The day following his meeting with Sam, he received a text from him saying that they solved the ghost case and we're moving on a new case lead in Oregon. He text back that he was currently working on a movers gig that would supply him with more funds. The money that Sam gave him he bought another blanket and some warmer clothes from the Goodwill. It was getting colder and there was no way he could warm his small tent other than his own body. They messaged back and forth about maybe getting him a fake ID, saying someone named Charlie was a pro at it.
He appreciated it, but he would consider it after he had talked with Dean. Which he was dreading to do because Dean was unpredictable in such regards. It was highly probable that Dean would react negatively. Though, there was always a possibility, small as it was that Dean would be happy. All Sam suggested was for him to keep it short to just let him know he was ok. He had the feeling Sam was trying to play as a peacekeeper, or a matchmaker. His conversations with persons and reading some novels made him aware of the concept. If Sam was ok with him liking his brother, which he knew is some instances were a huge hurdle, then all the better. Even though the concept of sexuality escaped him mostly, he understood enough that it was a big part in some person's lives.
There was also the other aspect that Sam did present. He did not want to fight any longer, he was not used to the level of fighting the Winchesters do. Relying on his grace did not endear him to other weapons besides his sword. The skills needed to shoot firearms though can be taught, his fighting prowess improved though. He had lost some weight, but the manual labor kept him fairly fit. The allure of being safe in the bunker and delegated to doing research, that was something he can do. The only problem he would have would be with Dean. As he saw it, he can work on repairing their friendship first before venturing into anything more. One thing being in the streets had taught him, don't plan to far in advance and prepare as best you could.
A couple days before he was set to call Dean as agreed by him and Sam, he got a cold. He had a small cough the past couple of days but it was turning out to be something more. This was not as bad as the 'hay fever' he got earlier in the summer. That time he went to library and tried to diagnose himself, which was difficult, even with his knowledge of the human body extensive as it is. Not panicking, he simple got some cheap allergy medicine and that made him feel better, if not sleepy. This time he got some cough drops, hoping to sooth the now worsening cough.
As the night wore on, he felt more chilled than he usually does, and he was achy all over. The cough had not subsided, but had in fact gotten worse. It hurt to breath sometimes, especially after a bad coughing fit. When had those, sometimes he coughed up some phlegm that looked greenish. The following day, he just stayed under all his blankets. There were bouts when he had nausea, especially when he needed to use the restroom. That was a labor in itself, getting up to walk all the way to bathroom. A neighbor stopped him and asked if he was feeling all right, and he just nodded saying it was just a cold. Settling under all the blankets shivering, he fell into a restless sleep.
He woke up after a longer stretch of sleeping when Sam messaged him. It was now noon and he inquired when he would call Dean so he corral Dean into accepting his call. Weakly, he messaged back that he would so in about half hour, which was ok with the younger Winchester.
They were in Montana after evading another gang of demons and finishing up a small nest of vampires. Sam suggested that they take a breather in the motel and just relax. Since this motel had magic fingers in his bed, he was more than happy to accept. What surprised him was that Sam gave him a small bags worth of quarters to entertain him. Not that he was going to question why Sam was suddenly so nice, it was like he was planning something. However, he let the motors in the bed vibrate his worries away.
He barely registered that his phone was ringing. Well, one of the phones. That one was his other other cell phone, the one he used for his primary personal communication. Since very few had that number, he figured it was either Garth, Kevin or Charlie. Eyes closed he answered the phone.
"Hello Dean." Cas said in a raspy weak voice.
"Cas!" he bolted upright. He looked over at Sam, who gave him a snickered grin. Bastard knew it was Cas already! He'll deal with that later. "Where are you man? Are you ok?"
"I think I might be somewhat ill." Cas went into a coughing fit that went on for a bit.
"Ya think! It sounds you're coughing up a lung man!" Sam's smirk disappeared and became a frown. "Where are you?"
"You sound so concerned. I don't want you to be concerned. I'm fine. My grace will heal me soon." This was worrying him. Cas sounded weak, raspy like he couldn't breathe and now it sounded like he was delirious.
"Cas…you said you were human. You don't have your grace. Now where are you?" he asked tensely. Motioning to Sam to start packing it up, they were going to head out as soon as Cas said where he was.
"I don't…don't feel my wings anymore Dean. And I'm cold." Cas stopped for another cough and he could hear how ragged his breath sounded. This was not good at all. "Wanted to hear your voice again. I miss hearing your prayers. And I am sorry I didn't always come. Wish I could fly again."
He stopped in his tracks. "Cas, listen to me, you're not doing great. You need help, now where are you?"
However, Cas didn't seem to be hearing him as he kept on talking. "I learned how to paint houses. It's hard being human. Instant coffee is rather an unpleasant drink, tea is preferable." He let him babble on, it was clear Cas was losing it, likely to a fever. Goddammit, where is he!
Covering the mouthpiece, he looked over at Sam and growled, "you know where he is don't you?" Sam nodded. "He's sick, real sick Sam, now tell me where he is."
"Denver, he's in Denver." He nodded and got his keys and bag. They were leaving now.
Tuning back to the phone, "Cas, we're coming, you hold tight. Stay warm and safe." Apparently Cas wasn't hearing anything because he was going on about the bee's like when he was crazy. "Cas listen to me." That caught the ex-angels attention.
"I never seem to listen to you Dean. I'm sorry about that." now the bastard sounded sad.
"Hey now, we all make mistakes. It's not like I know everything Cas." He was made that Cas gotten himself sick, but happy that at least he was talking to him now. "You're listening now aren't you?"
"Dean…it's cold and I feel sleepy again." Cas's speech was becoming slurred. "You make me feel warm Dean." That statement stopped him cold.
"What?" There was no reply, so he looked at the phone, the line was still open. "Cas! Answer me you son of a bitch!" He heard some coughing then a groan. "Dammit Cas! Stay awake!" He and Sam raced down to the Impala where he pulled out fast and gunned the engine. Denver was about a seven hour drive from where they were now. He was going to cut it down as fast as he could. "I swear Cas, if you pass out I will kick your ass."
"Dean…" Cas sounded distant, like he was away from the phone. An icy grip seized his heart. He was not going to let this happen, he was not about to lose his friend again. "Dammit Cas! Keep on talking, what have you been doing? Where have you been? Promise I'm not mad, I mean…it's good to hear from ya." Motivating Cas to keep on talking was the only assurance the Cas was still alive.
There was another coughing fit, and another groan. "Dean, so…tired. Need to sleep. Maybe dream…"
"What do you dream about man?" this was just to keep him talking. Not that he was curious, but he was trying to keep his friend alive.
"Us…I dream of us Dean…" he took a deep wheezy breath that obviously hurt him. "Mis…ov…ou." was all he head next before silence.
"Cas! CAS! Dammit!" he gave the phone to Sam so he can concentrate on weaving through the traffic. Sam continued trying to coax Cas into talking. If he didn't know better, he could almost swear Cas said 'love you' before he went quiet. He didn't know what to make of that, maybe he head wrong. Cas was delirious, he had no idea what he was talking about. Shit, there was a hellstorm of emotions going on in him right now. He was pissed, happy, worried, angry, anxious and most importantly, afraid.
"It's no good Dean, he must've passed out." Sam said after a while. He was still holding he phone, but saw the line was still connected.
"How the hell did you know he was going to call Sam." he needed to think about something else, something other than Cas sick and maybe dying.
Sam looked down, "I ran into him at a local library a couple weeks ago when we were on that salt and burn down there."
"And you forget to tell me!" Dean yelled.
"He begged me not to Dean!" Sam replied softly. "He didn't want you to worry about him or look for him still. I worked out a deal with him to have him call you at the least."
"Why?! What he was he afraid of?"
"Cause he's scared of you Dean! He was still working out on his own supposed guilt and didn't need the crap you would heap on him." Sam shouted back. Taking a deep breath, "he wanted to make his own way. Part of it was to protect us, but he wanted to experience a new life away from us. And I understand that."
So Cas was afraid of him? That hurt him more than it should have. "Well, look where it landed him."
"Hey! I tried to get him to come back, offered him to stay in the bunker and everything. But he didn't want to. He threatened to disappear again if I forced him or told you. So I made a deal with him. Try to win him back a little. I don't want him in a tent in winter any more than anyone else."
"He's fucking living on the streets!" Dean roared. "And you didn't drag him back! Dammit Sam, if he dies…"
"He's not going to die Dean." Sam said calmly, though he said it mostly for himself and not for Dean.
"Hope to God you're right Sam." He stepped on the gas a bit more and sped south.
In six hours they were near the library that Sam ran into Cas. It was late evening now, and they split up trying to find him. After a while, one person told them about a tent city a couple miles outside the city. Calling Sam, they drove to the place. It was on a large piece of property that belonged to a church. No one impeded them from entering the small cluster of tents. Calling out for Cas, and his alias of Jimmy, a neighbor of Cas's pointed to his tent.
He unzipped that tent fast so he can get inside. It was surprisingly clean, though it did smell of stale human sweat. In the middle was a large bundle of blankets on top what he hoped was Cas. Peeling back the layers, he got a good look at Cas. His face was pale and had a beard, he looked thinner too. But he was breathing, though he was hot to the touch. "Dammit Cas." He grabbed under Cas and lifted him up and began heading back to the car. He was too light.
"Sam! Get his things and pack it up, we're taking him to the hospital." The movement woke Cas up a little bit.
"Dean…" was all he managed, he didn't even open his eyes. Though he did try to sink deeper into his embrace. Dean just held him closer, trying to keep him warm.
"Shhh…I'm here. We're taking you to the hospital man, you're gonna be ok." Cas didn't even respond, he kinda went limp. "Dammit Cas, stay with me. Don't you dare die on me you son of a bitch!" He was sprinting to the car now. "Hurry it up Sam!"
Sam ran past him with his longer legs carrying only a couple bags and blankets from Cas's tent. He threw those into the passenger side and opened the back door for him and Cas. Once they were in Sam started the car and began to drive to the nearest hospital.
"Stay with me Cas…please. Don't leave me again…not again." he pleaded quietly to Cas. "Fight it Cas, stay here, stay with me…I…I can't deal with you gone ok? So you better pull through this or I swear, I will kick your ass."
Cas made no reply.