Elijah

...or you can push it away...

After twenty minutes of turning in the bed, Elijah decided to get up. The night was busy, the last scene was every bit of fantastic, and when they finally finished at the bedroom, Katerina fell asleep in a second.

Somewhere deep inside he understood her. He was exhausted too, after this much and satisfying physical activity, and considering their ages, Katerina must have been twice as tired. Still, despite what his body felt, his mind couldn't rest. Too many thoughts were whirling in his head, small observations and theories about love, loyalty, goals and success. He felt crazy to feel this many things only caused by spending one single night with a woman he loved so many years ago. So much shit happened since then... and it seemed if he chose either his family or Katerina, he would lose the other. Because he definitely needed to make a choice, that was obvious.

Would Katerina really be better than his siblings? Comparing them, he had to admit that so much dirt (blood) stuck to their hands - all of theirs -, that even himself, he may have lost his rationality somewhere on the road.

Now he felt that the life with Katerina would be so much easier. During the last months, he'd completely changed. He was not the caring older brother; he was just a man all alone, feeling the rest of the world being a bit beneath him. He liked feeling superior. He was superior.

Katerina knew it well and she accepted it on her own sassy way.

Did he need it? Caring about someone else again. And technically, he didn't know Katerina that well, meaning, he didn't have a clue how to live with or around her. Would it be difficult? Sure. Did he really want it? He was not that sure anymore. Was Katerina really that exceptional to be worth trying? She was rather a troubled one than really exceptional. Or not? He got her as easily as anything, anyone, any time.

He felt being on fire during the night and he had an urge to leave now. He put his clothes on fast and left the hotel in a great hurry.

-x-x-

He headed to a small town in the outskirts. He tried to ignore the sarcastic fact that he was exactly in the same situation than months ago. He stopped in the local pub for a drink.

During those thousand years he had lived, he could always stay cool-headed and think over everything before making a decision. Now his mind was a total mess, and he didn't even find where to start the analysis.

Well, he spent the last months mostly with chasing Katerina; in a romantic way for a change. He calmed down enough now to notice that the thrill of the hunt was gone for good, so he excluded that from the equation. He knew a few things about Katerina and her life - well, it revolved around hiding from his brother. He had to admit that the only part of her life he knew was her free time, her pleasures... and everything else remained a well-hidden secret.

At least his siblings always shared every detail with him, even if that made his life harder or simply annoyed him.

Another embarrassing fact to face: he knew nothing about them these days. Were they still at Mystic Falls at all?

He ordered a bottle of vodka, to drink for every mistake he made after leaving that damned town. He downed the first gulp to process that he was not that well-informed anymore.

The second, smaller sip was for not knowing where to go next. He didn't plan to return to New York, where he was available. He drank again for admitting he was lost when it came to hiding. Last time he was on the run from Klaus, he had several powerful witches to clean up after him. At this moment he had only a bottle of vodka, the clothes on him and his useless vampiric powers. Plus, his cell phone, which he turned off at the start of the evening.

Maybe there he should begin. He ordered bottle, then he sat down in a dark corner. He planned to enjoy the company of just the one and a half bottle of pure vodka - it should be enough for his sins, he thought, - but he knew better. To take in this much alcohol, he needed some blood, so he called for a girl - with pretty brown hair, which reminded him of Katerina. She must be disappointed to wake up alone. At least she left him a message in reverse situation, but him... The vodka lessened rapidly. He drained some blood from the brunette, and then let her go. Now he really had everything to get reacquainted with his life.

His cell phone was full of ignored calls and unread messages. He went to the oldest message, and he started to read them all scrupulously, one after the other.

At first, he found them frustratingly dull. Rebekah remained the same - all those rambling, but after finishing his first bottle, something near his heart moved. He felt himself a bad brother for letting his little sister down, she obviously needed him to lead her on the bumpy road of pretending to be human.

Klaus made him angry, but instead of the usual tired rage he felt, it was a nostalgic, oh-he-never-changes feeling.

Indeed, he changed. He got girlfriend issues and was slowly learning what jealousy meant. He chuckled on every hidden word which referred to Caroline.

As a result of this nostalgia, he started to miss his two other brothers too. Finn was dead, also by his fault. Or not? Elijah felt he was not capable of deciding such a difficult question anymore, and clearly not because of the vodka. It was a dark story, involving his absence, people over whom he never had control and the long-time wish of Finn for death.

Kol was a different story altogether. Elijah remembered ignoring the only call which he saw coming from him. Maybe it was something important. Kol was everything but family centric, so probably he didn't call him only for getting sure of his well-being.

Another, long swig for Kol, and their too many times ruined relationship during the centuries. He thought of calling him instead of reading every silly texts - he would enjoy a night (day) out like this -, but these texts reminded him of old family times, so he continued.

The first thing what snatched him out of this close-to-happy state was the mention of a new case. They didn't write any specific details, but it involved all the gang in Mystic Falls, and also divided his siblings again. He drank again while reading these messages fast, and noticed his bottles became painfully empty. He jumped to get one more - or to speed back to Mystic Falls, he didn't really know - but his senses had a different idea. The world was spinning around him - he had not been so drunk since... he couldn't even remember.

Anyway, if he had no other choice than staying, he ordered another bottle.

He laughed at himself silently. His siblings were in trouble again and not only he's too far away from them to help, he's not capable of getting there because he's way too drunk to stay on foot. It was hilarious and pathetic at the same time especially knowing himself - but again, a mistake - a great one - which deserved some vodka.

Switching through the remaining texts, there was no more ranting about the unsuccessful friendship with Matt Donovan by Rebekah, but more about how much she hated Elena Gilbert for getting everything Rebekah wanted for herself. Elena - another person he failed, but she was the only one that may forgive him and accept his reasons without further explanation.

This way, the chain connected back to Katerina, who looked the same, but was so much different... Was he in love with her, he asked himself again, but the fog of drunkenness blurred the answer more than ever. Did he like Katerina for who she was? Or did he fancy her only for his memories and her pretty face? Because... well, he felt something for Elena, too, who wore the same face, not to mention the Original doppelganger - God, how much time passed since he last thought of her! Was he into Katerina only because of her being a doppelganger? Would it be his fate, to be in love with the current doppelganger? If so, he could as well blame his mother for it, since she must have been the one who cursed him. 'Doppelganger. Sounds like a curse word, innit?'

Yeah, it's a curse, he decided, so he returned to his cell. He found the last message with a relieved sigh. It arrived last night, while he was already... well, he was busy, so he hadn't even had the chance to notice it. It came from Klaus.

"I need you to come home. I'm imprisoned in the Gilbert house. They are gonna kill me, I send you their whereabouts, take care of them. They already killed Kol."

He sounded angry and serious.

At first, Elijah didn't even believe the content. Short and shocking... He became sober in a heartbeat.

At first, nothing made sense, but his mind slowly put the pieces together. They had something to work on, maybe an enemy, and this divided them so much that his immortal little brother was the one unlucky who got killed. Why him? And how?

Well, he knew the only possible answer for the latter and he had some guess about the first too, since Kol had always been the one who stood against them, against everyone, all alone, without shame or fear...

Still, why? What could be so bad for him to reach such a drastic destiny?

Run out of messages, he checked his voicemail. He tried to calm himself that maybe it's not even true, only Klaus tricking to lure him home... He found only one single call recorded on his phone, but it was the one he sought - a call from Kol.

"Hi, Elijah, this is me, Kol, as you must have seen since you ignored me again for the hundredth time. I get it, why you don't want to hear from me, but believe me, this is important even for you now. Call me, when you finally heard this message.

This is not about some stupid debate which you are so bored and me too, it's really important and I think you are the only one that can stop them, I'm not enough. I need you, Elijah. They went completely insane, Rebekah and Klaus, and everyone in Mystic Falls. They want to raise this Silas thing. Have you ever heard about him? I'm sure you have. You know about everything. So, he's dangerous, but they don't believe me that he will destroy all of us and our world too. I don't want this world to be destroyed because I like it the way it is and I know so do you – and yeah, I admit it only to you that I'm afraid of him 'cause he's stronger than all of us would be together.

I need your help to stop this.

I'm already on the case, so don't worry too much, you don't need more wrinkles, but I don't know if I can succeed. I am not good at saving the world, it's you. The thing is that I know what they need to do the ritual. They have everything in separate places: the sword of a Hunter of the Five, a Bennett witch, who you already know and a Hunter of the Five in full bloom, because they are back, and it's Jeremy Gilbert, and since they are all helping him to complete his mark, he is almost ready. The thing is that they don't care about Silas, but they need to wake him to get a cure for vampirism. It's supposed to be for Silas, but they want it for either Klaus or Elena Gilbert, or themselves, I don't know and I don't care since I will prevent it any way I can think of. Maybe my methods aren't the best, but I must try, Elijah, even if I die trying. I have the white oak stake all the time with me, but they are after me. I don't want you to save my ass again, but you are the only one that I can trust, and I also want you to know that I tried.

I tried, Elijah, but I can't know how it ends, so I want to tell you how much I always appreciated that you'd been standing by me. You were always the best brother possible while I was the worst. I'd really like to say that now I'm doing this to fix some of my past faults, but you'd still know it's not true and I'm still the selfish jerk I've always been.

So, anyway, I told you what I wanted, but I'm not that selfish this time. I don't want you to help – well, I want, but I won't ask. Do as you wish, I take full responsibility. Enjoy your freedom, you deserved it. And call me maybe, like they sing it in that silly song, when you're missing me. Bye!"

-x-x-

After consuming his third bottle of vodka and sitting for half an hour unaware of the world around him, he already knew what he needed to do. What he should have done weeks, but at least days ago. Confusion was exiled from his mind, everything became clear as glass. A glass of vodka. He knew now where he belonged and what to do. Kol knew what I should do. He was in the wrong place with the wrong person for months, but now he had something to distract his thoughts.

He planned to go back to Katerina, because he suspected she was somehow involved in the same business from afar, and through her, he could gain the role which fit him the most - the real leader in the backstage.

Getting himself out of the town, he tried to push every shadow of regret out of his mind - because regret was way much less than the price he now should pay.

That's it. Kol's dead. I hated that moment in the show, he was one of my favorites, so I wrote a one-shot to say goodbye to him. It's called Lost Brothers, you can find it on my profile. It fits with this story - actually, it starts with Kol's message in this chapter and goes over memories of Kol from Elijah's point of view - but can be read separately.

Thanks for reading!

SV