Here is chapter 7! I appreciate everyone who has reviewed the first 6, or the story as a whole. This chapter is a little shorter, just because I felt it was the right place to cut it off. I actually already have the whole story completed already. At this point it is just proofreading, editing, etc. And Eunice339 does her magical beta-work to help me out (as she did with this chapter!) so I shouldn't go an extended amount of time between posting.
I've noticed a lot of reviews are guests to the website, and I would love to chat with some of you about your points of view and/or what you leave as a review. However, I can't reply if you don't have an account so I would like to encourage you to create one J
TOBIAS
I really just want to spend my Saturday at home, throwing myself a pity party, which is so unlike me, but Zeke calls me up and tells me I better get my ass over to his house for a cookout because his mom, Hana, is visiting. As much as I don't want to go, it's always nice to see Hana.
"What the hell is the matter with you?" Zeke says as soon as I walk in the door. Apparently, my mood is evident.
"Nothing."
Shauna looks at me and laughs, "I've known you for twelve years and I've never seen that look on your face."
They exchange a glance at each other and it dawns on them. "It's a girl," they say simultaneously just as Uriah walks into the room.
"Yeah, what the hell? Tris called me. Said you left Dauntless all shitty last night," he says as he inserts himself into our conversation.
"Does she tell you everything that happens in her life, or just the stuff with me?" I spit the question out at him and I know it comes out shitty, but he just shrugs in response.
"What happened? You guys were so cute together behind the bar!" Shauna says excitedly.
I shoot her daggers with my eyes. "Apparently that's all I'm good for."
"What's that mean?" Zeke asks.
"Nothing."
"Everyone knows you're in love with her." Shauna says it with a shrug, like it's perfectly common knowledge and a perfectly common topic.
"I'm not in love with her," I argue.
"Whatever." Zeke laughs. "I've never seen you even think twice about a girl, but you and Tris are all, 'Oh, let's get breakfast!' and, 'Here, Four, I brought you coffee!' You two kind of make me sick."
"Well, it doesn't fucking matter, because she said last night that her rule number one is, 'Don't date cops'." I groan as I slump down on the couch and throw my head back.
Uriah puts his head in his hands. "I can't believe she said that in front of you."
"What do you mean 'in front of me'? So, you knew she'd said that before and you didn't think to tell me that I didn't have a shot?" I feel the anger building up at Uriah for not giving me a warning about this.
"I thought you weren't in love with her?" Zeke says with a smile, knowing I just admitted I had feelings for her.
"Zeke, shut up," I spit, before turning back to Uriah. "Uri, what the hell are you talking about?"
He sighs and leans forward onto his elbows. "She's always said it, but I didn't think she was serious. I thought it was just something she was hoping wouldn't happen."
No one says anything for a minute.
Shauna is finally the one who speaks up. "I guess you can't blame her," and then quickly adds, "For the rule, you know, because of her dad. That's probably pretty hard."
"Yeah." I feel kind of insensitive being pissed off at her, but at the same time I feel like I just made a huge ass of myself, expecting and hoping for something that clearly was never a possibility.
"Boys?" I hear Hana say from the doorway, a grocery bag in her hands. "What is everyone moping about?!"
Right now Hana is probably the best and worst person to see in this situation. She's the best person to give advice, because she has this all-knowing type of aura that she gives off. But I also know she's going to make me talk about whatever is bothering me and I really hate talking.
"Four has girl problems," Shauna says immediately, causing me to mumble some choice words under my breath.
Hana gasps. "Well, I have been waiting for the day that this handsome man finds a girl who catches his eye." She comes up to me and I stand to embrace her, the best parental figure I've had in my life.
"Hi, Hana," I say, smiling at the way she hugs me back before she joins me on the couch.
"Who's this girl, now? And not just the problems, I want to hear all about her!"
"Mom," Uriah says slowly. "It's, uh, Tris."
Hana almost jumps off the couch in excitement. "I've been saying for years that she and Four would be perfect for each other! I told Uriah he had to introduce you guys when you said you were moving back!"
I laugh at Hana's excitement, feeling bad that I'll have to tell her how Tris sees me as undateable material. But before I can even start to tell her about the situation with Tris, Zeke launches into the story of what Tris said, adding in details about how I'm crazy about her and that she is apparently also crazy about me, but neither of us will admit it or act upon it.
Hana doesn't waste any time looking at me sternly. "I think, Tobias," she starts, using my real name so I know she means business with this, "that one of you needs to take the first step, and since I can't yell at her, too, I'm going to yell at you."
"It's not that simple, Hana," I object, but she silences me.
"Do you think that there is ever a good reason you should hesitate to be honest with the people you love? No. Because all of us in this room know that one day, those people could be gone in an instant. And you don't ever want to take that chance, that risk."
TRIS
I have no idea why Four stormed out of the bar and I have no idea why he hasn't texted me or answered me since then. I try to tell myself he's busy with work, or something else, but intuitively I know that there is something wrong. I don't realize it's me that is the 'something wrong' until Uriah shows up on my doorstep Thursday morning.
"Tris…" he says and I can tell this isn't a typical, jovial visit from Uriah. "You really dug yourself deep on this one."
"Four?"
He nods, walking into my apartment and settling himself onto my couch. "Really, Tris? 'Rule number one' is legit?"
"I don't know. I thought so."
"Until?"
"Until…Four." He's the only man that could sway my opinion on getting involved with someone in law enforcement. But he is more than that; he is also the only man that could really sway me into the dating scene at all.
"What the hell is the purpose of 'rule number one'?" he asks me.
I can't talk, but Uriah sees the tears well up in my eyes while I fight to keep them from spilling over. Everything flashes back: Reynolds and Amar sitting in front of my house when I got home from class; the looks on their faces when they approached me; going to see his body; sitting through the trial; the funeral; the newspapers, the interviews, the questions; the spiral out of control.
"I can't do it again," I whisper. "I can't lose someone else like that."
"You can't stay guarded forever, Tris."
"I just can't risk it. I can't do that to myself!"
"What about me?" he asks, sitting up and raising his voice. "What about Zeke? You wouldn't feel pain if we died?"
"That's not what I'm saying!"
"So, if Four died today, you're telling me it would hurt less just because he's not your boyfriend? That's a load of crap, Tris, and you know it." He's talking to me in a way that I've never heard from him, so I know I really deserve it. "You can't keep your heart locked up forever."
He stands up and leaves without another word. And I can't even drag myself up off the couch, because deep down, I know that he's right.
I know that I should text Four. Or call him, or go see him, or something, but I can't. By admitting to myself how I feel about him, I'm now fighting two battles. First, I've got to get over the fear I've had of losing another person I love, and second, I've got to find a way to make it up to Four. I groan loudly out of frustration as Christina comes into my office.
"What the hell has your panties in a twist?" she asks flatly. "Or are you just back to being grumpy because Four hasn't been around?"
"You've noticed?"
"Noticed what? That you're grumpy or that he hasn't been around?" she says as she plops down onto the chair across from my desk, draping her legs over the side.
"That he hasn't been around?"
"Yeah. And you aren't smiling at your phone every six seconds, so I figured something was up."
"It's been five days, Christina. I haven't even talked to him. I've probably lost any shot I had by now."
"Then get your ass out of this office, walk down to the precinct, and go tell him how you feel." She says it like it's the easiest thing in the world.
I don't know what to do, what to say, how to apologize. I've never been good at admitting my feelings to anyone but my dad, which is part of the reason I stay so guarded these days. I debate about this with Christina, who repeatedly tells me that my past actions and ideas don't really matter, as long as I'm saying how I feel, how I care, now.
After two hours of planning and motivating myself, I walk towards the precinct with Four's favorite lunch in my hand, hoping he hasn't eaten and praying he's not busy.
Tori buzzes me up with a smile, and when I get up to the top, Four's desk is the first place my eyes fall onto. But it's empty. Fuck.
"Hey, Tris." Zeke approaches me hesitantly. "Are you here for Four?"
"Yeah," I say, my eyes flitting back over to Four's desk nervously. "Is he busy?"
"You haven't talked to him lately, have you? Since…" he lets his voice trail.
I look around, growing anxious. "No." Is he with someone else? Did something happen? Zeke is talking much softer than usual.
He pulls me over to his desk. "He's undercover."
I sigh, almost out of relief; until I think about the potential danger he's in. "How long?"
Zeke shrugs and looks at me, although I know he can't really answer that. "It shouldn't be that long. I'll let him know you came by."
Part of me feels frozen, but I find the strength to nod. "Uh...ok." I turn and start to head towards the stairs, but I stop and turn. "Zeke? Can you tell him it's important?"
TOBIAS
There's a certain rush, a certain thrill, about being undercover that I love. But with that, there's also a hint of danger, or sometimes more than a hint, and a little bit of fear. Part of the reason I love being undercover is because it allows me to sort of escape, to pretend to live another life. That's what I had spent the majority of my childhood doing anyways. So, I like to think the extra practice made me pretty good.
Reynolds is nervous about this operation, and I can see his nervousness only when he talks to me one-on-one. He knows I can do my job, we established that after I worked Tris' tactics on him, but sending someone into this type of situation can't be easy. We had a last minute opportunity to insert someone, and Reynolds asked me quickly and without hesitation, so I jumped at the opportunity. I'm supposed to be a high-end drug dealer, looking to get the expensive shit for the high profile people of Chicago. I look the part in my suit and tie, freshly shaven face, and expensive shoes. That's the easiest part of it all.
Things have been going well and I feel like I'm making some progress getting to the top guy, but I start to get a little nervous when my phone gets smashed before getting into an SUV with some new bodyguards I haven't seen before. I try to play it cool, maintain my laid back attitude, keep my story established. But when they take me to a warehouse, I know that things aren't going to go so well from here on out and I've probably been made. They tie me up and toss me into an empty room. They only come back to question me, then kick my ass when I don't answer. Where the fuck is Reynolds?
I try not to panic, but in my attempt to calm myself, I find my thoughts drifting. I try to imagine Tris' fingertips running through my hair, massaging my scalp, and the heat of her knee under my hand. I push her recent words about her 'rule' out of my head and focus on the way she cradled my head against her stomach after I had thrown up on her the night before. And I pray that I'll be able to feel her hold me like that again.
That's the last thing I remember thinking about before I get a swift kick to my face and everything goes black.