Thank you so much for the kind reviews and for reading/following/favoriting. I really appreciate it. This is obviously an AU so things will be different from the show. Please review.
Morgana's fingers curled into Merlin's hair. His head rested on her chest, and he was fast asleep. He looked so peaceful, she didn't want to wake him. Aithusa still slumbered on the carpet, next to the dying fire. Embers were scattered in the fireplace, and smoke rose from the burnt wood.
Merlin's arm was splayed over her waist, rendering her unable to move from underneath him. She pursed her lips and absentmindedly played with his hair. It was soft and dark and curled wildly when she ran her fingers through it. It was much like her own hair, and she stopped herself right there. That's where their similarities ended. It didn't matter that they both had magic, would both be persecuted for who they were, and that they had been so alone, hiding a secret.
Anger flared within her. He could've talked to her. She went to him, terrified of who she was, and he sent her away. She glared at him as her fingers still tugged gently on his hair. Her glare softened, and she shook her head. It was all Uther's fault. She was the king's ward. He didn't know she wouldn't turn her in. But she had been nicer then, surely. He could've trusted her as she trusted him when she took that poison thinking him kind for giving her the bit of water they had. Her hand stilled and she looked at him intently. She could make out the stubble beginning to grow on his cheeks, even in the dark. She reached her hand out to brush her fingers over his cheek, but stopped herself.
She needed to stop thinking of Merlin's hair, his cheekbones, his lips, and the things he could do with those lips, and instead focus on getting him back to Camelot without arousing suspicion.
Arthur would welcome Merlin back, surely. But the 'stumbled through the woods until he found his way home' bit might be getting old.
She made a face. Merlin murmured something in his sleep, lips parting, and her mouth attempted a smile. She caught herself before she could. She felt nothing for him. He was going to help her take what belonged to her, and that was it. She smirked. First she took Arthur's closest confidant and manservant (in more ways than one), now she would take his throne.
"Morning," he said sleepily, lifting his head up.
"Morning," she said quietly.
He moved his head to the pillow, and she bit her lip. He didn't know she had been playing with his hair, surely?
"I think you should go to Camelot. Today," Morgana said in an emotionless voice.
Merlin looked up at her with a crinkled brow, "Have I upset you, my lady?"
"No," she shook her head, "I'm quite pleased with you, actually."
She mentally cursed herself for letting affection tinge her voice. Merlin smiled a bit and she looked away. She couldn't grow too attached. Merlin was here with her now, and served his purpose well enough as he was close to Arthur and played the fool well, but she didn't know what would happen to him in the end once she got her throne. He could get hurt, or worse, die. She'd be alone once more and the thought wasn't all too comforting. Morgana would not admit she was scared, merely concerned. She could deal with alone. She was alone after Morgause, and Aggravaine, and Mordred. She was used to it.
"My lady?" Merlin's thumb reached under the blankets and ghosted across her hip. Morgana took a breath and rolled over to face him.
She brought her lips to his and both his hands gripped her hips. She didn't have to be alone at the very moment, though, did she? Companionship wasn't a horrible thing.
Morgana watched as Merlin put his clothing on. She had mended his shirt and he now looked like Arthur's faithful servant. The very thought of Merlin following his orders left a bitter taste in her mouth.
"There's food on the table downstairs," she told him.
"You're not going to eat?" he asked in concern.
"No," she shook her head.
"Well, how do I look?" he asked, spinning slowly.
She nodded. He looked like he'd had a tough time, and he be even worse for the wear on his journey.
"Well, goodbye, my lady," Merlin bowed a bit before heading to the door.
"Merlin," Morgana said, stopping him in his tracks, "Don't let me down."
"Never, Morgana," Merlin smiled a bit and winked. With that, he was gone once more.
She remained seated on the bed and waited until she heard the front door slam, and Merlin's footsteps get too far away for her to hear. How pathetic was it that she knew his footsteps better than her own? She lay back and blinked. High Priestesses didn't cry.
When Merlin stumbled into the courtyard within Camelot's walls, the first person to find him was Gwaine.
"Merlin!" Gwaine shouted, rushing over.
"Gwaine," Merlin smiled tiredly.
"Where the hell have you been?" he asked gruffly, obviously worried.
"Not quite sure. I was abandoned, you see," Merlin bit back. Oh, this was new. This sort of response was more acerbic than he'd have liked.
Gwaine looked ashamed, "I told Arthur not to leave you."
"I know," Merlin said.
Gwaine wrapped an arm around Merlin's shoulder and led him to the castle. Merlin leaned into his friend, glad to have someone he could trust in Camelot.
Arthur and Merlin stared each other down. They were in his chambers, not the throne room or at the Round Table. This was just between them.
"I'm glad you're alright, Merlin," Arthur said after minutes of silence.
"Really?" Merlin raised a brow, "Sure could've fooled me."
"I am sorry that we left you," Arthur said.
"Yeah, why did you?" Merlin asked with a slight quirk of his brow.
"I…it was a difficult thing to do. There were too many of them, and it was dangerous to try and bring you here," Arthur tried to explain.
Merlin nodded absentmindedly, "I understand. You have to put the knights first. I'm just a servant."
Arthur's mouth formed a thin line. Did Merlin really just see himself as a servant?
"I am sorry," the king didn't know what else to say.
Guinevere went to the stables to find Merlin brushing Arthur's horse and talking to it. He moved slower than usual, and he was listless. He looked pale and withdrawn. There were bags under his eyes and he looked like he'd gotten no sleep, or like he'd been crying.
"Merlin," Gwen greeted him.
"My lady," Merlin nodded. The words felt odd on his tongue when he wasn't addressing Morgana.
"How are you, Merlin?" she asked kindly.
"Fine," Merlin continued to brush the horse.
"Have you been sleeping well, eating properly?" Gwen asked, biting her lip.
"I'm fine, my lady. I just have nightmares sometimes," he said as if it wasn't a big deal.
Gwen's eyes widened and she looked genuinely concerned, "What did Morgana do to you?"
Merlin stopped brushing the horse and looked at the ground, blues eyes concentrating on the hay.
"She made me feel," he said morosely, then added, "what has pained me most over and over again."
He looked up at Gwen to gauge her reaction. She looked horrified that Morgana could do something like that. Merlin wasn't lying when he said Morgana made him feel. She made him feel a lot of things: guilty, angry, sad, useless, helpful, smart, stupid, happy, incredibly stupidly happy, and protective.
"I'll talk to Arthur about letting you have a few days off. Perhaps Gaius could fix you something for your nightmares," Guinevere suggested.
The unsaid words hung in the air: have him drug you like Morgana was drugged to prevent her visions, when all it did was hurt her instead.
"Thank you, my lady," Merlin tried to smile.
Morgana looked into the water intently as she dropped pebbles into the cauldron. A ripple, a sign, anything. She needed to know. A raven pecked at the window and she forgot all about scrying. Finally. She rushed to it and unrolled the parchment.
Arthur plans of an alliance with Sarrum, though Gaius warned him of his cruelty to all, especially those with magic. Will be in Camelot within the fortnight. Shall I poison them both?
Morgana clutched the parchment tightly in her fist. Sarrum and Arthur dead in one fell swoop, perhaps in a battle. Merlin didn't know it was Sarrum who had captured her and Aithusa. She grinned manically and took a quill from the table next to the window.
Meet me in a week's time.
"He's going to pay for what he did to us," Morgana whispered to herself, and glanced at Aithusa who flew around outside.
Arthur knocked on Gaius's door, and Gaius opened it.
"Yes?" Gaius asked.
"Where's Merlin?" Arthur asked, checking behind the door, "if he's in the tavern again…"
"Queen Guinevere gave him leave of his duties," Gaius said, "he's gone for a walk to clear his head."
"Oh," Arthur frowned, "why didn't he ask me?"
"He didn't want to disturb your preparations for Sarrum's welcome, sire," Gaius said.
"Fine," Arthur said and bid the old man farewell.
Merlin reached a clearing in the middle of the woods, exactly where the raven told him to go. Morgana pushed herself off of the tree she had been leaning against and walked over to Merlin.
"My lady," Merlin greeted, bowing his head slightly.
"Shut up," she raised her hands to rest on the sides of his face and kissed him roughly.
It'd been near two weeks since she'd seen him last. Merlin's arms wrapped around her waist and they staggered back towards the tree. Merlin pushed her against it and began to kiss her neck while her fingers tugged his hair.
"I have the poison," Morgana informed, "for Sarrum. It'll look like both tried to poison the other," she took a deep and tried to keep from panting. Merlin's mouth was warm and his hands were rough and calloused with years of hard work as they pulled at the bodice of her dress. Her hands used to be soft, but were rougher now, too.
Merlin made a noise as if he understood continued to kiss her neck. Morgana bit her lip and finally let out a small gasp.
"Arthur's preparing for Sarrum's arrival with a feast," Merlin said in a low voice.
Morgana nodded and tried to untie that blasted neckerchief of his.
"Enough about Arthur now," she murmured, tossing the scarf to the ground. She kissed Merlin again, dragging her lips to his jaw and neck.
She'd deal with her dear brother later. She had more pressing matters to tend to.