended the many seedy clubs with her learning the latest line dances, where the dark lighting would have made us appear as sisters instead of mother and daughter.

"Good, it is something I can teach you."

"It's going to require a lot of patience on your part. I am not too coordinated."

"It is the least I can do since you show me so much patience. Besides, holding you in my arms is torture I would want for eternity."

"How do you always come up with such romantic things to say?" I pulled him in for a kiss.

He moaned as he descended on my mouth. I was immediately overcome by such love for this man. I fisted my hands into his hair trying to pull him closer to me. We were quickly getting out of control; pawing at each other and pulling on clothing when someone cleared their throat.

"Man, does an alarm go off or something when I touch you!" I complained as I tried to catch my breath.

We looked up to see Rosalie standing with her arms crossed in front of her.

"Are you guys coming?"

"I don't think I should go on the boat, Edward. Can I just sit in a hammock and draw or something?"

"Whatever you want," Edward said as he kissed my nose.

Rosalie stuck her finger in her mouth, as if to vomit, mocking us.

"Can Rosalie carry me?" My voice shook as I formed the words. Both Edward and Rosalie stared at me in disbelief. "I would like to talk to her alone," I added.

"Edward," she said. "Go ahead; I will bring a jet ski out to meet you. Go far enough away that you can't hear us talk."

He walked to the door and turned back to give Rosalie a warning glare. She waved her hand in the air to brush him off and sat down on the couch next to me.

I went to speak but she raised a finger motioning for me to wait. We listened for several minutes as the sound of the boat's engine got more and more faint.

Finally she turned to me, "What?"

She was sure blunt and got right to the point. I swallowed loudly and tried to sound unaffected.

"I wanted to talk to you about…. your feelings regarding…you know….what Carlisle did….about making you….you know?"

"Vampire, Bella. I've heard you use the word."

"Yeah, Vampire," I could feel my face turning red and I felt like an awkward child.

She didn't respond so I quickly lifted my head to look at her. I could tell she was deep in thought, choosing her words carefully.

"Bella, you might actually be the only one to understand what I am going to say." She eyed me suspiciously. "The others think I wanted to die because of what happened to me, but that is not entirely true."

For some reason I began to feel strangely connected to Rosalie. She saw a little of herself in me, I couldn't fathom what it could possibly be, but there was something that made her think I could understand.

"My entire life revolved around my looks. I was taught from a young age that it was not just my greatest asset but my only asset. I worried season after season if I was wearing the right clothing or the newest styles. Can you imagine being in constant fear that someone would see you not at your best? That even a tiny blemish would cause you to hide away for days?"

I was never a vain person and I felt sorry for Rosalie as she explained her life. I always thought pretty girls had it easy.

"When I was betrayed by my…." Her hands pulled into tight fists. "Well, I won't even speak his name. I was left for dead and a sense of relief came over me. I didn't have to worry about my looks ever again. It didn't matter if I was lying there dirty and bleeding. It was all going to be over."

She looked far away as she remembered that night. "Carlisle is just as guilty of being blinded by my looks as other men. He saw many women near death. He changed me because he didn't think someone so beautiful should die. He was sure Edward would want me."

She looked back at me when she mentioned Edward's name. I nodded letting her know Elizabeth told me this part of Edward's story.

"The torture of my existence continued on when I became a vampire. Not only was I still attracting attention because of my looks, but now I couldn't get the recognition for it that I craved. I can't ever be the homecoming queen, or the most popular girl, or America's Next Top Model." She chuckled at her own joke. "Styles continue to change and I continue to worry about how I look or what I wear. And the worst part was the man I was changed for rejected me."

I noticed how her eyes flashed with rage. Could she possibly still be mad at Edward for what happened so long ago… and what about Emmett?

"I didn't want Carlisle to save me. I wanted it to be over. Now I am stuck for eternity with my vanity and pride."

"Do you love Emmett?" I asked quietly.

She looked at me and smiled, "Yes, totally and completely."

"Aren't you glad you were changed to be with him?"

"I am sure you can see how wonderful Emmett is. He would have died from that bear attack, or if it was his destiny to be a vampire he would have found someone else to love."

"No, Rose, you're wrong." I suddenly became very animated. "You should see Emmett when he talks about you. He wouldn't even want to exist without you."

She just smiled, obviously not taking me seriously.

"Rosalie?" I was trying to screw in my courage to say what I wanted to say. "A lot of men are attracted to a woman for her beauty, but if her personality is such a turn off it isn't worth it."

"Are you trying to tell me I'm not worth Emmett's love?"

"No, I'm trying to say there is more to you than just your beauty and Emmett sees that. I am sure many people wouldn't understand my attraction to Edward because of his personality."

Rosalie looked taken aback for a moment and suddenly doubled over in laughter. I had never seen her do more than smile courteously before and seeing her laugh took my breath away. She was more than beautiful, she was stunning.

"Oh Bella, you have no idea how much joy you just brought to me?" She continued to laugh hardily.

I finally interrupted her amusement. "Why did you think I would be able to understand your feelings better than anyone else?"

"Because you chose to shoot yourself, so there must have been something that made you want everything to just end."

I nodded to her, "I didn't feel like I fit into this world. It felt like I was off somehow but I couldn't put my finger on it. I now believe I felt that way so I would be willing to accept Edward. Elizabeth said she waited a long time for me. I believe I am part of some bigger plan I guess. I also believe you and Emmett are too."

She came over to me and I thought she was going to lift me up but instead she pulled me into a tight hug. "See, I'm not so scary am I?"

"Sorry Rosalie, but you still scare the shit out of me!"

"As it should be," she said with a wink. "Are you ready to get some sun?"

"Yeah, it's sad that you can't tell where my skin ends and my casts begin. I am just one extremely white blob."

"You're preaching to the choir my dear."

She easily picked me up and carried me to the hammock closest to the beach. Edward had already brought out my drawing supplies and a fresh pad of paper.

I watched as her perfect figure headed out into the water on the Jet Ski. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that Edward didn't want her, but did want me. It didn't make any sense at all.

I just had enough time to open my drawing pad and choose which charcoal I wanted when I heard the Jet Ski coming closer to shore. I looked up to see Edward, his beautiful body sparkling and his muscles flexing as he navigated the machine toward me.

He pulled the piece of equipment effortlessly onto the sand and walked my way, smiling as he tried to move his wet hair out of his eyes. His swimming trunks were hugging his body tightly and I couldn't help but look him up and down as he approached.

"You're still alive," he teased.

"She's really not that scary, ya know."

"Liar," he laughed.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked seriously. I held up the sunscreen and leaned forward as I unhooked the Velcro.

He took it from my hand and squeezed a little into his palm. Then lifted my arm and began slowly working the lotion into my skin. His cold hand felt heavenly on my hot arm so I laid back and closed my eyes.

"Mmmm…. you seemed to have lost your abhorrence for the feel of my skin."

"What are you talking about, Bella?" He continued making slow circles down my arm.

"The last time you did this for me it took you all of two seconds."

I heard him tisk in disgust and then he pulled me into a sitting position.

I was about to complain like a two year old, but I saw what was he was planning. He wrapped a towel around his waist and climbed onto the hammock behind me. The towel didn't keep me from getting somewhat damp, but it lessened the shock of his cold wet suit against my hot back.

I lay back against his chest and sighed softly.

"Let me try to do it right this time," he whispered in my ear.

My head fell back onto his shoulder as he gently rubbed lotion on my neck slowly making his way down my shoulders. I was so relaxed and lost in the mesmerizing patterns he was making on my body. He moved his hands to my stomach letting his fingers lightly dance on my sensitive skin. My heart began racing and my breathing became labored.

I felt his thumb move very hesitantly under my swimsuit top just about a quarter of an inch. It ran back and forth just under the rim of the suit. His mouth began lightly kissing my shoulder and I felt like I was going to explode.

I began mentally cursing my stupid casts that made it impossible for me to turn and lay on top of him. I wanted to feel him beneath me as his cold hands moved along my back.

At that moment his little finger began ghosting along the waist of my bikini bottoms. That was it; I was going to tear these casts off with my bare hands if I had to.

"Edward," I called out in frustration.

"Yessss," he drew out in my ear.

"I need you."

"I'm right here, Love."

"No, I need you." I could hardly talk; my words were coming out in breathy gasps.

He moved slightly to the side and pulled my lips to his. That only increased my frustration. I pulled viscously at his hair causing him to increase his pace as he kissed his way down my throat. I twisted my body as much as I could, as I tried to face him. He lifted me easily, as he pulled me over his leg, so he could now lie completely against my side.

He returned to my mouth as his right hand moved directly to my breast. I placed my hand over his encouraging him to continue when I heard a growl begin. I felt his chest rumble above me as it grew in intensity.

He suddenly jumped off the hammock away from me as if he had been burned. He leaned over putting his hands on his knees and began shaking his head to clear his mind.

I grabbed the edges of the hammock to keep from flipping over as it rocked dangerously. When I finally calmed down enough to speak I looked around for his family. "Isn't this where someone usually comes to save us from ourselves?" I laughed.

Edward turned his head toward me but remained bent over. His eyes were completely black and his lips were pulled back slightly over his teeth. I held perfectly still, desperately trying not to breathe. This was the first time I was actually afraid of Edward.

He shook his head a couple of more times and his eyes began to slowly return to their golden color. He finally stood erect and turned his back to me facing the ocean.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to comfort him. I needed to talk to Esme, but more importantly I didn't want him to know how terrified I was at that moment.

He finally began running his hands through his hair and blew out a long breath. Without turning around he asked, "Will you be alright here alone? It won't be long."

"Sure," I tried to sound casual. "I'll just draw for awhile."

He headed off down the shoreline moving so fast I couldn't see him for long.

My hands were shaking badly, either from fear or excitement, or maybe both. I knew this couldn't go on much longer. He was going to have to change me if we wanted to continue moving forward in a relationship. The only question left was if I felt ready. I wasn't sure.

I understood that my love for Edward would be set at this level if I changed now. I would spend eternity trying to satiate my desire for him. It would never wane or decrease. Just those very thoughts made me want to change immediately. I knew I needed to be more levelheaded than that.

After half an hour I heard someone walking up behind me. I tried to twist around to see who it was but I had no idea until I heard him speak. "Hello, Bella."

It was Jasper. He was not supposed to be alone with me and I felt a jolt of fear run through my body. He was the only Cullen who still struggled with drinking only animal blood.

"Don't be frightened Bella, Edward is right behind me."

"I'm sorry Jasper, please don't take it personally."

"I don't. I can't actually feel your fear, so I just assumed you had been warned."

"Is Edward okay?"

He chuckled, "As well as can be expected." He came around to face me and immediately backed up.

"What's wrong, Jasper?"

"Well, it's your scent. It is rather strong right now."

"Jeeze, can lightning just strike me now!" I yelled into the air. I was humiliated to know Jasper was aware of how much my body wanted Edward.

He smiled knowingly, "Alice will be here soon and she can take you back into the house." His southern accent was soothing and made me instantly relax.

My head dropped, "Edward doesn't want to touch me?"

Again, he chuckled, "No, I think Edward wants to touch you too much."

I felt my face redden. "Edward!" I yelled out knowing he was somewhere close.

He appeared next to Jasper.

I looked at him with my eyes narrowed. "I want you to change me, now."

He shook his head back and forth.

"Why?" I demanded.

"I am barely holding onto my control, Bella. I couldn't bite you and stop; I would end up killing you."

"Just answer one thing; do you want me to change?"

He looked pained as he moved closer to me. "I want you to be my wife, my mate, not just like me. I want to stop being afraid to touch you and I want to stop being afraid of losing you."

I smiled and reached out for his hand. "Then we need a plan."

I was back in my bed, safely tucked away from the Cullens so I wouldn't have to see their amused expressions or watch them teasing Edward as I drifted in and out of a fitful nap.

A soft knock on my door caused me to jump. I was relieved to see Esme walk in with a tray of food.

"I'm starving, thanks!"

"Dear, you need to ask for what you want. If we are neglecting you be sure and speak up."

"Can I talk to you Esme? Like, as a mother?"

She climbed carefully up onto my bed and leaned against the headboard. I didn't know how to start so I took a huge bite of my sandwich to stall. She finally reached over and rubbed my arm gently.

"Bella, are you having problems with Edward?"

"No," I managed to say after some thought.

"Not really, I just….well, you see….I've never had a boyfriend and I don't really know what to do."

She smiled and said something that almost made me choke on my food. "Would it help to know Edward is having this exact conversation with Carlisle?"

I looked into her eyes and saw such warmth and love it gave me courage to continue. "I feel so out of control when he touches me. I want more but I don't even know what more is."

"That means you are in love." She squeezed my arm lovingly. "There is sex and there is love, both very powerful on their own, but together they are exciting and scary and overwhelming."

"Yes, that's the word….overwhelming. I feel so overwhelmed when I'm with Edward."

"First of all you need to know you can set limits. You only have to go as far as you are ready to go. Of course, you understand you and Edward cannot have intercourse until you are changed; it would be much too dangerous for a human to have sex with a vampire."

"Well, right now I feel like Edward can kill me with just one look."

She chuckled and shook her head in understanding. "Bella, vampires have heightened senses. We see everything clearer, we can feel every essence with our touch, and we can smell the slightest changes in a scent. When we hunt we let our senses take over. For Edward it is hard to separate the two animalistic desires. He is too inexperienced to distinguish the subtle differences. When he becomes overwhelmed by his senses it makes him feel like he needs to feed."

"So, I shouldn't let him touch me?"

"No, I'm not saying that. You need to go slow and help him focus on what he is doing so he can tell the difference."

"I don't understand."

"When he touches you ask him what he feels; ask him to describe in detail how your skin feels to him. When you touch him describe what you are feeling. Talk it out so he recognizes it is not his predatory nature surfacing but something even more primal, his needs as a man."

I nodded and admitted it sounded like a good idea. Maybe if I really tried to articulate the feelings I was having I would be able to understand them myself.

"He took care of me before you came here… when I was injured, and he had to do everything for me. I mean personal, intimate things."

"Yes, he had to separate your medical needs from his personal needs. That is what he has to do with his two desires now, separate them."

Esme leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Go slow, dear. There is no rush. Edward was raised to be a gentleman, first by Elizabeth and then by me."

I grinned and grabbed one of her hands. "Elizabeth loves you. She really wants you to know what a great mother you are."

Esme placed her palm over her heart and closed her eyes briefly. "Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me."

Her face suddenly turned sad. "After our wonderful conversation I have to ruin it by telling you Alice wants to come get you ready for bed."

I groaned loudly and folded my arms across my chest in protest. "I want to finish eating first and I am going to take my time with my Cheetos."

"Are those even edible?' she asked while scrunching up her nose in disgust.

I quickly popped one into my mouth and moaned as I rolled my eyes back, "Heavenly, better than a fat man after a transfusion."

Esme laughed loudly as she poked me in the ribs with her finger. "You are a sick, sick girl Bella Swan!"

As if on cue Alice came skipping into the room. "Hurry and eat Bella, you still have to shower to remove that awful smelling lotion before I put you in one of my beautiful creations."

"They are called pajama's Alice, and even sweats can be worn as P.J.'s."

"Over my dead body!" she protested.

"Your body is dead!"

She stamped her foot on the floor and folded her tiny arms over her chest. Her eyes narrowed and she pulled her lips back over her teeth and released the most menacing growl I had ever heard.

"Fine," I yelled trying to remain brave. "You can play Barbie with me, but as soon as Edward changes me I am so going to kick your ass!"

In an instant she erupted into giggles and began jumping up and down clapping her hands.

Rosalie came into the room at that point and I could tell she was trying so hard not to laugh. "What is this, the Ya Ya Sisterhood?" She came to the opposite side of the bed from Esme and sat down.

Alice jumped from halfway across the room and landed on the foot of my bed with her knees tucked under her.

"Hey, watch the plastered legs."

She just dismissed me with a wave of her hand and spoke to Rose. "Esme is teaching Bella how to sex up Edward."

I gasped in horror and looked at Esme for help. She laughed and shook her head.

"I'm sorry Bella, but one of our heightened senses is hearing."

"Rose," Alice chimed in. "Teach her how to make Edward beg, you know, the way Emmett does."

"Maybe Jasper should just teach Edward how to change her moods so he can manipulate her into having sex with him."

"Hey, hey, hey." I jumped in to stop the conversation from escalating.

"First of all I don't need anyone's advice." I turned to Esme, "Except yours of course. And I don't believe either one of you; I have eyes, I can see how hot Emmett and Jasper are so I doubt any coercion goes on…..besides if Jasper was going to affect Alice's emotions he would calm her the hell down!"

The entire room filled with laughter and I really felt like family. I was going to love having Rose and Alice as sisters and Esme already felt more like a mother to me than my own mother ever did.

We began the tedious grooming routine, toilet, bath, brushed teeth, pajamas over matching underwear and finally new fingernail and toenail polish. We gossiped and chatted about movies, music, and our men.

They could all see the changes in Edward but nobody was aware of the changes in me. Everything I thought I was incapable of, relationships, emotional connections, truly feeling like part of a family, was coming easily to me. I knew with every fiber of my being this was what I was meant for.

I wished this whole bonding experience was something I could do with my mother and father, but what could be more perfect for a family of vampires than a girl with no attachments in the world. If this was my normal, of course the rest of the world would be off the mark for me.

I wasn't broken…I was special, I was destined for this purpose and I would do everything in my power to help Elizabeth save Edward.