She and her fathers came late to school her first day back, but Principal Figgins had said that was fine. She had no idea what her fathers had told him, but he was very accommodating, and she appreciated that they were allowed to come in when the other students were in classes.

She had to meet with Ms. Pillsbury to get her schedule for the year and the guidance counselor assured Rachel that she would do fine with her classes and to be sure to come find her if she needed any help with anything. She knew right away that her fathers had told her what had happened in New York. She snorted quietly. Let's see her find a pamphlet for that.

She studied her schedule while her dads and Ms. Pillsbury talked, knowing they were probably talking to her, but she didn't care. She'd agreed to come back to school, she hadn't agreed to like it.

She didn't know how long they sat there, or what they were talking about, but she was pulled from her distraction by the sound of the bell ringing, signaling the end to the first class of the day. She threw a panicked look at her fathers and Daddy squeezed her hand.

"You'll do fine, sweetheart," he told her.

"Just hold your head high, you're a Berry," Dad told her. "Just get through the day and you'll be ok."

She nodded, trying to quell the trembling of her lower lip.

"Rachel, do you want me to walk you to your first class?" Ms. Pillsbury asked.

Rachel shook her head. "No. It's fine. I'm fine."

Daddy gave her a quick hug. "You'll do just fine, darling."

She left the office, knowing all three of them were watching her. Luckily most of the other students had headed to their next classes and she didn't see any of glee club members.

She walked into her first class, Spanish, just her luck. She thought for sure she had earned some bad karma somewhere in her life, because of course Mr. Schuester was her teacher, and of course it couldn't have been one of the other two Spanish teachers at McKinley High. She was glad Mr. Schue had his back to her, writing on the dry erase board when she walked in, and she took a seat as far back as she could find.

The other kids filed into the room, and, aside from getting a dirty look from an unfamiliar looking girl who apparently wanted her seat, no one paid her any attention.

Schue turned around and started speaking in Spanish, stopping when he saw her sitting there. "Rachel? Como estas?" Several kids turned around to look at her curiously.

"Muy bien, gracias," she answered in perfect Spanish.

She could see him gather himself and he continued with the lesson and started demonstrating how to conjugate the list of verbs on the board. She listened with half an ear, doodling on a piece of notebook paper. She hadn't even realized the class was over until he approached her.

"Rachel? What are you doing here? Your dads said you were doing your senior year elsewhere."

She glanced up and frowned at the concerned look on his face. It was only a matter of time before Ms. Pillsbury told him what happened and she had to see pity on his face as well.

"I was but there was a change of plans," she said.

"Is everything ok?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well, you spaced out during class and I'm pretty sure you have another one to get to, correct?"

She sighed. "Guess I'm going to be late."

"I can write you a pass, that's not my point. It's just…Rachel, if you ever need to talk, I'm here, you know that right? I'm not just your Spanish teacher or your glee club coach."

"Ok."

"Ok," he said, sitting down at a desk to write her a late pass. "Will we be seeing you in glee club after school today?"

She took the pass he gave her. "No, I don't think so."

"Rachel-"

"Thanks for the pass, Mr. Schue," she said quietly. She left before he could respond.

The rest of the morning was fairly uneventful. She hadn't had any classes with anyone from glee club and no one said much to her. She could feel the stares of her fellow students and she could hear the whispers and speculation, but she didn't care. She just wanted to get through the day and go home and crawl back into bed.

She headed to her new locker to grab her lunch. She had trouble with the combination and had her head down, trying to figure it out when she heard a familiar voice.

"I can't believe she's back," Kurt said. She tensed but he wasn't speaking to her.

"I know, when I saw her in Ms. Pillsbury's office this morning I couldn't believe it," Tina said.

Turning her head ever so slightly Rachel could see them walking down the hallway towards her. She ducked her head more and continued eavesdropping.

"I wonder why she's back," Kurt said.

"I don't know, but she didn't look good," Tina confided. "She's super skinny now and looks like she hasn't slept in months."

"The life of a star?" Kurt mused.

Tina just shrugged and the two continued down the hall, not even noticing her standing there.

She lost the fight with her locker and couldn't explain the tears welling in her eyes. She headed toward the library to wait out the lunch period but ducked into a rarely used girls bathroom on the way.

It was empty when she went in and she stood in front of the mirror, examining herself, trying to see herself as the rest of the school was seeing her. She was pale but not so pale she resembled a ghost. The weight loss was glaringly obvious and the circles under her eyes were getting darker every day. The oversized hooded sweatshirt and jeans she wore were a far cry from the sweaters and skirts she used to wear. She looked exhausted and she thought that was pretty fitting because she felt exhausted too.

She slumped against the wall and slid down until she rested on the floor. She leaned her head back, closed her eyes and gave in to the tears. She was startled when she heard the door open and quickly tried to wipe away the tears.

Quinn pulled a pack of tissues out of her bag and handed them to her. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Rachel sniffled.

Quinn slid down the wall next to her. "So where have you been?"

"New York."

"Must have been fun."

Rachel didn't say anything.

Quinn gazed at her for a long moment. "He has the most potent sperm in the world, doesn't he?"

Rachel glanced at her, startled. "I'm not pregnant."

"But you were," Quinn acknowledged. "Right?"

Rachel blinked at her. "How did you know?" she whispered.

Quinn smiled sadly. "It's the look. The I-had-something-precious-but-now-I-don't look. The same look I saw in the mirror for months after I gave up my daughter." They sat in silence for a few minutes. "You weren't gone long enough to have a baby," Quinn said quietly. "What happened?"

"Miscarriage," Rachel whispered. It was the first time she'd said the word since it happened, since she woke up in the hospital, and she started crying right away.

Quinn put her arm around the smaller girl, drawing her closer. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, her own eyes tearing up. She broke down too and the two girls sat, crying, against the bathroom wall, crying for each other and themselves and the children they would never know.

Rachel skipped her last three classes. Quinn had offered to stay with her, but Rachel had turned her down. Bonding with Quinn had been nice, kind of, but their situations weren't the same and they both knew it. Still, the former Cheerio had hugged her tightly before leaving the bathroom for her next class.

"Call me," she whispered. "If you need to talk, or even if you don't. I'm here if you need someone."

Rachel teared up again and hugged the girl back, and then she was gone. She waited until the late bell rang and everyone was supposed to be in class before leaving the bathroom and finding the nearest exit. She didn't even bother going back to her locker, just headed out to the football fields to kill some time.

She sat on the bleachers and stared at the empty field. She couldn't explain why she was so upset. She hadn't wanted the baby. It had been an accident of epic proportions. It had the potential to ruin her life and her relationship with her fathers. She didn't want it and was going to give it away as soon as she could.

So why did feel so empty and exhausted and dead inside?

Puck noticed that everyone showed up early to glee practice that afternoon, which had never happened before. He figured they'd all heard by now that Rachel was back and were all anxious to see her. He knew he was. He didn't know why she was back, hadn't even seen her, but Finn had told him at lunch that Tina had seen her in Ms. Pillsbury's office that morning and he was pretty sure she had been in Schue's Spanish class after that.

He didn't know why she was back. She hadn't responded to any of his texts or phone calls, and to be honest, he had stopped trying to contact her lately. He felt like he was bothering her and her silence more than conveyed her message loud and clear: not interested. He was hoping maybe she had changed her mind and would hear him out now that she was home.

Schue walked in and looked amused that everyone was already there, but Puck could tell he was preoccupied too.

"Hey, guys, glad to see everyone's on time for a change."

"Mr. Schue, is it true?" Mercedes piped up. "Is Rachel back?"

Their teacher sighed. "Yes, she's back."

The group all started talking at once and they had to fight to be heard over each other.

"Will she be here today?" Finn asked. "Shouldn't we wait for her?"

Puck knew from the look on Schue's face what the answer would be.

"She's not going to be joining us today, guys."

"But tomorrow, right?" Artie said. "She needs to jump back in soon, she has choreography to learn and there are songs to rearrange and everything."

Schue leaned against the piano and faced his students. "I don't know if she's coming back at all, guys. She didn't say."

"She has to come back!" Kurt said. "We've been practicing all year and we're still nowhere near as good as we would be with Rachel on our team."

"Maybe she doesn't want to come back," Quinn said angrily. They all looked at her, shocked. "Maybe she has other stuff going on and doesn't want to be part of New Directions anymore. Could you blame her? We were all pretty horrible to her when she was around."

"Yeah, but that's just how it is," Mercedes pointed out. "She's Rachel. She's crazy, we all pick on her and we move on. That's how it's always been."

"Does that make it right?" Puck said, before he could stop himself. He cleared his throat. "I mean, I used to throw Kurt in the dumpsters all the time, but would it be right for me to keep doing it just because I always had? Shit, she's just one person, she probably did get tired of all of us ragging on her all the time."

"That's a good lesson, guys," Schue said. "Your assignment is to go home tonight and prepare a song that shows growth or redemption. We'll start with those on Thursday. Why don't we call it a day?"

Rachel had crawled in bed as soon as she'd gotten home, glad her fathers weren't home to ask her about her day. She was so exhausted, emotionally and physically. She just wanted to lie down and sleep all night.

She dreamed of babies. Babies in pink blankets and blue blankets and babies with dark hair and dark eyes. Babies with their mouths open, and she could hear them calling out to her in the dark.

She woke up sobbing and had to fight to catch her breath. She sat there in bed for a long time, calming herself down, and then headed downstairs for her nightly infomercial marathon.