Toby's POV

(3 years ago) (starts right after the last flashback) I've set up a table on the small balcony of our new apartment, this is where me, Spencer and little Spencer will live, at least for a while.

I nicknamed our baby little Spencer because it works for a guy or a girl besides i'll love this baby a lot, just like I love Spencer so I thought it was fitting, I know thats not what we're gonna name her, Spencer said that when she was in elementary school she was bullied because everyone told her Spencer was a boy's name, I don't want anybody to bully my kid, I know what its like to be bullied, I feel bad for Spencer, I thought A and Ali was enough bullying but aparently she's been dealing with it for years.

I look at the time on my phone, 8:13, Spencer's cab probably stuck in traffic or something, I decide to start putting the sauce on the pasta I made for her, this is my Mom's recipe, I always do it on her birthday and her death anniversary, my dad and I have dinner together for her, thats one of the few things Jenna and her mom didn't get to take from us, one time I invited Spencer and she fell in love with this recipe, I have a theory she loves it more than she loves me.

I take my time putting the sauce and thinking about my mom, then I look at the time again 8:37, now Spencer took too long and when I called she didn't answer me.

Spencer's a big girl she can take care of herself, I usually wouldn't be worried about her this soon but she has another life inside of her, Now both my Spencer and my little Spencer could be in danger!

Then my phone rang, I picked it up and answered without looking at the caller ID hoping it was Spencer.

"Hello?" I asked

"Toby Cavanaugh?" A random lady asked

"Yes, who's this?"

"I work at the Washington DC medical center, you're listed as Spencer Hastings's emergency contact, could you tell your relationship with her?"

Why does someone from the hospital need to know that?! Is Spencer in the hospital?!

"Im her boyfriend, why?! Is she there?! Is she hurt?!" I said worried amd maybe a little too loud, but who cares? Spencer may be in a hospital right now!

"Yes, she's here, she fell down the stairs of her dorm room" she said

"Is she okay?!" I yelled

"I don't really know, are you in this state right now, Mr Cavanaugh?"

"Yeah, yeah im on my way!" I said and hang up.

I made my way to the hospital more worried than I've ever been, it didn't take me very long when I got there I practically jumped off my truck and ran inside, I asked the woman in the front desk for Spencer, she told me the room number I went in and saw Spencer laying on the bed, she's not completely awake but she's nit uncounsious either, a doctor wad stiching up a small wound on her forehead.

"Is she okay?!" I asked scared, the doctor turned around he hadn't even noticed me until I spoke.

"She seems to be okay but the baby wasn't so lucky" he said and went to stiching up Spencer's head.

Not so lucky AKA death, my baby is gone, she's death, little Spencer is gone, why am I calling her that! That wasn't gonna be her name anyways and why would I name her like the stupid careless bitch who wasn't careful enough to protect her own god damned child! This is Spencer's fault, she did this to my baby! How dare she?!

5 minutes later the doctor finishes healing Spencer and leaves, im still standing right next to the door due ro my shock, once the doctor left I took a seat next to Spencer's bed and waited for her to wake up so she can explain how the hell is she gonna make it up to me for murdering MY baby girl.

My thoughts are interrupted when she finally wakes up, she seems confused.

"You must be happy now!" I said angrily

"What are you talking about?!" She said sitting up.

"You never wanted to keep her!, This was probably on purpose so you won't feel bad about having an abortion"

"Toby what are you talking about?! Abortion?! What the he-"

"Oh don't play saint, you know what you did! You killed our daugther!" I screamed

"Wait what?" She said a little lower

"You heard me! You fell down some stupid stairs and killed our daugther!" After I said that she started sobbing uncontrolably, I wanted to hug and tell that everything is gonna be okay, I wanna tell her that its not her fault because I know thats the truth but everything im about to say that I picture myself holding my baby and then I remember how thats never going to happen and the anger comes, I've always been really good at hiding my anger, this is not one of those cases loosing my kid is just too much, the worst part is that something inside of me keeps telling me to blame Spencer even when I know thats just wrong.

"I'm so sorry Toby, I didn't mean to, it was an accident I swear" She said crying

"Dammit Spencer all you had to do was be careful, couldn't you do that for us! You ruined everything!" I yelled angrily and started to walk out the door.

"No wait, Toby where are you going?!, No no ple- please don't go, Toby don't leave me, I need you! Wait please I'm sorry!" She started yelling with tears running down her cheeks I could still hear her when I was out the door.

Halfway to the elevator, I think of how stupid That was and turn around, go back to Spencer's room before going in I look at her throught the window and see her crying in her bed like there was no tomorrow, I hate when she's hurting but this time its worse because I hurt her!

Again I wanna run in, hold her in my arms and apologize then kiss her, ask her to marry me and never let her go, and again I get that vision me and my beautiful baby girl I smile at her and she giggles, but I never got to give her a smile and she never got to giggle, because Spencer fell down the stairs, she did this, she should cry, she murdered her child, I turn back around and leave the hospital without looking back again.

(Present) "I was gonna propose to you that night" I said slowly, then I look up to see her reaction she looks like she's about to cry, damn it, I made her cry! Again! I officially suck.

"We could've had it all" (🎶Rolling in the deep🎶) She said sobbing

"Why?! Why?! Why did I had to fall down those stupid stairs?!" She said while she kept crying "you and I would have gotten married and had our baby, we could have been happy, I could have been sooo happy! I know you and I could have been happy together and we could've had our baby and just... *sobs* everything would have been happy" she said while crying so bad, I didn't know how to stop her.

"No, no, no, no, no, Spence baby come on, its okay honey" I said getting up from the chair to hug her as thight as I can, without hurting her, I think I hurt her anyways, she's really fragile right now, I kept hugging her and stroking her hair for a while until her sobs died down a little.

"Hey look at me!" I said grabing her chin softly to make her look at me.

"You didn't do anything Spencer, okay? People fall down stairs all the time its a part of life, and Its okay, its not your fault, I need you to stop beating yourself up for this"

"You said it was my fault" she said so slowly I barely even heard her.

"I know I did, but I was wrong, I was angry, and that anger found a way to beat everything else I felt and I said really mean things to you that I totally didn't mean, I treated you wrong and I shouldn't have, im sorry Spencer, im sorry because I made you apologize repeataly for something you had no control over, im sorry Spencer you we suffering just as much as I was and I shouldn't have treated you like that, I don't think words can make up for it, I've wanted to say that ever since I went back to Rosewood that day amd realized what an asshole I was but you never answered any of my calls and then when you came here for Charlotte's trial, you came up to me and acted so normal so I just pretended like it didn't happen and that was wrong, I should have apologized long ago, Spence im sorry"

"It was my fault! I messed up! My poor baby! I killed her, I did this"

"No, no Spence you didn't" I said and hugged her again.

"You need to know why I didn't answer your calls from a few days after that"

"You don't need to explain anything to me"

"Yes, I do, look Toby I didn't answer because I couldn't, after you left..."

(1 hour after Toby left) he's right, thats the wrost part, it is my fault, I did this, Toby will never forgive me, hell I'll never forgive myself!.

The doctor walks into the room, interrupting my thoughts"Spencer Hastings?" He asked and I nodded wiping my tears.

"Hello, how are you feeling?"

"I... um..." I said not really answering

"Well im gonna call your parents, I didn't do it last night because of the pregnancy that I figured they don't know about. But I really Need to do it now" he said and I panicked.

"No, no, no pleasee pleasee don't call my parents, pleaseee" I begged sitting up.

"Im sorry but I have to, you need some medicines that I can't give minors without a parents authorization"

"Well then don't give me those medicines"

"I would still have to call your parents"

"Pleaseee pleaseee don't, im begging you!"

"Im sorry honey but I don't have a choice" he left after that and I started crying more, great now my parents are gonna know, they'll hate me... well they'll hate me more.

Less than 30 minutes later I hear my phone ring on the bedside table, I look at the caller ID, great Its my mom, I thought about not answering but Maybe they'll get worried, probably not, its not like they care but... urg whatever I'll answer.

I clicked the answer button and placed the phone in my ear.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I hear my dad yell

"Im sorry" was all That comes out

"Yeah, damn right, you should be sorry" he said, he's really mad, hopefully my mom was a little more understanding.

"I know it was stupid"

"Stupid as hell! Spencer, do you even trust us?"

Trust them?! Was does trust have to do with this? "Trust? What do you mean trust?" I said slowly and quietly.

"I mean why didn't you tell us?" He asked a little more calm

"Because I was scared"

"Scared of what Spencer?! Do you remember how old your grandmother was when she had me?" He said, I know he's trying to sound understanding but I still fell like he's yelling at me.

"No... so you're only mad that I didn't tell you? You're okay with the whole pregnant at 19 part?"

"Well im not in love with the idea but I understand, and im sorry you lost your baby Spence, believe it or not I know what its like"

"Thanks" I said holding back my tears, just hearing the word baby makes me think of my baby and that makes me cry.

"Daddy?" I asked "are you mad at me?"

"What? No, im not mad, im a little upset you didn't tell me sooner and im gonna get mad if I know you told your mom but not me!" He said joking and I chuckled a little.

"Don't worry, I didn't" I said laughing

"And im sorry I yelled at you on the phone, im sorry Spence it was just you know the initial shock"

"Yeah, yeah, its okay, does mom know?"

"No, she's standing in the other room, i'll tell her now but I need to call ypu first, to make sure you were okay, I didn't even ask! Spencer are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah im fine, thank you for not getting mad at me"

"Of course honey, i gotta go, goodbye"

"Goodbye"

Im so glad my parents weren't mad at me but Toby was and I was pretty mad at myself too, the nurse came in with a tray of food after I ended the call, but didn't eat anything, I didn't feel like eating, you eat to be healthy right? But no matter how much I eat or breathe, I will never be emotionally stable so whats the point, right?

"Hold on a second.." Toby said interrupting me (A/N: have you ever seen in movies like when they say let me tell you story, then they show the flashback and by the end of it, the other person has been told the story? Thats what happened here, I don't know if it was clear, sorry)

"So let me get this straight, you stopped eating because you were sad that I was mad at you?" He asked and I swear I could see tears in his eyes.

"No! Toby this is isn't your fault! I was mad at myself!" I said and he calmed down a little.

"But all that still doesn't explain whyI never called you back or answered you" I said and he nodded

"Its okay, You don't have to tell me"

"Remember how you said Tanner would have won that case saying I was in a mental institution?" I asked and he nodded but seemed confused, I can't blame him, I am pretty confused when it comes to explaining things, like now for example.

"She would've had a pretty strong argument since I've been there twice"

"What?"

"After that I was forced to stay a month in mental institution for depression"

A/N: im sorry if this chapter was boring, I know it was too much flashback, I just love them so much and a few of them will be very important in the future (don't forget what Peter said)