Chapter 7

They had moved into his living room. The fire was on and somehow they had ended in his couch, her head resting on his shoulder while they stared at the flames.
"After sixth year" his body did the now known reaction when someone reminded him of that time of his life. "I knew I'd be a target, and even if I wasn't an easy one, my parents would be. So I made sure no death eater would find them." He could feel her shaking slightly at his side. He wanted to wrap his arms around her but it didn't feel like a good idea.
"What did you do?"
"I arranged for them to move to Australia, with a new job, a new identity and without no recollection that they ever had a daughter." She said it without expression, numbed.
"You altered their memories at 16!?" He shouldn't have been so surprised, she helped (probably more than anyone) to defeat the darkest wizard of all time, but that was different. Any mistakes and...
"You couldn't bring them back." It was kind of a question, he was hoping to be wrong.
"I didn't even try. When I finally had the strength to go looking for them after everything that happened, when I was sure they had all been captured, that no one could harm them, they weren't at the house I had left them. When I asked around they told me they had gotten divorced. I couldn't believe it, all my life I had hoped for a love like them and now they were divorced, but I was sure that after their memories were back to good everything would get better. I found my father first, and boy was I wrong." She still sounded numb but he could feel her tears dampening his shirt.
"What happened?"
"He was married, with a baby on the way, a girl if the room was any indication. How could I bring his memories back if he was so happy? And what about his new wife, would I be ruining her life too? Could he even forgive me?" He took her hand then. He couldn't imagine what it must have been for her. Heartbreaking no doubt. "And then I found my mother. She lived in a nice apartment in Sydney, still a dentist, and alone. She went to see a psychiatrist every Thursday to talk about her depression and her frustration about not having children, and the dreams about a daughter that never was that haunted her." And then her voice finally gave and it cracked in such a way he felt a pang go straight to his bruised heart. "You think I'm brave? If I was I would have given her her memories back, but I didn't. I was so afraid, so fucking afraid to see her hating me, of her finding out that that daughter she so wanted was responsible of how miserable she was. I did nothing." She grabbed his arm with so much strength he was afraid his sleeve would rip, but he let her and hold her hand a little tighter while she cried.
So what? She had been afraid and rightly so! That didn't mean she deserved this suffering, this guilt she carried around, the anxiety that paralyzed her, and stopped her from moving forward.
"Have you seen her since then?"
"No, but Harry has, he says she's doing much better now. She heads a charity organization that helps orphans all over Australia and she no longer needs antidepressants."
"I see who you take after" she left out a pained laugh, but gave his hand a squeeze. "I kind of miss that. You being a self righteous pain in the arse...ahhh good times." She laughed and hit him but it felt so good to know he had helped, if just a little, to make her feel better.
They stayed like that for a while he was lost in his thoughts. He kept going back to the war, to his mother, and to the girl beside him. When he turned to look at her she was sleeping soundly. This was bad, he shouldn't be opening up to her, he should keep his distance learn from his mistakes, but he couldn't do it, didn't want to.
She looked so thin, too thin to be healthy and it scared him. But who the hell was he to try and help her? What made him think he even could? She moved in her sleep trying to find a comfortable position, and mumbled something incoherent. Merlin help him, he didn't want to stay away.

He woke up with a start. She was gone.
Two hours later the bell rang and he looked through his bedroom window to see a pair of blonde heads waiting at his door pointing at Granger's property. His eyes followed the direction they were pointing at and there she was, clapped in a checkered blanket with a cup of tea in her hands looking into space. He smiled, then the bell rang again and it turned into a groan. He wasn't in the mood for awkward conversations.
"You changed your decoration, it looks nice." Daphne said while her sister sat looking around unconvinced.
"It was Pansy". Astoria looked at him like he'd committed a crime (well he had but not right now).
"You let Pansy pick your furniture?"
"I really don't care about furniture. She does so I let her be."
"That's weird" she said and she reminded him of his mother when they were outside her comfort zone and she looked at everyone with an air of superiority to protect herself and her family. But Astoria had nothing to protect, at least not around him, which only made him find her annoying.
"Is it?"
When the visit was finally over he sighed with relief. He saw Ginny Potter walking towards Granger in the garden, she must have felt his stare because their eyes met. She nodded his way and he returned the gesture, and then she was smiling at her friend and braiding her hair. He felt too much like a stalker looking at them through the window so he went back to his room and read for a while.
It was dinner time when his doorbell rang again, and there stood Hermione Granger biting her lip.
"Granger! Come in. Are you hungry? I haven't done anything for dinner, but I could..." She raised a hand to stop his rambling and shook her head.
"I want to have a party." He just stared at her not knowing what to say. "Not a real party, just a reunion with the people I am comfortable with, and you are invited. Do you think your friends would like to come?" He nodded like in slow motion and she smiled broadly. "Good! It's this thursday because Ginny can't do weekends right now." She turned around and sprinted to her house, when she was at her door she waved at him. He waved back and then she was gone.