Ok, hey! A lot of ya'll have left reviews asking about my other stories, of course I haven't forgotten about them! It's just I have a lot of words written for this one, so I thought I'd just upload:)

I'm actually travelling a lot this weekend, so who knows I might be able to write the next chapters for SOTT and IOYDHTLM but I'll see!

Jay stared at her so long with his guilt-ridden look, she wanted to shake it out of him. "What is it?"

"Laetrile was used in the lab where Will works. It showed promise of shrinking inoperable cancer. But they stopped the clinical trials when massive side effects started showing up. It wasn't safe-"

"I know Jay, Will said that in the car." She reminded him.

"Yeah, but I just remembered those side effects…"

She gulped. "Why do I have a feeling I don't wanna hear this?"

He swallowed too and glanced down her body. "I had a conversation with Will when he was first working on it. After the initial tests of it, Laetrile looked like it was going to work." Jay tightened his grip on her hips, pulling her slightly off the desk and further towards him. "Minor side effects were things like rashes, he told me… You know, nothing too serious. But then there were some severe cases, ones that caused Will and his company to pull it." He bit his lip. "These effects were common in participants with brain or spine cancer…. Changes in personality or… Memory loss."

Oh, shit.

He exhaled a shaky breath. "When the patients in the clinical trials started reporting forgetting things, they backed away from the drug. Luckily, most of them didn't have long-lasting effects."

"But why would I have been given that? You said I wasn't sick."

"You weren't. I don't quite know what's going on but-" He hesitated.

"But what?" She couldn't disguise the rising panic in her voice. "And what does this have to do with you?" She noticed he hadn't brought his eyes back up to her own. "Jay?"

He backed away and sat back in his chair. He ran a sweaty palm over his face. "Have a look on my computer screen and tell me if you recognize that man."

Confused, she ran her fingers over the keyboard. His screensaver disappeared and another familiar face popped up. "Oh my God."

"I'll take that as a yes?"

"Why do you have Dan's picture?"

"That's Dr Daniel McMorrison. He developed Laetrile. He was heading all of the clinical trials."

No. Rachel turned to the screen then looked away. Nope. Not possible. Words caught in her throat. This wasn't happening.

She jumped from the des, pacing at the window. Jay pushed himself out of his chair and reached for her.

"No you don't. Don't close in on me right now. Stay with me."

"You can't- you're wrong. There's a different explanation. There has to be."

"Hey-"

"What, so you're telling me he did this to me on purpose?" How could the guy she'd lived with for so long, the guy who she'd trusted with her son, how could he have done something to intentionally hurt her?

"I don't know that, yet. This doesn't make sense to me either, but I promise you we're going to figure it out." He pulled her into his arms before she could back away.

She let him hold her, but she couldn't peel her eyes from his computer screen. Dan's face staring back at her. Memories she had of him flashed in front of her face- or memories she thought had happened. Had he just filled her head with a bunch of crap? A shudder ran through her and she tried to wriggle free, but Jay held her tight.

"Hey, you're alright," he said quietly. "I've got you." She continued to struggle but didn't have the energy to fight when he wasn't going to let go. Eventually, she sank into him while emotions ran around her body.

How could she have been so wrong? How could she not have seen what Dan was underneath? Had she been blind, or had she not studied his character hard enough? Whatever it was, she blamed nobody but herself right now.

Jay ran a hand through her curls, his lips repeating his reassurances in her ear. But none of his words were registering in her mind.

"You… you said his name was McMorrison."

He nodded against her hair, not loosening his grip. "Yes. Daniel McMorrison. His family…" She heard him take a breath. "His family used to operate McMorrison Publishing for a long, long time."

She felt sick, this time she could actually feel the bile rising in her throat. "The… the publishers?" So Matt hadn't offered her the job for nothing. Was he involved in this mess too? "He always said he never wanted me to work." She swallowed. "He knew at some point I'd end up working for McMorrison Publishing."

"Yeah, I thought of that. I… I don't want you going in to work tomorrow."

"Jay-"

"No, listen to me." Jay willed his body backwards and looked at her, his fingers gripping her shoulders. "This is bigger than we thought. Millions of dollars were put into Laetrile. People were pissed when it was pulled. The… your chart says you had it way after it was pulled. Somebody was testing it, it was either because they planned to sell it or they were trying to get around us. Either way, you trying to figure out what happened won't go down well with whoever is behind this."

She didn't want to believe what he was implying. "I thought Dan was behind this?"

"I don't think he was acting alone. I don't think he could have. Obviously people at the nursing home knew. Somebody at the publishers knew."

"But what does this have to do with you?"

"Daniel's temper got the better of him when the drug got pulled. The trials were all at Will's work place, even though he never saw him. But on one of his visits there, when they argued against Laetrile, things got out of hand. CPD ended up getting called there, to cool things down."

"So you knew him?" she asked quietly.

"I met him then, but I didn't know him well."

Her eyes closed. They'd met. They'd talked. Her being with Dan wasn't a coincidence.

Jay's hold on her got tighter. "We'll get to the bottom of this. But, you gotta be careful. Your face is gonna be all over the papers. People will know you're still alive."

Another thing to worry about. "That hadn't really crossed my mind."

"Also," he said. "I wanna take you to a doctor tomorrow."

She tucked curls behind her ear. "I'm fine."

"Don't even argue with me on this." The tone of his voice told her to not even try. "Laetrile wasn't tested long-term. We have no idea what the long-term effects could be."

"I had a brain scan just before I came back here. It came back normal."

"But it was done by a doctor in New York, right?"

"Yup," her stomach rolled. "You don't think he's involved too, do you?"

"I don't know. But I don't want to take any chances."

"Oh God," she muttered and sank back into him. Things were getting worse. Every new clue, every new bit of information, she couldn't believe what she'd dragged them all into.

Jay laid his head on hers, his cheek touching her hair. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

She believed him. The way he was holding her made her want to forget everything they'd found and just be with him. Closing her eyes, she pressed a cheek into his chest and held him just as tight as he held her.

The way she could hear his heart, it reminded her she was alive. In the quiet of his office, she could almost imagine what life with him had been like. What he'd been like before, before losing Erin. He'd been happy. He'd been whole. He'd been a man who would move heaven and earth for the woman he was in love with.

Neither of them were the same people they'd once been. And even though she wanted to lean on him and let him protect her, there was still so much she didn't know. About what had happened to her. About him. About how all of this (him included) was connected.

Only the truth was going to set her free. She vowed not to let this break her, she couldn't let it. She'd already come so far. The only thing she could do now was search for the answers that were out there somewhere. Wherever that fucking somewhere was.

"This shit just keeps getting more fucked up," Will stood at the bar in Jay's office. He ran a hand slowly through his curls.

"Tell me about it." Jay took out four glasses and poured four drinks. He looked over towards Rachel and Simone, sitting on the floor near the windows and quietly talking. Rachel had put on a brave face when they'd been joined by the others, but he didn't miss the way her hands trembled when she reached for a drink or Chinese take-out Will and Tori had brought back. "She's so fucking stubborn so she won't come back to my place, but I don't want her to be alone all the way out at her house."

"You really think somebody would go after her?" his brother questioned.

"Well considering the press conference this morning, her face is all over the media. Plus, she's been snooping out that nursing home for God knows how long. When she first got here, somebody saw her and wouldn't let her in. Said her files burnt down in the fire, which obviously they didn't," He motioned to her file on his desk. "She's had a rough day, and I didn't exactly tell her everything."

"Why does that last statement of yours put me on edge?"

He lowered his voice so the girls couldn't hear. "Daniel McMorrison was pissed when you guys pulled his drug. Of course, he'd invested a good deal of money into it. I remember calling him out for being an asshole to you guys, but he showed up here and almost had my head off when he found out it was partly our idea to bag it. Mostly our idea. Then he said he'd find a way to get it approved anyway, and there was nothing I could do to stop him. I thought whatever- he's a moron and he's not going to get anywhere. Will," he leaned forwards towards his brother. "Two weeks later, Erin was gone."

"Fuck,"

"Oh, you'll be thrilled to know there's more. I heard that somewhere in Vancouver, there were clinical studies with a similar drug to Laetrile. Drugs are easier to slip under the radar-"

"Wait, you think he was testing it on his own? After we told him we were dropping it?"

Jay felt a wave of nausea hit him. "I don't know. But that's what I'm thinking. I think maybe he was using the nursing home as his testing facility, then exporting whatever to a Canadian company. We need to find the nurse who's listed on Er- on her chart."

"Rachel's chart, bro." Will raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," he ignored him. "Maybe she knows something, something about who McMorrison was working with on this."

"Are you two done with the whispering?" Tori walked over with an empty wine glass. Jay turned to see her, noticing that Rachel was no longer in the room. She's gone to the bathroom he thought.

"Yeah, we're done," Jay replied. He folded his arms at his chest. "Any chance you can stay with Er- Rachel tonight? I don't want her at the house by herself."

"I…uh, sure. Is she gonna go for that though? She's not gonna think you're being paranoid?"

"I'll ask her then." Jay stated.

"Ask me what?" She moved towards them, fresh from the bathroom.

Will laughed, leaning back on the bar. "Sleeping arrangements, Rachel. You can have me, Tori or Jay."

Her gaze shifted between the three of them and it didn't take her two seconds to figure they were being serious. "I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"Rachel," Tori cut in. "You've had a super stressful day. Humor us for tonight, none of us want you to be alone."

"I have Fre-"

"He's with Izzy and Olivia. You don't know the girl but damn, Jay couldn't have picked anybody better for his Second in Command. She's a hit with kids, too."

Rachel bit her lip. "Fine," she finally said. "You win. I haven't got the energy to fight about this tonight. But," her gaze shifted to Tori. "If this is as bad as we think, it's not smart for any of us to be alone. Especially you, Tori. Now the world knows you're my lawyer, that you're the one who recognized me first."

"Rachel-" Tori started.

"I'd feel better knowing you're not alone either. I don't want it to be my fault if anybody gets hurt."

"Rachel, I'm not-"

"Hey, you can't argue with the woman when she's speaking sense. She's always been a smart cookie."

Tori frowned and folded her arms on her chest. But in reality, she was as freaked about this as the rest of them. And some company tonight would make her feel safer. She knew Will would have something to say. "This doesn't mean I've changed my mind about anything, Will."

"Yet," Will replied with a smirk.

Jay wanted to chuckle, but the situation was anything but funny. Then he realized what it meant.

"I guess that leaves you and me," she said. "We should pick up the kids. My place or yours?"

Jay was the last in the door, tossing his keys on the entry table and closing the door behind them.

"A sleepover? I never had a sleepover before, Momma!" Freddie clapped. "Where do I get to sleep?"

"Olivia, you wanna show your brother where he's gonna be sleeping tonight?" Jay asked, his eyebrows raised. He wasn't exactly sure how Liv was going to react.

He needn't have worried. "Sure, Dad." Olivia smiled and led Freddie's small hand upstairs. It impressed Jay that she was already turned into the protective older sister. If only she'd warmed this much to her Mom….

Rachel wandered into his lounge without saying anything and stopped in front of the fire-place. A series of photographs of their life together still sat against the wood. Their wedding photo, the day they'd brought Olivia home from the hospital, a picture of the two of them on an adventure somewhere.

He looked at her. What did she think when she looked at those pictures? Did she feel anything? Guilt came over him as he watched her study from photo to photo, guilt for not looking at her when he should have. Guilt for what was happening now. Guilt that something had happened to her five years ago, and it was possibly because of him.

H ran a hand through his hair, knowing feeling guilty wasn't going to change anything. The only thing that mattered now was that she was here, and he could keep her safe. "Are you tired?"

She turned towards him. The moonlight spilled through the bay window, illuminating her features. Not that he needed her to be illuminated to know that she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Those mesmorizing hazel eyes, the high(er than usual) cheekbones, the mess of curly hair that fell to her shoulders and which he just urged to drag his fingers through. "I'm exhausted."

He wanted to pick her up and carry her to bed. He wanted to hear her say his name in that sleepy tone, like she had a lot of times before. Wanted to wrap her in his arms, slide inside her body and block out the rest of the fucking world.

But he knew he couldn't. She still wasn't a hundred percent sure of him. He'd been a jack-ass when he'd first found out who she was, and now they both knew he was indirectly responsible for her accident. Or at least partly. He didn't want to- he couldn't- push her. As much as he needed to touch her, he wanted her to want him back.

"This way," he gestured for her to follow. "I'll show you to the guest room."

Jay picked up her bag- the one they'd driven to her house for- and headed up the stairs. He could hear two small voices coming from Olivia's room, reassuring him about the children. He listened to her feet shuffling behind his, the perfume she still continued to wear drifting past his nose.

He hardened at just the thought of her lying in a bed down the hallway from him, she was so close. So completely alive.

Yep, cold shower. That's what he needed. Maybe two. Probably ten.

Jay pushed the guest room door ajar, and she eased past him taking in the view of the room.

"This is nice," she said, turning in a slow circle to look at the walls and décor.

Nice wasn't exactly the word coming to his mind. In a pair of jeans and fitted shirt, she looked amazing. When she turned, the shape of her breasts tempted not only his body but his control. He'd had his hands on them earlier today, wanted his lips there now-

"Jay?"

He glanced up and noticed her curious expression. "Sorry. It's uh, been a long day."

"I guess it has."

He put down her bag on the bed and moved to the door, flicking the light switch. He tried to stop watching every little move she made. Couldn't. "The bathroom is through here."

"Did I live here before?"

The question caught him off guard. What exactly would it be like to not remember who or what you were? Having to rely on others to slot the events of your life into place? For the first time since she'd reappeared in his life, he realized how difficult this must be for her.

"No. I bought this house four years ago."

"Oh," she nodded.

She moved towards the bed and ran a hand across the light comforter at the foot of it.

"Where did we live before?"

"We had a different place in the city. After you…left…. I couldn't stand being there by myself."

Okay, that was partly true. The real truth was that he hadn't been able to step foot into a single room without remembering her being there. Being there with him, smiling at him, making love to him. Being in that house without her had almost been the end of him.

"Oh," she said again. She breathed out and looked down.

Apparently talking about the past wasn't putting her at ease. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. Jay went into the bathroom and pulled towels from the linen closet, placing them on the vanity for her. When he went back into the bedroom, she was already going through the contents of her bag.

"I'll let you get some rest." He said softly.

"Jay?"

He stopped at the door, turned back. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"What on earth are you sorry for?"

"This.. all of this.. I feel like I'm putting you out."

He shook his head. "You're not."

She nodded. "Yes, I am. I'm sorry about all of this. I should never have come back to Chicago. I didn't stop to think about how this was going to affect anybody else but me. I have sucked you into this. I've caused nothing but confusion for Olivia. And now I've put Will and Tori and you in danger."

"You haven't done anything wrong."

"I did. I told myself I had to know the truth. Now…" She threw her arms into a shrug before dropping them back to her sides. "Now I'm not so sure I want to know. Maybe it would be better if-" She sniffed. "If I just left."

His stomach twisted into a knot. Panic trickled into his chest. He knew he wouldn't survive if she walked out on him now. Losing her the first time had broken him. A second time was sure to kill him.

As she flopped onto the bed, he knelt in front of her. He clasped a palm on her thigh. "You can't leave now."

"You can't possible tell me any of this is what you want." She said quietly.

"Hey, I don't want this mess, I agree. But in the most insane way, it brought you back to us. I wouldn't change it for anything. Walking away from me and the kids isn't going to do anything good. It'll make things worse."

"You're right." Her eyes closed gently. "I'm just tired and not thinking clearly. I think I need some rest."

He didn't want to break their connection, but knew she needed rest. Reluctantly, he pushed himself to his feet. "Okay. I guess I'll see you in the morning."

"Thanks, Jay."

He pulled the bedroom door closed behind him, before gripping onto the doorframe for support. Alone in the empty hall, he closed his eyes and rested his head against the door. Everything he'd ever wanted was in that room, and he didn't exactly know how to get it. Each step he took seemed to push her back a little, further away instead of closer. Was he fooling himself into thinking he could ever win her back?

He hoped to hell that he wasn't. He knew for certain he'd never survive losing her again.

Water dripped down Rachel's skin. Bubbles and lather slid down to create a pool at her feet. She closed her eyes and drew in the soapy scene, the same one she'd smelt on Jay's skin.

She turned her face under the spray of the shower in the guest bathroom. After a rather sleepless night, she felt even more exhausted than she'd felt yesterday. If that was even possible.

Had he slept in the guest bed recently? She certainly thought so, all she could smell on the pillows was his scent.

He'd said he'd wanted her, that he had been dying to touch her.

But that was before they'd discovered the records at the nursing home, before they'd realized what this was all about. Since then, he'd been gentle but a little off: almost as though he was afraid to get too close. That's the way she read his body language anyway.

As her fingers roamed her body, shards of desire rocketed through her. For some ridiculous and crazy reason, she didn't want him to back off. What she wanted was his hands on her, like they'd been before. The feel of his mouth devouring hers, to feel him deep inside her body. The ache grew to fiery levels as she imagined him accompanying her in the shower, tracing the lines of his body with her fingers. Her tongue.

He was just down the hall. All she had to do was go to him, ask him to touch her. She was shaking with need. Rachel pressed both hands against the wall of the shower and gulped in air. Technically he was her husband, wasn't he? Surely this wasn't asking too much.

But, the kids. They were a distraction. Last night had been a late one for Freddie, but there was no way he would still be sleeping. And Olivia? If she really had her head screwed on as much as Rachel thought, she'd probably guess what her Mom was on her way to do. Ew, gross she thought that doesn't even bare thinking about.

Would wild sex solve any of her problems? Would it make her remember the life she shared with him five years ago? Would it make him see her as Rachel?

She hadn't missed the fact that he hadn't called her that yet. That he'd avoided saying her name altogether.

The sharp knock on the bathroom door brought her back to reality. She flipped off the water. "Um, just a minute."

"The coffee's done," Jay said through a closed door. "Breakfast is almost done too."

He was literally on the other side of the door, in the bedroom she was staying in. She only had to turn the lock and he could be with her right now.

She shook as she stepped out of the shower and grabbed one of his plush white towels. As she wrapped it around her body, her breasts tingled and warmth pooled at her abdomen. Breathing deeply, she forced herself to relax. "I'll be down in a minute."

"Do you need anything?"

You.

"I think I'm good."

"Okay. Don't take too long, your breakfast will go cold."

When his footsteps were distant, she dropped to sit on the closed toilet seat. She was screwed.

She put her morning thoughts to the back of her mind, slipping on clothes she'd packed in the bag: a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She brushed on a little make-up, hoping it would hide the more than tired look on her face.

She made her way into the kitchen and found him standing at the stove. The fire inside her built again as she watched him.

Clearing her throat, she stepped through the door. "I didn't know you cooked."

He laughed. "The kids are in the lounge. I gave Freddie toast. Coffee is on the table," He gestured with the spatula in his hand.

She poured herself a steamy cup and drew in a deep whiff of it before raising the cup to her lips. She prayed it was about to settle the impossible hunger inside her. But something told her that hunger was only going to go away one way.

She turned and leaned against one of his kitchen counters, eyeing him as she slaved at the cooker. Not for the first time, she was awed at how attractive he was. His shoulders, the upper muscles, she couldn't take her eyes off him. She'd felt that body pressed up against her yesterday. If they hadn't been interrupted, she would know what every inch of him felt and looked like.

Fire flared in her veins. She was losing it.

She needed to remember what was important. Finding answers. Not wild, erotic X-rated sex with the guy in front of her.

"This is wonderful," she sipped the caffeine. Wonderful? A comment about fucking coffee? Out of everything you could say?

He flipped off the burner and crossed to where she stood. She looked up in confusion as he plucked the cup from her grip. There was something dark lingering in his eyes. Something dangerous and something hot.

He all but threw her coffee onto the table and slid a hand to the nape of her neck. He pulled her to him and drowned her mouth with his own.

Her legs almost went from underneath her. She dug fingers into his shirt and held on for life, opening her mouth to his and drawing his tongue inside. She returned his kiss with everything she had in her.

Yes, finally.

His taste was a mixture between mint and coffee, smelling like the soap she'd just washed herself with and feeling like pure heaven. Her blood pumped hot around her body as his hands slid to her waist, drawing her closer. When his hips pressed against her, she felt his length already eager for her.

"I couldn't sleep last night," he murmured. Jay tipped her head with one hand to kiss her deeper, using the other to draw up her shirt so he could touch her beneath her bra. He squeezed just hard enough to make a gasp escape her throat. "All I could think about was you in that bed,"

The news thrilled her. Exhilarated her. She kissed him harder.

He groaned, kissing her again and again. "You're so beautiful," he whispered. Hotness swirled her belly as he palmed one of her breasts, lowering his head and allowing himself access to her nipple.

Pleasure pulsed in her pelvis. She dropped her head, threaded her fingers in his hair and leaned back against his cabinets.

If he touched between her legs, she knew she'd come. Every nerve ending in her body was alive and on fire.

"Jay," she managed as his mouth continued its path down her body. "I need this."

His head came up. His hair was a mess from her fingers, but his eyes were filled with the same hunger that was currently devouring her. He pulled her away from the counter and moved his hands to her hips.

"The kids are watching a movie, come to bed with me."

"Yes," she groaned, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He lifted her feet from the floor. He was close, but not close enough. She tried to wrap her body around his.

The front door opened, familiar soundwaves from Tori and the older Halstead filling the hallway. Rachel stilled in Jay's arms. Hearing her uncle's tones, Olivia ran into the scene.

Jay tightened his arms around her waist and dropped his head to her shoulder. A strangled groan resonated from his chest, one that managed to vibrate his whole body. Though she tried to stop it, Rachel laughed at him.

"Fuck Tori and fuck her stupid timing. Twice," he whispered, only loud enough for her to hear. "This isn't even funny."

"I know. I'm sorry." Her back hit the wall where the stairs were.

"I think your lawyer has a hard-on radar." It earned him another laugh. "Hey, that's not funny either."

"Morning!" Voices from the hallway called out.

"We're in here," Rachel said. Well she had to be polite.

They were soon joined by everybody else. It was the first time Freddie had been her this morning.

"Momma!"

She eased quickly from Jay's arms and dropped her knees to gather her son in a bear hug.

Jay moved behind the island counter to hide, she knew, what was still a large erection. She'd done that. She glanced over Freddie's head and saw Jay watching them.

The heart that had only just started to warm to him took a tumble, when she recognized the emotion resonating in his green eyes.

Love. For a son he hadn't know. For a wife that wasn't her.

Her stomach dropped. Fear brewed inside her as thought the fire between them was only physical. She'd never be the woman he remembered. With how fast she was falling for him, she didn't think she could take it when he came to realize that himself.

"Morning campers!" Will wandered into the kitchen, laden with a carry-out. "Anybody want breakfast?"

"You as-" He paused when he remembered little ears. "I just cooked for nothing?"

"Sorry Dad, Uncle Will wins" Olivia laughed, setting herself at the table. "What did you get us?"

"Oh boy, what didn't I get you?" He started to unpack the food onto the table. He noticed his nephew staring wide-eyed. "Hey Freddo, you wanna help?"

The little boy nodded and climbed up one of the chairs.

It didn't go unnoticed by Rachel that Olivia was still to say a sentence to her. No matter what happened between her and Jay, she had to be there for her daughter. Even if it was about to take a while for her to talk to her.

"So me and E- we have to run some errands this morning. Would you guys be okay watching these two?" Jay spoke, looking at his brother.

"Sure," Tori nudged Freddie's cheek with one of her fingers and smiled at Olivia.

"A day with Uncle Will," Olivia spoke. "And you're his new girlfriend?"

"No-I'm … uh, a friend." She gulped. Though the color change in her cheeks told a different story.

Olivia turned and looked at her parents, noticing how close they were standing to each other. She was still warming to the idea of Rachel. "Actually, I'm not hungry anymore. I..uh I'm going to my room."

Rachel bit her lip whilst Jay sighed.

"I'll go talk to her," He reached out and squeezed Rachel's arm.

Jay rubbed a hand over his chest as he walked up the stairs. In the midst of their hot make-out, Erin had said she needed him and it had sucked the air from his lungs. But seeing her hold his son in an embrace had nearly brought him to his knees.

He wanted his family back. He wanted the happiness they'd all missed out on. But mostly, he wanted her in his life permanently. Wanting to see her smile in the morning, cuddle with her and Olivia and Freddie. And he wanted her to tell him again and again how much she needed him. That she wanted him.

He didn't care that she didn't remember what they'd once had. What was happening now between them… it was hotter than anything they'd had before.

Jay came to a stop outside Olivia's bedroom and gathered himself. After a few seconds he knocked on the door.

She didn't answer but he knew she was in there. He turned the door-handle and pushed it open with his shoulder.

His daughter was sitting on her beanbag, staring out into the backyard. Her arms were across her chest and her brow was furrowed as she stared intently at the trees. If he was honest, Olivia had been his rock after Erin's death. She'd been the only thing to keep him going. He ached with the knowledge that whilst he'd been given a second chance, she wasn't seeing it that way.

"Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to stay in a mood?"

"I want to stay in a mood."

"Well, I want to talk about it." He nudged her.

She continued to stare out of the window. "I don't know her."

Jay massaged his forehead. "I know. But I don't know what I can do to make it easier. You have to get to know her, babe. The rest of us are trying."

Then her eyes darted from the trees to his. "But I don't understand. She's not the same. Why can't you see that?"

"She is the same, deep down. You have to let her show you."

"I feel like she might mess everything up, what if she leaves me again?" She jumped from where she was sitting and turned her back on him. "I don't want that to happen to us again, Daddy."

"Livi," He pulled her arm and cuddled her close. "That's not going to happen. I promise."

But how could he be sure, for real? Erin had all but told him last night she wanted to leave and forget the whole mess. He couldn't make her stay, not if she didn't want to. He was sure gonna put up a damn fight though, that was a fact.

"I love you, Liv. And I'm not going to let you get hurt again, okay?"

She sniffed. "Why do you have to date her? Why can't you just be friends, Dad?"

"Because I love her, babe." He spoke softly into her hair. "I have for a very long time, since way before you were born. That doesn't stop just all of a sudden. It doesn't stop because time goes on. It's always there."

"But you don't love her. You love Mom."

He leaned back to look at her. She was so much like Erin. The same eyes, the same chin. The same dimple, and Freddie had that too. Same sodding stubborn nature. "She is Mom, Liv."

"Okay," she finally nodded. "But I need time, Dad."

It was a start.

"Okay, so are we alright here? Are you out of your grump?" He smoothed her hair.

"I guess so."

She was lying because he could see it in her eyes. But he wanted to believe her words so he could stay sane. "Good. Now will you come and eat some food? Uncle Will might eat it all, and we'll never hear the end of it."

She nodded and went before him back down the stairs. As he followed and heard laughter coming from the kitchen for the first time in a long long time, he had hope.

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