Emily sat on the steps of their stairway sobbing, barely able to catch her breath. They'd worked so hard to get here, for seven years. And then they'd had four years of beautiful peace. And now this. She didn't know how to fix this. But she couldn't let him disappear. If he needed space and time, she could give him that, but she needed to know where he was.

She stood up and went to the kitchen, where her phone was plugged in. She dialed Garcia.

"Emily?" she asked in a concerned voice.

"He's gone," Emily gasped back. "I need you to find him."

"Oh, Emily," said Penelope in despair, tears already evident in her voice. "I'm on it. Does he have his phone?"

"No. It's here. Track his car."

"Give me a second, Em." she said softly.

They didn't talk, they were both taking shuddering tear-filled breaths, and Emily could hear Garcia typing.

It's taking her too long, thought Emily. Why is it taking her so long?

"Sorry, Em," said Garcia, reading her thoughts. "It's harder for me to do this at home than at work. Just a few more minutes."

Emily read something in her voice. Deceit? Fear? She couldn't place it. She didn't have the energy to figure it out. She sank to the floor in the kitchen. She remembered the day she came back to this house and told Derek she was leaving London and coming home. That conversation took place on this very floor, she thought. She cried some more.

Emily heard her front door open. She looked around the kitchen cabinets and saw JJ. What was JJ doing here? She lived close, just a few minutes away from each other, but why was she here? Emily heard JJ say into her phone, "I'm here, Pen."

Oh, realized Emily, Garcia must have sent her a text with one of her other phones. And then she knew, and knew that Garcia didn't want to tell her the news over the phone.

Emily set her phone on the floor as JJ came and crouched in front of her, softly saying what Emily already figured out. "His GPS is offline, Em. He must have disabled it. Garcia can't find him with that. But she's going to keep looking for any credit card activity. We'll find him."

They'd worked many cases where someone had disabled the GPS on a car. On his, it was just a matter of a spark plug. He must have pulled it right away, making the decision that he didn't want to be found.

Emily fell apart. She didn't know she had this many tears. JJ was there, trying to say comforting words, trying to touch her and keep her grounded. But Emily was numb to it. Eventually JJ coaxed her upstairs. She convinced Emily to lay down and rest. She told Emily she'd be right there. She promised Emily again that her and Derek were going to get through this, that the universe wanting nothing more than the two of them together. That's what she said, "The universe wants nothing more than the two of you together, Em." And Emily heard that and found some comfort in those words, because they were true. It didn't mean together today or tomorrow. But they'd be together again.

Emily eventually passed out in an exhausted sleep. She'd barely eaten or slept since Friday and her mind needed a reprieve.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

He came to her in dreams, snippets of their life together. She would say, "Come back to me," but he couldn't seem to hear her. When she'd reach to touch him in those dreams, her hand would go right through him. He was a mirage. Fata Morgana, her dream-self thought bitterly at the irony of the name. It was a cruel joke of her subconscious; even in her dreams she couldn't touch him.

She came to think of herself as two people in those dreams, Past Emily and Present Emily. Past Emily was right there with Derek and could relive every touch, every sound, every word. Present Emily was a voyeur. She could watch, but not touch him. The second she tried, her hand would move through his body and the dream would fade away like wisps of smoke.

That first night after Derek left, Present Emily watched herself and Derek that very first time in her apartment, almost eleven years ago.

Derek was on top of her and had his face buried in her neck, breathing heavy. Emily had her arms around him, was trying to blink back tears and catch her own breath, while her body still trembled around him. She never thought she would feel something like this in her life; this much passion, this much connection with someone. Derek lifted his head up and looked at her, and she squeezed him to her tighter. She didn't want him to move yet. He gently kissed her, then moved his lips back near her ear. "I've never done that with someone I truly loved before," he whispered in her ear. And Emily's heart skipped a beat, the tears slowly leaking out of her eyes. "I love you, too," she whispered back.

Present Emily whispered 'come back to me' and reached her hand out to him, tried to put her hand on Derek's back, and her hand went through him. Past Emily and Derek swirled away in front of her and she was left staring at blackness...

Emily's eyes open in their bedroom and she looked at her bedside clock. 3:00am; Derek had been gone for eight hours. She looked around the room and thought JJ was probably in the guest room next door; Emily knew she wouldn't have left. She spotted Derek's laptop sitting plugged in on the floor across the room. Emily slowly got up and retrieved it, bringing it back to the bed, opening the screen and blinking at the bright light when the computer woke up.

When Caleb was six months old, Derek got the idea to record himself reading books to his son, and Serena, for the nights he was away on a case. Caleb now called them his "Daddy Books." But that's not what Emily was looking for at the moment. She was searching his computer for a recording that never made into the "Daddy Book" folder.

Emily was worried he might have deleted it , but she finally found it. She managed a small laugh; he'd named the file Booyah. She double-clicked on it and the screen filled with Derek's face. The face she knew with the bright eyes and easy smile, the face that made her feel loved and happy everyday.

"In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon, and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon. And there were three little bears..."

Derek paused in his reading and looked up, smiling. His eyes tracked Emily as she walked around the bed and to the bedroom door. You could hear the door closing and a little click.

Derek looked back at the screen and said, "Sorry, buddy. I think reading time's over for tonight. Mommy just locked the bedroom door and that means I'm going to get lucky."

Emily laughed quietly off screen. On screen, Derek's face was turned towards the bedroom door and his eyes and smile got a little wider. That had been when Emily had taken off her robe.

"Nine years later and you still take my breath away."

Emily came onto the screen then. Her hand went to Derek's cheek and she bent her head to kiss him. Derek closed the laptop and they disappeared from view.

Emily started crying again and played the video from the beginning. JJ appeared in the room and sat next to Emily on the bed. She took Emily's hand in hers. She cried with her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At 9:00am on Monday morning, Derek Morgan walked into a branch of their bank in Chicago and withdrew $9,500 from his personal account, the account he used when he was working on houses. It was just under the $10,000 limit the bank allowed one to withdraw without filling out a form in advance. He walked out with the money in cash. They were all at the BAU at the time, even Emily, when Garcia's computer started beeping at the activity.

"He must have driven straight through the night. Why Chicago?" asked Rossi.

Emily knew why immediately and her heart sank. "Because he was a cop there, because he did undercover work, because he knows people who can help him disappear."

They all looked at her with a mixture of pity, guilt and grief. She knew she looked like hell, she knew they each blamed themselves in their own ways. Her heart was hammering and she wanted to fall apart again, but she held on. Last night she'd conceded that she could give him space, and only wanted to know where he was. Now, she conceded again. She might not be able to know where he was, but he was making plans to disappear, not making plans to kill himself. Just keep breathing, Derek.

Penelope called the bank teller Derek had gone to. She couldn't tell them much. She said Derek told her that he was surprising his mom and thought cash would be more fun than a check. They called Chicago PD and put them on the look out for Derek's car.

Inside, Emily knew the search would be fruitless. If Derek wanted to disappear, he could do a good job of it. Emily knew what it felt like to need to leave in order to find yourself again. There was a piece of her that was angry, though. When she left for London, he knew where she was, they didn't have kids, they weren't married. But that anger quickly melted away; this was a different circumstance entirely and she had no right to judge his actions after what he'd been through. She had faith that he would come home or reach out when he was ready and that that day would come. And in that moment, she made a decision: The best thing she could do for him was to make sure he had a solid home to return to.

She teared up again, but took a deep breath and looked at the team. "I'm going home to clean myself up, and then I'm going to get Serena and Caleb and bring them home. Keep me posted if you hear anything."

When she arrived home, she was surprised to see Will's car in the driveway. It was Monday, his day off. She went to the door and it was unlocked and she heard sounds from upstairs. She found Will in their bathroom, repairing the hole in the wall. Her eyes immediately filled with tears as he turned to look at her.

He put his tools down and stepped forward to wrap Emily in a hug. "JJ called me and said you were bringing the kids home. She thought it would be better to fix this before Serena saw it," he said softly. "He'll come back, Emily. He will."

She nodded against his shoulder and whispered a "Thank you," before stepping away from him.

She showered in their other bathroom and stayed in the water for a long time, trying to think of the best thing to say to Serena and Fran and Caleb. In the end, she decided it would be better for Serena to absorb and talk about things in this house instead of Fran's.

She called Fran and asked her to bring the kids home. There was no real explanation necessary after that; Fran immediately knew Derek wasn't there. All she asked was a quiet, "Where?"

And Emily whispered desperately back, "I don't know."

When Fran arrived with the kids, Emily could see she was clearly shaken, more shaken than she had been the day before. Caleb ran into the house happily, "Home, home, home!" he shouted while wrapping his arms around Emily's leg. She lifted him and gave him a huge hug and a kiss. It was nice to remember that she still had the capability to feel happiness with him in her arms, with his smile that looked just like Derek's.

The feeling was brief, however; Serena was staring at her and Emily's heart sank again. Fran had told her that Derek wasn't home, but had respected Emily's wishes to simply tell Serena that Emily would talk to her about it when they got to the house.

Fran took Caleb up to his bedroom to play and Emily took Serena's hand and went to sit on the couch. Serena immediately assumed the same position she had at Fran's house, sitting facing forward on Emily's lap. They had a sad, whispered.

"Where is he?" she quietly demanded.

"I don't know, Serena. I'm so sorry, but I don't know. He needs time to feel better and he wants to do that alone for right now."

"How can he feel better without us?" And then Emily's heart felt like it was going to fall right out of her when Serena figured it out and continued, "Something bad happened and now we don't make him feel good?"

"He loves us so much, my sweet girl. But, yes, right now Daddy is having a hard time having people close to him, even us."

"When will he come back?"

"I don't know, Serena."

"Will he come back?"

"Yes," Emily whispered. She would not allow herself to doubt that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night before bed, Caleb asked for a Daddy Book. For their wonderful little boy, this felt to him like an extended case Derek was on. Caleb wasn't asking questions, but he also wasn't quite three years old and time didn't hold the same meaning for him.

Emily settled herself on Caleb's bed with Derek's laptop. Caleb crawled into Emily's lap and she put the laptop on the bed in front of him. "Which book, Caleb?" she asked in a cheerful tone she didn't feel at all; her heart was hurting just thinking about sitting here with Caleb, watching Derek read.

"Stop, Train, Stop!" he said happily.

Emily selected the book and Derek's face filled the screen and his voice filled the room. Emily bent to drop a kiss on Caleb's head as the tears welled in her eyes. She saw Serena in the doorway, Serena who had spent the majority of the day quietly in her room. Serena walked to the bed and sat down next to Emily, looking at the screen, and for the first time, she cried about this. Emily saw the tears falling down her face as she tried to control their own, as they both tried to be quiet and hide the tears from Caleb. Caleb was completely absorbed in the story, thankfully.

Emily took Serena's hand in hers and Serena leaned her head against Emily's shoulder. Serena whispered in Spanish, "Estará de vuelta. Él nos prometió para siempre."

He'll be back. He promised us all forever.