Hey guys! New chapter! I warn you, this is when it starts to get angsty.

Chapter 6

It became official that they were together when Marzia and Toby congratulated the two in a text message a few days later. Of course, Ryan had texted Toby with the news and Felix to Marzia, so each congratulatory message was sent and received separately, but it didn't both them.

At least, it didn't both Ryan. But something had been nudging the back of Felix's mind ever since the first night the two had slept together as a "couple", if you could call them that considering they had no idea what they were themselves at the time. It was a very persistent nudge too, one that said, "Hey, I'm important. Don't ignore me!" But of course Felix ignored it, and managed to do so until the Bro Army meet up.

Neither Ryan nor Felix wanted to talk about the meet up.

Mostly because it would entail them being without the other's presence for a few days.

Another reason was because they were both worried about the fact that Ryan would end up alone for a few nights; which most likely meant the return of his night terrors.

The brunette told Felix not to worry, that he would be okay alone for a few days. He even pointed out that he had been dealing with the nightmares, by himself, for the better part of two months.

Felix didn't believe him, which Ryan understood considering that he had no confidence in his own bold words either, but the American still felt hurt by the other's skepticism. However he didn't mention his injured pride and so Felix went, unaware, to the Bro meet up.

At the meet up a PewDieCry fan asked if he and "Cry" were really together. He answered them as truthfully as he could without explicitly saying they were. "We are if you want us to be." Many PewDieCry fans screamed and swooned at his statement, but most "normal" Bros just rolled their eyes "knowing" fully well that "PewDiePie" obviously meant it in terms of fan-fictions and fan-art.

But he didn't mean it in the way the "normal" Bros had thought, for, in all truth, he had absolutely no idea by what he had meant by it himself.

That was when he realized it. That nudge, the little tug in the back of his mind, had been trying to tell him that he was dating another man! Of course he knew Ryan was a man but, really, he hadn't actually thought of him as anyone other than "Ryan". Felix knew he wasn't gay—oh no he was too attracted to woman to be so—but now that he thought of Ryan as, not the youtuber he played multiplayer games with, nor as Cry, the little 'Sup Dude, but as an actual, breathing male, his mind was sent reeling at the thought.

Did he actually love Ryan? No, he couldn't, could he? After all, the other is a male and he…He was completely straight, wasn't he? Or was he gay? No, definitely not gay. Bisexual, then; maybe, it seemed more…Correct but how could he tell? He didn't even know if he truly loved Ryan, and he never felt attracted to another man before him, so what clues, what proof did he have that he was bisexual and not heterosexual like he thought he was all his life?

Those thoughts had left such an impact on him that he decided that, when it came time for him and Ryan to see each other, he would tell the brunette that they needed to take their relationship slowly and with a grain of salt, or, maybe even to just "postpone" their couple status until he could sort out his own emotions and sexuality.

He had no idea, except that, when he got back to Ryan's house, he might just explain to the other his "situation" and maybe even ask Ryan about his sexuality as well.

The blond never got a chance to ask, for upon arrival it was quite obvious that something wasn't quite right. Maybe it was because of how dark it was inside the house, or because the mailbox was filled with unopened mail and newspapers; but nonetheless, he felt uneasy. "Ryan," he called out attentively, unlocking the door with the spare, silver-brass key that the other had given him.

There was no answering call, no replying voice, just silence and a dark, empty room. The sound of his footsteps seemed loud in the silent house. Felix called Ryan's name again, this time more urgently than before, but still no answer could be heard resounding around the small house.

It worried him, and the more steps he took, the wearier he got. The sounds of his footsteps were, to him, what a time-bomb was to a bomb squad; his footsteps counting down to some sort of grievous situation.

Tap…Tap…Tap…Ta-. His footsteps fell quiet as he came upon Ryan's door. It was closed and, when he tried turning the knob on the wooden door, found that it was locked. Balling one hand into a fist, he raised his hand hesitantly and knocked three times.

There was no answer at first, but just as he raised his fist in order to knock again, a voice could be heard from the other side of the door. "G-Go away," it was definitely Ryan's voice, but something was wrong. It was twisted and distorted with fear and maybe even mild hostility.

It made Felix worry more. This time knocking on the door a little lighter now, the blond let his soothing voice fill the space around him. "Cry, it's me, PewDiePie. Unlock the door."

Again, there was no answer, but the sounds of scuffling and hesitant footfalls could be heard coming from the other side of the door. After a few seconds, there was a click! and the door knob started to turn, the door opening to reveal two bleary blue-eyes staring up at him. "Pewds…?"

He didn't speak, the words caught in his throat at the sight of the brunette. The American was pale, with his hair dull and flat, dark bags under his eyes from what must have been lack of sleep. His top lip was split in the middle, bloodying his teeth and skin around it. He smiled weakly with pale pink lips. But he couldn't keep up the smile, it drooping and becoming a frown while tears formed in his nearly-dead looking eyes. He opened the door slightly before his legs gave out and he had to cling to Felix's light-blue shirt for support.

With an exasperated tone of voice, Felix called out the other's name, catching him before he fell, "R-Ryan?!"

"Nightmares…"

The one word had been whispered and left to tremble in the air-conditioned room, causing chills to slither their way down Felix's spine. The shiver had not been caused by the word itself, but by the realization that had hit him hard.

He had left Ryan to deal with the wrath of the nightmares alone; to drown admits the murky depths of the fear—no, the terror—brought about by the traumatic dreams. He had abandoned his lover to be beaten, tortured, manipulated, scarred, whatever the demons of his mind had subjugated him too, and all because he had chosen the Bros over him.

"H-Hey…Shh, it's going to be alright, everything is fine now. I'm here." He stroked Ryan's hair comfortingly, whispering soothing words to the other in an attempt to calm the American...Or was he trying to comfort himself? He could feel himself starting to panic, he never was very good at dealing with these sorts of situations, but he couldn't allow his lover to see his rising anxiety, so he kept his calm demeanor. "C'mon, let's go to the living room."

There was no resistance from the brunette when the blond pulled him closer to himself and started steering them down the narrow hallway and into the living room. Once there, he set the brunette down onto a couch before lowering himself until he was kneeling in front of the other. "Ryan, now can you tell me what…Ryan?"

The other didn't seem to be listening, his eyes glazed over as they seem to try and focus on something in the distance. One hand was prodding at his left wrist absentmindedly, unconsciously lifting up a black sleeve to reveal open wounds running across his wrists. "Torture…"

"Fuck! Ryan, what did you do?" Felix was surprised. He knew that Ryan wasn't a cutter, so to see untreated gashes on the frail man's wrists was disconcerting to say the least. "F-Fuck me…Ryan, stay here, I'm going to go look for some gauze." The brunette didn't give any indication that he had heard him, and even if he had it didn't look like he'd be able to move on his own anyways.

And so his search started. It didn't take too long, considering he had only a rough idea of where the first-aid kit would be, but he still felt like it took too long to find.

After coming back, he used both the gauze and antibiotic to wrap up the wounds tightly. "There, I'm done being Dr. Pewds, unless there are more…" Ryan's dull-blue eyes look at him for a second before they looked down at his button-down shirt. Still in a daze, the brunette reached up and clumsily tried to unbutton his shirt, his skinny hands fumbling with the white-plastic button.

Sighing, Felix undid the buttons for him and recoiled at the sight of Ryan's chest. Scars and wounds covered it, standing out against the pale skin. "Why…?" The American didn't answer, still peering up at him through his bangs.

Felix sighed again, muttering to himself, "I guess it's time to call one of your friends…" Glancing at the table, he noticed a piece of paper with a phone-number on it. Taking the risk of potentially calling a complete stranger, he picked up the paper, took his cell out of his pocket, and dialed.

Scott Jund arrived five minutes later and helped with bandaging Ryan's chest. Whilst doing so, Felix asked him if this sort of thing has ever happened before.

Scott said no.

Felix inquired about whether or not Ryan could've done this to himself.

He answered with an unhelpful "Maybe" and a worried glance at the pale man whom was still looking at something behind the two in front of him.

Thus, an uncomfortable silence ensued between both Felix and Scott.

It was later that evening, when Ryan was out of his strange daze, that he said he was tired. Despite not feeling exhausted himself, Felix went to bed with him anyways, whispering promises of never leaving him into the others ear while he slept.