Disclaimer: Harry Potter Books are the intellectual and financial property of J.K. Rowling. I receive no financial compensation for writing fanfiction. I merely get the fantastical pleasure of playing in her world, and you get the pleasure..or displeasure…of reading the result.

.

.

.

.

.

The Severus Snape Fan CLub

.

.

.

.

.

Guilderoy Lockhart stalked past Severus Snape, sulking for some reason. Snape's lips curled into a satisfied smirk. Anything that ruins that insufferable frauding lout's day makes mine, he mused, his grin widening. Several students stared incredulously at the unusually cheerful potion master's countenence as he strode into the Great Hall to the table for breakfast.

Things were looking up for Severus Snape. Most of the students had stopped wearing those ridiculus wigs. They were still wearing the stupid shirts whenever they could, but Severus could shrug that off. After all, the majority of proceeds were going to school's potions fund, thanks to one particular Boy-Who-Annoyed-Him-To-No-Ends.

But despite his newly-adopted somewhat indifferent attitude, he could help but listen to the giggles and whispers that filled the Hall. He frowned as he heard the words "Lockhart," "Snape," and "shirt." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Whatever was going on, he was certain that Potter's scion was at the center of it. He hurriedly finished his breakfast, no longer in a mood to tarry, and stalked his way toward the dungeon with his trademark billow.

He went through the rest of his classes blissfully ignorant, silencing giggles and whispers with glares in his class, happily docking points and assigning detentions, all to no avail, since the students enjoyed detentions now. So he hoped that his intimidating glares would work a little while longer, because he'd hate to change his teaching style just yet.

Finally, the day was at an end, and Severus patiently awaited the arrival of the Potter brat. Since Potter wore whatever shirt design he planned on selling first, Severus was quite certain he'd find out what the fuss was about.

Sure enough, and early to boot, Potter entered the room with an eager grin. "I'm ready, sir!"

Severus raised a brow at the squirming tween. He sneered. "Obviously. Before we continue, I have taken the liberty to search my library. You may borrow these," he drawled.

Potter frowned at the titles. Beginner Potions Theory, Beginners Guide to Ingredient Preparation, Discovering Ancient Runes, and Arithmancy for the Unlearned. He blinked his surprise. "Thanks, sir."

Severus inclined his head in acknowledgement. "Now, in order to save time, for our next project demands full attention, do explain why your classmates were unable to concentrate in class today."

Potter grinned as he scratched his head sheepishly. "That would be my new shirt logo, sir."

"Oh? Merlin save me from your wretched shirts, Potter! What does it say, now?!"

The brat stuck out his chest and pulled the corners of his shirt for the best view. The black shirt, for Severus Snape fan shirts were always black, of course, detailed a catoonish, weak-chinned cariacture of Guilderoy Lockhart weeping, blowing his nose on an off- white(for contrast, of course) I 'heart' Snape shirt. The caption read:

He's Even More Famous than Me

[My thanks to Dragon Soarer for this idea. =)] Severus's eyes glittered, his jaw clenched. "Excuse me," he said in a low, soft voice as he turned and billowed into his office. He had barely managed to slam the door and erect a silence charm when it erupted.

Laughter. Rich, baritone, maniacal barks filled the small, enclosed room.

"No wonder Lockhart was pissed," he gasped after a minute, wiping his eyes. After composing himself, he fixed an appropriate scowl on his face before reappearing before the boy.

"Turn to page 418 and get started."

As the child hussled to comply, Severus added in a lower voice, "Five points to Gryffindor."

Harry froze in shock.

…

"Severus, when are you going to stop this nonsense?" Lockheart huffed the next morning, angrily eyeing the increasing appearance of shirts.

Severus smirked. "I don't see the problem, Guilderoy. It's perfectly harmless."

"Harmless?! It's out and out disrespectful!" The incensed man continued to vent. Severus tuned him out, scoffing internally. The man didn't have problems with it until it affected him, personally.

…

Severus billowed his way toward the dungeon in an extremely chipper mood. That is until he saw a puff of smoke down the corridor, followed by the assault on his sensitive ears in the form of hysterical shrieking. As the stampede came closer, Snape's eyes widened.

Girls. Lots of them, armed with quills, parchment, and rope. Rope?!

"F-f-fan girls?!" Severus spluttered. He raced down the corridor that he had just taken. For the first time in his teaching career, Severus Tobias Snape was going to be late to his potions class.

"HARRY POTTER! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" And, of course, the entire school heard him.