"You want me to do what?!" Shinji screeched.

Mari grinned wider.

"You heard me. Pants. Off. Now."

The sixteen-year-old flushed furiously.

"I-I-I-" he sputtered, stumbling back a step.

In all honesty, Shinji barely knew what was going on. While on his way to some sort of training session, Mari had jumped him, and dragged the boy into the nearby locker room. Next thing he knew, the brunette was demanding that he… well, disrobe. And with the combination of hormones, Mari's… figure, and Shinji's annoyingly spotty timidness, he was having a hellish time managing a reply.

"-I- T-that's not decent!" the boy finally stammered out, voice ending in a squeak.

Mari's lips pulled back…

-and the girl burst out laughing.

Neon Genesis Evangelion:

(Not) the End

Chapter 007: You're (Not) Very Funny

"..."

Shinji stood frozen stiff, watching the Fifth Child double over in laughter. After about half a minute, the girl slowed, glancing up with a Cheshire grin on my face.

"...Oh, my god! Third, I swear, your face was j-just… f-f-goddamn priceless!"

The boy blinked in confusion, face awkwardly frozen. Mari caught a glimpse, and held a hand over her mouth, muffling her mirth.

"Oh, oh Third… I- did-did you really think that I was actually trying to put the moves on you? Pfffft! Ahaha… oh, oh that's just rich." The girl backed up, letting Shinji have some room, and casually leaned against one of the lockers.

"But nah, I'm- I'm not trying to get a piece of you, Ikari. I've got enough on my plate to deal with already. Don't worry," Mari chuckled, waving it off.

Shinji visibly relaxed, shoulders slouching down with relief.

"W-well, at least that's a-"

"But in all seriousness, I really do need you to strip down, Third."

Shinji paled, choking off mid-sentence.

"It's for a reason, Third."

"Gah- how do you manage-"

"Other leg, Ikari," Mari calmly added.

"M-Makinami! Y-you said you weren't looking!"

Five minutes (and several teasing observations from Mari) later, Shinji finally left the locker room. Still shaken up from the ordeal, the boy was clad in a white outfit that looked like it had been painted on.

This... 'plugsuit', or whatever it was, was almost completely skintight, vacuum-compressed to perfectly fit his skinny frame. Apparently, it was supposed to help him pilot the Eva, though Mari hadn't explained how. The form-hugging suit also had the effect of making Shinji feel very, very uncomfortable as he shambled down the hallway.

Fortunately, Shinji's thoughts provided a decent- if not completely adequate- method of distraction.

Ten days.

That's how long it had been since the Angel.

Ten days since Shinji and Mari had fought the monster. Ten days since its fiery death. Ten days since he'd last piloted the Eva.

Shinji heaved a sigh.

And there were supposed to be more of these things.

~That's obviously why they're having me train,~ he thought, continuing down the hall.

"Wonder what it's going to be now," Shinji muttered to himself. "Who knows. I mean, the Evas use knives… maybe they'll make me learn how to use a giant gun?" the boy decided to grant himself a little smile. "Heh. That'd be-"

"-absolutely ridiculous," Shinji muttered, feeling the weight from twenty-odd meters of massive fricking Gatling gun pulling down on Unit-00's arms. The orange-and-grey Eva stood in the Geofront, boxes of sensors and simulation equipment affixed to both the mecha and its comically oversized weapon.

"Mis- er, Captain? Why… why am I training with a Gatling gun?" the boy asked, looking over at the hologram of Misato floating next to his head.

"Simple; Nerv needs you to be able to operate any weapon in our evangelion arsenal- the GAU-34 just happens to be the most difficult to use."

"And I've got the toughest one to use because…"

"If we start you off with the most difficult, all the others will be a lot easier to compensate for, and you won't need as much training with them! Now give it a try; and don't worry, it's loaded with blanks."

Shinji frowned at Misato's reasoning, but said nothing. Instead, Unit-00 shifted, lifting the weapon, and angling it to parallel the ground. The boy took a deep breath…

...and pulled the trigger.

Ten seconds later, Unit-00 was on its back, shoved over by the weapon's massive recoil.

Shinji groaned, raising a hand to his head. Even with as low a synch as 32.5%- apparently the plugsuit did make a difference- he could still feel the shuddering and aches of Unit-00 imprinting on his nerves.

"Guess I'm going to have to keep doing this," Shinji muttered, pushing on the control grips.

Grumbling, the orange Eva pushed itself upright, spinal rockets pulsing to provide extra lift. Regaining its balance, the cyclops' chest heaved, eye scanning for the fallen Gatling.

Shinji reached down, and lifted the absurd weapon once more.

"Alright, Shinji. Let's take it from the top. But this time, use a wider stance."

Shinji sighed, and nodded.

- The next day, outside Classroom 3-A.

"Rise. Bow. Be seated."

The sound of twenty students standing up and sitting down was audible outside the door to the trio. Shinji waited, nervously awaiting the announcement. Mari leaned up next to the door, lazily humming to herself. Rei just stood.

"Alright, students," came an elderly voice. "Before we get started today, we have some new students joining us from out of the city, who will introduce themselves to you."

"You may come in now."

Shinji swallowed, and Mari grinned. This was it.

"L-ladies first?" offered the boy.

"Eh, sure," shrugged Mari, taking the door handle.

"I'm Mari. Mari Makinami-Illustrious. I only recently got over here from Britain, but I hope we get along well!"

"A-and I'm Shinji Ikari. It's nice to meet you all." The boy said, looking out at the class. From the front of the room, he could see Kensuke's telltale grin, along with a myriad of other faces he hadn't yet met.

Not all of which seemed happy to see him, he noted.

"Thank you. You may sit." said the teacher. Grateful to be out of the spotlight, Shinji walked down between the desks, finding an easy seat next to Kensuke, while Mari took one of the window seats, lazily glancing back to the front.

"And now for one final announcement. Ms. Ayanami has returned from the Nerv hospital, and will be returning to us for class at last. Miss Ayanami?"

Rei entered silently from the door, waited a few seconds, then headed over to her own seat by the window.

The teacher cleared his throat.

"Now, class, let's begin with the lesson. Please open your devices, and we'll start off with a review from last time."

"More than seventeen years ago, a massive explosion occurred in Antarctica…"

The rest of the school day was mostly uneventful. History, math… the classes passed fairly quickly for Shinji. During lunch, Shinji and Rei had mostly sat by themselves and ate, while Mari attempted to strike up a conversation with some of the other students.

While it wasn't the most exciting, the day hadn't been bad, Shinji reflected on his way back to Misato's apartment.

As the elevator doors opened onto the top floor, Shinji was greeted by the sight of the walkway cluttered with several bags and suitcases.

"...Uh…"

"Oh, Shinji!" Mari popped out from behind the pile, giving a quick wave.

"Sorry about the mess, Third! Just have ta' get this stuff into my new flat, then I'll be out of your hair! Uvidimsya, Shinji!"

The boy just nodded slowly, and inched his way around the pile. Encouraging Mari probably wasn't the best idea, given the… oddness, she'd shown the last few days. Especially after the… plugsuit incident.

Shinji suppressed a shudder, and moved on. What Mari did with her free time wasn't something he needed to concern himself with.

"...aaand chat invite sent!"

Mari bit down on a cracker, chewing noisily. So what if she was lying on the floor at an hour when she should probably be asleep? It was her flat; she could do what she wanted to! Besides, it wasn't like Misato was going to bust down the wall from the flat over and yell at her or anything.

Not to mention Mari had more important things to take care of.

ihr3_hoheit has joined the chat.

ZaBeasto: Oh your highness, it's meee~

ihr3_hoheit: Four Eyes?

Mari smirks.

It's been a month since they'd talked face-to-face; too long for the Fifth's tastes. But text will have to suffice. For now.

ZaBeasto: No, the other stunning brunette you know who pilots Unit-05.

ihr3_hoheit: Ha ha, very funny Mari.

ihr3_hoheit: Good to know your sense of humor wasn't lost when your arms got burnt off.

ZaBeasto: Oh, your concern is so touching, your highness.

ZaBeasto: Now tell me; how's my favourite little krasnaya koroleva going? Hope it's not too cold, being so far from me~

ihr3_hoheit: Stop speaking Russian, Mari.

Of course, the girl can't help but tease her dear friend.

ZaBeasto: Nyet. Vy ne mozhete sdelat' menya.

ihr3_hoheit: Mari.

Even through text on a screen, her partner's warning carries across. Mari giggles, typing out a reply as she fishes through the cracker box.

ZaBeasto: Fine, fine.

The girl's eye glints with mischief. The keys click again.

ZaBeasto: Ya ostanovit'.

ihr3_hoheit: You can't tell it, but I'm sighing with exasperation.

ihr3_hoheit: At you.

ihr3_hoheit: Because you're really not as funny as you think you are.

Mari's response is- well, it's neither short nor quick, but it's to the point. Sort of.

ZaBeasto: Humor's in the eye of the beholder, Princess. And I plan on having my eyes on you very soon.

ihr3_hoheit: Goodnight, Mari.

ZaBeasto: 'Night, my Princess!

ihr3_hoheit has left the chat

Mari smiles, and closes the computer. The Brit's eyes flit over to the digital clock, checking the time.

~Eh, I've still got a few hours before I really need to sleep.~

The girl lay back, hands interlaced behind her head.

"And it's not like an Angel's gonna show up tomorrow or anything, right?"